The article talked about how a bunch of Spotify users started whinging when Spotify’s random shuffle feature played three or four songs from the same artist in a row.

That’s not random, the users said.

As it turns out, a randomly shuffled playlist will sometimes still have clusters of songs. That’s part of the randomness (counterintuitive as that might sound).

But to stop the complaints rolling in, Spotify decided to re-code their random shuffle feature to deliberately remove these clusters.

This satisfied the Spotify users. But it also means that Spotify’s random shuffle isn't actually random any more.

Curious stuff and I daresay there’s a lesson here when it comes to handling life’s challenges.

See, I used to think that the path to a peaceful & happy life was to somehow engineer a life with as few problems as possible.

So I’d play it safe wherever I could in case taking a risk created a new problem.

I’d script work presentations word for word to try to control the presentation as much as possible. I wouldn't chat to the pretty girl standing by the bar. I'd refuse to make a decision until I was 100% sure I was making the right decision. And I’d distract myself from the pressure to get everything right with pints of beer and relentless trips to the gym.

I made avoiding what scared me more important than doing what I actually wanted to do.

As a result, my life became safe & predictable.

But what I’ve come to see is that the happiest and most fulfilled people still have problems turning up every week.

The difference isn't that they have fewer problems. It's that they don't see having problems as problematic.

It's no different to those Spotify users. We mistake life's natural turbulence for a sign that something's gone wrong and end up treating life's perfectly normal "clusters of songs" as evidence we're somehow broken when they're actually just evidence we're human.

So if we feel anxious before a presentation, something must be wrong. Maybe we've lost our confidence or perhaps we're suffering from imposter syndrome. And now we need to practice breathing techniques, rewire our mindset or try to visualise success.

Or maybe (just maybe) we're about to stand up in front of a room of 200 people.

Entire industries have grown up to help us solve “problems” like these. But problems don’t mean we’re failing or there’s something wrong. Having problems just means we’re alive and kicking.

If this way of looking at life resonates with you, this is exactly what my newsletter explores.

To sign up (and get a free copy of my guide How To Work Your Way), here's where to go:

https://howtoworkyourway.com/

At the start of each episode, Stacey and her team rock up to a family house somewhere in the UK and empty every item in that house into an aircraft hangar.

That means every sock, every teapot, every pen, every can of baked beans, every book, toy, piece of furniture, phone charger, Tupperware lid, biscuit tin, fridge magnet and so on.

As Stacey’s team build some nifty storage solutions back at the family house, the family wander through the hangar and throw out as much of their stuff as they can.

Then the family trundles home and their house has been transformed.

You might think the Subtraction Method works in a similar way. So if you sign up for a package of sessions with me, we’ll work on decluttering your life, reducing your commitments, creating shorter to-do lists, saying no to your boss and maybe even cutting back on your scrolling on Dimstagram.

But the Subtraction Method has nothing to do with any of this.

In fact, after a few Subtraction Method sessions, you’ll probably find you have more time and energy than you did before.

And that’s because we’re not subtracting your tasks or your to do list.

We’re subtracting this:

*** the need to be consistent

*** the assumption that your past defines your future

*** the notion that there's a “right” answer you're supposed to find

*** the belief that other people's behaviour means something about you

*** the idea that you need to understand why you feel the way you do before you can get moving

These are usually what's getting in the way.

If you’re curious what this looks like in practice, there's more info on the Subtraction Method here:

https://tomgrundy.coach/subtraction-method-coaching/

To fulfilment,

Tom

The first stint began in 2008 as a fresh-faced graduate. Then I quit after 13 years. The second stint began in 2023 as a considerably less fresh-faced 37 year old.

But before I quit my job, I took a six-month sabbatical.

The weird thing is that deciding to take that sabbatical was infinitely tougher than deciding to quit my job. If anything, the sabbatical made quitting feel easy.

On the face of it, this makes no sense. After all, the sabbatical meant six months to write, play chess, practice card tricks, swim in my local lido and generally have a lovely time. But quitting meant voluntarily giving up a perfectly good salary and chucking away thirteen years of hard graft.

So why on earth did the "smaller" decision feel so much bigger?

Looking back, I can see it's because I spent years paying attention to what was loudest instead of what was truest.

When I was thinking about asking for a sabbatical, my head was full of thoughts like “what if my boss thinks I'm taking the mickey?", “is this career suicide?" and "I've spent thirteen years building credibility. Am I really about to gamble it on six months playing chess?". These thoughts filled so much space in my head that asking for a sabbatical felt almost impossible.

But what I couldn't see at the time was that these thoughts were just guesses about the future.

So while they were very loud, they weren’t true.

By the time I quit my job, I'd started to clock onto the fact that just because a thought is loud doesn’t mean it needs to get a vote. Sure, I didn’t throw caution to the wind and moonwalk up to my boss’s desk, throw her my laptop and say "I'm off to become a professional chess player". But I did decide to stop giving a vote to all that noise in my head.

So the difference wasn't that my thinking had disappeared. The difference was that I no longer confused volume for truth.

It’s just like the fire alarm test we have every six months in the office. It’s a loud fire alarm test. So loud that it crowds out everything else. And for a few moments, it feels like the building must be on fire.

That’s what the alarm is for, after all. To get attention.

But a fire alarm isn’t proof there’s a fire.

Same thing with me. I had my eye on a sabbatical for years before I found the nerve to ask. And all that time I stayed put, convinced I couldn't make the move until all the noise stopped.

If you've been stuck on a career decision for a while, there's a good chance you're doing the same thing too.

The good news is that you don't need to take years to work it out like I did. One focused conversation can be enough.

That's what my Career Clarity Coaching Calls are designed to do.

If you’d like to get more clarity on your career dilemma:

https://tomgrundy.coach/career-clarity-coaching/

To fulfilment,

Tom

Jeff Bezos.

One throwaway line in the article mentioned a decision-making tool that Daddy Amazon is apparently rather fond of called the "Regret Minimization Framework".

Short story shorter, this is the idea that if you have a big decision to make, all you need to do is project yourself forward to the ripe old age of 80. Then ask yourself which decision will leave you with the fewest regrets.

And hey presto, that’s your decision.

It’s a quick and easy way to cut through the noise.

But it also has a teeny tiny flaw. And by “teeny tiny flaw”, I mean three big gaping holes.

First, I have no idea what an 80 year old Buddha of Banking will care about. I don’t even know what I’ll fancy for tea tomorrow, let alone what I’ll regret 40 years from now. And I’m not sure any of us can gaze into our crystal balls and predict with any hope of being right what our 80 year old selves will care about either. Unless, perhaps, it’s your 80th birthday tomorrow (in which case, happy birthday you legend).

That’s not all though.

Jeff’s decision-making framework clearly assumes that regret is the thing to organise your life around.

But why?

There are plenty of other things you could organise your life around. Like what brings you alive. What feels true to you. What genuinely interests you. What makes you laugh. What makes you cry. What you'd do if nobody was watching.

I’m not saying these are any better or worse than regret.

I’m just saying that it seems odd to optimise your life for one very specific emotion.

But here’s the bit I really can’t wrap my head around:

Even if regret were the most important thing in the world, regret is just a thought about the past. It’s got nothing to do with what’s happening right now. And last time I checked, right now is where we live our lives.

Besides, 80 year old Tom might have different priorities to Tom today. But 80 year old Tom isn’t making today’s decision.

So what’s the alternative?

Well, I'm not convinced any decision-making framework will ever lead to the promised land. But I don't think we need one. When it comes to decisions, I think we’re closer to knowing what to do than we realise. And sure, your partner might have a view. Linda from Accounts might also have a view. No doubt there’ll be shoulds, musts and ifs & buts jostling for airtime too, with a sprinkling of fear thrown in for good measure.

But once all that noise starts to settle, the next step often becomes surprisingly obvious.

This is where my 30 minute Career Clarity Coaching Calls come in.

I don’t have a fancy framework up my sleeve to take you through step by step.

Instead, I’ve got a knack of helping people see what's genuinely true for them and what's just noise getting in the way.

If you have a big career decision on your hands, hop on over here:

https://tomgrundy.coach/career-clarity-coaching/

To fulfilment,

Tom

We were chewing the fat about careers, coaching and life when he asked me this:

“As a coach, how do you handle the responsibility of potentially affecting people’s life decisions?”

It’s a good question.

It brought to mind a back-n-forth I’d had with a coach of my own a few years ago. We were chatting away about work, my writing and my newsletter when he casually dropped this humdinger of a line into the conversation:

“Tom, we’ll get those daily emails of yours down to weekly”

When he said this, I could feel every cell in my body pushing back. Something I genuinely cared about was now under threat from someone who thought they knew what mattered to me more than I did. But whether I wrote daily or weekly wasn’t his decision to make.

I think this is why I coach the way I do.

I don't want to pretend I know better than my coachees. I want to help them uncover what they already know so they become crystal clear on what matters to them and what they want to do next.

So back to the question and how do I handle the responsibility of potentially affecting people’s life decisions?

By handing that responsibility back to the only person it ever belonged to in the first place.

I remember the “Father of Motivation” Wayne Dyer talking about something similar with his first book, Your Erroneous Zones. Sales were drier than a rice cake in the Sahara Desert and Wayne’s publisher had all but written the book off.

But Wayne wasn’t about to let someone else make his mind up for him.

When he reflected on this later, Wayne wrote:

I had an inner conviction about what I intended to do. I knew that I could not simply stand by and allow all of my dreams to be wiped away because others, who were more experienced, felt that they knew better.

Of course, the rest is history and Your Erroneous Zones went on to become one of the bestselling books of all time.

Needless to say, the world isn’t short of people who think they know best, who hand out advice like confetti and who get a kick out of telling other folk what to do or not to do.

Coaching isn’t immune either.

But if you grab yourself a cup of tea, plonk yourself down for a Zoom call and see my cheery face smiling back at you, don’t expect me to tell you what your next move should or shouldn’t be. Instead, I’ll help you make up your OWN mind.

It's the same with my Career Clarity Coaching Calls.

If you have questions about your career and you’d like to find the answers, this is exactly what these short, sharp calls are for.

I have some slots open in July.

If you’d like to book a call:

https://calendly.com/followingfulfilment/career-clarity-coaching-call

To fulfilment,

Tom

Some evenings, we'll put Toddler Grundy to work and get her chopping the carrots and onions. Other evenings, she’s more interested in tottering round the kitchen or playing with her toys.

But Lauren and I don’t want her straying too far from the cooking arena.

That’s why we’ve given Toddler Grundy a bottom kitchen drawer. It’s filled to the brim with mugs, bowls, plates, bibs, food clips, shot glasses and other assorted kitchen paraphernalia which she can help herself to, fiddle about with and scatter all over the floor. End result being she stays out of mischief while Lauren or I slave over a hot stove.

Aptly, we’ve christened the drawer Baby Grundy’s “self-help” drawer.

And she’s obsessed with it.

No, it’s not a self-help obsession in the traditional sense. It’s not a drawer filled with toddler self-help classics like Atomic Nappies, The Power of No and How to Win Ice Cream and Influence Your Grandparents.

Although give it a few years and you never know.

Having said that, one book which will be making an appearance in Toddler Grundy’s self-help drawer is my soon to be published book Don’t Quit Your Job.

Not because Toddler Grundy is thinking of jacking in her day job just yet.

But because I plan to take a leaf from Wayne Dyer’s book promo strategy and shill my own copies to bookshops and corporates. Maybe I’ll leave the odd covert copy on the London Underground too for unsuspecting commuters.

Thus I’ll need somewhere to store all the books. And where better than a self-help drawer?

Anyway, it’s not long until Don’t Quit Your Job hits the shelves.

But if you have a pressing career dilemma of your own and you can’t wait for a copy of the book, I have another option for you today.

I’ve opened up a few Career Clarity Coaching Call slots in July.

If you’re good at your job but you’re not sure if this is the job you want to be good at, this could be a great way to find out. If you’ve been offered an exciting new opportunity but you genuinely love aspects of your current role and you’re torn between the two, this call will help you find more clarity. And if your life priorities have shifted recently but your job hasn’t shifted with them, this call could help you figure that out too.

Whatever your career dilemma, I’m not going to pretend I have the answers (I don’t) and I won’t be offering you any advice on the call.

But what I will do is create a space where you can think out loud, find your own answers and untangle the mental spaghetti that’s stopping you seeing your career conundrum clearly.

If you’d like to book a call:

https://calendly.com/followingfulfilment/career-clarity-coaching-call

To fulfilment,

Tom

The Subtraction Method.

The training was a hit from what I remember and I got some thoughtful, curious questions during the session too.

But what did the training cover?

Well, it was all about the default Western belief that more effort = better results. It’s a belief we can’t escape, whichever way we look and whatever way we turn. The belief has infiltrated the education system, the world of work and society at large just like a weed invades an English country garden.

On the training, I riffed on the idea that the belief isn't just faulty but is actually the CAUSE of many of the headaches the West is trying to solve.

Hence the revised formula I shared:

Better results don’t come from more effort but from less interference instead.

Incidentally, I say the West because the East figured this out thousands of years ago.

Take the epic Eastern tome, The Tao Te Ching. I have a copy on my bookshelf here at Chateau Grundy annotated by the “Father of Motivation” himself, Wayne Dyer. And Verse 48 couldn’t put it any clearer when it says “One who seeks knowledge learns something new every day. One who seeks wisdom unlearns something new every day”.

i.e. instead of “less interference”, The Tao Te Ching calls it “unlearning” (at least I think that’s the translation - I’m a bit rusty on my ancient Chinese).

Yet the West undeniably celebrates more effort and more knowledge as THE path to fame and glory. And when all the scrambling for more inevitably leads to a life that looks impressive from the outside but feels unbearable from the inside, the usual remedy is to add more still. So more time management routines, more boundaries, saying no more often and putting in even more effort to add even more knowledge to figure out how to deal with the consequences of all the effort and knowledge which have been added already.

Which clearly is nuts and the very reason I said this “curse of more” is the cause of so many headaches in the West (both literal and figurative).

It’s not MORE which leads to the land of milk and honey.

It’s less.

If you’d like to put this into practice in your own life, you might like this:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

The “maybe I’ll leave my job someday” job.

It was a full time job of mine for most of my 20s. Didn’t matter if I was opening my laptop at 9am on a sunny Wednesday morning, taking a lunchtime stroll to pick up a scotch egg or chatting with friends or colleagues in the pub after work.

The thought “maybe I’ll leave someday” was always there, dancing merrily around my head.

Then I found a copy of Tim Ferriss’s 4 Hour Work Week and things got a whole lot worse.

That book lit a flame that stoked my “maybe I’ll leave my job someday” fire even further. I wasn’t convinced that Tim’s ideas to start a drop-shipping empire or work from a beach in Thailand were all that practical. But it was the spirit of the book that woke up something in me. Every page was full of possibility and opened a door into a world I didn’t even know existed.

A world which said the 9 to 5 was just one way of many!

Of course, the next day I strolled back into the office and a few hours later that 4 Hour Work Week buzz had vanished under a pile of credit papers. And once it had, that “maybe I’ll leave my job someday” thought bubbled straight back up. But this time it was deeper. It was much harder to ignore. I didn’t just have the “maybe I’ll leave my job someday” thought to contend with now. I also knew I was burying something in me that wanted to be let out.

But I kept going with the one foot in, one foot out mental juggling act.

Some days I’d even spend more time wondering if banking was right for me than actually doing the banking itself.

If I could rewind the clock and have a cheeky word with Tom from 10 or 15 years ago, I’d tell him he doesn’t need to quit his actual day job. All he needs to quit is his “maybe I’ll leave my job someday” job.

The funny thing about doing this?

When you quit the full time job of wondering whether you should quit, you might still end up quitting your day job. Or you might not. But either way, when we stop going to war with our jobs and start to see them for what they actually are, we get to find out if our job is a genuine fit or not.

Of course, quitting the “maybe I’ll quit my job one day” job isn’t always easy. Dropping long-held thoughts like these isn’t like dropping a hot potato.

But there are ways.

My guide How To Work Your Way digs into some of them.

To pick up a free copy of the guide, head on over here:

https://howtoworkyourway.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

What thoughts give Harry Kane the best chance of scoring as he steps up to take his penalty?

Do you want Harry thinking about how his hair’s looking? Would it help if he was pondering how he should’ve practiced more penalties, the sponsorship deals he might get if he scores or what the Daily Mail will put on their front cover if he misses?

Clearly not.

But get this:

I’d suggest you don’t even want Haz thinking if he should shoot left or right, whether he should blast the ball or if he should wait for the keeper to move.

What you want is Harry having practised a shit-ton of penalties, researched his opponent, decided where he’s shooting and then committing to that shot.

But in the actual moment he takes the penalty, you don’t want him thinking anything.

It’s no different to trying to catch a ball by calculating the wind speed, the ball’s trajectory or where you should stand. That’s never going to work. Instead, you catch on instinct. Your eyes track the ball, your body moves and your hand reaches out to grab it.

So what does this have to do with you?

Imagine you’re in a high-stakes meeting at work. You're well prepped and you know the outcome you want. But then someone throws you a curveball. They challenge one of your assumptions and ask a question you weren't expecting.

What thoughts will bring you back on track?

We can probably agree a few thoughts which WON’T help. Thoughts like “I should’ve prepared more for this meeting”, “I’m ruining my career”, “Oh god, everyone thinks I'm an idiot”, “I’m blowing my one big chance”, “I knew this was a bad idea”…and so on.

So what thoughts CAN bring you back on track?

The answer is exactly the same as Harry’s penalty:

You don’t want better thoughts. You want fewer thoughts.

This is a very different take vs the usual corporate stance of trying to think your way through every tricky situation. But a clear mind is what lets us see what’s really going on. And when we see things clearly, our instincts kick in.

So our response doesn’t come from thinking our way to a perfect response but because a clear mind naturally knows what to do next.

If you’re wondering how to clear your mind when it matters most, this is precisely what The Subtraction Method helps you do.

If you’d like 1:1 support, more info here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

Show up fully when you’re at work, then disappear fully when you’re not.

Notice I didn’t say how many hours to work, how hard to work or what time to clock off. You can work from 5am to 9pm if that’s your bag (a.k.a. the reverse 9 to 5). But what’s key is that you don’t drag one world into the other. That you’re not sitting at your desk wondering if you should go for a walk or going for a walk wondering if you should be sitting at your desk. That you're not mulling over your meeting tomorrow while you watch the England game this evening.

I think of it like a light switch.

When you flip the switch, the light is either on or off. It’s shining brightly or not shining at all.

I know some Smart Alec out there will think “What about a dimmer switch Tom? That can shine at 30% forever!”

Yes, thank you for trying to find the one exception to my otherwise perfectly passable metaphor.

Only in this case, the dimmer switch is the LAST thing you want to be.

It comes back to the difference between overuse and constant use.

When you're at 30% all the time and kind of working, kind of resting and kind of present, your nervous system doesn’t take a break. It never gets the signal that it's safe to actually stop. So it keeps going until your bulb eventually blows.

That’s why the goal isn’t to spend less time switched on.

The goal is to spend less time half-switched on.

If you're reading this and thinking "makes sense but I don't know how to actually do that", I can help. Not via techniques or hacks but by helping you see what's really getting in the way.

If that sounds like something you'd like to explore, hit reply and tell me a bit about what’s going on for you right now.

To fulfilment,

Tom

Here goes:

*** Treat fulfilment as a destination. Tell yourself it’s just around the corner once you finally hit that number, get that promotion, snag that pay rise or retire. And when you do finally hit that goal, IMMEDIATELY move the goalposts

*** Tell yourself you're trapped and that you can't leave your job because of your mortgage, the kids, your golden handcuffs or the fact you’ve just worked out how to use the office printer. Then keep repeating this mantra (“I’m trapped, I’m trapped, I’m trapped…”) until it feels like a law of nature rather than something you've made up. This works equally well whether you want to leave your job or not

*** Pathologise your boredom. The millisecond you feel bored, make that boredom really MEAN something. Let it be evidence you've outgrown your role, you’ve picked the wrong path or you’ve wasted your life. The more over the top the meaning, the better

*** Channel every drop of creativity into your work. God forbid you use it anywhere else. If you want to nail this one, make sure you become the best PowerPoint whizz in the office and then just sit at home on evenings and weekends, wondering why you feel numb inside. That’s the plan working perfectly. And if it does cross your mind to write, build or play something in your free time, make sure you have a watertight reason. You can’t just do these things because you want to!

*** Ignore all your good moments. As sure as eggs is eggs, you’ll have them. Someone will give you a genuine compliment once in a while or you’ll solve a tricky problem in a way that makes you feel proud. But whatever the moment and however ordinary it seems, keep telling yourself it was just a blip

*** Live everywhere except now. Replay yesterday's meeting on loop. Rehearse tomorrow's awkward conversation in the shower. Draft next week's email when you pop to the loo at 3am. If your mind isn’t somewhere else, you’re doing this one wrong

*** Treat every bad feeling as a problem to be solved. The moment you feel a bit flat, log straight onto ChatGPT to ask the borg what’s wrong with you. Then hunt for the “root cause” of what’s made you feel that way and keep hunting. Whatever you do, ignore the idea that your feeling might just pass if you don’t stick it under the spotlight and try to solve your way out of it

*** Wait for permission to feel okay. Decide that you're only allowed to feel fine once your conditions have been met and you have the right role, the right boss, the right salary, the right work/life balance and the right commute

So there we have it.

If you’d like to do the opposite, there might be one or two clues hidden between the lines here too.

For hands on support with finding fulfilment at work, here’s a good place to start:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

Last night, as Toddler Grundy snoozed in her crib and the vines swayed gently in the evening sun, Lauren and I settled onto Chateau Grundy's sofa to watch the first episode of Season 3 of the Game of Thrones spin-off, House of the Dragon.

After two seasons of this tripe already, I can safely say that House of the Dragon is not my cup of tea.

It wasn't long before I started daydreaming. And as the medieval waffle dragged on, I slipped deeper & deeper into my reverie. All of a sudden I found myself perched on a throne, clasping a sword and keeping a beady eye on my loyal subjects. I had become The Buddha of Banking, First of His Name, King of the Daily Email, Sultan of Subscribers, His Fully Coach-Mad Excellency.

A warrior approached.

She knelt before me and spoketh thus:

Hark Your Royal Buddhaness. I come before you seeking guidance.

I replied:

What troubleth you, young swordswoman?

Then she confessed:

One day, many moons from now, I would like to rule over the Land of the Busy Bees whilst casting many spells, dwelling in a magnificent castle, joy-riding my dragon and chomping on extravagant feasts.

Yet I do worry. My heart is burdened with doubts and uncertainties.

I fear my path may be filled with treacherous obstacles, cunning adversaries, back-stabbing and castle politics.

I wonder if it's worth sacrificing the simpler joys of life for status and grandeur. And doubts doth linger that true fulfilment lies beyond the realm of power and prestige.

Enlighten me, Buddha of Banking. Am I sipping from a poisoned goblet? I doth humbly seek your counsel.

I paused, breathed deeply and began my reply:

Kneel no more, young warrior. You have come to the right place. I can tell the burdens of sovereignty weigh heavy on…

Before I could finish my sentence, I awoke from my daydream with a jolt.

An ad break had started.

I glanced up at the TV and Bella Hadid glanced back at me, twirling Charlotte Tilbury's Airbrush Flawless Lip Blur enticingly around her cheeks.

The spell was broken. My daydream was over.

But still…

I wonder what advice I would’ve given that plucky young warrior if Bella Hadid hadn’t so rudely interrupted me.

I think I would've said:

Young warrior. The poisoned goblet isn't the throne, the back-stabbing or the castle politics. It's believing you need to decide today whether tomorrow will make you happy. You'll never know that. But you can know whether your heart wants the throne today.

And who knows?

Maybe the young swordswoman would ascend the throne, gouging out my eyes and chopping off my head in the process (that would be just my luck).

Or maybe she would've flown home to her family castle to live a life of quiet solitude and reflection.

But whichever path she chose it would matter not a jot.

For in either kingdom, she'd be where her heart rightfully belonged.

To fulfilment,

Tom

p.s. if you'd like a travelling companion for your own quest, hearken thus with haste:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

This might help you decide...

In 1973 and 1974, the U.S. military decided to survey its troops on a peculiar topic:

Their food preferences.

The top brass asked 4,000 members of the U.S. Army, Navy and Air Force to rank their various dishes from favourite to least favourite.

Only thing is, there was a twist to the survey.

The U.S. military wasn’t actually interested in discovering its troops’ food preferences. What it was really interested in was discovering how they reacted to fake information.

And that’s why, among the usual yummy dishes like fried parsnips, skimmed milk and stewed prunes, the survey also included three made-up dishes.

These dishes were “funistrada”, “buttered ermal” and “braised trake”.

Want to know the survey results?

Out of 378 options, braised trake came 362nd, buttered ermal landed 356th and funistrada came a respectable 332nd (right next to the legitimate Christmas staple, the humble brussel sprout).

To my mind, these results shine a light on how we tend to make sense of uncertainty. Which, if the survey is to be believed, is by taking something uncertain and quickly trying to make it as certain or familiar as possible.

But there’s a fly in the ointment with this "making uncertainty more certain" strategy.

See, life is inherently uncertain and full of unknowns. So trying to find more certainty in the world is a bit like trying to find straight lines in a bowl of spaghetti.

Perhaps that sounds like bad news.

But I’d like to suggest this is really good news.

Not only does embracing uncertainty free us from the impossible task of chasing what doesn't exist. But it's also the path to creativity, discovery and insight. After all, uncertainty is the only condition under which anything new can ever happen.

So perhaps uncertainty isn't the enemy after all. Perhaps it's not something to fear or pin down but something to play with instead.

The reason I bring all this up?

Today I’m running a survey of my own.

I’m doing some market research about strategies for navigating uncertainty.

I’ve listed 9 common strategies below:

I’d like you to rank these strategies in order of your favourite to your least favourite.

If you’d like to take part in this survey, hit reply and let me know your rankings.

I look forward to hearing from you.

To fulfilment,

Tom

When I started writing this newsletter, I was 13 years deep into a glorious banking career. A career where I'd been drilled on unwritten rules like "get consensus", "don't make mistakes", "your work is always urgent" and "writing is a means, not an end".

Can you imagine starting a newsletter following rules like these?

I doubt you'd be reading this email if I had. I'm not even sure these rules work for corporate, let alone for a newsletter.

But what I am sure about is that every arena has its rules (written or unwritten) and that the rules in one arena are often the complete opposite to the rules in another.

Say you've got something you'd like to make progress on. Could be a newsletter of your own, a new position at work or some sort of creative project. Yet you're spinning your wheels week after week, month after month. Well, what if the problem isn't that you're not good enough, not motivated enough or not hard-working enough? What if you don't need more time, more discipline or more knowledge?

What if you're just using a rulebook that isn't set up for the progress you're trying to make in the arena you're trying to make it in?

If that sounds true, it could be time to use a different set of rules.

There are countless ways to do this. You can introduce new constraints, remove old ones, experiment with different rhythms, try stuff that other people won't understand, change the timescales, add some steps, take some steps out or redefine how you measure success.

For this newsletter, I gave myself permission to send emails with typos. Which meant a new rule that said "locked and loaded beats perfect". That's a radically different rule to the rules I’ve used at school and work.

But whatever rules you choose, the most important thing is knowing you have more say than you think you do.

That you get to decide the rules you play by.

So with that in mind...

What might you try today if you weren't playing by someone else's rules?

To fulfilment,

Tom

Big Wayne was still an unknown back then. This was well before he started getting booked on Oprah and selling out theatres across America.

Perhaps that’s why Wayne’s publisher wasn’t being overly helpful when it came to promoting his book.

The marketing people told him there was no marketing plan. The publicising people told him there was no publicity budget. And the distributors who were meant to be contacting the book stores wouldn’t even return Wayne’s calls.

In Wayne’s own words:

I’m in the midst of a kind of gridlock that is very new to me. Everything is too big – too many departments not communicating, and then blaming each other for the inefficiency. I’m anxious to make something happen but I seem to be running into roadblocks with everyone I encounter.

So what did Wayno do?

Well, he did something very cunning:

Wayne set himself up as a new bookstore called Wayne Dyer Books. Then he called up his publisher as a bookstore owner and ordered every single copy of his book’s first run to be sent to his “store” (aka his garage).

Two days later, he called his publishing rep to ask for a sales update.

His rep was astonished to see the book was now sold out. So he hit print on another run.

Guess what?

Two days later, Wayne called back up as the same bookstore owner and ordered those 2,500 books too. Then he packed his car and began a bookshop & radio tour across the States.

That tour is a story for another time.

But the lesson here should be obvious:

Wayne didn’t try to fix the system.

He went around the system and created a parallel path where he became the distribution, marketing, sales and PR man for his own book.

This story reminds me of what Uber did back in the day to get round all the red tape in the taxi industry. Basically, rather than set themselves up as a taxi business and try to get taxi licences, Uber framed itself as a tech company instead. A tech company that just happened to be in the business of connecting drivers and passengers.

Whether you love Uber or loathe Uber, by the time the regulators had got their act together, Uber were motoring.

In fact, this worked so well that Uber didn’t just use a parallel path but a case could be made that they’ve become the path now too.

Lots of ideas here for anyone who works in a big company. Especially if it’s a big company where Marketing are waiting for Legal, Legal are waiting for Compliance, Compliance are waiting for Finance and (you guessed it) Finance are waiting for Marketing. And round & round it goes like a professional hot potato.

But if the rules don’t work for you, why not play a different game?

Truth of the matter is, the system probably won’t fix itself.

But you don’t need it to. You just need to stop waiting.

If you’re sitting on a project, an idea or a change you want to make but you’re up against gridlock, I can help you design a parallel path to move forward without the system you’re in needing to change.

If you’d like that, hit reply and tell me what you’re trying to get moving.

To fulfilment,

Tom

A couple of weeks ago, I sent an email claiming that the most important workplace skill in 2026 isn’t your leadership wizardry, technical know-how or communication chops but deciding what deserves your attention.

I likened today’s workplace to a flood with information cascading ferociously in all directions.

And the point I made was that success today comes from not operating inside the flood but learning how to control your floodgates instead.

To which a reader wrote in:

***

Hi Tom

This was a great topic for me today. Definitely something I'd like to hear more about. Would that be doable?

***

Ask and ye shall receive.

One of the easiest, most practical ways I’ve found to operate your own floodgate is by asking yourself the question “What happens if I DON’T do this?”

See, information isn’t a call to arms.

Even if it comes with a request or command attached.

An email landing in your inbox, a colleague asking for feedback or a meeting invite coming your way don’t mean you need to DO anything with them. And thinking it does is a good example of mixing the raisins with the rice pudding. In this case, conflating receiving information with the need to act on that information.

Asking “what happens if I don’t do this” is a great way to cut through the noise.

One of the stranger things I've noticed is how much stuff feels urgent right up until the moment I ignore it. Almost as if my own attention is creating that urgency. But when I close the floodgate, nobody follows up and nobody chases. The request evaporates into thin air like it didn’t even exist in the first place.

Perhaps this approach sounds reckless.

It’s certainly not a tip you’ll find in your staff handbook or your favourite thought leader’s latest LinkedIn post.

But I’m not saying “how do I avoid doing my work?”. What I’m saying is “how do I figure out the work that’s actually mine to do?”.

Very different things.

Incidentally, now I’m the wrong side of 40 with almost two decades of banking under my corporate kimono, the less convinced I am that we need to “figure it out” at all.

It tends to figure itself out by itself.

The truly important stuff doesn’t die after one email. Instead, people follow up. Or they send 7 Teams messages. Or they track you down at the coffee machine and march you back to your desk.

In fact, every time I take a holiday is proof of this.

I always come back to 100’s of emails. But 95% of those emails have sorted themselves out while I was gone and the stuff that really did need me is still there waiting for me to deal with.

The earth hasn’t stopped rotating in the meantime.

Nor has the bank gone belly up in my absence.

So the question “what happens if I don’t do this?” isn’t just a way to operate your floodgate. It’s also a way to notice how much stuff sorts itself out when you don’t immediately jump on it.

The funny thing about this?

I haven’t said anything surprising here. Once people see the nuance, they’ll mostly think “yeh, that makes sense”.

But then they go back to their inbox and respond to everything anyway!

Not because they forgot but because something invisible is still running the show.

Maybe it's a fear of looking unhelpful. Maybe it's a story about what good performance looks like. Maybe it's just a habit.

Whatever the case, coaching is where you see what that invisible thing actually is. Not so you can fight it or manage it but so it stops running you without your say so.

If you’d like to waste less time, energy and attention on what isn’t yours and have more left for what is, my coaching can help with that.

Raise the sluice and head on over here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment

Tom

When I think back to my first bunch of daily emails, one thing’s clear:

I had no idea what I was doing.

As the weeks went on, this became more and more obvious. I'd spend many-a-morning staring blankly at my screen. Sometimes I’d write a sentence, then tweak it, then re-write it completely, then tweak it some more. And when the email was finally done, I’d hit send, collapse back into my chair and wonder how on earth I’d come up with a topic tomorrow.

It felt clunky and tough.

So I signed up to a bunch of other newsletters to see what the best in the business were doing in the clandestine world of daily emails. Then I joined an 8 week course to learn the fundamentals of engaging writing. After that, I invested in a few books & programs all about newsletters. And over time I studied, practiced and honed my craft.

That’s when I started getting more readers.

I could see a notification ping in my inbox each time a subscriber signed up. And to my surprise, I saw new readers arrive from far flung places like Dubai, China and South Africa. I even saw one reader sign up from the distant shores of Romford.

As the months and years rolled on, I was getting more replies to my emails too.

In fact, I got this email from a reader just a couple of days ago:

***

I had mentally hit a wall. I wanted to be impulsive. I wanted to quit.

I wanted to have the full-fledged 3-year-old temper tantrum where they bodily throw themselves at the floor, kicking their legs with arms flailing to the point you just stand back and wait.

I was working on my resume – half-heartedly, but it was further down the rabbit hole than I had ventured previously in my 20+ years.

Which is when I came across your newsletter. The reminder that all I needed was to pause, breathe and look at the situation differently.

***

What a lovely email to receive.

But for the first year or so of writing my newsletter, I never got replies like this!

Which brings me to lesson #4 and the point I want to make today:

When we start something new (like a daily newsletter), it’s easy to focus on the fact we have no idea what we’re doing.

But that’s hardly new news. In fact, that’s how starting something new works.

So the question isn’t where you’re starting from. The question is whether you want to stick around long enough to get good.

I’ve seen this idea play out in real-time with these emails. It’s not like I’m a naturally talented writer. Instead, I think the reason people across the world are reading, replying to and buying from my emails each day is because of one simple decision I made right back at the start.

That decision?

Whatever happens, I’m going to write the next daily email. And that didn't change even when Baby Grundy came along or when I went back to my old banking job on 31st October 2023 (yes, Halloween – the symbolism writes itself).

I just stayed in the game long enough for the emails to get better.

This is equally true if you’re learning a new skill, picking up a new hobby or taking a big, bold step like starting a new job, new side hustle or new business.

Yes, you have to be okay with looking like a newbie.

Yes, you might have to swallow your pride.

And yes, there’s probably a learning curve.

But it doesn’t matter where you’re starting from. What matters is that you’re willing to stay in the game.

That wraps up this week's mini-series. But if you've enjoyed the emails over the last few days, I think you'll enjoy my email tomorrow too.

Here's to the next four years and a few more lessons along the way.

To fulfilment,

Tom

Here’s a curious lesson I haven’t written about before which I spotted recently with my daily emails:

I started this newsletter after quitting my banking job and quite lovely that time was too.

I’d wake up each morning, cheerily wave Lauren off to work, hit the gym for an hour and then settle at Casa Grundy’s kitchen table with my laptop perched in front of me to write my newsletter that day.

Back then it took me a couple of hours (at least) to write something vaguely half-decent. But I assumed that once I’d found my rhythm, the emails would get easier. So I stuck with it, day after day, week after week.

Now, fast forward a few months.

That’s when Lauren and I decided to take a six week trip to Mexico. And a few weeks before we jetted out to the land of tacos and tequila, a thought crossed my email-riddled mind:

How on God’s merry earth will I write my daily emails while I’m on the road for six weeks?

The more I sat with this, the clearer it became that writing each day using dodgy Wifi on overnight buses and hopping around far-flung pueblos probably wasn’t going to work.

So what did I do?

I doubled down.

In the weeks before that trip, I wrote TWO emails each day. I sent one as usual and held the other in reserve. Then the night before we flew to Mexico, I hunched over the kitchen table, re-reading, editing and painstakingly loading 28 emails into my email software, one for nearly each weekday when I’d be gone.

That was a late night, but I got the job done.

Now, fast forward another few months and I’d accepted an offer to go back to my old job in the merry world of banking. As a result, I had to switch up my writing. That meant some 5am wake-ups and a few Saturday morning writing sessions too. Which might sound like a burden, but I was actually rather excited to be in a proper writing routine now.

But that routine didn’t last long.

A few months after that, Lauren and I discovered that a friendly stork was about to deliver a baby-shaped package to Casa Grundy’s front door. Which was quite the change and that prompted a change of house too.

But the real life-changer (obviously) was how I changed my approach to these emails.

It didn’t take long to discover there’s no way to plan diddly squat when you have a one-month old waking up at random intervals or gurgling throughout the night.

In this instance, that meant writing a few emails with a snoozing baby nestled on my chest and writing a few others on the 20 minute train ride to and from Liverpool Street Station.

And now, the latest chapter.

Lauren and I have moved again to Sheffield (the mighty City of Steel). We have a one-and-a-bit year old toddling round the house and I’m spending a couple of days in London each week. So my writing time looks very different again and my two hour train journeys take the brunt of it.

By now you might be wondering where the hell I’m going with this four year trundle down daily email lane.

Well, what struck me recently was that I’ve spent the last four years waiting for a predictable daily email writing routine to emerge from the ether. Not consciously mind you. But somewhere in the back of my mind was the idea that one day life would settle down and I’d finally discover the perfect writing set up that would make the daily emails 10x easier.

Well, guess what?

We’re four years in. That still hasn’t happened and I suspect it never will.

But what has happened is that every time life changed, I didn’t wait for better conditions to keep writing.

I found a way to adapt my writing around that change instead.

Which meant adapting WAS the routine!

And what I’ve come to see (which might sound small but it feels rather big) is that not only do conditions often tend to be messy and not only are messy conditions okay...

But I can thrive through those messy conditions too.

All of which is a long, meandering way of saying that if you're waiting for things to calm down before you get going on whatever matters to you, the calm probably isn't coming.

But the good news is that you don't need it.

As it happens, this is pretty much at the heart of what I do with my coaching clients.

i.e. helping ambitious people make moves that matter without waiting for perfect conditions that never quite arrive.

If that's you, I'd love to help.

You can join my waitlist here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

A few months ago I was back-n-forthing with a reader who had taken me up on my offer to beta-read my soon to be released book Don’t Quit Your Job (in case you're wondering, it's still soon to be released).

I’m not sure if he wants me to name and fame him, so I’ll keep him anon. But this reader had a few suggestions for how I could improve my book. Suggestions which were very sensible and I gave them some serious thought. We swapped a few more emails and just as we were coming to the end of our to & fro, the reader sent me an email which said this:

***

The book is perfect as it is by the way. Without a summary and with any of those titles. The reason why? Because it’s your expression. A quote I remember from one of your newsletters is very relevant here:

“Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self”

***

I’d forgotten I’d shared that quote in a previous daily email (must’ve been two or three years ago at least).

But my goodness there's a lot of truth in that.

No-one ever told me when I started writing my newsletter that what was at stake wasn’t the usual stuff like how many subscribers I had or how many coaching clients I could find.

What’s really at stake when I write each day is ME.

Every day when I sit down to write, I get to decide whether I'm expressing myself or what I think my readers want to hear.

I don't know if that sounds cryptic or not. But it's not a newsletter-only thing.

I see this in the hallowed halls of corporate too. People spot someone with the title, status or career they want and start modelling themselves on that person. So they start to act, speak, think, walk and dress like them and even adopt the same world view as them.

That might be an excellent strategy for snagging the promotion you want or the job title you long for. But the danger is that somewhere along the way you lose touch with yourself. And if that happens, you can end up with the very thing you were shooting for and still feel strangely flat.

After all, it's no good performing your way to the top if you leave yourself at the bottom.

Perhaps this is why I started this newsletter in the first place. I spent over a decade acting in my banking job and changing my performance depending on who I was sitting opposite in a meeting or who I was chatting on the phone with. And I was so fed up with being a corporate chameleon and so out of touch with who I was that writing became a way to redress the balance.

Anyway, that’s enough soul-searching for one day.

Back tomorrow with another newsletter based lesson.

In the meantime, if you feel like you’re sacrificing yourself for the success you crave, I can help you hit whatever ambitious goals you’ve set without losing touch with yourself in the process.

If that sounds interesting:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

I sent my first daily email in June 2022.

That email was all about my experience on the cult UK TV quiz show Countdown (a niche topic if ever there was one).

4 years later and I’ve certainly picked up a few tips, tricks and lessons on the craft of newsletters, the writing process, creating content and the mental side of daily emails.

To mark this momentous milestone, this week I’m sharing four lessons from my four years of writing and sending daily emails.

First up:

Pleasing other people is not the goal.

When I started writing these emails, I bent over backwards to never say anything which someone else might disagree with. Hence months of emails which, looking back, were about as exciting as a ham sandwich.

Around then, an email floated into my inbox from a reader telling me he’d unsubscribed.

Turned out he enjoyed the emails but he’d unsubscribed for a very different reason:

“I’ve unsubscribed from your newsletter. They were good. But you were sending the emails every day. And I don’t want to get an email from you every day”

Writing daily (or “week-daily”, as I do) was my plan from the start. It was a non-negotiable for me.

Yet here was a reader telling me that he’d unsubscribed BECAUSE the emails were daily.

And that’s when the penny dropped:

It’s literally impossible to write a newsletter which no-one disagrees with. There will always be someone who’d prefer this newsletter to be sent less often, with more actionable tips, with less selling, less stories from suburban Sheffield and even less Dad jokes. I’m sure there’s also people who shake their head in despair when I write “we make our lives harder than we need to” or “your workload isn’t causing your stress”.

Which means the only way to send a newsletter which readers don’t disagree with…

Is to never send a newsletter in the first place!

I think this is why I decided “fuck it, I’m not going to write what other people won’t disagree with. I’m just going to write what I want, when I want, in the way I want”.

So that’s what I do.

And guess what?

This is why I enjoy writing my newsletter so much. It’s why these emails energise me rather than tire me out. It’s why I rarely second-guess myself when I send an email. And it’s why I get genuine and heartfelt replies to these emails each and every week.

Which isn’t a bad place to be.

As it turns out, there’s actually another benefit to trying not to please everyone which is even juicier. A benefit which deserves an email of its own.

That’s teed us up nicely for tomorrow.

Back then with lesson #2.

To fulfilment,

Tom

It won’t appear in your performance review either.

Yet it’s the golden thread silently pulling the strings and colouring every conversation you have, shaping every decision you make and even dictating whether you thrive at work or get through your day unscathed.

Moreover, it’s a very 21st Century golden thread.

This isn’t something the sandal-wearing scribes of ancient Rome or the Medieval farmers, blacksmiths and monks had to concern themselves with. It’s not even something the office workers who came before us have ever had to learn to master. At least, not like we do today.

If it’s not obvious by now, the part of your job which rarely gets a mention is deciding where to put your attention.

The reason for this should be clear.

Information pours through the modern workplace like water bursting through a dam. I can type a few words into CoPilot at my desk and 30 seconds later I have access to more information on my screen than a Roman scribe would have access to in months. As do my colleagues. So the water isn’t trickling to the fortunate few any more. It’s pouring equally from every direction.

Which means your real job in 2026 is knowing how to juggle all this information and digest what needs digesting, ignore what needs ignoring, respond to what needs responding to…

And most crucially of all, knowing which is which.

Incidentally, if you work at a desk like I do and you wonder why you feel so depleted at the end of every working day, this is why. Sure, it’s not like you’re lugging heavy objects round a building site or hauling bricks up a ladder. It’s not a physical kind of exhaustion. But when you’re performing constant triage on an endless torrent of new information, it’s hardly surprising that you’re exhausted by the time the clock strikes 5pm.

Anyway, perhaps this is old news.

Every man and his dog seems to be writing about the Post-Information Age nowadays.

But we're looking in the wrong place.

In a world where information pours to everyone like water from a dam and where more & more knowledge workers are drowning (I see this in many of my banking colleagues every day), the real trick ISN’T wrestling with the water.

The trick is learning how to operate the floodgates.

If you’re overwhelmed by the volume of information coming your way, I can show you where your floodgates are and how to work them.

All the info’s here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

At the time, I couldn’t figure out what that feeling was.

But looking back, it all seems rather obvious. I chose my work ahead of my wellbeing, I prioritised my boss over myself and I put my job ahead of my life.

Work had such a stranglehold that it took a mental breakdown in the form of burnout to wake me up to this.

That experience was about as much fun as a root canal.

But it did have one big upside. Nowadays, I can spot the warning signs as soon as they go from green to amber. Whereas back in the day, the warning signs went from green to amber to red and even when the fire was raging, I still couldn’t see what was going on.

Being a bit grumpy didn’t seem like a big deal.

When the grumpiness turned to anger, the anger to bitterness, and the bitterness started changing my personality, none of that seemed like a big deal either.

Even when I was lying in bed at 3am with my head spinning, it didn’t seem off. If anything, I was telling myself “great job Tom, you’re really putting in a shift at the moment”.

So it just looked like a phase. Like work was rather stressful and a bit full on.

But it didn’t look like I was burning myself to the ground.

It’s the proverbial frog in boiling water effect. If you put a frog in a pan of boiling water it will hop straight back out. But if you put a frog in a pan of cold water and slowly turn up the heat, the frog will boil to death.

I know this might sound gloomy.

But it doesn't have to be. Not if you learn to spot the signs.

If you have a sneaky suspicion that the temperature might be rising, here’s a short temperature check you can take right now.

Just rank where you are on a scale of 1 to 10, then add up your scores.

Here goes:

*** You sometimes feel flat on a Sunday evening (1) vs you dread going to work every day (10)

*** You occasionally moan about your job (1) vs you're utterly cynical about your work and everyone you work with (10)

*** You notice you have less energy some days (1) vs you’re emotionally drained at the end of every single day and when you start work again on a Monday, it feels like you haven't had a weekend (10)

*** From time to time, you find yourself choosing work over your hobbies (1) vs you’ve abandoned all the activities you used to enjoy (10)

*** You’re drinking more coffee than you used to (1) vs you rely on caffeine to get through your day (10)

*** You’ve become a bit snappier (1) vs you regularly take your frustration out on your family, friends and colleagues (10)

*** You're leaning on the gym, food or alcohol more than you used to (1) vs you can't get through the week without them (10)

*** Work plays on your mind now and then (1) vs you find it impossible to fall asleep or stay asleep) because of work (10)

*** You sometimes wonder if your efforts are being noticed (1) vs no matter how hard you work, it's never enough (10)

*** You seem to be picking up more bugs than usual (1) vs your body is always fighting some sort of illness (10)

*** You sometimes daydream about a different job (1) vs you feel like you’re trapped in your job with no way out (10)

Take a note of your score.

Then answer the questions again in a couple of weeks and see if your score has gone up, down or has stayed the same.

If your score is creeping up, now’s the time to turn down the heat before it boils over.

That would be my advice anyway. Take it or leave it as you see fit.

If you relate to any parts of this and you’d like to get ahead of it, I can help. In fact, helping other people turn their temperature down is a huge part of why I got into coaching in the first place.

More details on my 1 on 1 coaching here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

(spoiler alert: there is)

On 13th April 1970, an oxygen tank exploded on Apollo 13 while it was halfway to the moon.

Three astronauts found themselves in the less than ideal situation of failing power systems, rising carbon dioxide levels, navigation tools which were on the blink and rapidly decreasing temperatures. All while hurtling through space 200,000 miles from Earth in a glorified baked bean can.

So what did the astronauts do?

Well, they didn’t waste their time and energy filing a complaint with the engineers, starting a barney about whose fault the explosion was or trying to negotiate less hostile conditions with outer space.

Instead, they stripped the mission down to its bare bones and worked the problems one by one.

So they rerouted the power, rationed their resources and rewrote the emergency procedures on the fly. As more problems came up, they dealt with them one by one too.

Which brings me to the nub of the matter and how these heroes managed to pull off one of the most extraordinary escapes of all time while finding themselves in a literal life or death scenario:

Yes, they focused on their external conditions. But at the same time they didn’t let the outside emergency create an emergency in their heads.

That was the real battle.

See, the same situation looks & feels wildly different with access to judgement, clarity and resourcefulness rather than teeth-gnashing, finger-pointing and panic. In fact, I'd bet a pint of Timothy Taylor's that with the latter, those three astronauts would never have made it home.

And guess what?

It’s not just the cruel, cold and hostile reaches of outer space where this holds true.

Getting your internal bureaucracy under control is worth its weight in gold in the cruel, cold and hostile reaches of office life too. And it's certainly a far bigger leverage point than trying to influence the external bureaucracy will ever be.

I should know.

I spent the best part of a decade getting myself all het up about the six approvals I needed for a two line email or wondering why I was updating a tracker that was tracking a bunch of other trackers.

But once you start looking inwards rather than outwards, something interesting happens. The same work becomes lighter, the same challenges become easier to navigate and the same external nonsense stops having quite so much power over you.

Of course, I’m not saying don’t try to make your workplace more user-friendly if you want to.

All I’m saying is when it comes to your performance, it’s your state of mind, your clarity and your thinking that really shifts the needle.

So that's the place to start.

If you'd like some help making work feel lighter without sacrificing your performance, you might like this:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

While I have no idea where the time has gone, I do have a few reflections on what Baby Grundy (henceforth known as Toddler Grundy) has shown me about life.

Starting with:

*** I can see close-up that feelings are made to pass. Toddler Grundy is in the thick of a new wave of separation anxiety and when Lauren leaves the room, the tears start falling. But a few minutes later, Toddler Grundy is back to her chirpy, curious self. She’s not building a narrative in her head or holding a grudge, so her feelings don't linger

*** Asking for what you want is a hugely underrated tactic. Toddler Grundy has zero qualms asking for what she wants and it pretty much works every time. More porridge? Time to play with monkey? The blue cup rather than the green cup? She lets us know. Turns out Toddler Grundy hasn't learnt to talk herself out of things yet

*** Toddler Grundy didn't learn how to walk via a textbook. She doesn't learn how to speak by watching a tutorial. She didn't learn how to wave by figuring out how her muscles and tendons work. She learns by doing again and again and again, until she can do whatever she's trying to do. Quite the difference from an adult who wants to learn public speaking (say) who reads three books, watches two TED talks, takes a course and practises in front of their bathroom mirror while never actually doing the thing they're learning to do

*** Novelty is overrated. I must’ve read Goodnight Moon to Toddler Grundy over 20 times and yet she still points at the book most bedtimes. I think there’s an idea out there which says that pleasure requires novelty. But I wonder if that’s true…

*** Toddler Grundy doesn’t second guess what she knows she wants. If she’s hungry, she eats. If she’s tired, she sleeps. If she needs help, she asks. Whereas I’m guilty of the opposite. If I’m hungry at 11.15am, I question if it’s too early for lunch. If I’m tired, I tell myself I haven’t earnt a rest yet. If I need help with something, I keep struggling by myself. I’m asking myself whether I “should” whereas Toddler Grundy just does

*** Other people’s opinions are irrelevant. Toddler Grundy doesn't care a jot what anyone else thinks when she starts babbling, singing or crying. Same thing when she throws peas on the floor, gives herself a clap, then asks me for more peas. She’s not performing for my approval or checking to see if I think she’s doing it right

Truth is, as Toddler Grundy’s Dad, my ego would quite like her to care what I think.

But I’ve come to see this is actually quite lovely.

I really don’t want my role as Dad to be judge and evaluator of Toddler Grundy. She’ll have plenty of other people doing that throughout her life anyway (especially if she joins the merry world of corporate).

And knowing she doesn’t care whether I think she’s living up to some imaginary standard or somehow doing her life “correctly” makes it even easier not to do that. Which means she can live her life (rather than the life she thinks Dad wants her to live) and I can focus on loving her and being with her instead.

Ask me how it's going when she turns fifteen!

In the meantime, if you're a parent who likes thinking about this sort of thing and you'd like your child to become more themselves instead of a mini version of you, you might enjoy this book

To fulfilment,

Tom

While she was there, she recorded a podcast about work, careers and Gen Zs.

Here’s some of what she had to say:

***

That’s what I want young people to understand. That every experience, the bad boss, the boring assistant job, the job where you thought you weren’t appreciated, the one that didn’t give you the assignment you wanted when you wanted it – all of that is learning to be resilient.

I think a lot of young people want to do what they want to do or what they’re good at. But you have got to earn that, carry some bags, have some tough times and have people treat you unfairly

***

Oh my goodness, where to start with this.

Look, I get that Michelle Obama is adored by millions. I know she’s many people’s dream pick for a celebrity dinner guest too.

But this kind of claptrap is unbelievably unhelpful.

Let’s take her comments one by one:

“That’s what I want young people to understand”

What you’re describing here Michelle is YOUR experience. An experience of hardship and struggle which led to you discovering your resilience. And that’s genuinely inspiring. It really is.

But that doesn’t mean everyone else should follow the path you followed.

What about the people who followed their nose and started a business from their bedroom? Or who quit the job they knew deep down was the wrong job for them? Or who refused to carry anyone else’s bags because they trusted themselves enough not to?

There’s no “right” way to live your life.

But it sure sounds like you’re here to give everyone your version of the “right” way.

And when anyone starts handing out instructions for how to live, it robs people of the chance to find their own path and re-enforces the idea that we need someone else to tell us what’s right for us.

But the only person who knows what’s right for us is us.

Next up:

“That every experience, the bad boss, the boring assistant job, the job where you thought you weren’t appreciated, the one that didn’t give you the assignment you wanted when you wanted it – all of that is learning to be resilient”

What I’m about to say might sound subtle but it’s a hugely important distinction:

Yes, people can discover resilience via their experiences.

But resilience isn’t like a muscle which gets built with struggle and strife.

The way I see resilience is more like the sun behind the clouds. So even though we might encounter struggle and strife, we still handle what we need to handle. Not because we’ve built resilience but because our resilience has come to the fore. That’s how it looks to me anyway. Our resilience never goes anywhere because it’s something we already have.

So no-one needs a bad boss to become resilient.

They just need to live their life. And life will inevitably bring moments that show what we’re already made of.

The idea that we need to seek these moments out as a kind of rite of passage is a load of old poppycock.

Onwards:

“I think a lot of young people want to do what they want to do or what they’re good at. But you have got to earn that, carry some bags, have some tough times and have people treat you unfairly”

No you don’t. You really, really don’t.

No-one needs to earn the right to do what they want to do.

Of course, I get why Michelle says we do. It’s one of those generational beliefs which says put in your time, pay your dues, prove yourself and then maybe (just maybe!) you get to do what you actually care about. But it’s like “a job for life” or “never swim within an hour of eating”. Just because lots of people believed it for a while doesn’t mean it’s true.

Moreover, who gets to decide? Who decides when you’ve carried enough bags or been treated unfairly enough to FINALLY get your permission slip?

Your boss? Your spouse? Some random dimfluencer on LinkedIn?

If Michelle Obama had her way, we’d all be standing in line waiting patiently for our lives to begin.

In fact, I’m surprised she hasn’t brought out a program to help you do just that:

Trust Michelle And Wait Your Turn! (Learn How To Ignore Your Instincts And Carry As Many Bags As You Can Until You’re Finally Allowed To Do What You Wanted To Do 20 Years Ago)

If this is how you want to live your life then godspeed and good luck.

But if you’d rather back your own judgment, stop waiting for permission and get on with the things that matter to you, you might like to check out my 1:1 coaching programs:

Trust Me, I Work Here (for anyone who wants to bring more judgment, clarity and ease to their day job)

The Music Inside You (for anyone who wants to stop living someone else’s version of success)

I must warn you though:

These are the most expensive programs I offer. So if you have even the tiniest sliver of doubt about whether one of these programs is right for you, I suggest you give them a swerve.

It’s also why the only way to take me up on one of these offers is to jump on a free 25 minute Discovery Call with me.

After all, I don’t expect anyone to plop down a couple of grand without at least a chat first.

There’s only a few Discovery Call slots left over the next couple of days and once they’re gone, they’re gone. I won't be opening any others or extending the calls into future weeks.

So if you do want to chat about what it would be like to work together, best hop to it.

That’s all for today.

To fulfilment,

Tom

Both in passing in these daily emails. But also going deep into the topic too and putting the raisins and the rice pudding firmly under the kitchen microscope.

Hence this email being “part 4”.

And I’d go so far to say that anyone who can truly separate the raisins from the rice pudding will find themselves getting more stuff done in less time while feeling better about what they’re doing too. I don’t know if that interests you in the slightest. But working in the crazy world of banking like I do, that’s almost a holy grail.

An example:

I’ve always been one of life’s great list keepers. So whenever I clock in for a shift at Banking HQ, I have a hefty to-do list left over from the night before. Throughout the day, items get ticked off and new items get added. It’s sort of like my very own equivalent of an airport departure board where as soon as a gate closes for one flight, another flight starts boarding.

A few weeks, ago, it got to the point where even though I was churning through my work at an almost superhuman pace, I just couldn’t get my to-do list under control. It was like a game of whack-a-mole where however quickly I finished a task, three more tasks would spring into view.

At one point, I caught myself thinking “blimey, this is rather a lot”. And as I did, I could feel a sinking feeling bubble up in the pit of my stomach.

But no sooner did that feeling start than I let it go again and a wave of calm washed over me.

How did I do that?

Well, this is where the raisins and the rice pudding come in.

In v1 of my banking career, a huge stack of work meant having the weight of the world of my shoulders. And the longer my to-do list, the heavier that weight.

But I’ve come to see there’s ZERO correlation between how much work we have and how we feel about that work. I know that’s true because I've had days where I was genuinely buried and didn't feel stressed at all. I’ve also had days where I had almost nothing on my plate and it still felt like I was drowning.

So the raisins can’t be creating the rice pudding.

Another example:

A couple of mornings ago, I woke up an hour early. This doesn’t happen often nowadays. And rather than go back to sleep or grab my phone, I brewed a quick Americano and settled at my laptop to write a daily email before Baby Grundy awoke from her slumbers.

It was one of those mornings where I was in the zone and my fingers could barely keep up with what I wanted to write. Half an hour later and I’d written over 1,000 words, which is good going for me. And I have to say I was rather chuffed with myself.

Yet there was a Saturday a few weeks ago where I wrote a couple of thousand words and I got to the end of that writing sprint as flat as a pancake.

Even at work, there are days where I’ve chaired a bunch of meetings, solved a load of tricky problems and sent a bucketload of emails…and the whole day feels light and breezy.

It even feels fun sometimes!

Then there are the days where I get to 5pm feeling like I’ve gone 12 rounds with Anthony Joshua, even though I’ve done the exact same amount of work.

In this case it’s clear that the raisins (my output) and the rice pudding (how that output feels) aren’t connected either.

Truth is, when we see our experience of work isn’t coming from our work, the game completely changes. There’s no need to wait until we’re calm or ready before getting going. There’s no need to waste time and energy fighting the fact we have a challenge to solve. And there’s certainly no need to add new mental challenges on top of our everyday office challenges.

In fact, once you stop treating the raisins and the rice pudding as the same thing, an interesting question pops up:

How much struggle comes from our jobs? And how much comes from everything we add on top?

If you’ve ever suspected that your work day struggles are innocently self-generated rather than generated by your job or your boss, you’re probably right.

And if that interference is coming from us rather than our jobs, that's not a problem. That's an opportunity hiding in plain sight.

This is where my 1:1 coaching program Trust Me, I Work Here comes into play.

The purpose of the program isn’t to reduce your workload or change your ambition.

Instead, we’ll zero in on the mental interference that gets muddled up with the job itself, just like the raisins get muddled up with the rice pudding.

What I've seen time and time again is that once the mental interference falls away, we don’t become less ambitious or productive.

If anything, we become more ambitious and productive. Often while feeling lighter and calmer about our work too.

To check out all the details:

Trust Me, I Work Here

To fulfilment,

Tom

You might’ve heard of this.

It’s the idea that humans have various needs which have a specific order to them. So basic essentials like food, water and shelter come first. Then higher-level needs like health, friendship, security, love and belonging come next. And as we get to the top of the pyramid we find loftier needs like self-esteem and self-actualisation.

It’s a famous, well-trodden model.

It’s also a model that’s surprisingly dangerous for anyone who takes it at face value.

Why do I say that?

Well, Maslow’s hierarchy isn’t how humans seem to work. Sometimes I worry what people think about me. And guess what? Even if I’m starving, I still worry what people think about me. It’s not like I grab a kit-kat, then go back to worrying.

Moreover, history is filled with examples of people cracking jokes on their way to the gallows, falling in love in poverty or creating the most astonishing art in the middle of warzones.

Take Viktor Frankl’s experience in a Nazi death camp. These were some of the most horrific circumstances ever known. And even though Frankl had none of his basic needs, he still noticed the sunset through the barbed wire, held the image of his wife in his mind and later wrote one of the most influential books ever written about meaning and love.

So the idea that love, purpose and creativity somehow come later in the queue is clearly a load of twaddle.

But I said above that this model is dangerous. And I stand by that. Because if you believe your desires are only valid once you’ve ticked off other, more “basic” boxes, you might live your whole life treating the stuff you really, truly, deeply want as off-limits because it doesn’t follow a certain sequence.

So you might really want to learn how to paint but you’ve decided you should focus on your career first. You might want to find the love of your life but think you need to get your finances in order before you do.

And if that happens, you’ll miss out on one of the greatest joys of being human:

Finding out what happens when you follow what calls you.

Truth is, we don’t need to earn the right to do what we want to do.

We really don’t.

Whatever you’re drawn to right now is valid, whatever else is going on in your life. That doesn’t mean you should quit your job tomorrow and run off to join the circus. But it does mean you don’t need to follow a flowchart to justify why it's okay to take a day off work, do something that scares you, play the piano, spend time with your child or put your feet up in front of the TV.

Yet an awful lot of people are still waiting for their lives to begin.

I was waiting for about a decade and it’s surprisingly easy to do.

My program The Music Inside You is the antidote to this.

This program is for anyone who's followed the usual script, but suspects there's a different song they'd rather be playing. It’s a way to drop the “shoulds”, uncover what’s been getting in the way and start doing more of the things that genuinely matter to you.

Not so you become someone new or different.

But so you can reconnect with what makes you come alive.

If you’d like to check out the details:

The Music Inside You

To fulfilment,

Tom

It’s not by planning more.

It’s not even by creating your very own time management system.

The quickest, simplest, easiest way to get twice the work done in half the time is to stop thinking about your work and start doing the work.

If you think that’s so obvious it’s not even a point worth making, I disagree.

It's like doing the dishes. It might take you a few minutes to wash up after tea. But if you start thinking about those dishes and reminding yourself you need to wash them, telling yourself how boring it'll be, tallying up who washed them last time, weighing up whether to do them now or leave them to soak, mulling over what you'd rather be doing with your life, pondering whether to use a tea towel or an old T-shirt, and then summoning every last drop of willpower you can find to work yourself up to doing the dishes…

You could spend over an hour “washing the dishes” instead of five minutes!

So do not underestimate how much faster it is to DO something vs thinking about doing that thing.

It works the same way with your day job.

The more time you spend thinking about whether now's the right moment to start, whether you've got the full picture yet, how a senior so-and-so might react, if there's a smarter way to frame it, what it signals if you send your work too quickly, whether it's good enough to put your name to or if you should run it past one more person first...

The less time you have to do that work (and it's not even close).

Of course, I'm not suggesting you ditch the thinking that is the work.

But I am saying that ditching your thinking about the work gives you an almost unfair advantage in the office. Especially when all your colleagues are busy holding hour long committee meetings in their heads while you've already done your task and moved on to the next one.

As it happens, this is exactly the shift I help professionals make inside my 1:1 coaching program Trust Me, I Work Here.

The program is like taking the handbrake off your car. At first, you might not even realise the handbrake is on. But once the brake comes off, the car moves faster, smoother and far more freely, even though you're still the one doing the driving.

If you like the sound of performing at a higher level without mentally exhausting yourself in the process, here’s how the program works:

Trust Me, I Work Here

To fulfilment,

Tom

I was finishing four years of maths and mechanical engineering at Warwick Uni and the question I was wrestling with was:

Should I accept a safe & steady job offer from a UK high street bank? Or should I roll the dice and try my hand playing professional poker for a year?

The poker option wasn’t as crazy as it might sound. Warwick Uni was literally breeding poker champions during my time there.

One chap I was pally with took down a poker tournament in Sam Remo for a cool €1m.

Another guy called Alex came to poker society for the first time and didn’t know his diamonds from his hearts or his spades from his clovers. But a couple of years later, he’d become the number one heads-up player in the world at Texas Hold’em, winning a few millions of dollars in the process.

I didn’t have anywhere near this level of success.

But I wasn’t bleeding chips left, right and centre either.

In my first year at uni I won an entry to a poker tournament in Copenhagen and spun that into DKr 47,776. The year after, I snagged a seat in the Main Event of the World Series of Poker in Las Vegas and during my week in Sin City I chopped another poker tournament for $27k.

I thought that with a year of dedicated study & play, I could get even better results.

But it wasn’t just the money that grabbed me.

I LOVED playing cards too. Even if I was playing for pennies, it felt like stepping into a space where I belonged.

To cut to the river card, I ended up plumping for the safe and steady option of a full time job. It seemed like the sensible choice and I thought I could always try poker a year or two later.

Of course, that never happened. The time to try playing poker was then, when the idea came to mind. That was when it was fresh and alive with possibility. And as I donned my dandy suit & tie and trotted along to day 1 of my banking job, it felt like the poker gravy train had left the station leaving me standing on the platform clutching a bank-issued crusty bread roll and the thought that something warm, satisfying and meant-for-me was disappearing into the night.

I looked back on that crossroads a lot during the first decade of my banking career.

Of course, that’s not to say the poker would’ve worked out.

But it was the fact I hadn’t given it a go that gnawed away at me. It stung knowing I'd found something which made me feel truly, undeniably alive...and then walked away from it.

I did learn a little something from that experience however. I learned that when something feels aligned – when it energises me, inspires me and feels like something I’m meant to do – that’s not just random excitement. That’s my inner compass pointing the way.

It took thirteen long years of grinding away in banking and burning myself out for something else to come along that made me feel the same way.

That opportunity?

You’re reading it.

I feel the same way about my newsletter and coaching biz that I did about poker all those years ago.

Even though I still work a corporate banking job which is as corporate as they come, it feels like I’ve stepped out of someone else’s script, started to write my own script and that this is something I’m meant to do. And the peace and freedom which comes with that is undeniable.

If you have the sense there's something deep within you that wants to be expressed, my 1:1 program The Music Inside You might be exactly what you're looking for.

I created The Music Inside You to help anyone who knows they’re ignoring what their soul is screaming out for them to do. It’s for people who are ready to stop delaying and start listening to what’s been calling them all along.

If that sounds like you, the next step is to read the sales page and book a free Discovery Call with me before 6th June.

Here's the link:

The Music Inside You

To fulfilment,

Tom

I’ve always said that if you pull 100 people off the street and ask them “hey, what does a coach do?”, you’ll get 100 different answers.

So I often find myself explaining to my esteemed banking colleagues that coaching is NOT counselling. Which means there’s no poking around in someone’s past or unpicking the childhood trauma of being passed over for the school netball team. Nor is it mentoring. So there’s no tips, no advice and certainly no telling someone what to do.

It’s not training, consulting or playing Agony Aunt either.

Which might well prompt the question…

What exactly IS coaching then?

Well, I liken it to my trip to the loo last night. I don’t want to drag this email too far down the pan. But at 3am in deepest, darkest Sheffield, Chateau Grundy is as pitch black as it comes. So I was stumbling around, bumping into the bedside table, feeling my way along the hall and almost going arse over tit down the stairs until a minute or so later, I’d reached my lavatorial destination.

After I’d answered nature’s call, I began the return trip to the bedroom.

This time, my eyes had adjusted. It wasn’t perfect mind you. But I made out the stairs, I dodged the creaky floorboard and the hallway was much clearer too. And I was back in bed before you could say “spend a penny”.

Well, guess what?

This is exactly how coaching works.

We all have moments when it feels like we’re stumbling around in the dark. And when that happens, the role of a coach is to help you turn up the light (if we're being picky, it's to help you see the lights were never actually off).

I doubt I’ll use this metaphor in my next Apprenticeship submission. I have to keep that writing a bit more boardroom friendly.

But coaching really does work this way.

After all, the clearer you see, the easier life becomes.

If stumbling around and bumping into things feels familiar, I have two 1:1 coaching packages on offer right now:

Trust Me, I Work Here: for successful professionals who want to be sharper and more effective at their job

The Music Inside You: for anyone who wants the clarity and courage to do more of what matters to them

Enrolment for both is only open until 6th June.

So if either speaks to you, best not hang about.

To fulfilment,

Tom

The things you are drawn to naturally matter a lot. They are clues. Your job is to figure out why

I’m not so sure about that, ceciatl.

Yes, it’s well worth paying attention to whatever you’re drawn to.

But figuring out why?

That’s not your job at all. Your only job is to follow it.

If you’re drawn to study law, study law. If you’re drawn to play the ukelele, play the ukelele. And if you’re drawn to hop on an Easyjet flight to see the sights, meet a bunch of new people, sip cocktails by the river and wake up the next morning with the mother of all hangovers, then go do that.

But figuring out why is just a recipe for turning what you’re drawn to into a problem you need to solve.

You might not know why you're drawn to what you're drawn to until years later.

You might never know.

But you don’t need to understand the pull. You just need to be willing to follow it.

I realise that “go play the ukelele” might sound glib. Knowing you want to do something and actually doing that thing are different kettles of fish, after all.

That’s why I created my 6 month 1:1 program The Music Inside You.

If you feel pulled towards something that matters but you're delaying, over-analysing or tying yourself in knots, The Music Inside You will help you stop talking yourself out of it.

You can check out all the details here:

The Music Inside You

To fulfilment,

Tom

Spare a thought for the clever clogs in companies all across the globe.

You’d think that being a smart cookie would be one hell of an advantage when it comes to thriving at work.

But there’s many a trap lurking for smart but unwary professionals.

Traps like these:

*** Overriding any instinct which says “why don’t I just do this” in favour of analysis and thinking past the answer

*** Solving problems that don’t exist. That might sound helpful. But it’s not helpful if you’ve got an actual problem on your plate. Lest I get accused of stating the bleedin’ obvious, carrying ten imaginary problems round in your head does not help but a jot when it comes to solving real problem #11

*** Unless, of course, you’re also good at creating convincing arguments for why a non-problem actually IS a problem. That way you can kid yourself (and your colleagues) that your problem really is real!

*** Another trick smart people use is creating legitimately real problems so they can solve them to keep feeling smart. Like a sort of smarty-pants hamster wheel

*** This is just another version of not wanting to look dumb. And therefore not asking the question that will help, not admitting when you don’t know the answer and not trying something that might not work. Smart people excel at these too

*** They’re also great at waiting for airtight logic or a clear path forward before acting

*** Last but not least, brainboxes also use 437 words to answer a question when 5 words will do

In case I get accused of the same thing in this email, let me finish with this:

There’s a reason smart people use their intellect a lot. It’s the same reason Picasso often reached for his paintbrush. And while few folk have ever wielded a paintbrush as brilliantly as Picasso did, if you asked Picasso to write you a novel, he ain’t going to get very far using that paintbrush.

Same thing with your intellect.

It’s a brilliant tool. But it's not the right tool for every job.

Yet the vast majority of professionals default to their intellect for almost everything. I know that because I coach them, I work alongside them and I also happen to be one myself. And what I see over and over again is smart professionals trying to think their way through tough decisions and creative problems.

But anyone who’s ever tried to logic their way through a job offer (for instance) by weighing up the pros & cons, doing endless market comps, building a matrix of options and seeking out the opinion of their mum, dad, partner, best friend and second cousin twice removed will know what sort of mental spaghetti this leads to.

I used to agonise over decisions like these.

But I’ve realised that some things don't get clearer the more you think about them.

In fact, they get less clear.

So where do the answers come from?

This is exactly what my program Trust Me, I Work Here is about.

If you’re a smart, hard-working professional who’d like to feel calmer, think more clearly and perform even better at work, you already have everything you need to do that.

So Trust Me, I Work Here isn’t about adding more skills or know how.

It’s about removing the unnecessary interference.

When you stop using your paintbrush to write novels, not only does work become less stressful and less overwhelming, but you’ll write a better novel too.

If you’d like to explore what this looks like in practice, here’s the link:

Trust Me, I Work Here

To fulfilment,

Tom

A question rolls in from a newsletter reader:

What interests or activities outside of work bring meaning and joy to your life?

My answer, in no particular order:

Pushing Baby Grundy on the swings. Tackling the Financial Times crossword with Lauren. Going for a walk. Playing chess, poker and bridge. Studying, practising or reading about magic. Spending time by, in or on water. And putting my feet up on the chaise lounge with a glass of Hibiki Whiskey.

Coaching and writing bring me a lot of joy and meaning too.

But I'm not sure I can classify these as “outside of work”.

Sure, they’re not my day job. But then again, I think of myself as a writer/coach who banks rather than a banker who writes and coaches. So yes, banking is technically my job. But the coaching and writing are work too. They both keep the piggy bank topped up and the wine pouring here at Chateau Grundy.

It’s got to the point where they’re so baked into my day to day life that it would be impossible to remove them. A bit like it would be impossible to remove the sugar baked into a chocolate cake.

I mean, I do occasionally take a week off. But even then, I’m sketching out draft newsletters, replying to emails from readers and arranging coaching calls with clients.

So it’s got to the point now where I just can’t NOT write or coach.

And every time I do, I feel like I’m where I belong.

This is quite the contrast from my 20s where it was more a case of not being able to clock off from my banking job instead. But rather than this job filling my life with joy and meaning like my coaching and writing do today, it was filling my life the way a wet sock fills a shoe. It was deeply unpleasant, it squelched along with me wherever I went and it got worse as time went by.

Perhaps that metaphor sounds kind of funny.

But it wasn’t funny at all.

Imagine knowing your soul is withering away on the vine because of a job which sucks all the life and joy and meaning out of you.

Not for a few days…

Not for a month or two…

But for years and years and years.

That really was my life.

Thankfully, that decade of my life is in the rear view mirror now I’ve entered my Buddha of Banking era. Today, I take a huge amount of meaning, joy and pride helping other people find their source of meaning and joy via my writing and my coaching.

In fact, this is what inspired my program The Music Inside You.

At $3,000, it’s the most expensive program I offer.

But it’s a very niche offer too. It’s only for people who’ve been stuck for years and who know deep down that they have so much more to offer themselves and the world, but have no idea what that looks like or how to go about it.

If that sounds like you, I’m offering you the opportunity to bring so much joy and meaning to your life that it will feel like you’ve stepped into a whole NEW life.

I’m not sure you can put a price on that.

Best of all? You don’t even need to quit your job if you don’t want to!

If you’d like to check out the program, here’s the link:

The Music Inside You

The only way to join is to book a free Discovery Call with me. Slots are open until 6th June.

To fulfilment,

Tom

This philosophy underpins pretty much everything I write about, everything I base my coaching on and even my own working life today in the merry world of banking.

It also shines a light on why so many jobs are such a pain in the ass (or worse) and what to do if yours is too.

To get things rolling, try this metaphor on for size:

Imagine you’re on a train.

As the train trundles on, your journey gets progressively worse. A baby across the aisle begins to scream. The person sitting next to you starts fidgeting and crowding your space. The air con stops working and you can feel the sweat starting to trickle down your arms. Then the conductor comes on the tannoy and announces the food cart has run out of beer!

Not a train journey you’d want to repeat, I’m sure you’ll agree.

But as the train trundles on further, it dawns on you:

Not only are you having a thoroughly miserable journey, but you’ve got on the wrong bloody train!

So what does this have to do with our jobs?

Simple:

If something feels off with our working life, it’s for one of two reasons. It’s either because we experience our jobs as stressful, overwhelming and sweat-inducing. Or it’s because we know we’re heading in the wrong direction.

It could even be both.

But whichever it is, it really pays to know the difference.

It pays to be able to separate the raisins from the rice pudding, as I like to call it.

That way you won’t waste years of your life trying to fix the wrong problem.

You’ll either know to jump off the train to catch a train that’s heading in the right direction or you’ll know to stay on the train and stop letting the journey get the better of you.

You could even find a way to enjoy the journey.

At first glance, that might sound odd. Why would anyone knowingly stay on a train that isn’t going where they want to end up?

Well, I can think of lots of reasons when it comes to our careers.

Perhaps you’re learning skills or building credibility you can use later. You might have people who rely on you or a mortgage to pay and stability is what matters right now. Maybe you’re resting or recovering from burnout. Or perhaps it simply isn’t the right time.

But the thing to bear in mind (and this was a revelation to me, I have to say) is that even if you’re not in the job of your dreams or moving towards what calls you, you can still enjoy the journey.

In fact, this is the whole premise of my soon-to-be-released book Don’t Quit Your Job.

Incidentally, I vividly remember standing on a remote beach in the Scottish Highlands in the summer of 2021 and calling my boss to quit after 13 years in banking. Specifically, I told her that “banking isn’t what I’m on this planet to do”. What a hard-nosed securitisation banker with a few decades of corporate finance under her belt made of that comment, I have no idea. But it still holds true. Banking really isn’t what I’m on this planet to do.

However, I can still enjoy my job!

I don’t know if that sounds surprising or not.

But enjoyment is always available when we’re not caught up in our thinking. Always. Even the office politics, corporate bureaucracy and last minute deadlines can lose their hold over you if you let them.

They can actually become sources of entertainment, strange as that might sound.

And look. Sometimes the absurdities of corporate life grind my gears just as much as it grinds the gears of my colleagues. But a lot of the time nowadays, this stuff genuinely makes me smile.

Anyway, getting back on track:

Perhaps it sounds like I’m suggesting we all stay in the wrong career and make the best of a bad situation.

But I’m not saying that at all.

If you’ve ever experienced that deep, persistent tug of your soul that’s nudging you and pulling you and jostling you to do something different, you’ll know exactly what I mean when I say that regardless of how much you enjoy the journey of your job right now, it could be time to jump on a new train that’s heading in the right direction.

This is what the Father of Motivation Wayne Dyer calls “The Music Inside You”. The American supercoach Michael Neill calls it following your “Soul Path”.

But it doesn’t really matter what you call it.

What matters is this:

Are you going to do the safe, comfortable thing and stay on the train that everyone else expects you to ride? Or are you going to trust yourself and start going after that thing that keeps tapping you on the shoulder instead?

My own personal take is that when you start to hear your own inner sense of direction calling out to you, it would be madness to ignore it.

For one, you now know you’re riding a train that’s heading in the wrong direction.

For two, you’re teaching yourself that your own knowing doesn’t matter.

And for three, you start to go to war with yourself. There’s part of you that’s trying to be sensible, safe or avoid rocking the boat up against the other part of you that knows what you really want.

That’s a war you’ll never win.

In fact, you’ll likely spend your life managing the gap between what you know and what you're doing. For me, that meant pouring over a decade’s worth of energy into pretending I didn’t know what I actually did know. Needless to say, that was exhausting.

But what I’ve come to see is that if you can’t trust what you do know, what CAN you trust?

Your mate Bob? A spreadsheet? ChatGPT?

Bob, Microsoft Excel and ChatGPT aren’t living your life. You are the only one living your life. And thus you’re the one who gets to decide what direction your career and your life goes in.

We’ve certainly come a long way from train journeys and food carts running out of beer.

But the difference between the experience and the direction is fundamental when it comes to figuring out what we want from our career.

In fact, this is the reason why I have not one but TWO links for your itchy fingers today:

Trust Me, I Work Here (a program for anyone who wants to thrive on the train they’re riding)

The Music Inside You (a program for anyone who knows they’re riding the wrong train and wants to do something about it)

I must warn you though…

These are the most expensive programs I offer. Thus if you have even the tiniest sliver of doubt about whether one of these programs is right for you, I suggest you give it a swerve.

It’s also why the only way to take me up one of these offers is to jump on a free 25 minute Discovery Call with me first.

I’ve opened up a whole bunch of slots for these Discovery Calls until June 6th.

But once they’re gone, they’re gone. I’m not going to open up any others or extend the calls into future weeks.

So if you do want to chat about what it would be like to work together, best hop to it.

That’s all for today.

To fulfilment,

Tom

I’ve always been one of life’s great optimisers.

I used to spend so much time & energy trying to find the “right” or “best” or “most efficient” way to do something that I missed out on just enjoying doing the darn thing in the first place.

In early 2024, Lauren and I racked up a flurry of mini-breaks to Zurich, Toulouse, Seville and Gdansk.

Before each weekend, I spent hours looking up the best sights so I could pin them all on Google Maps. The trips turned into games of whack-a-mole, to the point where I was “collecting” restaurants, parks, churches, food markets & museums like Ed Sheeran collects lawsuits. Then I'd get annoyed if we didn’t make it to one of the hotspots on our list.

That's just one example.

I had my health and fitness phase too.

Back in my Edinburgh days I became obsessed with working out, cutting fat and “optimising” my body. I don’t just mean going for a run or lifting some weights. I mean religiously researching protein powders, figuring out how to get my body into ketosis and stepping onto the scales twice a day to see if another lb or two had melted away. I even remember bringing a packet of ham with me to a bar while my pals slurped beers and pizza, all to try to keep my body ticking along like a Swiss watch.

What else?

Well, time management was a big one too. Time was always something I thought I had to maximise, stretch and squeeze for every last drop.

Even when it came to relationships, the question I’d ask myself was “how could this relationship be better?”

And like most things, if you go looking for it, you’ll find it.

So whenever I asked that question, I always found something that could be better. And whenever I “worked on” my relationships, it took me further away from simply enjoying the other person’s company.

I could go on.

Even as I sit here typing away on this fine Wednesday morning, I can feel a new category of optimising sneaking in:

Parenting.

A few times I’ve caught myself wanting to research the best toys, the optimal sleep schedules and find the perfect child-raising formula for Baby Grundy.

And sure, some things are meant to be optimised. If you’re working on a financial model or your newsletter’s sign-up page, it might make sense to peek under the hood, measure what works and care about getting a better result.

But I’m not talking about financial models and sign-up pages in this email.

I’m talking about life.

Life isn’t a machine, a maths problem or a research project. Life isn’t meant to be controlled, upgraded, perfected or completed.

Life is meant to be lived.

I’ve always liked the John Lennon quote “life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans”. But I think John could just as easily have said “life is what happens while you’re busy optimising your life”.

And when the great optimisers of the world like Tim Ferriss shave 7 seconds off their paleo breakfasts, buy the perfect pillow for maximum dream efficiency and try to outsource their own heartbeat, I do wonder…

For what end? To free up time to optimise something else?

If so, Tim's doomed to optimise his life forever.

If anything, this email is as much a reminder to me as it is a chirpy daily missive to you.

It’s a reminder that if I catch myself asking “how can I make this better?”, it’s a clue I might be heading in the wrong direction. A clue that I could benefit from throwing away my clipboard and sitting up to smell the roses instead.

After all, the people who seem genuinely happy aren't the ones who have optimised everything. They're the ones who've realised they don't need to.

I thought about popping a link to my coaching here as a way to sign off this email. But then I figured that was trying to optimise an email about not optimising.

Added to which, I'm also interested in hearing what you've been optimising recently which might not seem like such an optimal move any more.

If you fancy it, hit reply and let me know.

To fulfilment,

Tom

Yesterday I shared some highlights from Deloitte’s 2026 Millennial and Gen Z survey.

One bit that had me raising a curious eyebrow?

According to the report, the most important 2026 career skill is none of your usual suspects like communication, leadership, problem-solving, strategic thinking or technical know-how.

It’s something else entirely:

Adaptability.

This makes a lot of sense to me. Covid didn’t just change how we work. It changed what work is and what it’s for. Career paths are clearly becoming more squiggly too. And companies seem to be restructuring their businesses and laying off staff faster than you can say “you’re fired”.

In fact, I think adaptability will become even more important over the next few years.

If & when more roles get redesigned around AI, if & when companies start using temporary org charts and if & when managers get measured on how THEY help their teams adapt, we’re likely to see a world of work where career certainty is impossible, where fixed roles go the way of the dodo and where the workers who adapt the fastest are the ones who pull ahead.

Which means adaptability could even become the whole shebang. It could be the key skill that separates those who shape their careers from those who have their careers shaped for them.

So back to the original question and how to be more adaptable at work:

Well, trying to be more adaptable isn’t the way to be more adaptable, just like trying to be more spontaneous isn’t the way to be more spontaneous.

To me, adaptability doesn’t look like a skill anyone needs to develop.

It looks like what’s left when we stop trying so hard to adapt.

One of Baby Grundy’s favourite toys is a purple plastic spoke with ridges. It comes with six wheels. When she places a wheel onto the spoke, it spins to the bottom. But if you try to push a wheel down the spoke, the wheel stops spinning. The friction between the grooves locks the wheel in place.

Career adaptability works exactly the same way.

Pushing harder is just a recipe to become more rigid. Instead, letting go of our plans, ideas, assumptions, certainties and beliefs is how we become more adaptable.

It’s yet another feather in the cap for the Subtraction Method.

If there are elements of your career you'd like to adapt to better and you’re interested in 1:1 support, here's your next stop:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

Last week, Deloitte published its 2026 Millennial and Gen Z Survey.

The survey asks 22,000 Millennials and Gen Zs from 44 countries about their working lives.

It makes for fascinating reading, especially for anyone who has an interest in the world of work or the future of careers. And, I’d argue, it should be essential reading for anyone who manages other people or a team of people.

Millennials and Gen Z make up roughly two-thirds of the global workforce.

So the report really is a window into the minds of the people who increasingly are the workforce and are navigating modern working life day in, day out.

Here are some of the highlights:

*** One of the biggest factors now steering Millennial and Gen Z career decisions isn’t pay, work/life balance, security, opportunities to progress, flexibility or purpose. It’s something else entirely: housing. Specifically, whether they can afford to live anywhere near the jobs they want to do

*** Three quarters of Millennials and Gen Zs are using AI at work. But they’re not using it because of their companies. They’re using it despite the clunky company infrastructure around them. Kind of like your boss telling you to “embrace change” while still printing all their emails

*** More than half of Millennials and Gen Zs say they feel digitally drained. Which is no surprise when I think about an average day at work and all the emails, Teams messages, Teams calls, phone calls, notifications and fire drills (literal and metaphorical) which chip away at our attention morning, noon and night

*** On a similar note, the report suggests a new core career capability for 2026: adaptability. The people surveyed think the ground will keep shifting beneath their feet (new tools, roles, job descriptions, expectations and so on…)

*** The subtitle of the report is “Progress on Their Own Terms”. Only 1 in 4 Gen Zs want fast promotions and for Millennials it's 1 in 5. One of the reasons for this? Millennials and Gen Zs say they’ve looked at their leaders and they don’t like what they see. In particular, the burnout, the stress, the responsibility and the work/life balance

*** It’s not all doom and gloom though. Mental wellbeing has got better in the last 12 months. Perhaps deciding to stop sprinting towards a destination you never wanted to visit helps with that? Who would’ve thought it!

So there you have it.

No neat takeaways or pithy one-liners to wrap up this email today. Just a handy summary of a 53 page report which gives an interesting snapshot into the world of work today.

Don’t say I don’t look after you.

If you’d like to check out the report for yourself, here’s the link

To fulfilment,

Tom

But it really doesn’t matter how much wonga you have tucked away in your piggy bank, how high you climb the greasy career ladder or how impressive your job title is.

If you think success is what will lead to a happy, peaceful and fulfilling life, you’re barking up the wrong magic money tree.

No-one tells you this when you’re growing up. Your teachers don’t tell you (they’re more interested in your grades). Your peers don’t tell you (they probably think success leads to fulfilment too). Your parents might not even tell you (they’re more interested in your safety than your fulfilment).

But once you’ve had enough “success”, the truth might start to dawn on you.

It might start to look like the means and the ends don’t tally. That success really isn’t the golden goose that society dresses it up to be.

When this happens, you have a choice.

You can double down, push harder, climb another rung, shoot for a pay rise, upgrade your job title, take on more work and keep grinding until you DO finally reach the promised land.

Lots of people play this game for their whole careers. What they tend to find is that real satisfaction is always one more promotion or pay rise away. And as they drive their 4x4s, take their annual ski trips to Val d'Isère and build their loft conversions, they still feel restless, flat and unfulfilled. Even though they might never tell anyone that’s how they feel. After all, it’s not the sort of thing that gets brought up at your neighbour’s summer BBQ.

The second option is to pause and take a look at where fulfilment REALLY comes from.

Needless to say, I enjoy a good glass of wine, a fancy meal or a week in Las Vegas as much as the next man or woman.

I enjoy doing well at work too.

But I’m clear that none of these are where my peace of mind or fulfilment come from.

If you feel like success has given you lots of nice things but not the fulfilment you’re looking for, I can help you find it.

All the info’s here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

These aren’t run of the mill crimes like pinching a few paperclips from the office or nicking a can of baked beans from Tesco.

Oh no.

These crimes against our minds are much more serious and consequential.

Here goes…

Crime #1: Forgery (aka treating thoughts as reality)

This is when we think “my boss hates my guts”, “I’m no good at presentations” or “how on earth did I get this job” and then treat it as a FACT. But thoughts are not facts. Thoughts are just stories we tell ourselves. Unless, of course, we latch onto that thought, find evidence to support it, start to build a business case for it and quite literally breathe life into that thought ourselves. At which point that thought might start to look real, just like a convincing forgery. So real, in fact, that we change the way we behave in accordance with that thought.

But it’s still just a thought.

It’s still a forgery.

Crime #2: Arson and Insurance Fraud (aka using thoughts to solve problems created by thoughts)

This follows directly from #1 above.

Say we wonder if we’re in the right job. But rather than get on with our day, we then think about why we’re having that thought. So we ask ourselves if other people have this thought too. We worry the thought means we might be unhappy. But we don’t feel unhappy, so now we get confused and start to think about whether thinking about that thought is a mistake or not. And on it goes...

Only now we’re not dealing with “am I in the right job”.

We’re dealing with “what does it mean that I’m thinking about whether I’m in the right job?”

And before we know it we’re lying awake at 4am having updated our CV, completed our Enneagram, disappeared down a career change rabbit hole on Reddit and finished a marathon therapy session with ChatGPT.

But all we’ve done is set our mind on fire (perhaps without realising it) and then spent the weekend filing the insurance claim!

Well, guess what?

We don’t need to set fire to our minds in the first place. And we certainly don’t need to file the insurance claim after.

Crime #3: Resisting Arrest (aka arguing with reality)

Let’s say your boss told you they’d review your pay (rubs hands in glee) and then tells you that no, you're paid just fine thank you very much. And instead of just dealing with it or getting on with your day, you spend the next 6 hours thinking about how unfair it is you don't get paid more, how much you deserved a pay rise, why your boss doesn't like you, why this always happens to you and bemoaning the day you agreed to work for your boss in the first place.

But it’s a done deal now.

Hence the Byron Katie quote “when you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time”

Crime #4: Loitering With Intent (aka having imaginary conversations)

I must’ve wasted MONTHS of my life on this back in the less than golden olden days of my banking career. In fact, I spent so much time rehearsing what I was going to say, imagining what a colleague would say back, defending myself against things no-one had ever said or replaying conversations that took place last week or last year that I drained 10x more energy than a tricky meeting or conversation ever could.

Yes, no crime has been committed technically.

But imaginary conversations are completely unnecessary and totally pointless.

Crime #5: Handling Stolen Goods (aka believing your thoughts when you’re in a bad mood)

I’ve saved the best to last.

Partially because this crime has a special place in my heart too. It’s no exaggeration to say that I gave up the best part of a decade to this particular crime (on and off, but a lot more on than off). Which, thinking about it now, is a good story for a future email.

But I might also humbly suggest that if the world woke up to just how common this particular crime is, the world would change overnight.

And how this one works is that our mood drops (as everyone’s does sometimes – it’s par for the course) and suddenly everything looks bad. Our colleagues look like idiots. Our inbox looks like a dumpster fire. Our whole job looks soul-sapping and ridiculous.

And then we start making decisions from this place!

So we draft our resignation letter, stick it in an email and hit send. All because we’ve trusted our dodgy thoughts when we were in a low mood.

But stolen goods are best returned to where they came from.

Low mood thoughts are best returned to where they came from too.

So there we have it.

I’ve long said that the key to an enjoyable, successful and stress-free working life has nothing to do with adding effort and everything to do with subtracting what gets in the way. And I’d wager a pint of Timothy Taylor’s that anyone reading this email who stops committing just ONE of these five crimes will struggle not to have their whole experience of working life change radically for the better.

If you’d like support with that, I can help.

Here's where to turn yourself in:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

Playing a role isn’t the problem. We all play roles every day. I play a different role when I’m doing dinosaur voices with Baby Grundy than I do when I’m sipping a cup of tea with Lauren. I play a different role when I’m nodding along with my boss than I do when I’m sitting opposite a coaching client. None of this means I’m being fake or inauthentic. It just means a different me shows up in a different context.

In fact, playing a role is what helps us meet the moment.

The more I play the “Dad Role” with Baby Grundy or the “Banker Role” at my desk, the better life seems to go. Funnily enough, “Dad Tom” doesn’t go that well when I’m in a high stakes meeting at work. Nor does “Dad Tom” go as well when I’m half-arsing the role rather than stepping into it fully.

The Corporate System wants you to play a role.

It wants you to play a role so badly that it will reward you for doing so. It might even promote you into a new role if you play your current role well enough.

But it doesn’t care who’s playing the role.

Knowing this is liberating. It means you get to be one of the few people who sees the difference between the performance and the person performing.

Your colleagues might not know this and your boss almost certainly doesn't.

But you can.

And that knowledge (that you’re the actor and not the character) changes everything without anything changing.

It’s the same desk, the same meetings and the same targets.

But you know you’re playing a role.

It's no different to the old poker adage that if you can't spot the fish at the table, you ARE the fish. Only in this case, if you can't see you're playing a role, your role is playing you.

That's when making a mistake becomes an existential crisis. That's when getting a promotion becomes proof you’re worthy of respect. The role has stopped being something you do and has become something you are.

What’s more, when you see you’re playing a role, there’s nothing to prove. You know that your role at work isn’t actually YOU. So you relax. And when you relax, your natural creativity, judgment and wisdom show up.

So you get better at your role too.

Which means when you really see you're not your job (not as a nice idea but as something you know to be true in your bones), work loses its grip. There’s no system to master or skills to learn. There’s just a natural dropping away from something that was never even you in the first place.

If you'd like to explore this for yourself 1-1, you can find all the info here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment

Tom

I’m not suggesting these reasons will all be relevant.

But I am suggesting one or two of them might.

I’ll let you be the judge:

*** You've built your identity around being the person who works late in the office. So not working late means risking your whole identity and you’d prefer not to do that

*** Your to-do list is like a leaky bucket. You’ll never “complete” your to-do list, in the same way you’ll never fill a bucket which has a hole. And even though you know that’s true, you don’t know how or when to stop working. So you keep going

*** You're avoiding something, even if you don’t know what. But your home life, your hobbies or even just not being in the office are harder than being in the office. So you avoid them by staying at work

*** You’ve decided that the longer you work, the more worthy you are as a human being. So you keep working to feel more worthy

*** You're exhausted and your exhausted thinking is telling you to keep working. After all, fatigue makes everything look more urgent and important than it actually is. And not only are you listening to your exhausted thinking (which is optional in & of itself), but you’re acting on that exhausted thinking too

*** Rightly or wrongly, you’ve decided that the more other people see you work, the more likely you are to get that promotion, snag that bonus or get yourself noticed

*** You don’t know how to say “no” when you get given more work to do than the time you have available to do that work

*** You've confused motion with progress. So you're doing an enormous amount each day, but you’re not making much progress. So you do even more, you still don’t get anywhere...and on it goes like a dog chasing its own tail

*** Your job is unpredictable and it feels like you have no control over when you stop working for the day. So you've stopped trying. You’ve accepted the fact that work will always expand to fill all your available time and you’ve decided there's no point fighting it

*** There’s something genuinely cool but really scary you’d love to do outside your day job and staying busy at work is a great way to pretend that now’s not the right time to get started

*** You're in flow at work more often than not. Time disappears, problems dissolve and you’re so absorbed in your work that you often come up for breath at 9pm and don’t even realise how late you’ve been working

*** You care about the people you work with. So even though you don’t want to be working late, you keep going because it feels good to contribute, to help other people and to be part of something that matters

*** You're learning on the job and the hours don’t feel like a sacrifice but like you’re levelling up instead. And even though you don’t want to be working late, you do want to keep learning. So that’s what you do

*** You're creative and your job gives you room to create. Sure, it might also be chaotic and unpredictable. But you have time and space to make stuff, to solve things your way and to actually build something. And you can’t get enough of that, so you keep doing more of it

*** You actually like your work! But you haven't given yourself permission to say that. So you tell yourself "I have to work" when really it's "I want to work, but I'm not supposed to want to work this much"

Maybe none of these are hitting home for you.

But perhaps the reason you’re working longer than you want is now staring you in the face.

Which means the question then becomes…

How do you start taking back your time?

Well, I’ll tell you how not to take back your time. And that’s by using whatever time management hack your favourite productivity guru is peddling. No funky time management technique (however trendy, slick or “backed by science”) will ever help with ANY of the above. You can’t solve a headache with a toothbrush. So why would a thinking, identity, habit or fear problem ever be solved with a time management technique?

It won’t.

But there is something that will help you reclaim your evening. Not something you need to remember or apply but something which will change the way you see time itself.

Enter my new workshop Reclaim Your Evening.

On the workshop I’ll spill the beans on the one shift which can help you take your time back if you're working longer hours than you want to be.

That doesn’t mean there won’t be evenings where you have no choice but to work late.

But it does mean that decisions about when to stop working will get less agonising. It also means you'll start to get your evenings back.

Sign up for this workshop is now closed.

If you'd like you’d to be notified of when I run similar workshops in the future, your best bet is to join my newsletter.

To sign up (and get a free copy of my guide How To Work Your Way), here's the link:

https://howtoworkyourway.com/

To fulfilment,

Tom

My Dad/Coach/Newsletter Guy era is in full swing and the royal sixty four squares have certainly taken a back seat.

But back when I lived in Edinburgh, I’d often play chess two or three times a week. I even went on a few chess holidays to exotic locations like Prague, Copenhagen and The King’s Head in Kilmarnock. And I was very much living and breathing chess. Not just playing it, but reading lots of chess books, studying the openings and following the big-gun Grandmasters online whenever a new super tournament kicked off.

All of which means I clocked a few handy chess-based lessons.

Especially when it comes to time.

Here's what I noticed:

*** Spending more time doesn’t mean you’ll make a better move. In fact, it often means you’ll make a worse move. The quality of your thinking matters much more than the quantity of your thinking

*** Some chess moves cost you time and others buy you time. A strong move early in a game can radically simplify the position and make the rest of the game much quicker and easier. Another move might turn the game into the chess equivalent of leaving Baby Grundy alone with a bowl of spaghetti

*** There’s never enough time to play the perfect game of chess. But there usually is enough time to beat your opponent. Good enough is good enough…

*** There’s one hell of a difference between using time and wasting time. Thinking through a critical position is one thing. Running the variations in your head to check something you’ve already checked six times is another

*** There are positions where it pays to invest as much time as possible and positions where it pays to do the opposite

*** Any chess player who has been around the chess block long enough will tell you that time pressure isn’t something you can ever really solve and nor should you try. It’s a feature of the game instead. The clock tick, tick, ticks away next to the chessboard whether you like it or not. You’ve got however much time you’ve got, your opponent has however much time they’ve got and that’s that. So best to work with time rather than fight against it

So there you have it. Six useful, true and practical handy chess hints.

Perhaps you're nodding along. Maybe you've even spotted one or two ideas you can use away from the chessboard.

But here's what I didn't say:

All these chess hints flow from a much deeper principle. Almost as if this principle is pulling the strings behind the scenes. And the more you see the truth of this principle and how it doesn't just operate at the chessboard but in all walks of life, the more you'll find yourself naturally working with time rather than against it.

Maybe that sounds a bit mysterious.

But if you join my new workshop Reclaim Your Evening, I’ll remove all the mystery and reveal exactly what this principle is and why it has such profound implications for how you think about and use your time.

If you’d like to make easier decisions about when to stop working, if you’d like to start doing more of the stuff you keep putting off and if you’d like your free time to actually feel like your free time rather than ruminating about tomorrow, this is the workshop for you.

All the details are here:

Reclaim Your Evening

If you’re interested, don't hang around. The deadline to sign up is 8pm UK Time // 3pm EDT // Midday PT.

After then, it’s checkmate.

To fulfilment,

Tom

One of the more recent time management books you'll find in the bookshops of any self-respecting airport terminal is Oliver Burkeman’s 4,000 Weeks.

It’s not a book which lays out a funky time management system like David Allen’s bestseller Getting Things Done or Stephen Covey’s classic The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

It’s a more relaxed and unconventional take on time management than those.

But it’s still a time management book at its core.

The book's big idea is that the best way to manage your time is to give up on the fantasy that you’ll ever be on top of things. So you’ll always have unread emails, you’ll always have stuff on your to-do list and yes, you’ll always have time management books you haven’t got around to reading. And, according to Burkeman, once you realise this, you'll relax and become more intentional with how you use your time.

I can see where Burkeman's coming from. I also agree that trying to get everything done is a fool’s errand.

But here’s my problem with this:

Burkeman is treating “accept that life will always be unfinished” as something to DO. Like a sort of mindset you can adopt or a reframe you can use.

And sure, his idea “you’ll never be on top of things” does calm me down. Especially when I’m reading his book at 9pm on a Sunday evening with a whiskey in my hand, stretched out on the sofa here at Chateau Grundy.

However…

Let’s fast forward to 4pm on a workday. That’s when I have three meetings in my calendar which all start at the same time, my inbox has gone into overdrive, my Teams messenger is flashing up like a Christmas Tree and I’ve got an urgent deadline to hit by close of business. I also know that if I don’t leave the office at 5.15pm, I’ll miss my train and miss bedtime with Baby Grundy too.

This sort of situation is common for me.

Yet Burkeman’s wisdom “I’ll always have a load of crap on my plate so I just need to be more intentional with how I use my time” is about as useful as a chocolate teapot.

In fact, his whole idea that “life will always be unfinished” is like telling someone who’s drowning that the ocean is wet. It doesn't help at all with the real life situation.

This is where my new workshop Reclaim Your Evening speeds into view.

I’ve set up the workshop for anyone who’s fed up with time management tips, productivity hacks and “helpful” reframes (Burkeman’s included) but would still like to make clearer decisions about when to stop working.

What I'll share isn't a framework or a system. It's something that changed the way I see time itself which once I saw, I couldn't unsee.

If you’d like to check out the details, here’s where to go next:

Reclaim Your Evening

To fulfilment,

Tom

If you leave west London via the M3, drive past the medieval town of Winchester, take a left at Peppa Pig World and pootle on for 37 miles, you arrive at the small Dorset town of Shitterton.

Shitterton has an unusual claim to fame.

A while back, the residents found themselves at the centre of a bizarre crime spree:

All the local “Shitterton” signs were getting stolen.

I’m not sure if the signs ended up on Ebay or whether the thieves kept hold of them for shittertons and giggles. But what I do know is that as more signs got pinched, the locals decided enough was enough. So they took matters into their own hands and carved “Shitterton” into a 1.5 tonne block of stone, then installed the stone with a crane just outside the town.

In the words of Ian Ventham, the chairman of the local parish council:

"We’d get a nice new shiny sign from the council and five minutes later, it was gone.

So we thought, 'Let's put in a tonne and a half of stone and see them try and take that away in the back of a Ford Fiesta’”

The thing is, the Shitterton locals could’ve kept playing the sign replacement game for years.

But rather than replace every missing sign, they put an end to that nonsense for good by installing their own great hulking slab of stone.

In many ways, the sign replacement game is no different to downloading the latest meditation app when the previous five haven't worked or deciding to change careers because work is stressful, then realising your stress has followed you to your next job.

They're all tiring and temporary solutions.

A better strategy?

Finding an inner steadiness that doesn't need replacing.

I won't pretend I've got this all figured out myself.

But I do know that when I stopped playing the replacement game and connected with a more solid sense of who I am, I found more peace than I'd had in years.

I can help you do the same.

If you’re ready to step off the merry-go-round and tap into something solid, here’s where to go:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

I’m not a big one for goal setting.

But in January, I made a few 2026 plans for this newsletter and my coaching. Plans I then announced in a daily email as a way to hold my feet to the fire.

So how am I getting on?

With May a couple of days away, let’s see:

*** Keep sending my “week-daily” emails: I don’t know why I put this on the list to be honest. I’ve been writing my newsletter for four years now. With the exception of a holiday here and a hangover there, I’ve written pretty much every weekday. Long may this continue

*** Add 2,000 readers to my newsletter: In the first two months of the year I added a grand total of diddly squat new subscribers. But in the last two months, that’s changed. My new lead magnet (How to Work Your Way) is going great guns and I’ve welcomed 488 new readers to my newsletter since then (hi there!). So nicely on track to hit 2,000 by the end of the year and maybe even sooner

*** Publish my book Don’t Quit Your Job: Oh my goodness, where to begin. Long time readers will be tearing their hair out at my occasional updates along the lines of “we’re almost there!”. I mean, we ARE almost there. But the latest twist in the saga is the email I sent a couple of weeks ago with the three final book covers (thank you to everyone who voted), only for one thoughtful reader to give me a bit of tough love and tell me not just what was wrong with the three covers but what I should do instead. And I have to say… I kind of agree. My dilemma? Choosing between a cover which doesn’t look “pretty” yet which will absolutely stop the scrolls on Amazon (and thus sell books) vs a slicker, more understated cover that’s true to the book's content. So right now, that’s my quandary. Onward:

*** Create a new info product: I’m really excited about this. I’ve taken an insight which has had a HUGE impact on my working life. Then I’ve gone deep into the insight, unpacking it, sharing examples and ultimately exploring all the ways this insight has led to a much greater sense of freedom at work. Hence the title of this product, Freedom At Work. Next step is to find a few beta-testers before I launch. More to come on this one soon

*** Complete my Executive Leadership Coaching Apprenticeship: I’m about 100 hours down, 250 odd hours to go. Less hare, more tortoise. And that suits me just fine

*** Running more Mindset & Clarity Workshop for my banking colleagues. I ran a new workshop a couple of weeks ago. Other than that, I’ve deliberately toned this one down to make space for the 350 hours of coaching and learning I need to do for my apprenticeship

*** Taking my Mindset & Clarity workshops on the road. Over the last 24 months, I’ve run 50+ of these workshops for my esteemed banking colleagues. We’ve covered topics like stress, pressure, work/life balance, resilience, overthinking, listening and how to get a good night’s sleep.

One colleague posted this on LinkedIn after a workshop:

“Tom’s thought leadership and raw personal storytelling hit home in the best way – authentic, uplifting and packed with practical wisdom. I left feeling not just inspired, but equipped. So many reflections I can actually action, starting now”

Which is great to see, but I want to branch out of the banking bubble with these workshops now.

With that in mind:

Are you part of a team or community who’d like to perform better without constantly grinding harder?

If so, hit reply and let’s chat.

To fulfilment,

Tom

Something to ponder if you’re feeling hemmed in at work:

Baby Grundy picked up a new book on the weekend called A Squash and a Squeeze.

Short story shorter, the book is about an old lady who thinks her house is too cramped (i.e. a bit of a squash and a squeeze). A wise man who happens to be passing tells her to get some farmyard animals (as you do) and the old lady obliges. One by one, a goat takes over her kitchen, a cow settles into her conservatory and a pig plonks itself down in her lounge.

A few days later, the lady wakes up one morning and thinks to herself “blimey, I’ve got NO space now”. So she opens her door and the animals trot off.

Once they’ve gone, the old lady takes stock and realises…

She has so much more space than she thought she did.

A light-hearted tale for sure.

But there’s a lot of wisdom tucked between the lines here too.

If the lady’s house doesn’t change but her experience of that house does, that hemmed in feeling can’t be coming from her house. It’s the same house after all (apart from the freshly laid cowpats). But she’s thinking about her house very differently now.

It works the same way with our jobs.

When we feel crowded at work or like our job is about to suffocate us, that’s not information about our jobs. It's information about our thinking in the moment. Information which suggests we might have a few goats and pigs stomping around in our heads.

That's not to say there aren't things you want to change about your job.

There probably are!

But it does mean that before you start browsing job boards or drafting your resignation letter, you might want to shoo out a few of your own farmyard animals first.

If you’d like some help with that:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

The other day, I stumbled on an article about the “Green Berets”.

Aka the US Special Forces.

The article was saying how the Green Beret’s trickiest task is sprinting, skiing or climbing to a firing line deep in enemy territory, then having to ready their weapon to shoot at a target one or two seconds later. Obviously, a heaving chest and wobbly arms do not an accurate shot make. And so a huge part of the Green Berets’ training regime is learning how to focus on the task in hand, even when their heart is pounding and their nervous system is going like the clappers.

As a result, the Green Berets are masters of dropping their thoughts about the past or future and getting as uber present as they possibly can.

This reminded me of another article I read a while back about the tennis superstar Novak Djokovic.

Novak is arguably the best male tennis player of all time (although I still have a soft spot for Roger). And the article was basically saying how a key plank of Novak’s success wasn’t working on his backhand or his ball toss.

It was working on his performance under pressure instead.

In fact, YouTube is full of interviews of Novak using phrases like “being in the moment”, “letting things pass” and “resetting mentally”.

Lebron James and Steph Curry use similar language too. These basketball supremos often talk about how “the game slows down” when they’re on the court and how they’re not even really thinking consciously but are reacting instinctively, in the moment, and seeing the basketball more clearly as a result.

Now, perhaps you think there’s nothing new here.

After all, stories of elite performers “being present” and using mindset to stay cool under pressure aren’t in short supply.

But what might have you raising a beady eyebrow is how the world’s top scientists figured out why this works.

The German physicist Werner Heisenberg discovered that the act of measuring something actually alters whatever is being measured (as crazy as that might sound). Then his partner in crime Niels Bohr took it a step further when he discovered that what you observe literally depends on HOW you observe it.

And look. I’m not about to submit this email to a scientific journal.

I’m a coach/banker who writes a jaunty and slightly waffling newsletter.

But from where I’m sitting, the science lines up with the Green Beret perched on a mountainside and Novak saving break point on the crisp green turf at Wimbledon. The way you look at what’s in front of you changes what you’re looking at. And the clearer you see what’s in front of you, the more likely you are to get the result you’re aiming for.

This isn’t even healing crystals and tie-dye shirts.

This is proper science baby!

Of course, none of us are about to sprint through enemy territory or shoot hoops in the NBA.

But what we probably will do is clock in at our day job next week.

And when we do, it pays to keep this idea in mind.

Elite sports, the armed forces and companies all around the world are basically dealing with the same raw materials (uncertainty, pressure, big rewards, high stakes decision-making…)

And yet corporates haven’t yet caught on to the simple truth which the military, sport stars and scientists have all discovered:

The quality of the state of mind doing the work is what impacts the quality of the work itself.

Not intellect, mind you, but state of mind.

Whereas the mantra in companies up & down the country is all about effort, force and control. Which, as far as I can see, is the complete OPPOSITE of the reality of performing under pressure.

Perhaps I’m biased towards the desk and spreadsheet jobs like banking. But even if I am biased, it’s clear that science, sport and the military have adapted to reality whereas corporates met reality, decided they didn’t like it and then built a PowerPoint to try to bend it to their will.

I guess this isn’t surprising.

In sport, combat and even in science, you get immediate, real time feedback on your actions. Whereas in corporate, by the time that feedback arrives, it’s been through so many committees, huddles and watercooler chats that no-one can even remember what the initial fuss was all about.

Anyway, I’m not sure where else I’m going with all this.

Except to say that if you’re tired of using effort, force and control in your day job (and you have the sneaky suspicion that they don’t even work), there is another way.

It’s a way I use in my own day job after coming back to banking from two years in the wilderness and finding that the desk I'd left looked completely different when I got back.

It's a way that also happens to sit at the heart of my coaching.

There's nothing we need to fix about you or your job. But we might need to clear your windscreen a little.

If you're curious, here's the link:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

Here’s a question I got asked during a Mindset & Clarity workshop I ran for my banking colleagues a few months ago:

(I’m going from memory, but this is the gist)

***

I read a book recently called Caging The Chimp about the British Cycling Team. The book talked about how the team learnt to “cage their chimp”, which basically meant containing impulsive thoughts and trying to let the logical, rational part of the mind take control.

Have you heard about this? What do you think about this as a strategy for better performance?

***

My answer?

This is a great example of how good intentions can lead people in totally the wrong direction.

The chimp model assumes you've got two minds. So there’s the chimp mind which is emotional, irrational and liable to chuck its toys out the pram. Then there's the human mind which is rational, sensible and more by the book.

Yes, it might be a neat and tidy way of thinking about things.

But no-one has two minds. And as soon as you think you do, you've created a full time job managing your minds as well as using them. Which is a bit like trying to ride a bike while reading a manual about how to ride a bike.

So the chimp idea creates the very problem it claims to solve.

But there's really no chimp lurking in your noggin waiting to ruin your presentation or your meeting. There's just thoughts when you're in a low state of mind and thoughts when you're in a higher one.

So it’s not the mind that changes. What changes is the state that mind is in.

What I've noticed (in myself, and the people I coach) is that the best performers don't use fancy systems to manage their mind.

They just don't make a big deal out of how they feel or what's happening up top.

So sure, they feel frustrated, stressed or get caught up in their head sometimes. But it passes quickly because they don't latch onto it and try to fix a problem that was never a problem to begin with.

If you’d like 1:1 support with spending less time in your head, I can help with that.

All the info’s here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

Since I mentioned the book Range a couple of days ago:

(about how generalists can triumph over specialists):

There’s a chapter in the book about interventional cardiologists.

These are the men and women who specialise in treating chest pain by using stents (i.e. small metal tubes) to prise open blood vessels. So when a patient arrives in hospital with chest pain and a scan reveals a narrowed artery, they’ll pop a stent into the artery to open it back up and stop a heart attack.

The only problem?

Clinical trials have shown that for patients with stable chest pain, stents don’t actually prevent heart attacks at all.

The book goes on to say:

A 2015 study showed that patients with heart failure or cardiac arrest were less likely to die if they were admitted to hospital during a national cardiology conference when thousands of the top cardiologists were away.

Despite the evidence, cardiologists who specialise in using that tool reported they simply cannot believe that stenting doesn’t work, even when their compensation was tied to not performing the procedure.

It doesn’t take a brain scientist (or a stent-wielding cardiologist?) to figure out that treating a symptom isn't the way to cure an underlying problem. My entire medical knowledge comes from watching Casualty every Saturday night back in the carefree days of the 1990s. But even I can see that opening an artery will do diddly squat to address whatever caused it to narrow (and keep narrowing) in the first place.

And what this study shows is that the “see a problem, fix the symptom” mentality is live & well and hasn’t really gone anywhere since the days of smearing mammoth dung into cracks in cave walls.

It’s not just hospitals where silencing a symptom gets muddled up with actually solving a problem.

Take an overactive mind at work as another example.

I’ve wrestled with thoughts like "how will I get through all this work?", "how can I stop thinking about work when I’m not at work?" and "should I quit my job?" more times than I’ve had hot dinners.

The normal remedy for this sort of mental merry-go-round is setting strict work hours, being ruthless with boundaries, distracting oneself with hobbies, downloading the latest meditation app, sweating the thoughts out in the gym or drowning the thoughts down the pub with a few pints of Timothy Taylor’s finest ale.

I tried all these.

Some of them worked for a week, a month or even a few months.

But their usefulness always ran out at some point. And none of them stopped me lying awake in bed at 3.30am, mind racing, wondering why I couldn’t get to sleep and dreading my 6am alarm.

At the time, these seemed like the obvious solutions. In fact, they were the only solutions I could see.

But I guess that’s where I tripped myself up.

These “pills” were the obvious, visible answers but were really just ways to silence my symptoms rather than zone in on the source of the issue.

That source?

Turns out my mental merry-go-round wasn’t coming from my job.

It was coming from my mind.

It seems to me that if you spend some time getting clear on how the mind works, where thoughts come from, the purpose of thinking and the nature of thought (i.e. focus on the source, not the symptoms), you can’t help but find more peace and quiet between your ears.

It’s almost guaranteed.

And because this shift is rooted in understanding rather than tactics, it doesn’t wear off after a few weeks. Instead, it sticks around. And the more you get eyes for what's going on, the more settled your mind becomes.

The shift from popping pills to deep, genuine and insightful understanding is what actually changed things for me.

It's also the direction I take when I work with my clients.

If you’d like to get started:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

I have lots of “anti-job” books on my shelves at Chateau Grundy.

I bought most of them a few years ago around the time I quit my City of London banking job. No doubt they played a part in that decision.

But now I’m back in the merry world of banking, I see these books in a different light.

While most of them are subtly “anti-job” (and one or two are much more blatant), if you read the books with an open-mind and look past the whole “anti-job” thing, they’re PACKED with takeaways which anyone can use to get more out of their day job or simply make their day job less of a slog.

Starting with:

*** Shoe Dog by Phil Knight. The story of how Phil Knight built Nike from nothing. Which might sound like the perfect book for an entrepreneur rather than an employee, until you realise it's actually a book about someone who had no idea what he was doing and “just did it” anyway (very on brand). Like the time Phil flew to Japan to pitch a shoe company he wanted to work with, even though he had no business, no plan and not even an appointment. The book is a masterclass in how to back yourself to do the stuff you want to do, wherever you want to do it

*** Range by David Epstein. I’ve never thought of myself as a specialist. I’ve always had lots of hobbies (chess, magic, running, poker, Rubik’s Cube solving…the list goes on). My jobs have mostly had a generalist bent to them too. Even today, I’m a coach and writer who has a banking job on the side. I always thought the generalist in me was a weakness. But Range argues it’s a huge strength instead. Which, as HR will tell you, is not exactly what your job spec asked for.

Yet Epstein cites big-name generals who won on the battlefield not because they were experts but because they weren’t. He writes about how Nobel Prize winners are more likely to have serious hobbies outside their field. And he name-checks successful comic book artists whose influences had nothing to do with comics. If you’re a generalist at work surrounded by specialists, this book will show you how your generalist powers can be your edge

*** Choose Yourself by James Altucher. I'm not sure if I first came across James via his chess escapades or the ferocity of his anti-job twaddle. Either way, the book argues that the era of companies choosing you, promoting you, developing you and rewarding your loyalty is over. If you can look past this, you’ll find a book whose main ethos is “create your own opportunities rather than wait for permission” and then gives lots of practical ways to do that (inside the 9 to 5 too, with a bit of thought)

*** Time To Think by Nancy Kline: The book is sitting on my bookshelf here at Chateau Grundy and it's also part of the reading list for my Executive Coaching Apprenticeship. Probably the least “anti-job” book on this list, yet it shines a light on just how clunky, showy and slow meeting culture is in most companies. The book then lays out how to change that.

For instance, have you ever considered that the quality of your listening impacts the quality of the thinking of the person you’re listening to? If you’re the kind of person who starts to check your emails when someone else starts talking, you probably haven’t. Anyway, this book is a must for anyone like me who spends chunks of their day in meetings and on calls

*** Stop Fixing Yourself by Anthony De Mello. I’ve written a lot about this book recently. At its heart is the idea that our need to keep improving is what keeps us stuck. So certainly “anti-corporate” in the sense that it pokes a big hole in the “be better, do more, climb higher” mindset. But it’s a must read for anyone who wants to turn down the mental chatter in their head and make the presentation, have the awkward conversation or just send the damn email

*** The Aladdin Factor (How To Ask For What You Want And Get It) by Jack Canfield: The book is built around the idea that most people don’t get what they want not because it isn’t available, but because they never ask. Canfield compares children (who ask hundreds of questions a day – something I’m looking forward to when Baby Grundy starts stringing a few words together) with adults (who can go through a whole day without asking even a single question) and points out that this shift happens when we enter “the system” (e.g. our jobs). Honestly, this is THE book for anyone who wants to get better at negotiating, getting buy in from your boss, asking for raise and so on. I’ve used the ideas in this book myself multiple times in my day job and still do

*** Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki. A book which raises a sceptical eye at the whole idea of being employed. I started writing a paragraph about this book for this email and it quickly turned into two paragraphs and then three. Turns out I have a lot to say about Rich Dad, Poor Dad! But today’s email has gone long enough so we’ll save this up for tomorrow

It's not every day you find someone recommending anti-job books to people with day jobs.

Equally, it's not every day that someone writes a book called Don't Quit Your Job rather than Quit Your Job, Start Your Dropshipping Empire and Retire to a Beach in Thailand.

But that's the book I've written (Don’t Quit Your Job, not the Thailand one).

Watch this space. It's not long until my book hits Amazon's digital shelves.

To fulfilment,

Tom

During the experiments, Asch placed a participant in a room with a group of actors and asked everyone to judge which line was longest on a piece of card. When the actors deliberately gave the wrong answer, most test subjects followed suit.

We all copy each other like this.

There are plenty of clues we're doing this too.

If you’ve ever found yourself nodding along with things that don’t make sense, you’ll know how this leads to a constant stream of second-guessing. And if you’ve nodded along without realising that’s what you’re doing, you’ll also know the weird feeling that life is drifting off course (even if you can’t quite put your finger on what that feeling is or where it comes from).

I lived with that feeling for almost two decades.

This is why so many smart people who genuinely care about their work find corporate life heavier than it needs to be. They know deep down that something isn't right but they take their cues from everyone else rather than looking for themselves. And as they do, the whole system bloats and starts to feel heavier and heavier.

Mind you, the reason to think for yourself isn’t to stand out from your colleagues (although you will).

The reason to think for yourself is to see more clearly.

I tend to be drawn to people who think for themselves. People who are still playing the game but who see it differently to the masses and who trust their own judgment over the so-called wisdom of the crowd.

Once you start to see life more clearly, what matters becomes clearer too. Not what matters to your boss, your CEO or the bloke sitting next to you, but what matters to YOU.

These days, seeing clearly is what matters to me.

If it matters to you too:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

Needless to say, we now have lots of boxes to unpack.

As I rummaged through one of these boxes over the weekend, I came across two huge, glossy, hardback books called Gambling Sleight of Hand Vols 1 & 2. The books are written by Steve Forte, an underground living legend of card magic.

I dropped a few hundred quid on signed copies of these books during the Covid lockdowns. As soon as I saw them again over the weekend, a wave of memories came rushing in.

See, I was one of those people who LOVED the Covid lockdowns.

I dug the slower pace of life, I enjoyed having a ready-made excuse not to socialise and I revelled in having oodles of time to read, to write and to work out using bottles of wine as dumbbells.

I also loved having the time and space to indulge in hobbies like magic.

During Covid, my magic book collection went from the 20 odd books I'd collected during the first 35 years of my life to over 50 books on sleights, tricks, stagecraft, patter and showmanship.

There were days during lockdown where I’d sit at my kitchen table, crack open a new pack of cards and spend hours flicking from page to page and book to book, trying new techniques, learning tricks, mucking about with the cards and genuinely having a whale of a time.

As I flicked the pages in Volume 2 on the weekend, I started to reminisce about these good old Covid days.

But then some other thoughts popped up.

Perhaps the lockdowns weren’t quite as rosy as I’d remembered.

Truth is, during the good old days of Covid, I was also hankering after the good old days before Covid. The days where I didn’t know how long I’d be locked up for. The days where I wasn't anxious about my family catching the virus. And the days where I didn’t need to worry about running out of toilet roll.

As I pondered all this, something struck me.

We often look back and think "those were the days", forgetting that when we were actually living those days, we were busy looking back on the days before THEM. A bit like standing in front of a breathtaking view but missing it because we're looking back over our shoulder.

Perhaps we're trying to find our way back to a previous version of ourselves that felt fully alive doing something that really mattered.

But this feeling only exists in the present. Which means it's available right here, right now, as you read this sentence.

These really are the good old days.

So pause. Take a breath. Look around you and soak in the moment.

If you’ve caught yourself reminiscing about how things used to be and you're not sure how to find that spark again, my coaching might be just the ticket.

All the info's here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

***

The first thing to know is that it does not call for any great learning. It is so simple as to be within the reach of a ten-year-old child.

What is needed is not learning but unlearning. Not talent, but courage.

You will understand this if you think of a little child in the arms of an old, disfigured housemaid. The child is too young to have picked up the prejudices of its elders. So, when it snuggles in that woman's arms, it is responding not to labels in its head like "ugly," "pretty," "old," "young," "mother," or "maid." It is responding not to labels like these but to reality.

That woman meets the child's need for love, and that is the reality the child responds to, not the woman's name and figure and religion and race and sect. Those are totally and absolutely irrelevant. The child has as yet no beliefs and no prejudices.

This is the environment within which clear thinking can occur. To achieve it, one must drop everything one has learned and achieve the mind of the child that is innocent of past experiences and programming that cloud our way of looking at reality.

***

There's too much to unpack here in a chirpy daily email like this one.

So I'll just say this:

Do not underestimate the difference between reality and the labels we place on reality.

In my case, this was one of the three or four "hinges" which swung open the door from a job which was relentlessly heavy to a job which I don't need to escape from any more.

That doesn't mean I float around the corridors in corporate fairyland or pretend my job is perfect.

But it does mean that even when I get caught up in my head, I know I'm adding labels to reality rather than seeing reality.

And more often than not, that's enough.

If you're curious about what it would be like to work together on this sort of thing, the wait list for my coaching is here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

Momentum means you’re on the pitch. Making a plan means you’ve stepped off the pitch and you’re thinking about what to do when you step back on.

But “what to do” can only be found ON the pitch.

The boxing philosopher Mike Tyson once said “everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face”. And no-one gets punched in the face when they're sitting in the stands.

Of course, the Corporate Machine tells you that momentum depends on seventeen powerpoint slides, weekly committee meetings and getting the green light from Legal.

So be it.

Even though the Corporate Machine prefers a meeting about work to the work itself, you don’t need to handle your momentum the same way.

In fact, you almost certainly shouldn’t.

Let's say you're ready for a career move. Or you’ve started building something exciting alongside your day job. Or you’ve had a moment of absolute clarity that it's time to make a change at work.

If so, the game isn’t to think about what step you'll take next.

The game is to take it. Then take the next one and the one after that.

Yes, your thoughts will have opinions about this.

But if you’re really honest with yourself, you already know your next step, even if your thoughts say otherwise.

If you'd like some help increasing momentum instead of sitting on your hands, I have an offer for you today.

The offer is called Onto The Pitch.

Onto The Pitch is a 45 minute 1:1 Zoom Call where we'll leave the ditherers in the stands and step onto the pitch together.

I have three slots open for an Onto The Pitch coaching session:

15th April, 7pm UK Time

16th April, 7pm UK Time

16th April, 8pm UK Time

A session costs £97.

It won't surprise you to hear that an Onto The Pitch session isn't for everyone. It's certainly not for the perfectionists whose idea of taking action is opening a spreadsheet, creating a project plan, then adding different colours and fonts and arrows to that plan until there's a technicolour masterpiece that Picasso himself would've been proud of, only to discover that the time spent creating the plan could've been used to step onto the pitch instead.

This session is for people who actually want to DO stuff rather than think about doing stuff.

If that sounds like you, your first step is to click the link and book the session (if the link doesn't work when you click it then someone else has already booked).

As soon as that's done, I'll be in touch with the Zoom link.

To fulfilment,

Tom

p.s. if you have questions or you're not sure about something, hit reply and shoot me an email back. I'd much rather answer a few questions than you book something you're not sure about

We have lots of happy memories here.

Fort Grundy is where the stork delivered Baby Grundy and where I spent many a sleepless night propped up on the chaise longue watching back to back episodes of True Detective while a burrito-sized baby snoozed snugly on my chest.

It was also home to Jerry the Mouse. Jerry was our uninvited guest last winter and turned up the day after a cheese-soaked Christmas soiree in our grand dining hall.

Then there was my corner turret office.

That’s where I hunkered down to write my daily emails, run my 1:1 coaching sessions, pen my upcoming book Don’t Quit Your Job, host my Subtraction Method workshop for Anne-Laure Le Cunff’s Ness Labs community, hold my "How To Change Your Career Without Changing Your Career" workshop for London’s Social Wellness Club and generally plot, plan & scheme my way to whatever was next on the cards.

So yes. Lots of happy memories at Fort Grundy.

But when one drawbridge closes, another door swings open. And with Lauren and I moving North to England’s infamous City of Steel (aka Sheffield), there are plenty of new doors opening up.

We have the rugged terrain of the Peak District a hop, skip and a jump away.

We have the infamous Rhubarb Triangle a short drive away too.

And we also have the delights of our new humble abode, a terraced townhouse in suburban Sheffield.

It's quite the change of scenery from Fort Grundy and the mean streets of East London. And even more of a change from Casa Grundy, my one-bed pied-a-terre in Central London.

Which is why, for the last few days, I’ve been pondering what to call our new home.

I’ve toyed with Grundy Terrace and Grundy Towers but neither captures that steel and rhubarb Northern charm. So perhaps you can think of better?

If you have a fun name in mind, hit reply and let me know.

I’m not offering any freebies for making a suggestion. But if I like what I hear, you'll get the joy of seeing your suggestion’s name in lights every time I write about our new house in the future.

So let’s see what you’ve got.

Farewell, Fort Grundy.

Lauren, Baby Grundy and I salute you.

To fulfilment,

Tom

I was scrolling on LinkedIn yesterday when I came across an interesting document called “Elon Musk’s Company Building Principles”.

It’s a list of 11 principles his staff are expected to follow.

Surprisingly, there weren’t any principles about working 20 hours a day, sleeping under your desk or using memes to fire your staff. They were much more sensible than that.

Take Principle #2 for example:

The only rules are the ones dictated by the laws of physics. Everything else is a recommendation.

Is it just me or is Elon basically describing The Subtraction Method here?

Yes, I know Elon created this principle to help his staff build better rockets, not to help them navigate their career dilemmas.

But this principle is still exactly where people go wrong at work.

See, most constraints aren't real. They're made up assumptions or someone's random thought turned into a belief and then hardened into a rule.

But unless it’s a law of workplace physics, it’s not true. It’s just a recommendation.

I never thought I could go back to a job I quit two years earlier. I never thought that job could feel light. I never thought I could leave the office at 5pm guilt-free. And I never, ever thought I could write a daily newsletter and build a coaching practice using my day job as fuel.

But none of these are rules of workplace physics. They’re just rules I’d made up.

So if you’re facing a situation at work where it feels like there’s no way out, it might be worth asking yourself this question:

What’s actually real?

Once you’ve done that, subtract anything that isn’t.

If you'd like help putting this into practice, you might like my coaching.

At the moment, I have a waiting list. My coaching sits alongside my day job, writing these emails, moving house and hanging out with Lauren & Baby Grundy. So I can only work with two or three people at any one time.

But if you join the waiting list, you'll be first to hear when a spot opens up.

If you'd like to read more about my coaching and hop on the waiting list, here's the link:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

During my first few days, I was handed all sorts of HR Manuals, Onboarding Decks and Procedures Docs covering everything from IT policies and conduct regulations to how to use the phones and where to find the nearest sandwich shop.

After quitting my job 13 years later, studying with American supercoach Michael Neill and then returning to my old job, I'm more convinced than ever that the advice handed out to new starters is about as useful as a chocolate teapot.

But there ARE a bunch of facts (yes, facts) which should be printed on every company wall, coffee cup and mouse mat up & down the country.

Especially if companies wants happier and more productive employees.

The seasoned cynics might say that companies are more interested in the bottom line than in their people. The realists might say that without the bottom line, there’s no people to look after in the first place.

Either way, there are a few things I wish I’d been told back when I started out.

Things that would’ve been infinitely more useful than the IT policies and where to find the coffee machine.

It’s also why I’ll be arming Baby Grundy with these facts if she plumps for a desk job when she joins the great employed. God only knows what the world of work will look like in 20 years, but that’s beside the point. These corporate facts are as timeless as Kylie Minogue and should be required reading for any intern, graduate, analyst, manager, director, MD or CEO working in a corporate job.

Even more so when it comes to my own flesh and blood.

Okay, enough waffling.

Let's dive into the real corporate onboarding manual:

*** Being happy at work doesn’t mean you lose your edge or common sense. If anything, it means MORE creativity, MORE productivity, MORE clarity and BETTER performance

*** Your most valuable skill at work isn't technical. It’s also got nothing to do with your knowledge or expertise. Sure, you’ll need that stuff. But what makes the biggest difference to getting shit done at work is learning to navigate your own mind

*** Your best ideas, decisions and solutions come when you STOP trying to figure them out. Not when you strain every sinew trying to crunch every possibility in your already weary brain

*** Your worth has diddly squat to do with your job title, salary, position, output, feedback, quality of your work or how many deals you completed in the last day, week, month or year

*** Comparing yourself to your colleagues is the quickest way to lose your footing. Just because Patsy from Compliance got a patsy on the backsy doesn’t mean you need to chase the same praise or path. You’re not employed to be Patsy. You’re employed to be you

*** Work will always be mayhem. That’s the nature of the corporate beast. Much better to come to terms with it and embrace the bedlam than rage against it like it’s a personal attack

*** A frenzied diary doesn’t mean you need to feel frenzied. A pressurised deadline doesn’t mean you need to feel pressured. An overwhelming inbox doesn’t mean you need to feel overwhelmed. If you want to enjoy your work, learn how to separate the raisins from the rice pudding and spot the difference between reality and the stories your mind adds on top

*** Shit happens, even to the corporate dynamos. So don’t be too hard on yourself. What counts is how you dust yourself off, pick yourself back up and carry on

*** Clarity trumps productivity every day of the week (and twice on Sunday if you’re working weekends too). You can be as hard-working, productive and diligent as you like, but it counts for nothing if you’re focussed on the wrong things (the old "build a beautiful sandcastle 5 feet from the incoming tide" syndrome)

*** Saying “No!” to work is often sensible and even necessary. Committing to stuff you won’t be able to deliver (or delivering it, then collapsing under your desk) isn’t good for you or your employer

*** Don’t forget that your life is taking place as and when you work. If you’re living for your next holiday to France or you’re waiting to turn 65 so you can retire to Bognor Regis, you’re sleep-walking through a huge chunk of your life. The good news is that there’s joy to be found in every moment (yes, even when you’re trapped in a three hour meeting), just so long as you know where to look

Part of the reason I work 1 on 1 with bankers, lawyers and other professionals is because I know just how warped the usual corporate advice is.

It’s almost like the game is set up to make it as hard as possible for employees.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

If you know how, there are oodles of ways to load the dice at work in your favour.

In fact, my new guide How To Work Your Way is packed full of them.

If you’ve been reading my newsletter for a while, you might’ve seen me talk about this guide already.

If you’ve just joined my newsletter, you’ve probably snagged a copy of this guide for yourself.

Whatever the case, I'm on a mission to spread the word to professionals all around the world that work doesn’t have to be stressful & soul-sapping and that it can be surprisingly enjoyable instead.

Not only that, but I’m recruiting a few secret agents to join me on my mission. And I’ve prepared some off-the-record rewards for those who do.

If you’d like to help me spread the word that work can actually be FUN, all you need to do is share the link to my guide with a person or group of people who might like it.

That could mean posting a link on your social media feed or pinging this email to a friend. It could also mean sharing the link in a forum, with a Whatsapp group or even your own newsletter.

Once you’ve done that, forward me a screenshot of your post, email or WhatsApp message.

In return, you can choose one of the following exclusive and off-the-record rewards for free:

*** A 15 minute laser coaching session with me on Zoom. This session has genuine, real-world value (I charge £1,000+ for a package of 8 one hour sessions). Laser coaching could be perfect if you want more clarity, you’re facing a tricky decision or you’d like to find more happiness or peace of mind. To be clear – this is not a consulting call. I won’t be doling out advice. Instead, I’ll help you find the answers that are already inside you

*** I’ll send you a report I’ve created called Easy Breezy Writer. In the report I reveal 5 mindset “hacks” I’ve picked up from 5 of the world’s leading experts on writing. These hacks have changed the way I approach my writing and explain how I’ve written a chirpy daily email almost every weekday for the last four years. If you’re a copywriter, newsletter writer or 9-to-5er who finds writing a grind and you’d prefer not to be outsourcing your writing to ChatGPT, Easy Breezy Writer will help you write with less pressure and more flow

One other thing:

This secret mission will self-destruct at midday UK time on Sunday 5th April.

Forward me a screenshot of your post or email before then and let me know which off-the-record asset you’d like.

But if you send me your screenshot after midday UK time on 5th April, it’s too late.

That's when the mission is terminated.

Here’s that link once more:

How To Work Your Way

To fulfilment,

Tom

In a few days, we leave the mean streets of East London and the stone-clad floors at Fort Grundy to move into our new family home in the UK’s sunny City of Steel, Sheffield.

I was rummaging through some boxes yesterday when I came across a bag stuffed with old cables.

“Oooh” I said, excitedly. “These could be handy”.

Lauren looked up from behind a huge pile of clothes.

“Please don’t tell me you’re packing those” she said, glancing at the cables in my hand.

“But they could be really useful” I replied.

“Tom – that makes no sense. We don’t need those cables. You haven’t used them in almost half a decade. Throw them away!”.

As I write this email a couple of days later, I’m pleased to report that I took Lauren’s helpful suggestion to heart. The cables are now in the bottom of a skip at our local tip.

Clearly Lauren was right. Keeping the cables would’ve made no sense.

But I still really wanted to keep them! I mean, I wouldn’t have bought the cables if I didn’t have them already. But now I DID have them, I didn’t want to throw them away.

Logical? Absolutely not.

But I think most of us act like this.

In fact, I’d go so far to say that most humans are 100% predictably irrational. And yet we carry on as if other people live rationally!

The workplace is a clear example of this.

We assume our boss will adopt the best idea because it’s the best idea. We assume a clear email to our colleague will lead to clear action. We assume that if the data stacks up, the right decision will follow.

But that’s not how people work.

I remember reading a quote from Jeff Bezos a while back which went something like “When the data and the anecdotes disagree, the anecdotes are usually right”.

i.e. the perfectly polished spreadsheets, intricate models and beautiful powerpoints tell you what could happen whereas humans show you what actually DOES happen based on what makes sense to them in the moment.

Sure, sometimes a spreadsheet is exactly what makes sense in that moment.

But “what makes sense” comes first. Not logic.

Which means whatever challenge or obstacle you’re facing at work, the solution isn’t better logic. The solution is understanding how humans make sense of things instead. And unsurprisingly, that starts with understanding how you make sense of things.

Most of us are so busy reading the room, trying to influence our boss, getting team mates to do stuff and chasing up our colleagues that we never take the time to turn the spotlight on ourselves like this.

But if you want to invest a bit of time and attention in yourself, you can.

My coaching is that spotlight.

If you want to find out more:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

One of my favourite April Fool’s stories comes from London in the 1860s.

A group of pranksters sent out a bunch of invitations to London socialites, professionally embossed and decorated with all the official trimmings.

The invitations read as follows:

Tower of London – Admit Bearer and Friend to view annual ceremony of Washing the White Lions on Sunday, April 1, 1860. Admittance only at The White Gate. It is particularly requested that no gratuities be given to wardens or attendants.

Of course, the White Gate didn’t exist.

And right on cue, there were a stream of cabs tootling round the Tower of London all morning looking for an imaginary White Gate which they never found.

A fun little story.

And it’s very apt

It seems to me that lots of people spend their lives searching in the wrong places for the things they want.

I talk of things like happiness, peace and fulfilment.

You can use whatever word you like.

But whatever you call it, thinking that you’ll find happiness, peace or fulfilment in the outside world is no different to thinking you’ll find the White Gate by looking for it at the Tower of London.

In many ways, it’s the oldest trick in the book.

It’s a sneaky ploy that society plays on itself which results in people innocently yet optimistically going on the hunt for a new house, a pay-rise, a leather jacket, the latest smart phone or a once-in-a-lifetime experience under the assumption that this is where happiness, peace or fulfilment are found. And when that inevitably doesn’t work, it’s more of the same for years, decades or even lifetimes.

Of course, I’m not suggesting we all move to caves in the woods and spend the rest of our lives making wicker baskets and singing kumbaya around the campfire.

But what I am suggesting is that a promotion or a nice holiday isn’t where you’ll find lasting happiness, peace or fulfilment.

Admittedly I’ve changed my view on this over the last few years.

I used to think that promotions, nice clothes and new “stuff” was the path to a happier, more fulfilling life.

But half an hour after a pay-rise or buying a new gizmo, my happiness always seemed to return to the level it was before.

And whilst happiness, peace and fulfilment can certainly be found, I no longer think these are places to find them.

The way it looks to me nowadays?

Happiness isn’t found in what you’re looking at. It’s found in where you’re looking from. And unlike the White Gate, this place is real, standing wide open with no ticket required and waiting for you to step through.

If someone had told me this a few years ago, I would’ve rolled my eyes. But even back then, part of me still knew that accumulating more stuff simply couldn’t be the answer to a happy, fulfilling life.

If you have even the smallest of sneakiest suspicions that this might not be the answer for you too, you might like this:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

It's a jamboree which big Tony himself modestly calls “the greatest personal growth event in history”.

After my first UPW experience and four days of power poses, fist-pumps and jumping up & down like a madman, I was so psyched up that I bought a pack of multi-coloured cue cards, spread them over my kitchen table, grabbed a sharpie and started scribbling short notes from the event.

I filled the cue cards with phrases like “I will find the way”…

…“No-one can take this strength from me”…

And my favourite of all: “What does it feel like to give up?”

Then I grabbed some blu-tack and stuck these cue cards all over my walls.

My kitchen was quite the sight. And when Lauren visited Casa Grundy (this was in the early days of our fledgling relationship), I’m sure she started to wonder what she’d got herself involved in.

(I think she still does)

After a few weeks of raised eyebrows and head-shaking, she asked me to take the cue cards down. She said it was disturbing the feng shui.

While I wasn’t sure that the energy forces in my kitchen would be that much different with or without the cue cards, I relented.

Anyway, turns out my crazy cue card antics aren’t all that unusual.

You can’t move on Instagram, for example, without seeing motivational slogans clocking up thousands of posts, re-posts, shares and likes amidst the videos of adorable hedgehogs and daily sandwich challenges.

Of course, there’s nothing inherently wrong with slogans like these.

But just to be clear:

Lapping up inspirational sayings is a wonderful way to confuse the menu with the meal.

See, I really thought that regurgitating all these sayings would somehow help me internalise them.

But it wasn’t plastering my wall with motivational cue cards from a Tony Robbins event which made any difference to my life.

It was going to the event in the first place.

I can directly trace my decision to take a sabbatical back to Unleash The Power Within. The sabbatical which led to me quitting my job, starting this newsletter, taking Michael Neill's coaching certification, going back to my old job and helping other people figure out what they want, both inside and outside the office.

Sure, those cue cards felt good. I liked getting a boost of motivation whenever I saw the words “You can do this!” as I boiled my eggs each morning.

But at UPW, something clicked. Whereas the cue cards were just words about the click.

If you're tired of reading about other people’s breakthroughs and you’d like your own instead, that's coaching in a nutshell.

More info here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

Emails where I’m reporting directly from the front line, taking grenades in the workplace trenches and living it as I’m writing it rather than kicking back in my slippers and pontificating about the world of work like some sort of armchair emperor.

It’s dangerous because I think more clearly when I have more perspective. I know the fog lifts when I’m not standing in the middle of it.

And yet there’s an honesty to writing emails in the thick of it which I like.

See, work has been ridiculously busy the last couple of weeks.

In fact, it’s been like a game of whack-a-mole where an urgent deadline springs up from nowhere and I grab my mallet, crash it down on that mole’s head with all the professionalism & dedication I can muster…

Only for three more moles to pop up in its place!

So there’s been lots of 4am starts, working through to midnight and even missing Baby Grundy’s Easter Bonnet Show at nursery last week.

It’s left me feeling a bit deflated.

That said, two things are clear.

The first?

If every week was 4am starts, midnight finishes and missing out on Baby Grundy trundling round her nursery with a straw hat on her head, I’d find a new job. Not because it’s tough (I can do tough most of the time). But simply because I don’t want to work those hours. Now I’m the ripe old age of 40 with a salt and pepper beard that puts George Clooney to shame, I’m crystal clear that I don’t want my life to be the office. I want a life outside the office.

The second?

I know that deflated feeling will change at some point.

It always changes.

And one reminder I’ve used over the last couple of weeks to help find that perspective again is…

It’s only work!

If my boss or CEO was reading this email I’m not sure they’d agree.

But that doesn’t make it any less true. Work really is only work.

It’s not a life-or-death, mission critical, defusing-a-bomb-in-a-burning-building-full-of-hostages kind of situation. Not unless you’re a spy.

But then again, I doubt James Bond is reading this email.

If you’re reading this, you’re probably more like me than a globetrotting secret agent. And by that I mean you work hard, you feel the pressure and you wonder if there’s a better way to navigate all that.

That’s exactly what I help people do.

If you’re curious, here’s the link:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

But after 13+ years of taking grenades in the trenches at my banking job, then finding a way to turn down my stress to an all-time low, I’d like to think I’ve got a good read on what works and what doesn’t.

After all, I'm more Buddha of Banking than I am Wolf of Wall Street. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Without further ado, here are the 5 stages of de-stressing at work:

1. Get stressed

At the risk of pointing out the sky is blue, there’s no need to de-stress yourself if you haven’t started to stress yourself out in the first place.

If you’re one of the lucky few who’s been wired for calm from the get-go and stressful events are like water off a duck’s back, you’re already golden. Keep doing whatever you’re doing.

Otherwise know that stressing yourself out is par for the course and hop straight to Stage 2:

1. Get more stressed

This stage is optional.

But in my experience, once stress shows up, the instinct is to build our defences to manage and overcome that stress.

When that doesn’t work, it’s more of the same.

i.e. putting on an extra layer of armour, building those defences stronger & tighter, then digging even deeper until you’re boxed in with no room to push any harder.

Of course, the more stress-tolerant you become, the more stress you can take on. That's the sneaky trap when it comes to stress. But if you don't see this happening, you can end up taking on more & more stress indefinitely.

It was just the 13 years for me.

Either way, Stage 2 is by far the stickiest stage and lots of doing what you’ve done before, trotting out the same old party lines like “I guess this is helping me do more work” or “well, I need SOME stress in my life” while your patience wears thinner by the day and your energy levels nosedive.

Until maybe you twig that getting better at managing stress will always be a recipe for more stress, not less. And at that point you decide to try a new approach.

Which takes us to Stage 3:

1. Explore the nature of stress

This means asking questions like:

What is stress? Where does it come from? Does it help? What role does it play? How much say do we have in how stressed we are?

As you might’ve gathered, this is a radically different approach to Stage 2.

It’s not about managing your stress any more. It’s about understanding stress.

Not even your stress.

Just stress.

When you're wrestling with your stress, you're the main character in a horror movie. But when you're exploring stress in general, you become the scientist studying the monster. And what I’ve seen is that the more we put that monster under the microscope, the more we stop feeding it and the more it shrinks back into the shadows.

Hence Stage 4:

1. Get calmer

You'll begin to notice that the old sources of stress are no big deal any more.

That might lead to you getting suspicious about the situations which ARE still a source of stress until they start to lose their bite too.

And on it goes, like a snowball of calm.

Until we end up at the final stage:

1. Pretend to be stressed

Not all the time of course.

Not even most of the time or some of the time.

But if you make it to stage 4, there will absolutely be times when you look and feel so laidback that it starts to make your colleagues feel uncomfortable.

Your lack of stress might even make your colleagues feel more stressed!

I remember being in a high stakes meeting at work a while ago when my spidey senses told me that an air of nonchalance was NOT what the doctor called for. So I tensed my shoulders, furrowed my brow and let out a sigh in a performance that Ryan Gosling himself would’ve been proud of.

You might think I’m yanking your chain.

But it’s no different to acting surprised when you hear big news you’ve already known for 3 weeks. It’s just good manners to act stressed sometimes.

So there we have it. The 5 stages of de-stressing at work.

If you’d like 1 on 1 support with turning the dial down on your own stress, look no further than here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

At 3pm last Friday (a mere two hours before the deadline), I submitted the first batch of coursework for my 15 month Coaching Apprenticeship.

I'd known about that cheeky Friday deadline since January.

What I didn’t know, however, was what I actually had to do. And that made me twitchy.

So did I take a gander at the apprenticeship portal to find out what my coursework involved?

Did I heck!

Instead, I ignored the coursework completely. We were still in January, after all. Bags of time to figure it out.

A couple of weeks later, the coursework popped into my weary brain once again. And once again, I had the uneasy feeling that I still didn’t really know what I needed to do.

So did I take five minutes to check? Did I speak to one of my course mates to find out? Did I do literally anything about it?

Of course not!

I buried my hand in the sand and tried to forget about it.

By the start of March, that uneasy feeling had become a kind of low level dread.

What if I’d already left it too late?

But yet again, I kicked the coursework can down the road.

It took me until Wednesday 18th March (two days before the coursework was due!) to take a big sip of whisky water, log into the portal and finally face the music. By this time I was almost a trembling wreck.

So what did I discover?

Well, I had to submit six pages of reflections, a personal SWOT analysis and an exercise called the Johari Window.

As I read, I felt myself relax. My SWOT and Johari Window were already done.

But I hadn’t started my reflections and I knew I couldn’t dust that off in 20 minutes.

So on Thursday morning, I rolled up my sleeves and got to work. It took a few hours’ hard graft, but by Friday afternoon, I was done.

The funny thing about all this?

My coursework dread was causing much more havoc than the coursework itself ever could.

There’s a name for this phenomenon. It’s called the Ostrich Effect. It’s the idea that we often try to avoid information that will stress us out, but the very act of doing that stresses us out even more.

Perhaps the Ostrich Effect isn’t new to you.

But what might be new is this:

As my thoughts about my coursework changed, my experience changed - even though the coursework itself didn't.

The conclusion?

My stress, worry and dread weren’t coming from the coursework. They had to be coming from my thinking about that coursework.

That might sound like the tiniest, most trifling of differences.

But actually, it makes all the difference in the world.

When we believe the future is “out there” waiting to hurt us, it makes a tonne of sense to duck it. But when we realise that all we ever feel is our thinking, the urge to avoid those scary futures starts to fall away.

This is the exact same understanding I stumbled on when I went from being a frazzled banker drowning in 16-hour days to someone who actually looks forward to Monday mornings.

Not every Monday mind you. I still have my Corporate Ostrich moments too.

But certainly chalk and cheese compared to the bad old days.

If you’re ready to stop being bossed around by your future, you might like this:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

An email about emails?

The irony isn’t lost on me. But if your inbox is always running the show and you’d like to get on top of it, this is one email you’ll want to pay close attention to.

Here are some Zen-like thoughts for your inbox at work:

*** Your inbox doesn’t create your mood. Your mood creates your inbox

*** Your inbox will ALWAYS be full and there will ALWAYS be another email to reply to. If you spend your time fighting these two basic facts of corporate life, you’ll be fighting for the rest of your career. The question isn’t how to empty your inbox. The question is how to stop losing sleep over the fact that you never will

*** Your emails are not the problem. Your thinking about them might be. As Hamlet (Prince of the Inbox) once said: no email is good nor bad but thinking makes it so

*** Urgency doesn’t exist in the real world. It only exists in your mind and the minds of your colleagues

*** You cannot pass or fail your inbox

*** The more seriously you take an email, the more serious that email becomes

*** Emails are invitations, not obligations. Just because someone is asking you to take on their problem doesn’t mean you need to

*** Don’t prioritise emails based on how you feel about them. Responding to an email so you feel less anxious, more in control or so you can take something off your plate is conflating relief for getting the right thing done. You don’t need to deal with your emails to find relief. You can find relief right here, right now without anything changing in your inbox

*** You are not your inbox and your inbox is not your job

*** Nothing in your inbox has the power to make you feel anything. A noisy inbox doesn’t have to feel noisy and a frenetic inbox doesn’t have to feel frenetic. Those feelings are coming from you, not your inbox

*** Not responding to an email is still a response

I’d like to think that in a monastery somewhere in Tibet, a Zen master is sipping a cup of green tea while reading this email and nodding along sagely. And even though his inbox has 47,000 unread emails, he sleeps just fine.

But you don’t need to move to a Tibetan monastery to stop losing sleep over your emails.

You don’t even need to change a single email.

My coaching is a way to find peace, calm and clarity at work without changing anything about your job.

If you’d like to find out more, all the details are here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

During the workshop, I spoke about the idea that more effort = better results.

This is the ethos which many a boardroom swears by. But in my experience, “success by addition” isn’t just faulty but also a brilliant way to end up running on fumes with nothing to show for it.

If adding more was the answer, the people going at it hammer and tongs would be the happiest. But it usually doesn’t pan out that way.

Hence the idea I put forward in the workshop:

To find happiness, success and fulfilment, don’t add.

Subtract.

My workshop came to mind a few weeks ago as I flicked through an article buried in the coursework for a 15 month executive coaching apprenticeship I’m dutifully working my way through.

The article featured author and coach Tim Gallwey.

Tim’s most famous for his “Inner Game” series of books. But he didn’t start out as the big-name figure he is today. He started out coaching tennis. And he was standing on the court one day when he noticed something strange:

His student’s tennis game was getting better even though Tim hadn’t started coaching yet!

As the lesson went on, Tim noticed that whenever he doled out advice about where to stand or how to grip the racket, his student started overthinking and playing worse. But when Tim stopped trying to help, the faster and more naturally his student made progress.

That’s the insight Tim’s “Inner Game” book series is built around.

It’s the idea that the role of a coach isn’t to pour knowledge down a coachee’s throat but to remove what gets in the way so the coachee’s natural ability, clarity and confidence can shine through.

It’s also the insight which underpins Tim’s famous formula that Performance = Potential – Interference

i.e. that the game of life is a game of subtraction, not addition.

I mentioned earlier that I read about this in an article from my apprenticeship.

I’m supposed to be carving out 6 hours a week from my day job to study for this apprenticeship. Yet for the last three weeks I’ve racked up the grand total of diddly squat.

By Subtraction Method standards, I guess that means I’m three weeks ahead of where I should be.

Whatever the case, if you’d like to read about Tim’s counterintuitive idea that the more we add, the more we get in our own way, you can check out the very same article here:

https://researchportal.coachingfederation.org/Document/Pdf/2965.pdf

To fulfilment,

Tom

You already know how you’ll hit that deadline.

Sure, you might not know that you know.

But every fibre of your being has got you covered today. And if you let it do its thing, you’ll find yourself moving from task to task, from email to email and from call to call by instinct alone. Almost as if each step makes the next one so obvious that it’d be daft to do anything else.

Perhaps this approach to your deadline sounds like a recipe for disaster.

But I say this as someone who used to be so in my head about how I’d hit a deadline or finish a tricky project that there was simply no space for that obvious next step to bubble up. So I couldn’t find that state of flow which I know now is always available, always present and always has my back.

I’m sure you have your own examples too.

Examples of projects which were already a car crash. Projects past the point of no return and where no amount of brute force or gritted teeth would help. So you had no choice. You had to drop all your unhelpful thoughts, focus solely on what was in front of you and let the perfect action arrive at the perfect moment.

More planning, more control and more willpower won’t help you today.

What will help is subtracting those and trusting you have everything you need already.

Good luck!

If you’re tired of grinding your way through deadlines and you’d prefer a simpler, more natural and more effective way of approaching your work, that’s exactly what I help people with.

All the info is here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

Various words filtered back into my hungry inbox.

Words like playful, light-hearted, philosophical, different, useful, hopeful, funny, interesting, challenging, low-key, friendly, inviting, entertaining, quirky, warm, generous, wise, joyful, whimsical, relatable, engaging, provocative, punchy and humorous.

But one word a loyal reader sent back made me raise a suspicious eyebrow.

That word?

Inciteful.

Now, I know my daily emails poke at a few sacred workplace cows. You won’t find many CEOs subscribing to my dangerously sensible ethos that clear thinking is the #1 performance lever. Nor will your mentor likely agree that before you climb the career ladder, it pays to check your ladder is leaning against the right wall. And I’m almost certain that Compliance won’t be thrilled with my suggestion to trust your judgment over their latest snazzy process.

But I didn’t realise my emails were actually inciting a full blown workplace mutiny!

So are my readers suddenly leaving the office at 5pm on the dot? Are bosses up and down the country being confronted by staff who seem suspiciously calm? Or has it got even more out of control? Has my newsletter incited employees to commit the ultimate act of workplace rebellion:

Treating work as something they do rather than something they are?

I emailed the reader back and asked him what he meant by “inciteful”.

You'll never guess what.

Turns out there’d been a small typo.

He meant insightful, not inciteful.

Although thinking about it now, I wonder if there’s even that much difference.

Once you start thinking for yourself about work, you realise there’s more than one way to do it. And once you realise that, you’ll start looking for the way that works best for you.

So perhaps “inciteful” was more insightful than the reader realised.

Whatever the case, if you’d like to read about a few people who’ve done just that (i.e. ignored the usual workplace scripts and built work their way instead), you might like the new guide I’ve put together called How To Work Your Way.

For the avoidance of doubt, this is NOT a guide about how to quit your job.

If anything, it’s the opposite.

It’s a collection of conversations with some of the most interesting and unconventional thinkers on work I've come across. Thinkers like NYT bestselling author & pilot Jenny Wood, neuroscientist & ex-Googler Anne-Laure Le Cunff and founder of the underground journal New Escapologist, Robert Wringham.

All of whom share ideas to help you find more freedom and fulfilment in the office.

I’ve been talking up this guide for the last few days.

But today, these emails stop.

Come Thursday, my first ad to promote the guide hits a major newsletter (100,000+ subscribers – I’m very excited!) in an attempt to lure people onto my daily emails just like cheese in a mousetrap.

So if you’ve been reading my emails with a mild curiosity or even a nagging itch but you haven’t got around to pulling the trigger, just hit reply, say “Work My Way” and I’ll send the guide straight over to you for free.

This is last chance saloon.

Tomorrow, something different.

To fulfilment,

Tom

I wanted to check if Paul was okay with me including my 2025 Paul/Tom interview in a new guide I’ve created called How To Work Your Way.

I know I’m biased.

But I genuinely think How To Work Your Way is one of the most useful resources I’ve created since I started writing this newsletter almost four years ago. Especially for anyone who wants to ditch the posturing, permission-seeking and invisible rules of work or simply find a bit more choice and freedom in their job.

But I knew the guide wouldn’t carry the same punch without Paul.

Paul’s book The Pathless Path has been one of the biggest paradigm shifters in my life. And I don’t say that lightly. Reading the book felt like a chink of light finally cutting through a fog of career dread and desperation. And even though he might not know it, Paul has been a constant cheerleader every step of the way since I started this newsletter, started coaching and returned to the 9 to 5.

THIS is why I wanted Paul’s interview in my guide.

So what did he say when I asked him?

Did Paul say “Thanks Tom. I’ll workshop this idea with my team and revert”?

Did he reply “Let me find out how a successful author is supposed to respond to requests like this”?

Or did he come back with “My instinct is yes, but I need to check what my instinct ought to be”?

As it happens, Paul said none of these.

His response?

“Cool idea Tom. Let it rip”

And let it rip I have.

I’ve written about How To Work Your Way in my last couple of newsletters and I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the number of readers who’ve asked me to send them a copy.

But I figured there might still be a few of you who missed those emails and would like to grab the guide for yourself.

Inside the guide, you'll find Paul's interview alongside five more interviews with workplace rebels who've completely rethought their careers.

If you’d like to grab a free copy of the guide, just reply with “Work My Way” and I’ll shoot it straight over to you.

To fulfilment,

Tom

Whenever we serve her a bowl of porridge straight from the stove or hand her a freshly cooked roast potato, Baby Grundy reaches up, grabs her precious cargo, brings it to her mouth and then starts to blow. Three or four blows later, the food is promptly shovelled into her mouth.

You might be wondering what’s so strange about that.

Well, here’s the thing:

Baby Grundy does exactly the same when we give her yoghurt from the fridge or even a slice of mango straight from the freezer!

I guess she’s watched me and Lauren blowing food often enough to clock that whatever food is in front of her, it deserves a few blows.

So food = blow as far as Baby Grundy’s concerned.

Of course, that’s not how it works.

Not by a long stretch.

But Baby Grundy isn't the only one who does this.

For instance, how often do we adopt rules about work without ever checking where they came from? Or even if they're true?

I mean rules like "busy equals important", "long hours equals commitment", "a successful week must include some stress", "a stable salary equals security", "optimise your career, not the life it's meant to serve" or "you need to sound like you belong here".

Take that last one for instance.

Just the other day, Lauren and I were chinwagging in Fort Grundy’s kitchen. And while I can't remember what we were nattering about, I do remember telling Lauren that I’d “circle back” to her later.

Lauren’s eyes widened almost instantly as she sputtered “What did you just say!?!”

She'd clocked that I’d slipped into work mode.

Of course, I never meant to use corporate slang like that. And even though Lauren didn’t say another word, the look on her face said it all. She didn’t want Tom the Banker in Fort Grundy’s kitchen. She just wanted Tom.

Anyway, I know these office rules might feel professional and responsible.

They might feel like they’re the only way too.

But most of the time they’re not. And while Baby Grundy will grow out of blowing on ice cold food, workplace rules can linger for decades if we let them.

We don’t have to let them though.

If the rules we’re following at work aren’t working, we can change them.

That’s where my new guide How To Work Your Way comes in.

The guide shows you how to stop following the workplace rules you never agreed to in the first place. These are the rules that shape your working hours, your ambitions, your identity, your take on success and perhaps most importantly of all, who shows up at home when you finally close your laptop.

How To Work Your Way is a collection of interviews I’ve published over the past year with some of the most original thinkers questioning the rules of modern work.

We’re talking about people like Robert Wringham (who founded the Escapology movement), Jenny Wood (whose NYT bestseller Wild Courage flips the usual advice about how to get ahead at work) and Simone Stolzoff (whose book The Good Enough Job takes apart the usual workplace rules one by one).

I’m about to run a bunch of ads in various newsletters to plug How To Work Your Way and find some new subscribers in the process.

But before I do that, I wanted to offer you the chance to pick up the guide right here, right now, for free.

If you feel trapped by the rules at work and you’d like to loosen their grip, I think you’ll love How To Work Your Way.

To grab a copy, just reply to this email with “Work My Way” and I’ll send it straight over.

To fulfilment,

Tom

If you haven't seen it, the movie follows the comeback of hotshot pilot Pete “Maverick” Mitchell.

It’s filled with useful lessons for corporate professionals too.

Take Maverick’s “don’t think, just do” philosophy. That could be an entire career strategy in and of itself.

But it was a scene near the start of the movie that really pricked up my ears.

Maverick’s being grilled by his superior, Rear Admiral Chester “Hammer” Cain:

Cain: You have 30 years of service. Combat medals, citations and the only man to shoot down three enemy planes in the last 40 years. Distinguished, distinguished, distinguished. Yet you can’t get a promotion, you won’t retire and despite your best efforts, you refuse to die. You should be at least a two star admiral by now, if not a senator. Yet here you are. A Captain. Why is that?

Maverick: It’s one of life’s mysteries sir.

Cain: This isn’t a joke. I asked you a question.

Maverick: I’m where I belong sir.

That’s quite the underrated answer.

I say underrated because conventional wisdom tends to favour titles, promotions and prestige.

But there are other ways to approach a career.

One way is by asking yourself the question:

Are you where you belong?

It takes a kind of certainty to tell your clipboard-wielding superior you’re exactly where you should be as they shake their head and insist you’re falling short.

It takes some nerve too, I guess.

But we all know when we’re not lost, even if the map says we are.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with chasing promotions and titles. Not if that’s where you belong.

Which means the question then becomes:

Who do you trust more at work? Other people’s measuring sticks or yourself?

If a question like that has you nodding along then you might like my new guide, How To Work Your Way.

How To Work Your Way shows you how to turn down the volume on other people’s ideas of what your career should look like and turn the volume up on yours.

The guide is a collection of interviews I’ve published in this newsletter over the last 12 months with some of the world’s most original thinkers on how to build a career on your terms.

And I don’t say “world’s most” lightly.

Paul Millerd's book The Pathless Path has become a cult classic and possibly even THE reference guide for non-traditional career paths.

Anne-Laure Le Cunff is an ex-Googler and award-winning neuroscientist who writes about the invisible scripts running our careers in her New York Times Bestseller Tiny Experiments.

I’ve interviewed both these legends for the guide. And that’s just scratching the surface.

I’m about to run a bunch of ads to plug How To Work Your Way and find some new subscribers in the process.

But before I do that, I'd like to offer you the chance to pick up the guide right here, right now, for free.

If you’d like more energy, freedom and fulfilment at work, How To Work Your Way is written with you in mind.

To grab a copy, just reply to this email with “Work My Way” and I’ll send it straight over.

To fulfilment,

Tom

So I thought I’d change the channel in this email.

Rather than wallowing in the news, today I’m writing about 7 things I’m looking forward to instead.

Here’s what’s coming over the hill:

*** Publishing my book, Don’t Quit Your Job. I’ve been talking about this for donkey’s years. All I need to do is find a few hours to button it all together and load everything onto Amazon. Easier said than done with a full time job, coaching clients and studying for my Executive Coaching Apprenticeship. But watch this space…

*** Writing a few emails to promote the book. This has got me juiced up almost as much as publishing the book itself!

*** England winning the World Cup this summer (let's hope I haven’t jinxed it now)

*** Completing 50 hours of coaching as part of my Coaching Apprenticeship. I have a few intro calls in the diary and another few coming down the track. Then it will be time to get stuck in with the coaching. A lot can happen in a few hours of coaching so I’m psyched to see what will happen after 50 hours

*** Mother’s Day on Sunday. Not because I’ll be the star attraction that day (far from it!). But because Lauren, Baby Grundy and I will be heading out for our first ever family bike ride, then rounding things off with a slap-up Sunday roast

*** Releasing my new lead magnet How To Work Your Way into the wild. If you like the idea of having more energy, freedom and fulfilment at work, I’ll be writing more about this tomorrow (including how you can get your hands on a copy). So swing by then if that tickles your fancy

*** Moving out of Fort Grundy and London altogether to the mighty City of Steel, Sheffield. This is a big one. I’ve lived in London for the last decade or so. But it won’t be long before Lauren and I pack our bags and head to our brand new home in the Rhubarb Triangle. I’ll be sad to wave goodbye to the mean streets of East London, but equally I’m excited to get stuck into Sheffield and everything it has to offer

So there we have it.

No life lessons or pithy takeaways today.

Just 7 things I’m looking forward to at the moment.

If there’s anything fun you’re looking forward to as well, feel free to hit reply and tell me about it. I’d love to hear.

To fulfilment,

Tom

Emma famously won the US Open in 2021 as a complete outsider. She stormed to victory as an unseeded qualifier, took down a cool $2.5 million and did it all at the tender age of 18.

But it hasn’t been smooth serving for Emma more recently.

Since that fairytale fortnight in New York, Emma’s hired and fired seven different coaches, battled a bunch of injuries and seen her ranking slip to outside the world’s top 50.

That’s the context for the interview and this quote from Emma:

Right now, it's more about bringing my instincts back out and getting back in touch with myself. I have had a lot of people telling me what to do, how to play, and it hasn't necessarily fit. So I want to come back to my natural way of playing. That takes time to relearn because that's something that has been coached out of me a little bit

That might be the best description of the Subtraction Method I ever did hear.

It’s a great description of LIFE too.

At the moment, Baby Grundy is one bubbly ball of curiosity and gut feel. But it won’t be long before her teachers tell her how to think, so-called “experts” tell her what to do and society tells her what success looks like.

I’m sure her parents will have a few ideas too!

None of this is bad per se.

But as the external voices get louder, our internal voices start to get crowded out.

That was certainly the case for me when, at the ripe old age of my early 30s, I realised that despite some sensible decisions and decent career, something was still missing.

It felt like I’d drifted away from myself.

Cue the books, the podcasts, the courses, the productivity systems, the therapy and the coaching.

All of which turned out to be premium editions of exactly the same game.

As I discovered more recently (and as Emma discovered too), the way back to yourself isn’t through more advice, tactics, templates, strategies or goals.

It’s the opposite.

It’s by subtracting all the things we think we need instead.

Emma took down the US Open before any of her seven coaches had the chance to change her forehand, adjust her tactics, tell her to be more aggressive, less aggressive, to stand further back or whatever other pearls of wisdom they decided to impart on the chalky white lines.

Her free, unscripted, instinctive play was what got her lifting the trophy.

i.e. simply playing tennis instead of thinking about playing tennis.

So no wonder Emma wants to get back to this more natural way of playing.

But it’s not something she has to “re-learn”, like she says in the interview. It’s impossible to re-learn your instincts and it’s impossible to re-learn the real you too.

After all, you can’t re-learn what’s pre-programmed.

You can only uncover it.

So the trick, if there is one, is unlearning everything that isn’t you and subtracting all the beliefs, expectations, scripts and outside noise which we all innocently pick up along the way.

Hence the Subtraction Method which I coach.

I know that coaching via subtraction instead of addition might sound like quite the plot twist from the typical coaching formula. Especially as the Subtraction Method doesn’t come with goals or action plans attached. But unlike Emma’s seven coaches, my job as coach isn’t to offer you advice or tell you what to do. My job is to help you see through the noise that stops you from hearing yourself.

Hence a previous coachee describing me as “the anti-coach”.

Perhaps you think the whole idea of “hearing yourself” or “getting in touch with yourself” is a load of old gobbledegook.

More power to you if so.

But if you’re part of the small but spirited minority who feels like life is drifting despite looking good on paper, The Subtraction Method is firmly on your side of the net.

All the details are here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

p.s. if you’re reading this Emma, you’ve got to jump on the wait list just like everyone else…

Some parts are undoubtedly jazzed up for Hollywood but the story is as true as they come.

The movie follows the trials & tribulations of the Oakland Athletics baseball team. It takes place at a time when old-school baseball scouts used to rank potential players using yardsticks like reputation, “the good face” or the ever reliable “he just looks like a baseball player”.

These scouts weren’t stupid by the way.

Far from it.

They were smart, experienced professionals who’d been watching baseball for 20, 30 or even 40+ years.

i.e. bags and bags of knowledge.

Yet they clung to what they knew.

That’s the backdrop as Brad Pitt joins the Oakland Athletics management team and starts to ask a different question:

What actually wins baseball games?

It's a question the baseball industry missed for decades but which in hindsight isn't that surprising.

And the answer to that question (on-base percentages) led to a radical change in the Oakland Athletics’ recruitment policy. The team started loading up “ugly” players, aging veterans and players with such obvious flaws in their game that other teams wouldn’t touch them with a bargepole, let alone a baseball bat.

They even hired a player who couldn’t throw the ball due to the nerve damage in his hand!

Long story short, the Oakland Athletics go on a 20 game winning streak, reach the playoffs and turn the whole baseball world upside-down in the process.

And while the Oakland Athletics had one of the lowest payrolls in baseball, fewer resources than their competitors and oodles less star power, they had an ace up their sleeve which none of their competitors had:

Clear thinking.

In my experience, clear thinking like this is incredibly rare.

Needless to say, that rarity also makes it incredibly valuable.

Take big corporates for instance. They're no different from the Oakland Athletics. Sure, the game is different. But getting the best possible results from a team is exactly the same.

Yet how often do corporates stop to ask if their way of doing things even makes sense?

I honestly don’t know. I'm sure it varies.

But what I do know is that clear thinking can slice through complexity like a samurai sword through a watermelon. And one incisive question from an employee can transform a meeting, a team or even an entire organisation.

So clear thinking is quite the unfair advantage if you know how to tap into it.

But it's only half the battle.

See, it wasn’t all plain sailing with Oakland Athletics.

Before their run of form, Brad Pitt’s character gets mocked by the scouts and then gets ignored by the head coach. To add insult to injury, the new strategy starts off disastrously with a run of losing games. It’s only when Brad doubles down by trading out the previous players and forcing the head coach to play the new recruits does the success begin.

So the other half of the battle is sticking with it when your boss, your colleagues and even the scoreboard all tell you that you’re wrong.

C’est la vie.

The good news is that my coaching is a way to kill both these birds with one proverbial baseball.

It’s a way to help you see your situation with fresh eyes and hold your nerve when everyone around you thinks you’ve lost the plot.

If you’ve got a challenge you keep going round in circles on, my coaching could help.

You can find out more about it here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

Once you’ve joined the waitlist I’ll be in touch to arrange a free, no obligation Zoom call where we'll chat more about what you’d like from coaching and figure out whether or not we’re a fit.

To fulfilment,

Tom

One of the implications of people moving faster than the speed of life is that frantic effort and white-knuckle intensity aren’t always the golden goose we think they are.

What really matters instead is patience.

That might be an odd thing for a corporate banker to say.

But then again, what do you expect from the self-anointed Buddha of Banking?

To me, it looks like we treat life like a hasty farmer trying to rip an unripe pumpkin from the ground. Then we get disheartened when the pumpkin refuses to co-operate and abandon the field altogether.

Nowhere is this more obvious than the art and craft of getting good at something.

For instance:

*** When I ran my first Mindset Workshop for my esteemed banking colleagues almost 2 years ago, it was clunky to say the least. Workshop two was also clunky. Same for workshops three, four and five. But now I’m fifty workshops down, the impact is unmistakable. Word has spread around the watercooler and I’m fielding messages from colleagues I’ve never met asking if I can spend an hour or two at their offsite or leadership meeting

*** Pre Covid, I hired an underground legend in the London card magic scene for magic lessons. By the end of our two years together, I’d nailed a sleight of hand move which is widely seen as one of the hardest sleights in magic – despite initially fumbling with the cards like an octopus wearing boxing gloves

*** A reader replied to my “slowing down to the speed of life” email from yesterday to say it was “stunning”. Which was lovely. And while there’s still room for improvement, what I know for a fact is that no-one in their right mind would’ve called any of my daily newsletters “stunning” for at least the first year (and quite possibly a long time after that too)

*** At uni, I bought a book on how to solve a Rubik’s Cube. I studied a few pages each week and practised enough until I could solve the damn thing in less than 2 minutes. I can still solve two-thirds of a Rubik’s Cube to this day (a niche party trick if ever there was one)

*** Five years ago, I’d never coached anyone. Today, I have 4 clients on the books and a bunch of great testimonials to boot

For each of these, I literally started at zero. Then I stayed patient through the inevitable twists & turns, ups & downs and failures & successes. And over time, I got better.

But it’s not like I come from a dynasty of magicians or a long line of literary greats.

It’s why anyone who tells themselves “I’m not made for that” is spinning a dodgy yarn.

It’s just a case of sticking with it.

I remember reading how Stephen King chucked a draft of his book Carrie into the bin because he thought it was a load of old tosh. Only for his wife to fish out the crumpled manuscript, give it a read and tell Stephen “this is good – keep going”.

Carrie went on to become the book that launched Stephen King’s writing career. He’s still going strong 67 novels later.

So sometimes all it takes is a friendly nudge from a fresh pair of eyes.

As it happens, this is the essence of coaching.

(fancy that!)

If you’ve got dreams stuck in neutral and you’d like help getting them moving, you might like this:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

What’s your writing routine like? I can’t believe how you write so many emails!

My answer?

I write wherever I can, whenever I can.

There are days where I set my alarm for 5am, scurry up to my office in Fort Grundy’s corner turret, flip open my laptop and knuckle down for an hour or two. But there are other days when Baby Grundy’s angelic cry stirs me from my slumbers and I scoop her up, head downstairs, whip up a five egg omelette and we’ll share some brekkie together. Then there are days where the shit has hit the proverbial fan at work and I’m straight into the office and down to business.

Take today.

I started this email on the weekend, then topped and tailed it first thing this morning.

But that’s not baked into any routine.

There’s just taking each day as it comes, writing more than I need when I have the time, trying not to get in a tizz when I don’t have the time and being okay with the fact that even the best laid writing plans can go sideways.

In fact, that last bit has been key.

When I need to skip planned writing time to stay late in the office or deal with an explosive poonami, it would be easy to curse the Daily Email Gods. But if I can shrug this off, I find I get MORE writing done, not less.

That might sound counterintuitive.

But it means when I can write, I’m calm and not all worked up. So the writing comes way smoother.

Interestingly, my reading routine has some parallels with my writing.

The days of indulging in a good spy thriller or the latest personal development smash hit are over. And even if I do find myself with a few hours spare (very rare), I’ll spend it writing, not reading.

I guess the only exception is where I know I can read something quickly.

Newsletters are a great example. I’m an enthusiastic, fully signed up reader to a host of other newsletters and I enjoy spending a few minutes chomping these down when I’m waiting for the kettle to boil, standing on the bus or even sitting on the bog.

This is why the chapters of my soon-to-be-published book Don’t Quit Your Job are teeny-tiny too. It’s wisdom without the waffle and writing the same way I read.

So there you have it.

My routine-less writing routine and my hit & miss reading routine. Basically, all the messy bits the best-selling time-management systems conveniently forget.

Anyway, now I’ve laid my books on the table, it’s your turn.

I’m curious what YOUR reading routine is. Especially when it comes to this newsletter.

In particular:

What are you up to right now, as you read this email?

Are you lying in bed? Are you standing in line at Starbucks? Are you in a meeting at work and pretending to pay attention?

If you like, hit reply and let me know. I’m really curious!

To fulfilment,

Tom

I've been asked the same question on a couple of coaching calls recently:

I've seen you talk about The Subtraction Method in some of your emails Tom. What exactly is The Subtraction Method?

To answer it, I'm going to borrow a format I came across somewhere but can't for the life of me remember where. It's a format with five levels where each level becomes a more & more complex explanation. The physicist Richard Feynman once said that you don't really understand something unless you can explain it to a child. Well, this format tests that theory and then asks if you could explain it to a teenager, an undergrad and a grad student too!

That might be as clear as mud.

But I expect it will become clearer as we get into it.

So let's find out what The Subtraction Method is all about using these five levels...

Explaining it to a child: Imagine you're the sun. You're always shining. Sometimes clouds appear in the sky and you can't see the sun anymore. But that doesn't mean the sun has gone anywhere. It just means it's hidden for the time being. The Subtraction Method is a way to let the clouds float away so you're shining brightly all over again

Explaining it to a teenager: You know how your phone gets slow and laggy when you've got a hundred apps running? You know how YOU get slow and laggy too? Well, if you want to find your spark again, you don't need to add memory to your phone or buy a new phone. All you need to do is close down some of your apps. The Subtraction Method shows you how to switch off your own mental apps (especially the apps you didn't even know were running)

Explaining it to an undergrad: You think your stress comes from the deadline you have on that tricky dissertation you're writing? But you're actually experiencing your thinking about your deadline rather than the deadline itself. The Subtraction Method helps you subtract the habit of treating every thought like important data. As you subtract your unnecessary thoughts, you'll notice your feelings about that deadline change, even if the deadline doesn't

Explaining it to a grad student: Most self-development works on the basis of addition (better beliefs, more habits, new frameworks and so on). The Subtraction Method starts with the assumption that nothing fundamental is missing. So there's nothing to add. All that's left is to subtract whatever interference is getting in the way. As Lao Tzu said 2,500 years ago: "To attain knowledge, add things every day. To attain wisdom, subtract things every day"

Explaining it to a peer: What we're really doing is separating the first-person experience from the story the ego constructs around it. So there's the raw experience of what's actually happening right now and then there's the voice that narrates, judges and compares on top of that. Most people experience that voice as reality. The Subtraction Method helps you see that your mental chatter is never as important as it appears. When that insight lands, it's like meeting yourself again for the first time in years

Perhaps this sounds a bit abstract.

But it's not like I'm setting exams at the end of my coaching sessions. The Subtraction Method is more like the secret sauce that pulls the strings behind the scenes.

If you'd like to find out what The Subtraction Method looks like in practice:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

In yesterday’s email, I opened up two slots for a Calm On Demand coaching session.

Calm On Demand might be right for you if:

*** Your stress has become part of your “mental furniture” and you don’t know how to switch it off

*** Your stressed-out colleagues are stressing you out and you’d rather not keep catching their stress

*** You have a hunch that operating with less stress and more calm might actually make you more effective in the office

*** You’re good at your job and you care about it too, but you don’t want to feel permanently wound up just to prove that you care about it

*** You've tried the breathing exercises and the mindfulness apps but when Sunday evening rolls around, the knot in your stomach shows up right on cue

If any of this sounds familiar, here’s the deal:

Calm On Demand is a 45 minute Zoom call where we’ll (metaphorically) put on a pair of noise cancelling headphones and start to notice the calm beneath the chatter. You’ll come away from the call feeling refreshed, lighter and with space where there used to be stress.

I have two slots open for Calm On Demand:

Monday 2nd March 8.30pm UK Time

Tuesday 3rd March, 8pm UK Time

The cost for a session is £82.

If you’d like a “shot in the arm” of calm, my suggestion is to click the link, book the session and I’ll be in touch straight after with the Zoom link.

If the link doesn’t work when you click it, it means someone else has beaten you to it.

To fulfilment,

Tom

That subject line might sound like a strange magic trick.

But by the end of this email I’ll show you exactly how to tell what’s going on in your colleagues’ heads.

Quick backstory to set the scene:

In 2023, I ponied up $5k to join American supercoach Michael Neill on his Genuis Catalyst training program.

Along with various online webinars, the program also featured three 5 day in-person events in London, Toronto and LA.

As it happened, the 5 day LA leg turned into a 4 day event for me. The last day coincided with Lauren’s birthday and I decided to grab an early flight home to dash back to Casa Grundy for a quick shower, then head into Soho to meet Lauren for dinner and a show. That turned into a long 24 hours and Lauren still teases me about falling asleep in the balcony’s front row while the musical Operation Mincemeat romped merrily away.

Anyway, back to the story:

I’d checked in at LAX and was strolling through the airport, still riding a high from the training, when I rounded a corner and was confronted by the security line.

Four gruff looking American blokes wearing official clothes and shiny silver badges glanced my way.

Each of them had a gun holstered by their waist.

Two of the blokes were holding leads. On the end of the leads were two majestic, stern looking dogs.

I gulped. I could feel a few butterflies start to flutter in my stomach.

All I was carrying was my backpack. The only thing in my backpack was my laptop, T-shirts, socks, underwear, a toothbrush and a copy of Nancy Kline’s book Time to Think which a fellow course-mate had lent me (Graham – I need to get that back to you!).

But as I shuffled gingerly forwards, I began to feel like I was under suspicion.

Sure, I’d done nothing wrong. But something about the way the security line was set up made me feel like I had.

In the end, I made it through unscathed.

But it did make me think how the way something gets created often mirrors the impact that thing has. Almost as if the stuff that gets put into the world carries the mood it was made in. Like a sort of emotional fingerprint.

Now compare that with another place where people queue for hours: Disneyland. Walt Disney wanted to create "a place that would make people feel happy". But he didn’t use a spreadsheet to engineer that joy and wonder. Instead, he brought that feeling with him. And it’s almost impossible to find a 7 year old who doesn’t jump up and down on the spot or break into a huge smile at the mere mention of a trip of Disneyworld.

That’s how contagious the Disney magic is.

Of course, it works both ways.

Clock back into the office and you'll see how a compliance process built from paranoia usually creates paranoia. And how a presentation drafted from stress often creates stress. And how an overloaded team working on a new project will create a project that itself is overloaded and then goes on to overload others.

And so on.

So how can you tell what’s going on inside your colleague’s head?

All you need to do is look at what they’re creating and the impact this has. Their work mirrors their mind.

As it happens, this idea is very much on the kitchen table for me now I’m a bona fide Dad to a one year old whippersnapper.

I have a history of anxiety and while I’m over the worst of that, the last thing I want is to transmit my anxiety onto Baby Grundy. But this isn’t something I want to get anxious about either. Otherwise my anxiety to help Baby Grundy avoid my anxiety will filter through me and my parenting, land square on Baby Grundy’s shoulders…

And create the very anxiety I’m trying to avoid!

Anyway, that’s an email for another day.

Luckily enough, one gem I learnt on that same Genius Catalyst training was a way to inoculate myself from the contagious stress, pressure, paranoia and fear which often haunt the hallowed hallways of companies up & down the country.

A couple of weeks ago I asked a bunch of colleagues if they’d send me some words to describe me. This was an exercise from my employer-sponsored Coaching Apprenticeship.

The most common word my colleagues used to describe me?

Calm.

That never used to be my modus operandi at work.

But it’s a handy reminder that just because your colleagues are stressed or your boss is firing off frenzied emails like confetti from a confetti gun, you don’t have to catch that stress or frenzy.

I mean, you can grab hold of them if you like.

But if you’d rather do your job with more calm and composure, that’s 100% possible too.

If you’d like more of calm amidst whatever whirlwind of office chaos you’re up against, I have an offer for you today.

I’m calling the offer Calm On Demand.

Calm On Demand is a 45 minute Zoom call where we’ll (metaphorically) put on a pair of noise cancelling headphones and start to notice the calm beneath the chatter. You’ll come away from the call feeling refreshed, lighter and with space where there used to be stress.

I have two slots open for Calm On Demand:

Monday 2nd March 8.30pm UK Time

Tuesday 3rd March, 8pm UK Time

A session costs £82.

As you might’ve gathered, this offer isn’t for everyone. It’s certainly not for the A-type brigade who wear their stress like a badge of honour. It’s more for people who have a sneaky suspicion that stress, pressure and worry aren’t actually helping (despite the corporate wisdom which is trumpeted from the boardroom) and would like a “shot in the arm” of calm instead.

If that sounds like you, my suggestion is to click the link, book the session and I’ll be in touch straight after with the Zoom link.

If the link doesn’t work when you click it, it means someone else has beaten you to it.

To fulfilment,

Tom

The movie snagged the dubious honour of the lowest IMDb rating of all time with a spectacular 1.6 out of 10.

I’m not surprised though. There’s always trouble where those pesky dwarves are concerned.

Case in point:

Every time I sit down to write a daily email, the dwarves poke their unwelcome noses in. There’s Grumpy muttering “this email’s a waste of time”, Dopey babbling “wait…what were you going to write again?” and Bashful murmuring “don’t hit send, they’ll judge you!”. Then there’s Sleepy yawning “you’re too tired to write”, Doc fussing “let’s fix that comma” and Sneezy snorting “that metaphor stinks”.

The dwarves can be very sneaky too.

Doc and Dopey usually work together as a crafty double act. Sleepy pops up just as I start to write and Bashful only shows up once an email’s fully written.

And even though I’m approaching the four year anniversary of this plucky daily newsletter, these meddling munchkins STILL try to muscle in each and every time.

It has got easier though.

For the first year of writing this newsletter, the dwarves were shouting loudly and I paid them lots of attention.

Sure, they still do their thing today. But they’re quieter. And even when they knock at the cottage door, I don’t invite them in for tea and a slice of lemon drizzle cake like I used to. Apart from Happy of course.

Odds are, I’m not the only one being hassled by a bunch of fairytale freeloaders.

And I’m curious:

When you sit down to write (or work, or start anything meaningful)...

Which of these dwarves pipes up the most?

Hit reply and let me know. I’d be interested to hear which dwarf has been pulling the strings for you recently.

To fulfilment,

Tom

“Stop Fixing Yourself: Wake Up, All is Well”

Most people rave about De Mello’s book Awareness. But Stop Fixing Yourself was the book that really got under my skin.

The book shines a light on how intelligent, motivated and well-meaning folk spend decades trying to fix and improve what was never broken in the first place.

But to get the most juice from this plump and juicy grapefruit of a book, you need a willingness to question stuff you might never have questioned before.

Take this parable from the book as an example:

***

A group of tourists are in a bus that is passing through beautiful country, past lakes and mountains and green fields and rivers. But the window shades in the bus are pulled down. The passengers don't have the slightest idea about what lies outside the windows of the bus. The time of their journey is spent squabbling over who will have the seat of honor in the bus, who will be applauded, and who will be well considered.

And so they remain until the journey's end.

***

This is a bus I know all too well myself.

In my late 20s and early 30s, I spent most of my waking hours dashing from meeting to meeting, working on big transactions, trying to impress the head honchos and collecting accolades like I collect books.

But I’d missed the beauty of the Alps just outside the window.

What De Mello doesn't say, however, is that you don't need to redesign the public transport system to enjoy the scenery.

You don’t even need to get off the bus!

You can raise the blinds, take in the view and still play whatever corporate game you want to play.

It took a two-year sabbatical and a long, hard look at myself before I finally reached up and raised the blinds.

So yes, I'm still on the bus.

In fact, I'm in exactly the same seat.

But the view is completely different.

If you like the sound of staying ambitious in your career without the nagging sense that something beautiful is passing you by, here’s the next stop on your journey:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

I’d forgotten I’d sent that email.

But as we’re almost a sixth of the way through the year (it seems crazy just saying that) I thought it could be a good moment to hit pause, take a step back and see how I’m doing against those plans.

So here we go. My 2026 plans, each with a status update:

*** Keep sending my “week-daily” emails: Nothing much to say here. Yes, I missed a day last week. But I also sent nine emails the week before to promote Dr Giles P Croft’s Relationships Masterclass. The ebbs and flows of daily email life! Onwards…

*** Add 2,000 readers to my newsletter: I’ve added the grand total of diddly squat so far this year. But my new lead magnet (How to Work Your Way) is coming along nicely and I have big plans for this. So let’s see what happens over the next few weeks and months

*** Create an info product: The first draft is done and I’m really excited about this. I’ve taken an insight which has had a HUGE impact on my life. Then I’ve gone deep into the insight, unpacking it from lots of angles, sharing examples and ultimately exploring all the ways this insight has led to more freedom & choice at work (and outside work too). More to come on this one soon…

*** Publish my book Don’t Quit Your Job: The book is done. The cover is pretty much done. The only thing stopping me hit publish is a moment of wisdom (or insanity/procrastination) a few weeks ago when I decided to send the draft book to a big cheese in the non-fiction world to ask for a testimonial. She said she’d be up for reading the book as a starting point. And so now, I wait…

*** Marking my 40th birthday with some sort of amazing one-off offer: This one didn’t happen. Maybe I’ll do a cool offer for my 41st instead

*** Finding more interesting folk to interview about work, careers, success and fulfilment. My interview with Squiggly Career experts Helen Tupper and Sarah Ellis is on the way soon. Let’s see what other opportunities pop up here too

*** Running more Mindset & Clarity Workshops for my banking colleagues. The next workshop is in the bag for March

*** Taking my workshops on the road: No dice here yet but I have the feeling this one will pick up steam soon too. As you might’ve gathered, I’m about spotting opportunities just as much as engineering opportunities for some of these plans – and for the time being, that’s the approach I’m taking with this one

*** Completing my Executive Leadership Coaching Apprenticeship: I’m about 70 hours down, 280 odd hours to go. Ticking along nicely.

Putting that altogether, I’ll give myself a B+.

Not that anyone’s keeping score.

I should also add:

There’s one other goal I’ve set myself since my "start of the year email" and that’s to create a new role at work where all I do is coach. I’ve got a coffee date coming up next week with one of my company’s HR head honchos, so we’ll see what comes from that.

Yes, that might not sound like much progress in 6 weeks.

But then again, one idea which Michael Neill is drumming home in Creating the Impossible (that’s where the idea for my new coaching role sprung form) is that creation is non-linear.

I’ve seen this myself as part of the 50 coaching hours I need to complete for my Apprenticeship. No sooner had I started wondering how to tackle this than I received an email from a colleague who’d taken part in one of my workshops, asking if I could spend an hour coaching each colleague in a talent program he runs.

That program has 25 colleagues.

And while I’m not sure what will come of that, going from 0 to 25 in the space of one email really does hammer home how creation is non-linear.

And yes, how so much of this stuff is out of our control too. Hence not always trying to engineer the opportunities but simply taking the next step and following my nose.

Anyway, I think that’s enough for now.

One of the items on my list this year was “take my workshops on the road”.

So far, the road has remained suspiciously workshop-free. But let’s see if we can do something about that.

If you work somewhere that would like a session on clearer thinking and better decision-making, I’d be delighted to come and run that for you.

Hit reply and let’s chat.

To fulfilment,

Tom

Not because the people handing out advice are numpties (although I’m sure some of them are).

But because by the time they hand out their advice (based on what worked for them – that’s what advice is, after all), the goalposts have shifted.

Perhaps this wasn’t the case in the 1960s. But what worked in the halcyon days of the 1990s or even 2020 is like ancient history today.

I’ve split the last century into 7 eras and 7 questions. And I hereby present my back-of-a-napkin guide to the last 100 years of careers via the question that dominated each era.

Starting with the question most employees were asking 100 years ago:

*** Can I find work? We’ve hopped in our time machine to 1920s – 1940s. These two decades were ravaged by war and depression and work was all about survival. After World War 2, things looked a bit different though and up popped employers who could offer longer term security. Which meant the question then became:

*** Will my work keep me? i.e. the worker gives loyalty to their job and gets stability in return. The classic job for life. All well & good until it wasn’t. Which in the late 1970s led to:

*** How high can I climb? This is when employers stopped rewarding loyalty and started to reward ambition. So what mattered was your job title and climbing the ladder. That lasted until mass lay-offs began about 20 years later. So naturally, the question became:

*** How do I stay valuable? Then in 2008 a tiny financial wobble came along called the Global Financial Crisis which seriously dented society’s trust in companies and the system itself. So people started asking who they could trust. Unsurprisingly, they decided the only entity they could trust….was themselves! So post crisis, the next question became:

*** What can I build? Enter the era of the side hustle, gig economy and creator economy. But then another global curveball called “Covid” came along which got people pondering big topics like time, family and what life was actually for. And so the post-Covid question became:

*** How does work fit my life? And how can I protect my time, my energy, my family, my wellbeing, my health and everything else that matters to me?

Which brings us to 2026.

Yes, the previous questions are still floating around the dusty office corridors.

But there’s a new and more deliberate question on worker’s lips today:

*** How can this all work together?

This is NOT the model where life collapses into work. Instead, it’s the model where our job, our interests, our skills, our knowledge, our experience and our way of making a difference all coalesce into one.

This is something I’m figuring out in real time.

In fact, my writing, my coaching and my day job feel like they’re in symbiosis with one another more than ever. It’s almost impossible to separate them. My job feeds my writing/coaching and my writing/coaching feeds my job. And my colleagues, my readers and my clients are all the better for it. All boats are rising with the tide.

Of course, I’m not saying everyone will want to ask how they can make their work regenerative.

But I am saying that if you want a greater return on the hours you work, if you want work to stop feeling like “lost time” and if you want to make the most of your job without having to fall in love with it, this is now a very real option.

Lots to chew on here.

And while there’s no big takeaway or pithy one-liner to wrap things up today, I do think it pays for corporate bods to keep questions like these in mind.

Not just so you can help the colleague sitting next to you make sense of their career if they ever ask for a spot of advice.

But so you don’t spend your career chasing the answer to a question you never wanted to ask.

If you’d like some help figuring out the right questions for you, you might like this:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

On August 5th 1949, a wildfire swept through a gulch in Helena National Forest in the U.S. state of Montana.

15 smokejumpers were sent to fight the fire and bring it under control.

As they got closer, the wind suddenly picked up. The men fled uphill, cut off from their escape route. That's when the wind grew so strong that the fire turned into a firestorm – a fire so huge that it created its own wind system.

The men raced for their lives as they were chased by a fire now moving at eleven feet per second.

Wagner Dodge, the smokejumpers’ leader, yelled at his men:

“DROP YOUR TOOLS!”

As ordered, two of the men dropped their tools and raced over the edge of a ridge to safety.

The other twelve men clung to their tools and were caught by the flames.

This disaster is known as the Mann Gulch Fire. But it’s not an isolated incident. Over four separate fires in the 1990’s, 23 firefighters chose not to drop their tools as they were chased by flames and perished as a result.

A psychologist called Karl Weick has investigated why firefighters don't drop their tools, even when their lives depend on it.

In his own words:

***

Firefighting tools define the firefighter’s group membership. Given the central role of tools in defining the essence of a firefighter, it is not surprising that dropping one’s tools creates an existential crisis.

***

In simple terms, asking a firefighter to drop his tools is like asking a firefighter to drop what defines him. Not just as a firefighter, but as a person.

By now you might be wondering what this has to do with work/life balance, stress and burnout.

Well, the answer to that is everything.

Take the stress, exhaustion and burnout I felt in the first iteration of my banking career.

Each year when I went for my annual health check, my weight was always a few pounds heavier, my blood pressure a little bit higher, my BMI slightly worse.

The thing was, I didn’t need a bunch of medical instruments to tell me all this.

I could feel it.

I had excruciating headaches which came from nowhere. Some days I was so exhausted that it felt like walking round the office in a trance. On other days my heart pounded in my chest while I sat at my desk, flicking through my emails.

So there were plenty of signs that breaking point was creeping up on me.

But I decided I needed to force my way through, toughen up, push forward and be MORE of a banker. So I kept going.

Ultimately my job became the equivalent of the Mann Gulch fire.

Sure, the "fire" didn’t race up behind me at eleven feet per second.

It crept up slowly instead.

But after 13 years the fire was absolutely raging and a whisker away from engulfing me.

Towards the end of those 13 years, I ended up on Harley Street getting checked out for heart irregularities. Even though the doctors found nothing, the very fact I was referred to get a check-up was a huge wakeup call. And I wasn't neglecting my health or anything like that. I was hitting the gym two or three times a week, running the occasional 5k and eating mostly healthy food (save for the odd tub of Ben & Jerry's).

This was when it finally clicked that my job was the fire and if I kept pushing like I had been, I'd do myself irreparable damage.

But even then, that wasn’t enough to make a change.

I couldn’t change things. I didn’t know how.

Looking back, I can see my job was completely tangled up with the idea of who I was. After 13 years in banking I'd literally become Tom the Banker. And I couldn’t abandon who I was.

Eventually my body took matters into its own hands.

I was sitting on Lauren’s sofa (this was back in the early days of our blossoming relationship), mug of Earl Grey tea in hand, when I broke down. The tears flowed down my cheeks and once they started, they didn’t stop.

Luckily Lauren was on hand to sit next to me, give me a big hug and just be with me (she knew exactly what to do) while years of bottled-up pain broke through like a dam bursting its defences.

Finally, I paid attention. I took a six month sabbatical from work and halfway through the sabbatical I quit my job.

You might think the point I’m about to make is that I should’ve quit my job sooner. That I should’ve dropped my banking tools like the smokejumpers dropped theirs.

But actually, that’s not what I’m getting at.

If you’re stressed, exhausted and on the road to burnout, you can press pause before you get caught by the flames.

You don’t need to drop your tools, your skills, your knowledge or your expertise.

You don’t need to drop your job either.

All you need to drop is the idea that your job is who you are.

Which means all you need to drop is an idea. All you need to drop is a thought.

When I saw who I was beneath my job, my job title, my tasks, my boss’s feedback, the targets I hit (or didn’t hit) and my thoughts & feelings about my job, it changed everything.

I discovered that my job wasn't actually the fire. The fire was the idea that I WAS my job.

I'm now back in my old job.

And seeing that my job is something I do (i.e. not something I am) is why the stress & exhaustion have lost their grip. It's why my headaches have fallen away and why a space has opened up to step into a job and life that feels like mine.

This is a huge part of why I started coaching rather than just sitting on my hands and keeping all this stuff to myself.

I want anyone trapped in their job who can feel the flames getting closer to know that the fire can lose its fuel.

If you can relate to the same exhaustion, that tightness in your chest or the sense that your job has taken over your life, you don't have to wait for your body to force the issue like I did.

You don't have to take two years out of work and burn through your savings either.

If you're ready to come alive at work again without quitting or starting over, I can help you do that.

Join my waiting list here and I'll be in touch:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

Steven Bartlett was interviewing the modern day Indian sage Sadhguru.

At one point, Sadhguru asked Steven if he’d prefer his intellect to be blunt or sharp.

Unsurprisingly, Steven plumped for sharp.

Sadhguru went on:

“If I give you a sharp instrument like a knife, you must be very conscious how you move your hand. This is why we don't give a knife to a child. Their hand is not steady enough.

It’s not because the knife is dangerous though. Never in history has a knife jumped up and stabbed somebody. It’s the hand that’s dangerous. The hand can chop vegetables. It can also do surgery and save somebody's life or hurt somebody and take their life.

All these things, the hand does. Not the knife.

Your intellect is a sharp instrument too. And once you have a sharp instrument you must know how to hold it.

The only problem is, nobody does.

Everybody is hurting themselves and they think something is wrong with life. You could call this stress, anxiety, misery…whatever you want to call it. But essentially we have the sharp instrument of our intellects and without knowing it, we’re hurting ourselves”

This last bit stopped me in the middle of folding a woolly pink sock.

I NEVER would’ve joined the dots between my oh-so-precious intellect and my stress.

Never.

If anything, my intellect was my jewel in the crown. It was by my side as I aced my exams at school and took down poker tournaments in Las Vegas. And when it came to my stress, my intellect was the obvious tool to figure out how to be less stressed.

In fact, it was the only tool I thought could fix my stress.

But actually, in the last 3 or 4 years I've come round to Sadhguru's idea more and more. I think I have been using my intellect in various unhelpful and stress-provoking ways.

For instance:

My intellect was always very good at grabbing random "what ifs" about a normal Tuesday morning meeting, analysing everything that could go wrong in that meeting and then building a watertight case for why I should be stressed.

So my intellect wasn’t observing my stress. It was manufacturing it.

This got me thinking:

What if the way to sharpen our intellects and hold them more safely is to take our thoughts less seriously, not more seriously?

Maybe that sounds absurd. Especially to anyone reading this who's studied hard, acquired a bunch of know-how and had lots of success as a result. But I’m not talking about knowledge so much as I am about thoughts. Thoughts like opinions, rules, judgements, beliefs, mental commentary, second-guessing and “what-ifs”.

It’s really no different to sharpening a knife.

No-one ever sharpened a knife by adding more metal. You sharpen a knife by subtracting metal instead.

All of which brings me to the nub:

A few months ago, I ran a Subtraction Method workshop for NYT bestselling author Anne-Laure Le Cunff’s community. A few months before that, I ran a similar workshop for daily email maestro John Bejakovic's readers.

At the heart of the workshops was the idea that dropping our mental clutter is what helps us see through the illusion there’s something wrong with life.

If you have a team or community of people who might enjoy a fresh perspective on stress, overthinking and getting smarter via the art of subtraction, I’d love to run a workshop for you too.

Hit reply if so and we’ll take it from there.

To fulfilment,

Tom

Today, I want to make things practical.

I’m a card carrying member of the mid-career crew myself. And over the last couple of years, I’ve been shifting lanes and ended up landing myself a spot on a 15 month Coaching Apprenticeship, generously sponsored by work.

Along the way, I’ve learned a few things about what helps when it comes to switching lanes mid-career at the same employer.

Of course, there’s no step-by-step process or one-size-fits-all approach here. So If you’re thinking about mixing things up in your career, I suggest picking one or two points that land with you and then feeling your way into them rather than trying to cookie-cutter your way to your next career pit-stop.

That being said, here’s what I suggest:

*** Be good at your job. Perhaps too obvious to mention. But if I was half-arsing my day job, there’s no way the powers that be would’ve okayed my coaching application

*** Shout your ambitions from the rooftops. This one was a learning curve for me. I started off very gingerly, almost like I had a guilty secret by working in banking while harbouring ambitions to do more coaching. Big mistake. I’m a lot more open about my coaching now and rarely miss an opportunity to talk about my workshops and the Mindset & Clarity Beach Bar forum I’ve set up. What I’ve discovered is that the more people who know you want to shift lanes, the more people who can help

*** When you do talk about your ambitions, speak passionately, fervently and even obsessively about your career shift. Leave no room for doubt that you’re all in. Clarity & certainty are contagious and if done right, you’ll get other people onboard

*** So much the better if it’s senior people who catch that clarity. One endorsement from your departmental MD is worth fifty endorsements from Bob in Accounts (sorry Bob, but it’s true)

*** Don’t just warble on about how committed you are to shifting lanes. Demonstrate it too. I ran 50+ Mindset & Clarity workshops side of desk for my banking colleagues before snagging my Coaching Apprenticeship. Having these in the bag undoubtedly helped to grease the wheels when it came to my apprenticeship application

*** I could also show how my apprenticeship would benefit my colleagues. Very clearly in this case, given all the workshop testimonials. Sure, this isn’t easily done if you’re not running workshops like I was. But there’s no excuse not to have a cracking answer to the question “how will mixing up my career benefit my colleagues and my company”

*** Expect your change of direction to feel ambiguous and lean into that. Don’t mistake discomfort for a sign you’re shifting into the wrong lane

*** Stay calm if nothing is happening. Trying to get a corporate organisation to shift with you is like trying to turn an oil tanker in the Panama Canal. It would be strange if things didn’t take a while

*** And perhaps most importantly of all, don’t think of yourself as your current position. Yes, no-one “is” their position, job or job title anyway. But what I really mean is: think of yourself as in motion. So it’s less “this is what I do” and more “this is where I’m heading”. This way, you won’t be fighting against yourself by reinforcing the very gridlock you’re trying to avoid

Incidentally, this is what the Buddhist idea of the “Middle Way” looks like in practice at work. It’s threading the needle of not waiting passively to be noticed, but not blowing things up either. So you’re moving deliberately, visibly and patiently all at the same time.

Perhaps that all sounds very calculated.

But when I snagged my Coaching Apprenticeship, there was nothing calculated about it whatsoever. It’s not like I took Michael Neill’s Genius Catalyst Certification program in order to run a Mindset Workshop at work, then to run 50+ more, then to get a bunch of awesome testimonials, then to send those testimonials to HR, then to ask for a coaching apprenticeship.

A calculated domino run like that would never work.

I like the way the American "supercoach" Michael Neill talks about this. He says our path in life doesn't reveal itself like a room flooded with light. It’s more like walking with a lantern where taking one step reveals the next. And the steps above are me looking back at the path I’ve been on and sharing what worked rather than unveiling a 13-step plan I conjured out of thin air three years ago.

It took me a while to come round to the lantern idea, being the cold & calculating chess player that I am. Planning countless steps ahead was always second nature.

But the lantern is just common sense.

Having the next five years of your career plotted out today isn’t just a fantasy but also puts blinkers on you when it comes to new opportunities that arise as and when you’re in action mode.

So I’ll add this to the points above too:

The way to shift lanes isn’t to plot & plan with military precision but to let it unfold.

I think that’s all I’ve got to say about this for today.

Except, perhaps, for this:

There was one other thing I did when I asked work to sponsor my Coaching Apprenticeship which was much more tactical.

You could even say it was a bit sneaky. It’s a negotiation technique I borrowed from one of the old school masters of persuasion. It's something I’m sure most corporate professionals do too when they’re pitching a project or negotiating numbers, even if they don’t realise it.

Now, I have no way to prove whether or not I would’ve got the apprenticeship if I hadn’t used this tactic.

All I can say is that I ended up getting it, so it can’t have done much harm.

If you want to know what this sneaky tactic is, here’s the deal:

Hit reply. In your reply, tell me the number one thing you‘d love to change about your job (or your work if you don’t have a “job” in the traditional sense).

In return, I’ll send you this tactic. Then you can try it yourself.

Deal or no deal?

To fulfilment,

Tom

(not sure if he wants me naming him, so keeping him anon)

It seems to me that it’s much easier for junior colleagues or very senior colleagues to be mobile / agile in their careers, but for those of us in the middle - much harder. Why is that? Do our employers want established performers to stay in their seats delivering rather than challenging themselves? If you want to try new things in the middle of your career, how to go about it?

There’s a lot of truth to this.

In fact, there's a broader pattern at play here.

Behaviour naturally polarises. There will be exceptions of course. But this is why most people are left wing or right wing, why most parents are hands-on or hands-off, and so on. It’s rare to find anyone who adopts the Buddhist idea of “The Middle Way” (i.e. who recognises that life pulls us to extremes and that clarity comes from seeing this pattern and finding a more balanced middle way instead).

The mid-career gridlock trap is no different.

Sure, it’s structural polarisation rather than individual polarisation.

But it’s still textbook polarisation.

And I’d argue polarisation runs riot in the workplace.

Why do I say that?

Well, take the bright eyed and bushy tailed juniors. They’re hungry and full of potential. A total blank canvas. So they’ve got permission to try stuff, make mistakes, break things, explore, be agile, move around, learn out loud and smudge the paint (so to speak). In fact, they’d raise eyebrows if they didn’t.

Then there’s the senior bods.

They’ve got gravitas, status and credibility on their side. So they can recast their roles and rewrite their scenes whenever they want. And nobody questions these script changes because that’s what the senior colleagues are there for. Their job (amongst other things) is to challenge the status quo.

Then we come to the mid-career professionals.

These colleagues have a track record now. They’re too established to be labelled as “potential”. So their value is all about that stable, predictable, output-driven track record. Which means anyone trying to shift lanes is pushing back against their own output (an output the system has already priced in).

That’s how it looks to me.

But here’s what interests me more:

Is the corporate system really the villain? After all, the logic seems to stack up.

Or does the gridlock operate more like a self-fulfilling prophecy in the sense that thinking “this is just how it works” makes the gridlock feel more real than it is?

I happen to think it’s the latter.

That’s not me saying the system has nothing to answer for.

It absolutely does.

But it is me saying the mid-career crew are nowhere near as boxed in as they think they are. I discovered this first hand when, as a tasty sandwich filling myself (I’m a not-too-junior and not-too-senior colleague i.e. wedged nicely in the middle), my employer said yes to a career detour and sponsored me on a 15 month Executive Coaching Apprenticeship at the end of the last year.

Certainly not a common result.

Especially when I work in a banking team which has diddly squat to do with HR, People or L&D.

And yet, agree they did.

Which takes us to the second part of the reader’s question:

If you want to try new things in the middle of your career, how to go about it?

Soon, I’ll be publishing an interview with the authors of the Sunday Times Bestseller Squiggly Careers on this very topic. So if you’re pondering a similar question, I suggest keeping an eye on this newsletter.

Having said that, snagging the Coaching Apprenticeship has taught me a few things about how to shift lanes in the middle of a career. The Buddhist’s “Middle Way” concept had a big part to play here too (I don't call myself The Buddha of Banking for nothing!)

Tomorrow, I’ll spill the beans on how I pulled it off and what I suggest if you’re looking to try something new without derailing your career.

Until then.

To fulfilment,

Tom

To celebrate, here are 40 ways to know when a desire is genuinely yours (as opposed to something you’ve talked yourself into or merely think you want).

Why am I writing this list?

Because I want to!

Buckle up. Here we go:

1. The things you REALLY want feel like a kind of gentle nudge that show up in your quietest moments (in the shower, going for a walk, sitting on the bog) rather than in your loudest, busiest moments
2. That nudge is still there in the louder moments too though, kind of like a flute at a house party. The music is playing but it might be harder to tune in
3. If your ears are ringing with everyone else’s playlist for life, turn down the volume and you’ll find your background music is ready & waiting for you
4. You could describe this background music as a “strange pull”. In the words of Rumi, “let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray”
5. Having said that, the more you ignore this pull, the louder it gets
6. The Father of Motivation Wayne Dyer described it thus: “The attempt to get your attention may take the form of an ulcer, or being fired from a stifling job, or being brought to your knees with an accident” i.e. your authentic wants are trying to FIND YOU
7. It might not be that dramatic though. Sometimes the sign is that you don’t lose interest, even if you can’t act on it right away. Here are a few more:
8. Authentic wants make you gasp, grin or giggle (in the words of Michael Neill)
9. You could say they “light you up”. That’s a nice way of putting it too
10. They feel like you’re moving “warmer” in a lifelong game of “warmer/colder”
11. They come with a full stop attached (a “period” for all my readers across the pond). Inauthentic desire comes with lots of commas instead
12. Another way of saying this is that authentic wants are clear, obvious and self-contained
13. So it’s not about the outcome. It’s about the act
14. Which means the want exists purely for its own sake
15. You could even say it IS the end rather than a means to an end
16. As Maya Angelou put it: "A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song"
17. That means whenever you get asked “but WHY do you want to do that”, you probably won’t have a great answer. You might not have an answer at all!
18. But it doesn’t matter. In fact, you still want your want even if no-one else knows you want it
19. You’re certainly not wanting it to impress anyone
20. Nor are you trying to prove your worth
21. Thoreau said it like this: "If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away"
22. So a want is authentic when it’s personal and unique to you
23. i.e. it’s not something your parents, partner, boss or mentor have suggested. Of course, it could be. But only as a coincidence and not as the driver of that desire
24. So the want doesn’t start with “I should”…
25. …or “I must”…
26. …or “I ought to”
27. Nor is an authentic want a “good use of your time”…
28. …or “the smart thing to do”…
29. …or the “sensible thing to do”…
30. …or a way to overcome FOMO
31. Authentic wants don't come from your memory or your past either. They're fresh, not recycled
32. And for the love of Microsoft Excel, authentic wants categorically DON’T come from a spreadsheet, a financial model, a pros & cons list or any other framework, template or tool
33. In fact, authentic wants often appear from nowhere when you stop trying to figure out what you want
34. So they often don't feel like they come from YOU at all
35. Instead, your authentic wants might feel like they’re connecting to something much larger than you...
36. ...almost like a bird flying north for summer. The bird isn’t consulting a map or a five year plan. It just knows what it’s meant to do
37. It might even have a feeling of aliveness, fizziness and quiet excitement
38. And with that comes a feeling of “what if”, “ooooh, I could try this” or even “let’s play!”
39. Whatever the case, genuine wants don’t have a bunch of reasons attached. They have energy attached instead
40. Michael Neill goes one step further when he says “The amount of reasons you have for doing something is inversely proportional to how much you want to do it.”

I think that’s a nice way to wrap up this list.

So what do I want?

Two things, as it happens.

First:

To celebrate my birthday this evening with Lauren, an M&S chicken & mushroom pie, a tasty bottle of Chilean red and a board game session. All while Baby Grundy snoozes away soundly in her cot.

And the second?

I want to know which line struck a chord. Which line had the biggest ring of truth for you.

If you want to, hit reply and let me know.

That’s it for today.

To fulfilment,

Tom

Did you know some body parts are redundant?

Take wisdom teeth. My extensive research on Google tells me that back in the days of cave dwellers and mammoth chasers, wisdom teeth were useful for grinding tough plants and chewing raw meat.

Nowadays we're not gnawing raw meat quite so much.

The tailbone is another example. Tailbones are long lost remnants from when our ancestors had tails.

Another redundant body part?

The male nipple. As far as science can tell, nipples serve no purpose for men.

So far, so good.

But get this:

Worry is exactly the same.

Your worry, my worry and everyone else’s worry is redundant. It serves no purpose.

This might seem like an off-the-wall statement, but let’s consider the evidence:

1. Does worrying help us prepare for when disaster strikes?

Well, I don’t think it does. I’m not saying we don’t need to prepare sometimes. But what I'm saying is that preparation doesn’t require worry, nor is it aided by worry. If anything, I prepare better when I'm thinking clearly, not worrying.

1. Does worrying stop disaster from striking in the first place? Is it preventative in some way?

Well, how would that work? Worrying is just repetitive thinking. As far as I can see, there’s no mechanism linking what happens in my head with what happens in the world. Worrying about whether I’ll miss my flight has no bearing on whether I will.

1. Does worrying show we’re a responsible, selfless, loving, caring human?

I don’t see the link here either.

Somewhere along the way, we've confused caring with anxious thinking.

In fact, when I cast my mind back to some of my biggest worries, I can see how my worry was really all about me (i.e. my own fears or need to be in control), even if I told myself I was worrying about someone else.

1. Does worrying motivate us to take action?

Sure, it can do. I’ll give you this one.

But what if it didn’t need to? What if we could live our lives from a place of inspired, aligned and authentic action, rather than using worry as our compass? Wouldn’t that be a more peaceful way to go through life? Wouldn’t that make worry redundant too?

(by the way – if I’ve missed a reason why worry isn’t redundant, hit reply and let me know)

If someone had told me three or four years ago that my constant fretting was redundant, self-defeating or just my ego talking, I would’ve felt REALLY misunderstood. Tough love like that might’ve come across as dismissive or out of touch too.

Yet here I am, three or four years later, with my worry at an all-time low.

Not at zero, mind you.

But night and day vs how it used to be.

And I can honestly say the biggest thing that’s allowed me to turn down the dial on my own catastrophising and self-doubt is realising my worry is surplus to requirements.

In fact, the only difference between my left nipple and my worry (apart from one being a body part and the other being an emotion) is this:

I was born with my left nipple. But I wasn’t born with my worry.

No-one is born with worry.

Worry is a behaviour we learn as we start creating stories and attach meaning to random events. Scroll up and you’ll see four of these stories in action.

The good news is what’s learnt can be unlearnt. What’s been added can also be subtracted.

If you’d like to get started, nip over here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

"The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them"

Perhaps that sounds overly simplistic. Especially when everyone’s selling a system.

But when you strip it right back, it's clear the right way to do anything is by doing it the way that works.

By definition.

And you'll never know what works before action. That’s not how knowing works.

You can only know it through action.

Of course, I'm not talking about mechanical tasks like wiring a plug or boiling an egg.

I'm talking about creativity, judgment and people.

i.e. messy, illogical HUMAN domains.

There’s no right way to choose your career, raise your kids, navigate conflict, lead a team, make a big decision or figure out whether to trust someone…

Apart from the way that works.

Which means the right way ISN’T the way that’s been carefully planned out, the way that’s worked before, the way that’s been presented as a four step process or the way the experts suggest. Nor is it the way with the least risk, the most risk, the one that makes you look most impressive (or least impressive) or the one that’s easiest to explain to your partner, child or boss.

Bottom line is this:

If you feel stuck more than you’d like and you sense there must be another way, you could be right.

You could be trying to figure out how to swim before you get in the water.

If you’d like some help finding the way that’s right for you, whatever your situation, you might enjoy working with me.

More info here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

When he was still alive & kicking, Krishnamurti was widely seen as THE expert on topics like the limits of effort and how the mind creates fear. This is the guy who spent his life “watching” his mind while ignoring the teachings and techniques of his peers. He also ended up publicly binning the guru setup that raised him, but that’s a story for another day.

Still, a fascinating chap.

He’s not the most accessible though. Some of his books merit a long lie down with a cold towel after just a page or two. In fact, I could barely make it through a paragraph of Krishnamurti’s Freedom from the Known as I kicked back on a sun lounger in the South of France last year (the inflatable pink unicorn bobbing up & down in the pool might’ve had something to do with that too...)

Anyway, if you care about your job but feel over-stretched or like work is taking over, his teachings are well worth a look.

Take this zinger from Krishnamurti for instance:

“Here is my secret: I don’t mind what happens”

On first blush, you might think JK (not Rowling) has completely stopped caring.

But he’s not saying that at all.

Take someone who DOES mind what happens at work. These are the people who spend 15 minutes arguing over a single word in an email, who try to clarify situations before anyone is even confused or over-explain decisions that don’t need to be justified. Inevitably they’re the folk who are stressed, tense and under pressure too. And this leaks into life outside work. Their work comes with them wherever they go.

Now take the corporate bods who don’t mind what happens.

These people let small things stay small, see situations as they actually are and channel their energy in the right directions. They also know when something genuinely needs attention and they deal with it cleanly, quickly and without drama - even if they’re running at 100mph, as they will be sometimes. But when work ends, it ends.

There’s nothing uncaring about that as far as I can see.

Which brings us to the nub:

Whether or not you care is missing the point. What matters is whether or not you MIND.

If you link your peace of mind to your outcomes at work, you’ll feel under threat whenever an outcome’s at risk and thus do whatever you can to control those outcomes.

But if you don’t mind, you won’t. If your happiness, self-esteem or sense of fulfilment is not at stake even if (or when) things go belly up at work, you won’t try to bend your job to your agenda. You'll just do what's needed instead.

I know it’s subtle, but I’m sure this is what Krishnamurti’s secret is getting at.

Yes, it’s an inconvenient secret for most corporate folk. There’s no system to implement, no work to delegate and no way to optimise this secret. You can’t use this secret to look busy or virtuous either.

But if you want to care about your job without it owning you, this is the direction to look in.

As it happens, it’s the exact journey I’ve been on too.

That’s why my coaching is literally built around the idea of caring about your job without it owning you.

If that sounds like something you’d like, all the info’s here:

https://signup.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

Scott Adams, the creator of the Dilbert comic strips, died yesterday.

I first stumbled on Scott on an episode of the Tim Ferriss Show. We’re going back almost a decade now, but I remember Scott waxing lyrical on random topics like hypnosis, the creative process and how he turned Dilbert into the success it became.

I was utterly drawn in.

Scott came across as someone who thought deeply and who wasn’t afraid to go against the grain.

Take his main ethos for example:

The power of NOT being world-class.

This might raise a few eyebrows in a culture which says “always aim for greatness”.

But Scott advocated the idea that it’s not how skilful you are that matters. What matters is the number of skills you have.

Scott put it like this:

“I’m a rich and famous cartoonist who doesn’t draw well. At social gatherings, I’m not the funniest person in the room. My writing skills are good, not great. I also have years of corporate business experience which most cartoonists do not. In the early years of Dilbert, my business experience served as fodder for the comic. Eventually I discovered my business skills were essential in navigating Dilbert from a cult hit to a household name”

This "good + good > excellent" idea casts doubt on the idea that we need world class talent or ungodly amounts of hard work to achieve success.

In fact, on 4th May 2023 I wrote a daily email about my plan to use this EXACT idea from Scott in my writing/coaching biz.

And I have.

Clearly I'm not a world class coach. I’m not a world class writer either. But since I took my first dainty steps almost four years ago and then diligently studied, practised and applied myself ever since, I’ve got to the point where my coaching and writing combo is standing on its own two feet.

Plus, like Scott, I have an ace up my sleeve:

15+ years of corporate banking experience.

Scott was a master at poking at the nuttiness of office life in his Dilbert comics. And while I take a similar view to Scott (we should all look at corporate life with a cartoonist’s eye), knowing how corporate life works (the people, the politics, the processes and what gets the head honchos perking up) is one hell of an advantage when it comes to running my Mindset & Clarity workshops and Mindset & Clarity Beach Bar.

Corporate life is the spark for many of my daily emails too.

Back to Scott though:

Scott would LITERALLY use his job to support his cartoonish ambitions.

In his autobiography How To Fail At Almost Everything And Still Win Big (worth a read or three), Scott writes about the time he got diagnosed with focal dystonia. This is basically hand muscle cramps and NOT what you want when you rely on your hands for your craft.

When Scott saw a doctor and asked about the cure, the answer was blunt:

There is no cure.

In Scott’s words:

“My dream of being a cartoonist for the rest of my life was over unless I found a way to be the first person in the world to beat focal dystonia”

So what did he do?

Back to Scott:

“At my day job, as I sat through endless boring meetings, I started practicing my drawing motion by touching my pen to paper for a full second before feeling the onset of a pinkie spasm. Eventually it was two seconds, then five.

One day, after I trained myself to hold pen to paper for several seconds without a spasm, my brain suddenly and unexpectedly rewired itself and removed the dystonia altogether.

My hand doctor said I’m part of the literature on this topic now”

A better story I could not find to demonstrate Scott Adams’ attitude to life. He didn’t wallow in misery, throw his arms in the air or resign himself to his fate. He just adjusted to reality and kept going.

I think that might even be the whole secret to life right there.

It was something Scott Adams epitomised too.

I mentioned Scott’s book just now. Well, there’s a chapter in the book where Scott lists out his favourite failures. There are too many to mention here. But reading how Scott created a meditation guide which sold three copies, invested his savings into the corporate success story Enron and even tried to create a food product from Dilbert’s success (a burrito called the Dilberito - I shit you not) was in equal parts surprising and inspiring.

It really rammed home the idea that yes, there will be failures along the way.

But what separates the people who are moving from those standing still is what they do with those failures.

Scott gave good advice on how to do this too.

He explained it using his dog, Snickers. When Snickers decided it was playtime, she’d follow Scott around and stare at him with such intensity that eventually he’d stop doodling and take her into his yard. So from Snickers' perspective, playtime wasn’t up to Scott. It was up to how hard she stared.

Scott’s point was that we all live inside our own interpretations, most of which are probably wrong. So we might as well pick the ones that make life lighter, happier or more workable.

That’s spot on.

We do it without realising too.

In fact, Scott’s comic strips themselves were the perfect example of how we all fill in the blanks.

Scott deliberately gave Dilbert no last name, never named Dilbert’s company and even Dilbert’s boss didn’t get a name. Scott did this so his readers projected their own workplace onto the comic strips. That way, the strip became about their job too.

Fascinating stuff. It's also one of the hypnosis principles Scott talked about on that podcast with Ferriss.

Anyway, I’ve been typing away for a while now .

But I did want to pay my respects to a guy who had a huge influence on my coaching, my writing and my life. Scott’s teachings are baked into everything I do like sugar is baked into a chocolate cake.

Not least his knack for adjusting to reality instead of fighting it.

That feels like a useful thing to bear in mind today.

If this email has piqued your interest for all things Scott Adams, I’d highly suggest checking out his books.

RIP Scott.

To fulfilment,

Tom

In particular, what's changed between the frazzled, bitter Tom from v1 of my banking career vs the calmer, more upbeat and dare I say more productive Tom the Banker from v2.

I always have a different answer.

So I figured it could be interesting to pause for a moment and ask myself this:

What’s working for me at work right now, at the start of 2026, as I write this very email from Fort Grundy’s turret office at 7.53am on Wed 14th Jan?

So that’s what I’m doing.

Here we go:

*** I’m not trying to think my way out of uncertainty. Of course, corporate life is almost DEFINED by uncertainty. But realising the undeniable truth of this (i.e. seeing that corporate life always was, always is and always will be one steaming, bubbling hotpot of uncertainty) has helped me take uncertainty in my stride more than ever

*** I’m not trying to sound impressive. I’d rather just sound like myself

*** I’m happy to let my career look messier than it “should”. I ripped the band aid off here when I took my 6 month sabbatical then quit my job in 2021 before going BACK to my old job 2 years later. So anything I do today is small fry compared to that. But being more okay with a less traditional, more Tom-friendly path has certainly taken the pressure off trying to tick the tried & tested corporate boxes. Side note, but I’m looking forward to what Sunday Times bestselling authors Helen Tupper and Sarah Ellis say about this too when I publish their interview on squiggly careers soon.

Related to this:

*** Today, in Jan 2026, I know I’m not defined by my job. Yes, the coaching and writing alongside the banking has made my Tom the Banker suit & tie feel lighter. But this one goes way deeper. The more I see that I’m not my job, my CV, my personality, my past, my future, my strengths, my weaknesses, my thoughts or my feelings, the more perspective I have and the steadier I become

*** I don’t try to be calm any more. It’s counterintuitive, but the calmer I try to be, the less calm I am

*** I don’t try to make decisions before I know what to decide. The simplicity of this today compared to say 5 or 10 years ago is staggering. There were oodles of moments in my first career where I had a tricky email to deal with, a project going off the rails or a transaction blowing up. And my strategy was to try to FORCE the next step, rather than take the next step when I knew what next step to take. A bit like taking a bite from a hard, green, furry, unripe banana vs simply waiting for the banana to ripen

*** I’ve reduced my tolerance for stress. I’m quicker than I ever have been to notice when I’m getting in a tizz. And when I do notice, I shut it down if I can. Tom the Banker from v1 would’ve seen shutting down his stress as counterproductive. But Buddha of Banking Tom knows less stress makes him better at his job (and it feels much nicer too)

*** I’m not trying to feel motivated before I start work. Back in the day, I’d dig deep to find as much determination and willpower as I could to get going on another 12 or 14 hour day. It really was one almighty internal tug of war to summon up the oomph just to open my laptop lid. But today, motivation looks like an output, not an input. So if and when I don’t feel like work (it happens – I’m only human), I just start working anyway

Interestingly enough, most of these things are stopping something rather than starting something.

Yet another feather in the cap for The Subtraction Method.

If you’d like to stop fighting your job and start flowing with it instead, you might like this:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

It all has to do with the dummy (aka pacifier for my readers across the pond) we sometimes pop in Baby Grundy’s mouth.

There are times when we’re pounding the mean streets of North East London, driving in the Grundy-mobile or sitting on a flight when for some unknown reason, Baby Grundy decides that the dummy is absolutely NOT what is called for. And before we know it, she’s filled her cheeks with oxygen and launched the dummy into the air with such force that it could easily take out a low flying pigeon.

Cue me or Lauren scrabbling around trying to find said dummy. And most of the time this is easier said than done, especially if the dummy has fallen through a gap between the seats.

So what is this hack that I speak of?

We attach a chunky plastic chain to the dummy.

This means when Baby Grundy catapults her dummy into orbit, it doesn’t go as far. Plus the surface area of the dummy/chain combo takes up more space so it doesn’t go missing like it used to.

A clever little bodge, I’m sure you’ll agree.

But what does this have to do with finding time to do the things you want to do?

Everything!

I remember American supercoach Michael Neill saying on a recent mastermind call that there are only two ways to let your projects die.

Those two ways?

One is lack of attention. The other is suffocation.

Well, increasing the surface area (“ITSA”) is the antidote. It’s a way to take out both these unwelcome birds with one well-aimed stone. That’s because when you increase the surface area of whatever you’d like to complete or create, those things turn into living, breathing and very visible entities. So they don’t disappear through the cracks any more.

Of course, increasing the surface area is a metaphor.

It’s not a “do this, then do that” kind of tip.

I know that might disappoint anyone looking for a ten step process. There’s no vision boards to dust off here, no post-it notes to stick above your monitor or to-do lists to crunch your way through.

Just a different way of thinking about things which might prompt some new ideas.

So if you like it, feel free to use it.

If you don't, don't.

Before I wrap up:

If you’ve got long-standing dreams, goals or ambitions that have been knocking around for months or years but always end up at the bottom of your list, I can help you find the time, space and energy to turn those into a reality.

Here’s where to go next if so:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

When I took my first shaky footsteps into the merry world of office life, everyone looked so impressive.

They sounded impressive too.

There was lots of talk about being “swamped again”, “buried in deadlines” and “running on fumes”. I overheard colleagues chit chat about how they were flying to New York for a two hour meeting or brag about how many holidays they hadn’t used so far that year.

It was clear that being in demand really mattered.

13 years of corporate banking later, I burnt out and quit my job.

As I was packing my bags to recharge on a beach in Thailand, a little-known bug called “Covid” came along (you might’ve heard of it) and my tropical trip got replaced by lockdown in Casa Grundy.

Fast forward a couple of years. That’s when I went back to the spreadsheets and slide decks.

This time, things looked different.

Covid had lifted the lid on something.

When I peeked into my colleagues’ diaries, I could see hours blocked out for "focus time", "me time" and "no meetings". I was joining Teams calls with colleagues beaming in from AirBnBs in Lisbon and cosy cottages in the Cotswolds. Client dinners had turned into lunches or breakfasts so colleagues could see their kids after work.

What’s more, my colleagues weren’t hiding any of this.

Sure, they were still busy.

But they weren’t bragging about being heroically busy. Instead, they were openly working on their terms.

So looking like you're in demand matters much less than it did pre-Covid. What matters now is being in control of your time.

Today, I’d like to predict the next big corporate trend:

Being in control of your mind.

This isn't even a bold prediction. If anything, it’s already started.

I was chatting with a Leadership Coach pal a few weeks ago. He was telling me how his clients don’t want resilience or productivity coaching (understandably – the leaders he coaches are some of the most resilient and productive people you’ll ever meet). Instead, his clients want an unshakeable focus so when they sit in a boardroom making multi-million pound decisions, they can be there, actually IN the board room, with access to the part of their brain they need to make a huge call under insane amounts of pressure.

Closer to home, one of our regional offices now has a musical instrument room where colleagues can go to bang the bongos and clear their heads.

This would’ve been satire a few years ago.

Today, it's reality.

I have to say, this shift towards mental clarity makes a lot of sense to me. I can see some of my colleagues starting to catch on too.

After all, what's the point of having flexibility if you can't think clearly in the moments that count? What's the point of “focus time” if you can’t focus when you have it? And what's the point of being in the room for the big decision if you're too caught up to access your clearest thinking?

All of which prompts the question:

How do you actually DO that? How do you stay calm under pressure, make the right decisions and still have energy left at the end of the day?

My colleagues who took one of the 50+ Mindset & Clarity workshops I ran over the last 18 months will have heard me share some ideas on the “how to”.

In fact, one colleague posted this on LinkedIn after a workshop:

"Tom's thought leadership and raw personal storytelling hit home in the best way —authentic, uplifting, and packed with practical wisdom. I left feeling not just inspired, but equipped. So many reflections I can actually action starting now"

If you’d like to get ahead of the curve and learn how to stay calm under pressure, access clearer thinking and find that unshakeable focus, I can help.

For one-on-one support, click this link:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

Yes, not something most of us lose much sleep over. My own fleeting brush with showbiz stardom was about 30 years ago. That’s when my left hand was broadcast across the UK on the cult classic kid’s TV Show “Live and Kicking” as I waved it past John Cleese’s face during his chat with Zoe Ball.

A true blink-and-you’d-miss-it Hollywood moment.

Anyway, Jim’s warning applies just as much to the corporate world.

In fact, I’d argue it applies even more so, given the millions of 9to5ers working their way up the org chart and hoping success will lead them to the promised land.

Jim’s short story goes like this…

When he was a young whippersnapper, Jim made himself a plan:

Get rich, get famous, then kick back and enjoy life.

To his credit, Jim pulled off parts 1 & 2 with a string of hits like Dumb & Dumber, The Mask, Bruce Almighty and the arthouse favourite, Sonic the Hedgehog.

By his mid-30s, Jim was one of the biggest movie stars on the planet, earning massive wonga and living the jet-set lifestyle.

But instead of feeling settled and fulfilled, Jim ended up feeling lost, low and depressed.

He’s on record as saying “I wish everyone could get rich and famous and have everything they ever dreamed of so they can see it’s not the answer.”

I’ve been there myself.

Not the rich and famous jet-setting version, but certainly the corporate equivalent:

Work hard, get promoted and get the title. Then breathe easy once I'd "made it".

But just like getting rich and famous isn’t the answer, I’m not so sure that promotions and titles are the answer either. Not if the question you’re asking is “how do I earn the right to relax?” or “how do I build a life where I don’t have to worry”?

Not because there’s anything good or bad about building a career.

If you want to build a career, go ahead and build a career. Build it because you love the work, you enjoy the challenge or you want to get better at what you do.

But if you’re building your career to earn the right to relax, you’re looking in the wrong place.

You won’t find the specs you’re wearing by searching all over the house. And nor will you find relaxation or a worry-free life at the end of the corporate ladder.

Having said all that, there IS a way to “switch on” that very same relaxation and peace of mind.

Best of all it has diddly squat to do with your job, your job title or your reputation in Hollywood.

This is where my coaching comes in.

In fact, my coaching is tailor made for anyone ready to find more freedom and fulfilment right here, right now without upgrading their job title or snagging their next promotion.

All the info’s here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

*** I collect books like they’re going out of fashion. I even read some of them

*** I’m very British. I love drinking cups of tea, eating fish & chips and going to the pub. I also have a dry sense of humour, hate small talk and I’m overly polite. That’s not my opinion on the last one by the way. Lauren tells me I’m too polite, and she's not alone. Even an old boss once told me I was too polite for my own good

*** I keep a deck of cards in my office at Fort Grundy (right next to my laptop) and I pick it up every few minutes to bosh out a quick trick or flourish. It's like my personal fidget spinner

*** I love being by and in water. Doesn’t matter if it’s a lake, the sea, a stream, sitting in the rain or chilling by a pool. I find it calming, restorative, inspiring and peaceful. Lauren feels the same way. One day, I think we’ll end up living by a body of water somewhere

*** When I put my mind to something – and I decide it’s something I really want to do – I usually get the job done

*** My DIY skills are awful and my driving skills aren’t much better. Despite being less than a month until I turn 40, the idea of driving a manual car still scares me shitless. I think my driving scares Lauren shitless too (if an episode in a Sainsbury’s car park a couple of years ago is anything to go by – the less said about that the better)

*** During my second year at uni, I spent more time playing poker than I did in lectures (by a LONG way – I’ve done the sums)

*** I’m a fully fledged introvert. If there’s an option to socialise or stay in, I’m staying in 9 times out of 10. In fact, if you lock me in my man cave for a week with food and water, a few books, a pack of cards and my laptop, I’ll be as content as a cat in a sunbeam

In case you’re thinking “That’s lovely Tom, but where’s the life lesson today?”

I’m afraid I’ve got diddly squat for you on that front.

Except, maybe this:

There’s a ninth thing you might not know about me which I haven’t put on this list.

This is something which has shifted for me in the last 2 or 3 years and has made my life undeniably better.

By that I mean I find it easier to relax and be comfortable in my own skin. I’m also less judgmental and I worry less what other people think.

This ninth thing is the reason why.

As it happens, the eight examples above are all examples of this “ninth thing”.

Maybe that’s given the game away. But it’s NOT being authentic, self-compassion or letting go of perfectionism.

It’s something else entirely.

If you'd like to know which carrot I’m cheekily dangling in front of you, here’s the deal:

Hit reply.

In your reply, tell me one interesting thing I might not know about YOU.

In return, I’ll reply with this ninth thing you might not know about me which has made it easier for me to relax, be comfortable in my own skin, be less judgemental and worry less what other people think.

And, if you're curious, you can try out this idea to see if it works for you too.

(there’s some build-up, but scout’s honour it’s worth it)

Back in my fervent self-help days, one of the soundbites I took to heart and pretty much tattooed to my forehead was:

What gets measured gets done

When I discovered this mantra, I was on one almighty health kick. So I began a routine of daily gym weigh-ins, noted down every rep of every exercise, logged every calorie in the MyFitnessPal app, monitored my sleep, tracked my BMI and took regular blood pressure readings.

I was hoping this was the answer to all my health goals.

But despite the apparent wisdom of that slogan, the tracking did diddly squat for my overall health and wellbeing. If anything, I could feel my anxiety levels going up.

Today, I think I know why.

The German economist Horst Siebert gave a warning on the dangers of metrics in his book Der Kobra-Effekt.

The way Horst tells the story is that during British colonial rule in India, officials wanted to reduce the number of venomous cobras in Delhi. So they offered locals a bounty for dead cobras. The scheme worked too. Day after day, the locals presented dead cobras to officials and were handed a few rupees in return.

Then something strange happened.

The locals realised they could make more money by breeding cobras at home, killing them and collecting the reward. Of course, the officials found out about this and scrapped the bounty. But now the cobra breeders were stuck with a bunch of cobras they didn’t want.

End result?

The cobras were released into the wild and the cobra population ended up higher than before.

This little ditty reminds me of a similar story I read a couple of years ago.

This one went down in Jakarta in 2003.

In their infinite wisdom, the Indonesian government tried to reduce congestion by only letting vehicles with three or more people on the road. The idea was to encourage car-pooling and thus reduce the number of cars during rush hour.

Well, guess what happened?

Drivers began hiring “car jockeys” (basically people whose job was to stand by the roadside waiting to get into cars) so they could meet the three-person rule!

One more example:

In the early hours of Saturday morning, the Weekend FT landed by the creaking oak drawbridge here at Fort Grundy. And over a black coffee and two boiled eggs, I flipped straight to the chess column, then the bridge column, then onto the book reviews.

One of the reviews was for a book called The Score which explores what happens when we try to rate our life experiences.

The reviewer gave the example of the elaborate scoring systems used by professional wine tasters.

Turns out that to make their scores "objective”, wine critics taste wine without food. The logic being if you're pairing wine with different dishes, there's too much variability. One wine might be incredible with sausage & mash but mediocre with last night’s reheated lasagna.

I’m sure you see where this is going.

Because higher scores mean higher sales, winemakers started churning out so-called "fruit bombs". These are wines with big flavours which are great on their own, but don't pair well with food.

There’s now an entire industry of highly-rated wines that score brilliantly under test conditions but are actually WORSE at doing what most people use wine for (enjoying a tipple with a meal).

Plenty to chew on here for the corporate head honchos who live and work by the numbers.

But I’m more interested in the lessons for us mere humans.

It strikes me that anyone who sets themselves a target of 10,000 daily steps and then constantly checks their progress only to pace round the kitchen at 11.45pm to get those final 600 steps might just be confusing the measurement with the POINT of the measurement. Especially if they end up feeling all virtuous when they do hit those 10,000 steps or anxious if they don’t.

Perhaps you’re thinking “cheers for the anecdotes Tom, but this has nothing to do with me.”

That’s fair enough.

So let me bring this back to earth with a final example which is hugely relevant for anyone who cashes a paycheque each month:

In 2013, a paper was published in the journal Psychological Science. The paper reported on an experiment where participants worked to earn chocolate, then had limited time to eat what they’d earnt.

The key finding was that participants kept working to the point where they had more chocolate than they could or would want to eat. The paper called this “mindless accumulation”. It’s the idea that people work to accumulate rewards until they hit a wall, rather than stopping when they've earned what they need.

Put another way, once an output becomes a metric, the metric becomes the driver.

Lest you think otherwise, I’m not saying “money is bad”, “don’t ask for a pay rise” or anything like that.

In fact, I’m not making a point about money at all.

All I’m saying is it really pays to notice when your outputs have become the inputs. ESPECIALLY when there’s no villain in the story (like there was in the cobra and Jakarta examples), when no-one tries to game the rules and, just like the chocolate study, when the participants are doing it to themselves.

If you don’t notice when outputs have become inputs, the measure that was meant to guide you becomes a metric that runs you.

And that’s exactly why someone can be doing so well on paper yet still feel they’re heading in the wrong direction.

Bottom line:

If you feel stressed, uncertain or like you’re not on the right path, I’ll bet my bottom rupee you’re breeding your own cobras, innocently and accidentally.

Of course, there is another way to approach work and life.

A way that sits at the heart of my coaching.

If you’d like to find out what I recommend instead, I’d love to invite you onto a free one hour Discovery Call.

No strings attached. Just a chance for you to explore and see a different way of moving through life.

If you’re curious:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

Burnout-Avoiders are in ultimate self-preservation mode. They’ve been through the wringer before and decided “never again”. So they’re quick to smell anything which has the faintest whiff of hustle, grind, stress or strain about it. They stick to the activities that feel safe and, unlike most folk, they’re good at saying no to things. Doesn’t mean Burnout-Avoiders are lazy or checked out though. Actually, they’re usually smart and hard working. It just means they rarely feel overwhelmed or under pressure in their day to day lives because they never stretch themselves that far. Equally, they rarely feel lit up any more. Whenever something exciting does pop up, they talk themselves out of it. So their life has become comfortable, predictable and maybe even dull.

Nothing good or bad about being a Burnout-Avoider by the way.

If anything, it’s inevitable. At some point, anyone who’s been burned enough will decide to take their feet out of the fire.

That’s just common sense.

There’s lots of advantages too. For instance, Burnout-Avoiders are calm. They sleep well, their nervous system is more regulated and they don’t carry their worries round in their heads.

So there’s very little downside to being a Burnout-Avoider.

The only problem?

The constant state of urgency and fear might’ve gone, but something else has gone too:

A hunger for life.

I say this as someone who’s experienced the full cycle myself.

Burning out was such a violent shock to my system and had such an impact on my ideas about what I could handle that when I finally came through the other side of it, keeping everything small and safe looked like a really good idea.

Hence lots of time in Casa Grundy with my feet up watching Countdown, strolls by the canal, reading books, playing chess, turning down invites to the pub and generally living a very gentle existence.

It was quite lovely too.

But it meant when Lauren and I started to conflab about trying for a baby, even just the thought of the sleepless nights, constant crying and never-ending chaos felt like a hell of a lot.

Of course, the stork plonked Baby Grundy on our doormat almost a year ago.

That’s because at some point it clicked in my once-too weary brain that if I wanted to actually LIVE my life rather than shrink it to the size of a pea, it was time to venture back into the big, bad world. That meant opening myself up to a bit of discomfort and risk on the one hand, but also to more excitement and joy on the other. Not just with babies, but with everything else too.

All of which is to say:

Burnout-Avoiders might decide to stay in their bubble and that’s all gravy if they do.

But there’s another option available.

If they want to, Burnout-Avoiders can slowly dip their toe back in the water and discover that wanting more doesn’t mean they need to burnout all over again.

In my experience, this means approaching life with a "nothing to prove" attitude, more tolerance for risk (not less) and a much clearer sense of when to hit play and when to hit pause. And this is when the real fun begins.

So yes. Even burnout can be a gift.

If you have a bit of the Burnout-Avoider about you and you’re ready to reclaim your hunger for life like I did, I can show you how.

Here’s where to go next if so:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

*** Keep sending my “week-daily” emails. I’ve flirted with the idea of switching to a hard & fast 7 days a week, but 5 days works well for me and I see no reason to change that

*** Adding 2,000 readers to this newsletter. To help, I’m compiling and releasing a new lead magnet which I’m tentatively calling How to Work Your Way. I might start posting more on LinkedIn too (probably won’t happen, but let’s see)

*** Creating an inexpensive info product

*** Publishing my new book Don’t Quit Your Job and putting out some book bonuses for readers of this newsletter

*** Marking my 40th birthday with some sort of one-off, amazing offer (not sure what yet)

*** Finding more interesting, insightful folk to interview about work, careers, balance, success and fulfilment for this newsletter

*** Promoting more affiliate offers (I’ve already got a couple of exciting promos lined up for early this year)

*** Running more Mindset & Clarity Workshops for my esteemed banking colleagues, but “on demand” only, as and when my colleagues reach out. The 10-weekers are a lot of fun, but I’m dropping these in 2026 to free up some time

*** Taking my Mindset & Clarity workshops on the road to other corporates. I want to keep this local for the time being, but if you work a 9 to 5 job in Central London and your team or department would like more productive and less stressed employees, then I might be able to come and run a workshop for you. Drop me a line if so (just hit reply) and let’s see if we can make it happen

*** Completing my Executive Leadership Coaching Apprenticeship. This will be a big one (c.350 hours of training, webinars, study, coaching, mentoring and attending live events in the UK’s Curry Capital, Birmingham)

Some of these ideas are in their infancy (as you might’ve gathered), but they’re all rattling round my head nonetheless.

Hence this email not just to share my plans, but to pop them somewhere else.

Inevitably this means more ideas filling up my newly freed-up brain. And on it goes!

If any of my 2026 plans overlap with yours or you’re working on anything similar, feel free to hit reply and drop me a line.

You never know what might come out of it.

To fulfilment,

Tom

POSITION: Daily Email Scribe and Transformative Coach

REVIEW PERIOD: 1 Jan 2025 – 31 Dec 2025

NOTABLE 2025 ACHIEVEMENTS:

*** Sending 233 daily emails on topics like fulfilment, productivity, stress, the world of work, navigating the 9 to 5 and daily domestic life at Fort Grundy (Rating: Met Expectations)

*** Wrangling interviews for this newsletter with work/life/fulfilment heavyweights Paul Millerd, Khe Hy, Jenny Wood, Anne-Laure Le Cunff, Simone Stolzoff and Ankush Jain (Rating: Exceeded Expectations)

*** Running 23 Mindset & Clarity workshops for my esteemed banking colleagues. A slight step down on the 30+ I ran last year but the cool thing here was having colleagues I’d never met from teams I’d never heard of popping up out of the blue to ask me to run a workshop or speak at their offsite. Word around the watercoolers seems to be spreading... (Rating: Met Expectations)

*** 121 of my banking colleagues joined my in-house mental wellbeing forum, The Mindset & Clarity Beach Bar (Rating: Exceeded Expectations)

*** Landed a place on a 15 month Executive Leadership Coaching Apprenticeship, generously sponsored by my employer (Rating: Exceeded Expectations)

*** Navigated first time fatherhood and 3am poonamis alongside all the above (Rating: Exceeded Expectations)

So there we have it. My 2025 Performance Review.

There’s just one final part before I wrap up the year.

See, no performance review is complete without feedback from my key stakeholders.

I have two quick questions for you before I close the books on 2025:

*** What email from 2025 stuck with you or shifted something for you?

*** Are there any workplace challenges you'd like me to tackle in these emails in 2026?

Feel free to hit reply and let me know. I'd genuinely love your feedback.

In the meantime, happy new year and here's to 2026. There's lots of exciting stuff on the way and you can bet your bottom dollar I'll be writing all about it in this newsletter.

To fulfilment,

Tom

p.s. this email inspired me to make a 2025 Highlights post on LinkedIn.

If you'd like to check out a few more highlights from my year and see photos of me in action (leading a workshop and rescuing Baby Grundy from a sticky situation), you can find the LinkedIn post right here

Your Life, Your Way

During one of the calls, I raised my digital Zoom hand. And when it was my turn to jump in, I asked Michael about the thorny topic of conflict.

See, I’ve always been conflict-averse.

Yet I wondered if I might benefit from being more up for some argy-bargy.

Michael wasn’t totally sold on that idea. If anything, he thought the world could do with more people who were conflict-averse.

What really struck me, though, was what Michael said next.

I can’t remember the exact words he used.

But what I heard was the idea that deciding once and for all how to feel about conflict and then applying that rule forever might not be the most helpful strategy.

That landed with me.

I can think of plenty of moments where avoiding conflict has been a smart move. Barely a day goes by at work without something sticky being said in a meeting which I could challenge if I wanted to. But most of the time it's just not a battle I want to pick.

So that’s one side of the coin.

Having said that, I can also think of other moments where embracing conflict would’ve been the much smarter move. I remember snagging an oh-so-hallowed promotion at work a few years ago and being told that, despite company policy, my pay was only going up by the tiniest smidge. That would’ve been a good moment to probe a bit and no doubt could’ve led to a spicy conversation.

So it all comes down to NOT having a fixed position one way or the other but seeing what the moment calls for instead.

This doesn’t mean being passive, lest you think it does.

It just means being open.

So when conflict does arise or is called for, we can disagree clearly, hold our ground and have a difficult conversation because we’re not trying to dodge it. And when harmony arises or is called for, we can meet that too. We can enjoy the ease and let things flow without the suspicion that "this is too easy, there must be something wrong!”.

I guess what I'm seeing is that the less I decide how to approach life before it happens, the more life flows.

And sure, we all have our preferences.

I much prefer my morning cup of coffee to a morning cup of tea.

But when we make those preferences requirements ("I must avoid conflict"), we’re missing the opportunities the moment gives us and setting ourselves up to suffer every time life doesn't play along.

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I’ve noticed life has a knack of not always playing along!

My coaching explores this too.

Not strategies or scripts for life, but a space to see more clearly so you can act decisively, make confident decisions and create what matters to you.

If you'd like a free Discovery Call:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

The power of common sense.

Sure, calling common sense a superpower might sound over the top.

But I feel like Spiderman must’ve felt when he realised he could shoot spiderwebs from his wrists.

Perhaps it’s because I’ve spent most of my life living in my head, analysing everything, second-guessing decisions, overthinking and trying not to make mistakes. So having access to a power which means I can trust myself in the moment without thinking about things at all is quite the turn up for the books.

And I’m excited to see how this one plays out in 2026.

Since I stumbled on the Subtraction Method a few years ago, one inconvenient question has lingered in my way-too-active mind.

That question?

Given I can feel 1,001 different ways about whatever activity I’m up to, how do I navigate my life?

For 35+ years, I used my feelings to do that. So if something made me feel anxious, worried or scared, I’d avoid it. And if something made me feel safe, comfortable or happy, I’d do it. But once I realised my feelings were just echoing whatever thoughts were passing through my brain, using my feelings as a guide stopped making sense.

The answer I landed on instead was my wanting and my knowing.

i.e. if I wanted to do something or knew to do something, that was my compass.

This answer wasn’t wholly satisfying though.

But when I heard American supercoach Michael Neill talk about wanting, knowing AND common sense as a holy triumvirate during a talk near Piccadilly this summer, it clicked.

I always thought that when Mother Nature was dishing out life skills, I got the short straw when it came to common sense.

No doubt Lauren will agree with me on that one.

And yet the more I sat with it after that Piccadilly talk, the more I saw that yes, I DO have common sense.

Sure, it’s a muscle I haven’t been working very often.

But boy can I feel it now.

For what it’s worth, this is far more life-changing than it might sound at first glance.

Alongside my knowing and wanting, common sense feels like THE ultimate navigation tool.

I mean sure, Spiderman can walk up walls. But I’ll take making quicker decisions without analysing situations to death over wall-walking any day.

And yes okay, Spiderman can hang upside down from a lamppost outside a New York deli. But honestly, give me trusting my gut when something feels off.

And alright fine, Spiderman can somersault off a Skyscraper and land on the pavement with the grace of an Olympic gymnast while rescuing a lost puppy from a supervillain’s evil clutches. But I’ll take showing up and seeing what happens over a triple backflip any day of the week.

Truthfully, once you leave the comic books behind and enter the real world, these are the powers that make all the difference.

So that’s insight #2.

If overthinking, second-guessing or the sense you’re overlooking something simple feels familiar, here’s where to go next:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

The difference between figuring out and finding out.

The funny thing about this particular insight is that I’ve been bumping into it for the three and half years I’ve been writing these daily emails.

But I’ve only just realised it goes way beyond daily emails.

Case in point:

As I started THIS email, I caught myself trying to plan my way through it. My mind thought about using a story, then a metaphor, and then it chewed over writing about Tom the Figurer-Outer vs Tom the Finder-Outer and riffing on that.

But what I realised a while back is that I don’t need to figure out my daily emails. I can just start writing and FIND OUT what an email has in store instead.

So that’s what I’m doing.

Well, turns out life works the same way!

It’s mad to think just how much I’ve plotted and planned life before getting going. Perhaps this is why it took me so long to take a sabbatical, even though I knew I wanted to take one for years. I really was an expert at trying to figure it all out, control life and have as much certainty as possible before ever taking a single tentative step into a conversation, a new venture, having a baby, moving house, writing a book, ordering a takeaway, running a mindset & clarity workshop for my colleagues, making a post on LinkedIn or deciding whether to take the train or the bus on a random Saturday.

I’ve tried to armour-plate my life like this for at least a couple of decades.

I think this was a way to keep me safe and compensate for a version of me that might fail, embarrass himself or say the wrong thing if left to his own devices.

But I’ve realised that 1) all this planning wasn’t even protecting me and 2) I don’t need to figure out my life in order to live it.

See, when I show up without a script for life, something odd seems to happen.

Life brings what’s needed in ways I could never arrange, with solutions I could never invent, with opportunities that are impossible to pre-plan and with timing I could never co-ordinate.

Not because I've become wiser or “worked out” how to do life.

But because I’m meeting life in the moment where life itself takes place and not drowning life out with all my plotting, planning and scheming.

I don’t know if this sounds like a lighter and more connected way of living to you.

But if you're curious, I do know you don’t need to figure that out.

If you want to, you can find out instead.

If you'd like to explore this further:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

Back with insight #2 tomorrow.

To fulfilment,

Tom

For instance:

*** At any moment, Frosty could lose his head, be knocked over by a wayward snowball or even melt away entirely. But he can just as easily come back to life, brand-spanking-new and raring to go. Frosty’s potential to start again, completely untouched by the past, never ends.

Same with us. We all have the potential to do and be whatever we want in any moment, regardless of what has come before.

*** Sure, Frosty might look a little bit……uh, frosty on the surface (he’s made of snow, after all). But beneath his frosty exterior, crumpled scarf and dirty old carrot-nose is a heart of gold. Frosty radiates warmth & kindness, love & compassion, enthusiasm & joy from his core.

Not what you might expect from such a frosty looking character. But when you look beneath the surface, there's always more to see.

*** Altogether now: “Oh Frosty the Snowman, knew the sun was hot that day, so he said let’s run, and we’ll have some fun, now before I melt away”.

Frosty is clearly a believer in the power of now. He doesn’t worry about what could happen or what hasn’t happened yet. Instead, he lives in the moment. He knows that the moment is the only place any of us can ever live.

*** One more time: “Oh Frosty the Snowman, was alive as he could be...”

Frosty brings a full-on aliveness with him wherever he goes and whatever he does - from dancing, to running into the village for a game of catch, to japing around with the local cop.

Frosty understands that aliveness is the path AND the destination when it comes to living a thriving and fulfilling life.

So I daresay we could all learn a little something from Frosty.

In fact, I'm going to take a snowy leaf out of Frosty's book myself. If Frosty can melt away entirely then come back refreshed and raring to go, I reckon I can take a few days off from my newsletter.

So that's the plan for next week or so.

I'll be back with more daily emails before you can say "Frosty the Snowman".

Whatever you're up to, I hope you have a wonderful festive period.

To fulfilment,

Tom

One of my favourite BBC shows is the arty farty Fake or Fortune.

It's like a cross between Indiana Jones and the Antiques Roadshow.

My kind of TV!

I remember downloading a few episodes to my iPad before a flight to New York over 10 years ago. So I’ve been a diehard fan of the show for at least a decade and possibly longer.

But even though I’ve been watching for a heck of a long time, when it comes to paintings, I still know diddly squat.

So I watch bemused as the arty experts examine a potential masterpiece and gush about the deftness of the brushstrokes, the interplay of the colours, how the artist has used light & shade, how they’ve captured movement, the use of negative space and the hidden symbolism of a potato in the bottom left corner of the canvas.

To me, they’re perfectly nice paintings.

They’d look great on the wall of my daily email laboratory, deep within the battlements of Fort Grundy.

But the arty experts can see details, techniques and meanings which I can’t see.

Having said all that, I do wonder.

I’m sure there are times when a potato in a painting DOES have a deep and significant meaning. I guess a humble potato could serve as a quiet reminder of basic human needs. Perhaps a potato could hint at the beauty to be found in ordinary things. Or maybe a potato could symbolise a connection to the earth.

On the other hand, perhaps it doesn’t.

Call me crazy, but maybe (just maybe!) an artist decides to paint a potato for no other reason than he or she decides to paint a potato.

Of course, we’re all pre-programmed to look for meanings in our lives. Our ancestors assumed a rustle in the bushes was a predator because if they didn't, they might get clobbered by a hungry sabre-tooth tiger.

But not everything in life has a meaning behind it.

An example:

A year or so ago, author and pathless pather Paul Millerd published my “Back to Work” guest post in his newsletter. He also published it on his Substack and on his website. Altogether, that post has snagged me over 250 new readers and that number is still climbing.

(hi there if you joined via Paul!)

I started writing that guest post two years ago.

Then for some reason I stopped. Months went by where the guest post stayed in draft on my desktop.

So did this hiatus mean I was scared of putting my name out there? Was I procrastinating because of some unresolved inner conflict? Was I doubting myself because of some forgotten childhood trauma?

I could’ve spent hours thinking about all this.

I've certainly wasted embarrassing amounts of time on questions like these in the past.

But with the benefit of hindsight I can see the only reason I didn’t write the guest post sooner was because I didn’t write the post sooner.

That’s it.

Nothing to decode, dissect or analyse. No grand narrative, profound meaning or emotional subplot.

Just me not writing the post until I wrote the post and an almost hassle-free process which paid off nicely when I did.

Funnily enough, I’m in a similar position now with my new book Don't Quit Your Job. It's been sitting as a final draft on my desktop for months.

But it’s good to know there's no deep psychological reason stopping me from publishing the book.

All I need to do is get the cover done, then publish it.

Anyway, we’ve come a long way from potatoes.

Yet the idea is exactly the same and worth tucking away:

Inaction doesn't have to mean that something's wrong.

Moreover, the less you analyse your inaction, the more likely you are to act.

While I’m on the subject of growing my newsletter:

If you have an audience who might be interested in the stuff I write about (personal development, finding a freer relationship with work and life at Fort Grundy) and you’d be up for plugging my daily email wares to your audience, hit reply and let’s chat.

Lots of ways we could go about it and I’m very open to any idea that leads to a win/win. I've got lots of ideas too, but it all starts with hitting reply.

If you're up for exploring, I look forward to hearing from you.

To fulfilment,

Tom

Near the start, Oppenheimer dashes to his lab to grab an apple he's injected with cyanide and left on his professor’s desk.

When he gets there, who should he find fondling the juicy green apple but physicist and Nobel Prize winner Niels Bohr.

The two giants of science get chatting about quantum theory.

That’s when Niels hits Oppenheimer with this:

“Algebra’s like sheet music. The important thing isn’t can you read the music. It’s can you hear it.

Can you hear the music, Robert?”

This short snippet goes a long way to explain why music is universally loved whereas maths is universally hated. After all, imagine if firing up Spotify meant deciphering reams of notation instead of humming along to a jaunty tune.

But it’s not just music and maths where this distinction shows up.

The same distinction gets to the heart of the difference between a mentor, consultant or teacher vs a coach.

Of course, there’s a place and time for the former. Back when I took magic lessons, it was helpful to have an underground card magic legend in my corner. He helped me find my way with various sleight of hand moves, gave me tips on how to practice and literally showed me the magical ropes. We walked the same path that he’d walked decades before and good thing too. I wouldn’t have picked up anywhere near the amount of magic I did without him.

But coaching is a different ball game.

Coaching isn’t a way to follow someone else’s path. Nor is it about learning the notes, mastering the technique or studying the theory. You don't find fulfilment by analysing it, access intuition by reading about it or get clear on your next move by trying to figure it out.

You find all these things by living them.

It all comes down to the difference between an understanding which isn’t just stored inside you but is actually ALIVE inside you.

It's why the music vs maths distinction matters so much.

Fulfilment, intuition, clarity, love, peace of mind and everything else that makes us human work exactly like music.

You can't reason your way to them. You can only hear them.

Funnily enough, as I type these very words I've realised just how apt this email would’ve been a few weeks ago while I was promoting my new program The Music Inside You.

Alas, the doors to The Music Inside You have swung firmly shut.

But my coaching wait list is open.

If you’d like to hear the music of life rather than thinking about the music of life, my coaching could be a good next step.

More info here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

Sounds like you're getting there step by step with your book. I think what you do with your daily newsletter along with a full-time job, coaching and being a new parent is bloomin impressive. I'd say you're in a nice position where the book is a bit of a free hit and will give you a product alongside your service offering when ready. Scott Adams would be proud aha.

A couple of things about this:

I think Scott Adams really would be proud.

I’ve borrowed a whole bunch of ideas from the Scott Adams playbook for my writing and coaching biz. Things like skill-stacking, systems not goals, making asymmetric bets and taking baby steps (teeny-tiny steps when it comes to publishing my new book Don’t Quit Your Job).

But perhaps the biggest idea I’ve taken from Scott is using my day job as an asset.

Scott Adams used his day job as inspiration for Dilbert. I use my day job as inspiration for my daily emails.

And honestly, this is a huge part of how I juggle everything in my life.

Now, let’s be clear. I don’t mean “the way to find balance is by turning your job into a content machine”.

What I mean instead is there are 1,001 ways to relate to your job.

Yet in the coaching conversations I have, most people relate to their job in one way and one way only:

As a necessary evil.

That’s how I related to my job for over a decade too.

Looking back, I can see how being at war with my job stopped me being available for everything else in my life. And the reason I can juggle a full-time job with coaching, daily emails and being a new parent is because I'm not wrestling with my job day after day.

I don't always get this right.

But now I don’t spend all my time and energy resenting my job or trying to escape it, it’s much easier to show up for the rest of my life.

Today, my job looks like a cross between an experiment and a game. So it doesn't drain me like it used to. I can leave the office and leave my work there too.

Again, I’m not saying “treat your job like an experiment” or “see your job like a game”.

All I’m saying is once you find a lighter way to relate to your job, you’ll free up time and energy for everything outside your 9 to 5.

If you work a 9 to 5 job and you’d like to get home without feeling like a deflated balloon, I can help with that.

It’s the exact same shift I’ve made. So I know it’s possible and I can show you how.

Here’s where to go if you’re interested:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

A short story which might catch the attention of anyone who's worried they're not doing enough:

On the penultimate day of the Toronto leg of Michael Neill’s 2023 Genius Catalyst Coaching Certification, I trotted off for a slap up lunch with a group of my fellow course mates.

Chat turned to the next leg of Genius Catalyst in LA a few weeks later.

Over a cheeseburger and a side of fries, one of my new coaching pals asked me:

Are you jetting out for the LA leg Tom?

It was a good question. Each leg of the program had a room full of keen coaches. But there were also the no less keen coaches who’d join virtually via Zoom.

Truth be told, I wanted to join the LA leg in person. There’s something about the real life, in the flesh energy of Michael’s trainings which can’t be replicated on a screen.

But flying to LA looked like a non-starter.

This was almost two years into my self-imposed sabbatical from my banking job. I’d been living on savings all that time, trying to scrabble together a few pounds & pence through my coaching, but not having much luck.

The Toronto leg also came at the end of a six week jaunt around Mexico where Lauren and I had sampled as many mezcal margaritas as we could lay our eager hands on.

So funds were tighter than my belt on Christmas Day and I was back on the job hunt.

My lunch pal Brian took a bite of his burger, swallowed a French fry, then said mysteriously “if you really want to come to LA, life will help you out”.

A week or so later, I got a text from a mate I used to work with, asking if I knew my old banking job was vacant.

This was news to me. While the thought of going back to my old job didn’t exactly fill me with joy, I still dropped my old boss a line.

Long story short, a few weeks later and I was back in my old job.

Without that text from my mate, I wouldn’t be writing my daily newsletters about my “before and after” in corporate. Nor would I have run over 50 Mindset & Clarity workshops for the good folk back in banking, be about to publish my new book Don’t Quit Your Job or have coined my Buddha of Banking moniker.

And perhaps most relevant for today, I never would’ve flown to LA for the third leg of Genius Catalyst without that text too.

Thing is, I used to spend so much of my life trying to force various outcomes and stressing about how to make things happen.

But it’s funny how life often delivers what we need all by itself, usually in ways we never could’ve predicted.

Perhaps that sounds like a reason to throw our arms in the air and resign ourselves to our fate.

But I see it more as a reason to relax and keep going, knowing I’m not shouldering the load all by myself.

If you’re curious where this could lead:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

There’s a skill which nearly everyone on the planet has spent decades practising, polishing and getting surprisingly good at.

Yet it’s a skill which is as useful as a chocolate teapot.

That skill?

The art of being a critic.

Of course, most people don’t realise they spend years rehearsing a skill that tricks them into thinking they’re stuck. But once you realise you’ve mastered the fine art of getting in your own way, the more it starts to look like a bad idea.

So how do you catch wise to it?

By noticing if you’re a creator or a critic.

Here’s how you can tell:

*** Critics talk about what they’ll do. Creators talk about what they’ve done

*** Critics take feedback to heart. Creators take what helps and ignore the rest

*** Critics wait until they have the skills. Creators build the skills by getting started

*** Critics worry their project will flop. Creators assume it will flop and still keep going

*** Critics are experts in what doesn’t work for others. Creators are experts at what works for them

Now, perhaps you’re feeling smug and thinking “oooh, I’m definitely a creator”.

Or maybe you’re scratching your chin wondering “hmm, I think I’m a critic”.

But here’s the twist:

Being a critic is still a creative act.

See, who created your critic?

That’s right.

You did.

You created an entire character that sounds exactly like you, knows all your weak spots and shows up right on cue.

That’s some creation!

Even if you think “but I haven’t created that critic Tom - that’s just how I roll”, that’s your thoughts creating your critic right now, in this very moment.

Read the list again if you don’t believe me.

Critics do everything the creators do in the way they create their critic:

*** They talk about when their critic’s been right

*** They take what strengthens their critic and ignore the rest

*** They practice being a critic every day

*** They assume things will flop, but still show up as a critic

*** They’re an expert at being their own critic

The bottom line is that even the lifelong critics are just as creative, inventive and overflowing with potential as everyone else.

Honestly, this is far more important than it sounds.

In fact, it’s the sort of thing that can change your whole life.

No-one needs to learn how to be a creator when everyone’s a creator already.

Which means the question then becomes…

What happens when we point our creative powers away from being a critic and towards whatever we’d simply LOVE to create?

If you’d like help with that:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

But first, a warning:

If you haven’t seen Season Three of The White Lotus and it’s on your hit list, look away now.

This email contains MAJOR spoiler alerts.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

Okay.

On to business.

Lauren and I have been playing TV catch-up after a few months of baby-induced sleepless nights.

Over the last 10 days, we binge-watched Season 3 of The White Lotus.

One of the most intriguing characters is a grumpy and mysterious bloke called Rick Hackett. Rick spends the whole season sipping whiskey while hunting down the man who killed his father a couple of decades earlier. In the final episode, Rick eventually catches his father's killer and does him in. But then, in the father of all plot twists, Rick discovers that the person he just popped off was his dad all along.

Quite the melodramatic soap opera storyline.

But put that to one side and what struck me instead was the punchline.

See, by going after his father’s killer… then bumping off his father’s killer… and then discovering he’d actually bumped off his dear old dad, Rick has really spent the whole series...

Hunting himself!

It’s a tale as old as time.

Truth is, most hunts are really just a roundabout way of trying to find ourselves. We might think we’re hunting for a better night’s sleep, a free weekend, a new kitchen, a holiday in the sun, colleagues who aren’t exhausting, an app that tells us we smashed our workout or even the bloke who bumped off our dad. But a lot of the time, we're really after the feeling these things will give us. That warm and fuzzy feeling of self-acceptance, self-trust and being at home in our own skin.

Now, I know some people will roll their eyes at this.

The competitive A-types out there who long for power, status and achievement might look at me like I’d handed them a bowl of wet lettuce if I told them their hunt for glory and prestige was really a hunt for “themselves”.

For years, I would’ve nodded right along with them too.

But then I heard Rupert “the Spiralizer” Spira spell out how what we all want is a sense of deep fulfilment. And while we think fulfilment comes from the next achievement, the next break or the next upgrade, those things are just the hooks we hang our hopes on.

Most of us never get taught how to stop the scramble and actually feel grounded.

But at the heart of the work I do is helping people slow down the chase, subtract their mental clutter and find that sense of being at home in themselves.

If you’re curious about how this works:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

A way to tell whether your favourite guru actually knows what he or she is talking about.

See, I’ve finally cracked why so many self-help quotes sound profound at first glance, then somehow go on to say absolutely nothing.

It’s because there’s a tried and tested recipe that the wannabe gurus wheel out to sound all deep and mystical. They’ll use this recipe when they write emails, appear on podcasts, give talks, post on social media or turn their latest epiphany into a fridge magnet.

It’s a simple recipe too.

All it requires is:

*** A cosmic noun like the moon, sun, stars or universe

*** A body part (or near body part) like the heart, shadow, third eye or chakra

*** A verb that sounds impressive but basically means nothing (embody, transmute, integrate…)

*** And most important of all, some sort of paradox or circular reference

Put these four ingredients together and you get all kinds of mystical mumbo-jumbo.

For instance:

*** Your heart must surrender to the universe that’s already surrendering to you

*** Expansion happens when your soul remembers the frequency it forgot it once knew

*** When you stop seeking, you find you were looking for the seeking itself

*** Listen to the silence between your thoughts and even your shadow will question who’s holding the lantern

Works like a charm, doesn’t it?

Of course, I don’t go in for these shenanigans. After all, my left kidney has already transmuted the galaxy by refusing to vibrate at frequencies it doesn't understand.

Anyway, now you've seen the recipe, I bet you won’t be able to unsee it.

So go forth and spot the waffle in the wild.

Until then, if you'd prefer clarity over cosmic cliches:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

During the sessions, Rupert talked about one of his influences, the Indian guru Ramana Maharshi.

The word guru is bandied about a lot nowadays.

But Ramana Maharshi is the guru’s guru. He’s widely renowned for his teachings on inner peace and seen as one of the most influential sages of the 20th century.

Well, it so happened that a few weeks after I jetted back to London Town, I fired up a podcast and heard a fascinating story about how Ramana Maharshi blew the mind of a burnt out exec who’d flown to India to visit him after hearing various whispers of secrets, wonders and miracles.

When the exec arrived, he marched into a hall where Ramana Maharshi was sitting quietly and took a pew in front of him. Then he stood up 20 minutes later in a sulk as if to say “I’ve seen enough already”.

As he turned to leave, Ramana stopped him and asked him a question:

“Would you do me a small favour before you go?”

Confused, the exec agreed.

Ramana asked the exec to write a short letter to his wife. So the exec grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled:

“Dear Millicent, I haven’t found what I came for in India. I’ll be home Friday. Please remember the dentist appointment for our daughter and don’t forget to water the flowers. Harold.”

He folded the note and handed it to Ramana.

The only clothing that Ramana wore was a loincloth. So his buttocks were bare. And once he'd taken the note, Ramana slid it under the corner of his bare left butt cheek.

Then he asked the man to sit back down.

As Ramana rose to leave a few minutes later, he handed the note back to the man.

The executive opened it and froze.

The note had changed!

It now read:

“Dear Harold, I’m sorry you didn’t find what you were looking for in India. I have made the dentist appointment and watered the flowers. I would write more, but the gentleman in a turban who brought this note is rushing me. Millicent.”

Perhaps you’re shaking your head right now. I was shaking my head when I heard this story too.

But the podcast went on to say how similar stories are ten-a-penny in the East. What we call a miracle in the West barely stirs the chai in the ashrams of India.

Whatever the case, the part that really matters is this:

Harold arrived in India with a bucketload of thoughts and assumptions. And in one fell swoop, Ramana sliced straight through those assumptions like a knife through ghee.

In that moment, Harold’s sense of how things work would’ve wobbled.

That’s what happens when the ground shifts beneath you. The minds we lug around suddenly have nothing to cling to. And when our minds lose their grip like this, even for a split second, the natural quiet slips through.

As it happens, this is exactly what The Subtraction Method is designed to do.

It’s designed to subtract just enough of the noise and mental habits for you to spot the peace that’s already there.

If you’re interested in finding this peace for yourself, you might be relieved to hear that your left butt cheek is not required (and neither is your right butt cheek, for that matter).

Except, perhaps, for sitting on a comfy chair as we chat on Zoom and notice then & there how our minds are starting to calm.

If and when you’re ready, here’s where it all begins:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

In one half of the image was a golden brown turkey, cooked to perfection and surrounded by fresh, green rosemary sprigs and crispy roast potatoes. On the other half of the image was a charcoal crusted turkey, scorched to within an inch of its life.

The caption underneath?

3 hours at 300°F vs 1 hour at 900°F

Ain’t that the truth and then some.

In his office field guide Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff At Work, Richard Carlson wrote about something similar when he suggested absorbing the “speed bumps” of your day.

By that he meant, if you’re driving merrily along in your BMW and you spot a speed bump up ahead, you can step on the gas if you want to. But you might end up with a bruised bumper and your coffee splashing the ceiling.

Alternatively, you can ease up and approach that speed bump with the calm it calls for.

Carlson’s point is that when we think of problems like speed bumps rather than emergencies, we absorb the shock of the problem and tend to find the best, most objective solutions.

Perhaps this sounds like a fluffy, half-baked metaphor.

But actually, you can apply this in very literal and practical ways.

Toyota were one of the first companies to use this principle when they installed something called an Andon Cord on their production lines.

Up until then, most factories operated on the premise that if something went wrong, the line keeps moving whatever happens.

So speed is what counts.

But Toyota gave every single worker the power to pull a cord that STOPPED the entire multi-billion-dollar production line the moment that person spotted an issue. And it worked. The numbers showed the Andon Cord led to fewer defects, lower costs, faster overall production and a calmer workforce.

Certainly not something you’ll see in most corporates where the ethos is faster, harder and everything needs to be delivered by yesterday. And where the unspoken rule is that more speed and effort is what creates progress.

But I daresay it pays to know how to pull your own Andon Cord.

It pays to know how to leave your frantic, frenzied thinking alone and open your mind to a wiser, less reactive headspace.

Sure, you can crank up the heat in your head to 900° if you want. But chances are you’ll end up with an absolute turkey, blistered on the outside and raw in the middle.

Or you can take your foot off the gas, let go of everything that doesn’t matter and slow down to the speed of life.

If you’d like to learn how to settle your mind and let your life flow:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

This younger generation are a gaggle of creative, collaborative and tech-savvy workers.

But the jury’s still out on whether they’ve got the focus, humility and thick-skin for the cut-throat world of corporate banking.

Curiously, my colleague was saying that when he sits at his desk, he looks around at a sea of youngsters with their AirPods shoved into their ears, working away in their own little worlds, unable to hear or engage with anything that’s happening around them.

He thought this was odd.

To some extent, I agree with him. The way to learn your craft is by hearing what’s going on around you, tapping into the hidden gems between the lines, picking things up by osmosis and learning the same way Baby Grundy is literally learning to find her feet. And by that I mean not learning from a textbook using checklists and structured learning patterns but by actually DOING the work and seeing how the hard-nosed veterans who’ve been sitting behind their desk for the last 20, 30 or 40 years approach THEIR work.

So the bright-eyed juniors could remove their AirPods and start soaking up the corporate smarts all around them.

But there’s another side to this too.

See, the science confirms something which as a proud introvert I’ve long suspected:

Open plan offices destroy clear thinking.

Various studies by outfits like Harvard Business School and Oxford Economics have shown that open plan offices lead to drops in focus and productivity, increased stress and worse decision-making.

Well, no shit.

This is why I scurry off to the sixth floor at Bank HQ, even though my team are huddled together on the FIRST FLOOR. I really have no interest in a tap on the shoulder, laughter from 3 desks away or background chatter about the football last night.

Not when I'm trying to work.

The first floor feels like doing my job in a circus ring while the lions roar to my left, the ringmaster bellows to my right and two acrobats throw flaming batons over my head.

Maybe this all makes me sound like a dinosaur.

But I side with the fresh-faced GenZs on this.

If you're like me and relish a bit of peace & quiet when you're neck deep in work, that's not something to be sheepish about. Nor is it foolish or lazy. If anything, that's wisdom speaking.

I will also say this though:

There are days where I find myself with no choice but to take a seat in the first floor circus.

And when I do, it’s helpful to keep in mind that the biggest distractions aren't out there in the office. The biggest distractions are my thoughts about my work, my deadlines, my colleagues and even my thoughts about all the distractions I’m up against.

i.e. the most distracting distractions are in my head.

This is where The Subtraction Method shines.

No-one needs more strategies, hacks, discipline or willpower to cope with the corporate chaos.

All that’s needed is to subtract the thoughts that are blocking the natural calm, clarity and resilience that every single person on this planet has at their disposal.

Yes, even in the middle of a circus.

If you’d like to find this place for yourself, here's your next step:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

Tom’s punishment?

To paint Aunt Polly’s thirty yard long, nine feet high fence on a precious Saturday, when all his pals are out playing.

It won’t surprise you to hear that a laborious task like this doesn’t fill Tom with joy.

It wouldn’t fill me with joy either. To the constant dismay of my beloved Lozzadog Lauren, my view on all things related to DIY, handiwork and flat-pack furniture can be summed up nicely by the quote “DIY never killed anybody, but why take the chance?”

But back to the story.

Tom has a sneaky idea to dodge his punishment.

He dips his paintbrush in his pot of paint and starts painting in a slow, deliberate and almost playful way. He puts a big smile on his face. He whistles while he works.

Soon, some of the other boys start to take notice.

It looks like Tom is having a lot of fun and Tom’s doing nothing to let them think otherwise.

Tom tells the boys how painting the fence is an invite-only, hard to get opportunity. He points out how much skill is required. When one of the boys asks if he can have a turn, Tom refuses.

That’s when a boy called Ben offers Tom his apple to do some painting.

Tom says yes.

As other boys arrive, Tom repeats the same tactic.

By the end of the scene, Tom has successfully gained twelve marbles, two tadpoles, six firecrackers, a brass doorknob, a dog-collar, four pieces of orange peel, a tin soldier and various other knick-knacks from a merry collection of boys who are now painting Tom’s fence for him and having one hell of a good time as they do.

Now, perhaps you’re nodding along, impressed by how Tom made a soul-sapping chore seem like a privilege.

But if you think I’m saying the way to turn the tables on dreary old work is to somehow “trick” yourself into finding fun amidst the most boring and mundane of tasks, you’ve missed the point I’m trying to make.

That point?

No task is inherently boring or mundane.

It’s only boring or mundane once you think it is. And you can think whatever you want to think about your tasks, just so along as you drop that “boring” or “mundane” thought FIRST and start with a blank slate.

That’s the key right there.

It’s not about putting a reframe or positive spin on your task as the pop self-help dimfluencers might have you believe.

Instead, it’s knowing that it’s not the task that creates the meaning, but your mind.

As Hamlet once said, “DIY is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so”.

This is the same idea which underpinned a workshop I ran for The London Social Wellness Club a few months ago which I called How To Change Your Career Without Changing Your Career.

If you think of your career like Tom thought about Aunt Polly’s fence then you'll see that the career itself is not the issue.

If you want your stressful, boring or soul-sapping work to become more fun, easy-going and even delightful, you really don’t need to change your career or quit your job.

Instead, you can find that fun and delight today, right now, literally in this very moment.

If you’d like 1 on 1 support with this, hop off that fence you’re sitting on and hop on over here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

The Financial Times.

Last weekend, as Baby Grundy was merrily playing with a rubber giraffe and Lozzadog Lauren was wrestling with her hair-dryer, I grabbed a coffee, pulled up a pew and reached for the just-delivered paper.

Despite my FT subscription, I actually have very little interest in reading about economics and market trends. Yes, I work for a bank. But I couldn’t give two hoots about interest rate fluctuations or the price of tea in Timbuktu.

Instead, I get the FT delivered each week for the bridge column, the chess column and the fabulous FT crossword.

But as I grabbed the paper this time, a story on the front page caught my eye.

It was about a lady called Qian Zhimin who’d just been sentenced to 12 years in prison for money laundering.

A few lines in, the article started to get really wild.

Turns out Qian Zhimin had fled China to rent a mansion in the leafy suburbs of North London to run one of history’s biggest, most outrageous cryptocurrency Ponzi Schemes. At one point, she had over 100,000 investors sending her money which she embezzled to grow her own Bitcoin stash while she threw huge banquets and jetted off on tropical holidays.

It gets wilder though.

When the police raided her mansion, they discovered scribbled notes where Qian had laid out grand plans to start her own bank, butter up a British Duke, buy a Swedish Castle and even become Queen of Liberland (a microstate on the Croatian-Serbian border).

Ridiculous, for sure.

But it hit close to home too.

Not because I’m embezzling Bitcoin from the windy turrets at Fort Grundy.

But I do recognise this idea of robbing Peter to pay Paul in my own life.

In fact, I think a lot of us do this. A lot of us treat our careers in a similar way to Qian’s wobbly Bitcoin empire and almost run a type of Ponzi Scheme on ourselves.

What do I mean by that?

Well, there are last minute deadlines to hit and huge decisions to be made. So we borrow tomorrow’s energy and spend it today to get a shot of productivity. Then the next day, when we’re missing the energy we’ve already pinched from our piggy bank, we rob our wellbeing from the day after that and maybe from the day after that too.

The hustle and grind always needs fresh capital, so we start to pull in more investors.

We raid our evenings, our weekends, our sleep, our peace of mind, our partner’s goodwill and whatever else we can find to keep the whole operation propped up.

There might even be some rewards along the way.

Perhaps we have some banquets and sun-soaked holidays of our own. And for a moment or two, it looks like life is going great.

So great, in fact, that we start to invest even more.

I'm tired, we say, but look at what I'm achieving! Maybe I'll get a promotion! Maybe I'll launch that startup! Maybe I'll buy a Swedish castle, start a bank and become Queen of Liberland myself!

But just like a Ponzi Scheme, at some point it all comes crashing down.

At some point, our bodies file for bankruptcy.

Perhaps that sounds bleak and overdramatic.

But then again, I’ve experienced this collapse firsthand. I know the feeling of waking up drained, pushing away the people I love and staring blankly at my laptop as a never-ending stream of urgent emails flood my inbox.

I had to take a six month sabbatical and then quit my job to pay back that debt.

Of course, there is another way to approach your work.

A way that doesn't require constantly raiding your reserves.

I’m not talking about some miracle productivity hack or superhuman discipline.

I’m simply talking about understanding how your brain actually works and working with it instead of against it.

This way, when you do get that promotion or become the new Queen of Liberland, you do it sustainably and with your peace of mind intact.

In fact, I’ll venture you’re much more likely to get that promotion or your Liberland coronation when you stop running a Ponzi Scheme on yourself and start to see how you’re already running a surplus.

Curious how solvent you really are?

Here’s where to go next if so:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

And I can’t help think he’s right.

In fact, this little quote of Albie’s goes a long way to explain why my work felt so soul-sucking for over a decade of my life.

My working life was PACKED with questions I couldn’t explain simply and thus didn’t understand well. Which, by extension, meant a decade wasted trying to fix all the wrong things in my career.

My very own corporate version of re-arranging the deckchairs on the Titanic.

So what couldn’t I explain simply?

Check these out:

*** Why my job felt draining even when my workload was fine

*** How to know when my workday was done, even though there was always more work to do

*** Why my brain served me up so many work-related thoughts on evenings, weekends and in the middle of the night

*** How to stay ambitious without work taking over my life

*** Why I couldn’t manage my energy, stress and mental chatter, even though I was a pro at managing my priorities, my deadlines and my time

*** How to know which projects and emails really mattered

*** Why some of my colleagues seemed so stressed and others seemed so calm, even though they were doing the exact same work at the exact same desks with the exact same bosses

*** The role I wanted work to play in my life

Each of these questions could be its own series of newsletters.

In fact, I’ve written about each of these before and will no doubt write about them again.

And having clearer, simpler answers to these questions is why my worst days at work today are better than my best days at work ever used to be.

That’s not to say I’ve got it all figured out and I never have a bad day.

It’s not like I’m pitching up to Corporate Disneyland every day of the week either.

But it is to say that if you want to have a freer, more fulfilling, more FUN time in the office, the answer is NOT working harder, setting boundaries or downloading your fifth meditation app.

Instead, exploring the questions above is how the dial will really shift.

If you’d like some help from someone who was buried in the trenches taking grenade after grenade and has now found a way to get through the day without wanting to throw his laptop through the window, here’s where to go next:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

Here’s what I mean:

Before the Buddha became the Buddha, he was just Siddhartha Gautama.

Siddy G to his chums.

Things took a turn during seven days when Siddy G sat under the Bodhi Tree and resisted all sorts of distractions, temptations and illusions sent by his mortal enemy (a demon called Mara) until he made the jump to enlightenment.

That’s when he became known as The Buddha and accidentally spawned a cottage trade of chubby Buddhas in souvenir shops all over the world.

So how did Siddy G stay so level-headed despite the distractions all around him?

Well, there were a few ways.

First off, Siddy G had to deal with an army of arrow-shooting dementors which Mara had sent on their day off from the Harry Potter set.

But Siddy G didn’t flinch. Instead of panicking, he simply sat there with the confidence of a man who knows it takes two to tango and that the arrows couldn’t touch him unless he started to react. Just like an offhand comment in a meeting which only stings when we replay it 23 times.

So Siddy G held steady and guess what?

The arrows turned into beautiful flowers.

So far, so calm.

But the demon had more tricks up his devilish sleeve.

Next up, Mara sent his three beautiful daughters to try to seduce Siddy G.

But Siddy G handled this the same way the corporate dynamos can read a spiky two line email and instantly sense the frazzled colleague behind it. And by that I mean, he saw the source, not the surface. He saw the daughters as Mara’s frantic attempt to derail him.

So Siddy G was unmoved. He knew what was afoot.

That’s when Mara pulled out his most sly and devious weapon:

Instilling doubt.

Thus the thought arising in Siddy G’s mind “Who do you think you are, Siddy? Are you sure you’re REALLY meant to become enlightened?”.

It’s no different to the nagging question “is this job REALLY the job for me?”

A burrowing, creeping, mind-gremlin of a question for sure.

But Siddy G knew he didn't have to take these questions seriously. He knew that entertaining every question that wanders into our mind is well and truly barking up the wrong Bodhi Tree.

Instead, we can simply rest in the truth beneath our thinking.

So yes.

I can’t help think that anyone who wants to avoid distractions, temptations or self-doubt could learn a thing or two from this legendary and lightly embellished story.

After all, my Buddha of Banking moniker isn't just a quirky title I gave myself. It's also the path to having your bowl of rice and eating it. It's how you can show up to the office day after day, do a good job, keep your sanity and actually be HAPPY with the way your career and life is going.

Perhaps that sounds too good to be true.

But I've come to see that the truth is always much simpler than the stories we spin.

For more simple workplace truths, keep an eye out for my soon-to-be-published book Don't Quit Your Job.

To fulfilment,

Tom

The I’s have been dotted, the T’s have been crossed and the manuscript has been polished to within an inch of its life.

It’s a big and welcome milestone.

The last time I turned the pages on my draft book was a couple of months ago and it’s been interesting to peek inside once more.

Ostensibly, this was a final read before I ship the draft off to The Typesetting Guy so he can sort the formatting, spacing, indents and so on.

So I had my serious hat on.

But as I leafed through the book, I started to smile.

Re-reading how I burnt myself out, quit my job and then returned to the SAME job two years later reminded me of how far I’ve come and the chutzpah I had to jump back into the fire which burnt me.

As it happened, I got a question on this very topic from a mindset workshop participant on Wednesday.

And it made me think about how a senior colleague I knew from v1 of my career pulled me into a meeting room during my first week in v2 and said how much respect he had for me coming back to the job which chewed me up, then spat me out.

Going back really was a huge moment and I’m proud of myself for trusting I could handle the heat a second time round.

I’m also proud of how I’ve turned scribbles, doodles and ideas in my mind into something legible. Taking the seed of an idea then watering it, nurturing it, watching it grow and occasionally bloom in unexpected directions has been super satisfying.

Not just because the book is packed with insights for anyone who has doubts or frustrations about their job.

But also because the rhythm, the tone, the stories, the humour, the metaphors and even the format of the book are not off-the-peg. I haven’t tried to fit my writing into a template or mimic the bookshelf big guns and I’m chuffed at myself for that too.

So yes. Lots to be proud of.

Mind you, there’s still a few hoops to jump through before I can publish the book (like the formatting, cover design, ISBNs and some other very sexy tasks). I even thought about dusting off my MS Paint and designing the cover myself, but then I came to my senses.

Thankfully, I haven’t had to figure all this out alone.

Newsletter subscriber and all-round good egg Jim Roberts (hi Jim!) has two fantastic dystopian rainforest thrillers published on Amazon with the third about to swing into view. And he’s provided no end of self-publishing tips, suggestions, advice and encouragement, all of which have been gratefully received.

Same thing with my copyeditor Kathy. She’s been an absolute star. Although Kathy did warn me that launch day can be a bit anticlimactic. We'll see about that! While I'm not sure when that day will be just yet, it’s certainly closer than it ever has been.

So there you have it.

Lots of pride, excitement and a rising sense that at long last, this book is actually happening.

Before I go, I have a favour to ask.

Do you know someone who might enjoy Don’t Quit Your Job? If so, could you forward them this email?

And if you’ve been forwarded this email, I’ve put a handy newsletter sign-up link right here:

https://signup.followingfulfilment.com

Pop in your details and you’ll be the first to hear about all my launch day plans.

Have a great weekend.

To fulfilment,

Tom

I used to see my coaching as what I did around my job. But now, my banking job feels like what I do around my coaching

When I wrote this, I was musing on my priorities and what keeps my monkey mind ticking over.

But being a coach who banks rather than a banker who coaches is starting to become true from a whole new angle:

Time.

Yesterday, I hopped on a bus, then a train, then an underground train and finally another big train to travel from London Town to the glorious curry houses of Birmingham.

No, I wasn’t hunting for the UK’s tastiest Chicken Madras.

Instead, I was leading a 2 hour session on Navigating Uncertainty & Ambiguity for an Extended Leadership Team of about 50 colleagues. And that was after I’d nipped into a breakout pod (very futuristic!) to run a one hour virtual session on State of Mind for another group of 15 colleagues that morning.

So it was a bona fide Buddha of Banking day if ever there was one.

What my boss makes of me gallivanting around the country delivering training sessions I have no idea.

But she can’t be too concerned given her support for my next foray in the merry world of coaching trainings:

A 15 month Executive Leadership Coaching Certification which my employer is sponsoring me through. A certification which will mean even more time coaching, being coached, tuning into trainings and travelling back to Birmingham for various two day events.

I have to say, I’m really excited about this certification.

Not just because I might actually find the UK’s best Chicken Madras with all the time I’ll be spending in the UK’s Curry Capital.

But also because it will add a few more twines to my bow and open up more opportunities to coach.

Not that this was my plan, mind you.

There was no plan.

Sure, the 50 odd workshops I’ve run over the last 18 months probably helped the powers-that-be realise that I take sharing what I've learnt with my Zen-terns as seriously as I take my own personal development. And this must’ve helped. Especially as the big cheeses aren’t handing out these sponsorships willy-nilly.

But I never set out to first take American “supercoach” Michael Neill’s Genius Catalyst Certification, then run a bunch of workshops, then snag another coaching training.

There was never a multi-step plan like that.

If I set out to do anything, it was simply to follow what Ken Roberts calls “The Rich Man’s Secret” from his book of the same name:

Take the first step, no more no less, and the next will be revealed

That’s pretty much all I’ve done since stumbling on The Subtraction Method.

Taking the next step really is a simpler, more fun and more effective way to play the game of life vs the strategies and spreadsheets I would’ve fretted over in the past. And you can bet your bottom dollar I won’t be straying from The Rich Man’s Secret any time soon.

That’s also why I have zero plans for what comes after this new certification.

But I do have faith that opportunities will crop up.

They’ll be fun, exciting and profitable opportunities.

And I’ll be waiting for them when they do, train ticket in hand and flipcharts at the ready.

To fulfilment,

Tom

p.s. if your team could use some Buddha of Banking wisdom to help navigate uncertainty, hit reply and let's talk.

When I first began writing these daily missives three and a half years ago, I needed perfect conditions to do so.

That meant complete silence, feeling as fresh as a daisy and 3+ hours where I knew I wouldn’t be interrupted.

At the time, this setup was helpful. It let me develop my writing chops and build some daily email momentum.

But if I insisted on those same conditions today, now I’m back in ungainful employment with Baby Grundy rattling round the Fort, I’d be waiting forever instead of just getting on with my writing.

So those training wheels had their moment.

But when they became dead weights, I dropped them.

That’s how it goes with training wheels like these. They’re fantastic right up until the moment they’re not fantastic any more. And if you don’t spot that moment, they stop being a safety net and clip your wings instead.

I’d be lying if I said there haven’t been a few bumps, bruises and broken legs along the daily email path since I've dropped my "perfect" writing conditions.

Occasionally I write something profound, then hit SEND and realise the email was a load of old hogwash.

But these bumps are a small price to pay for how much better I've got at turning random ideas into living, breathing, working emails that people actually want to read. Some of my daily emails have slotted nicely into my soon-to-be-published book Don’t Quit Your Job. Others have led to new friends, new contacts, new clients and new income streams to keep the piggy bank topped up and the wrought-iron candles burning bright at Fort Grundy.

Which leads me to this:

Why not see if you can spot a training wheel in your life?

Something that feels like it’s keeping you safe and cosy, but which might actually be holding you back.

Could be a routine that feels comfortable, an old idea about “that’s just how it’s done” or a solution that was “good enough” once upon a time but which isn’t good enough anymore.

Then ask yourself this:

What would happen if you took that training wheel off?

Sure, there might be a little wobble. There might even be some bumps and bruises.

After all, you can’t make a tomlette without breaking some legs.

But you might also discover those training wheels were keeping your feet on the ground when you’ve been ready to fly this whole time.

Of course, there’s no moral imperative to drop those training wheels.

But perhaps you're curious about what you're really capable of or you're ready to get unstuck.

If so, I can help you spot which training wheels are ready to come off, then ride by your side as you find your balance.

Here’s your next step if so:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

As the session rolled on, the Buddhist idea of the Second Arrow of Suffering came up.

This is the notion that what REALLY causes us to suffer isn’t our anger, our anxiety or our stress, but our fretting about our anger, anxiety and stress.

This prompted an eager participant to ask:

I can see this happening with me Tom. I know it’s the second arrow that’s tripping me up. Do you have any tips on how I can let this second arrow go?

I shared a couple of thoughts.

But what I realised later is that it didn’t really matter what I said. What mattered was this person could see how the Second Arrow was firing in their life.

And that’s enough.

It really is.

This is an idea which has come up a lot in American “supercoach” Michael Neill’s 6 month mastermind Your Life, Your Way.

At some point soon, I’m going to write an email series about my biggest insights from the mastermind (there's still a couple of sessions to go, but watch this space).

So this email is a bit of a sneak preview.

One of those insights is how genuine change often begins the moment you simply notice what’s going on.

I like the way Michael talks about it when he says “noticing contains the seeds of its own self-destruction”. And it’s one hell of a plot twist to be told there’s nothing you need TO DO to fix whatever you’re trying to push away.

All you need to do is notice it.

This is why coaching can be so effective too.

Even if the ONLY thing a coach does is their best impression of a mirror (i.e. notice the person sitting opposite them, then play back that noticing), their client cannot help but notice blind spots they’ve never noticed before. And once the smallest glimmer sneaks in, what used to be dark will inevitably become lighter.

This is part of the joy of coaching and being coached.

If you’d like to start noticing a few of your own blind spots:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

But Loazzadog Lauren is a huge fan.

So much of a fan, in fact, that a couple of years ago I was gently encouraged to participate in an eight-part Potter movie marathon in the weeks leading up to Christmas. And when that was done and I thought I was free from Voldemort's clutches, we followed that up with the three Fantastic Beasts movies.

While I wouldn’t wish such a wizarding world endurance test on my worst enemy, one good thing did come from that Potter-thon:

Daily email inspiration!

Take Hermione for instance.

She’s the model overachiever. And I don’t mean that in a good way.

In one of the movies (I can't remember which one), Hermione decides to sign up for a cauldron-load of extra classes and uses a magical Time-Turner Device to travel back in time to go to them all.

Sneaky stuff from Miss Granger.

But her sneaky ways eventually take their toll. Hermione starts to stress herself out and in one scene she storms out of her Divination class, overworked and exhausted.

In another movie (could be the same movie – it’s all a blur!), Hermione has the idea to knit hats for the Hogwarts house-elves.

A touching gesture for sure.

But when she gets no support from her wizarding chums, Hermione finds herself swamped and more & more annoyed at her slow progress and how little everyone else seems to care.

In another movie, Hermione accidentally turns herself into a cat when she puts the wrong ingredient in her Polyjuice Potion. Then she berates herself for her mistake, even though she’s still lightyears ahead of her classmates.

When you put this all together, it’s clear Hermione sets herself high standards.

Nothing wrong with that of course.

And yet…

I wonder if Hermione ever lets herself off the hook?

I wonder if she thinks that perfect is really possible?

And I wonder if Hermione knows she’s already enough? Regardless of her grades, her potions and how many hats she knits.

If Hogwarts ever decides to hire a resident coach for overachieving wizards, these are the sorts of questions I’d explore with her.

And if you can see a bit of yourself in Hermione, these questions might be worth a ponder too.

If you feel like nothing you do is quite good enough, if your health suffers because of the pressure you put yourself under and if you've got so much to accomplish that you’ve got no time to relax, I can help with that.

There's no wand-waving or wizardry involved.

Just a conversation where we explore what might be getting in the way of your calm, clarity and peace of mind.

If you like the sound of that, hit reply and we'll take it from there.

To fulfilment,

Tom

What’s your writing routine like? I can’t believe how you write so many emails!

My answer?

I write wherever I can, whenever I can.

There are days where I set my alarm for 5am, scurry up to my office in Fort Grundy’s corner turret, flip open my laptop and knuckle down for an hour or two. But there are other days when Baby Grundy’s angelic cry stirs me from my slumbers and I scoop her up, head downstairs, whip up a five egg omelette and we’ll share some brekkie together. Then there are days where the shit has hit the proverbial fan at work and I’m straight into the office and down to business.

Take today.

I started this email on the weekend, then topped and tailed it first thing this morning.

But that’s not baked into any routine.

There’s just taking each day as it comes, writing more than I need when I have the time, trying not to get in a tizz when I don’t have the time and being okay with the fact that even the best laid writing plans can go sideways.

In fact, that last bit has been key.

When I need to skip planned writing time to stay late in the office or deal with an explosive poonami, it would be easy to curse the Daily Email Gods. But if I can shrug this off, I find I get MORE writing done, not less.

That might sound counterintuitive.

But it means when I can write, I’m calm and not all worked up. So the writing comes way smoother.

Interestingly, my reading routine has some parallels with my writing.

The days of indulging in a good spy thriller or the latest personal development smash hit are over. And even if I do find myself with a few hours spare (very rare), I’ll spend it writing, not reading.

I guess the only exception is where I know I can read something quickly.

Newsletters are a great example. I’m an enthusiastic, fully signed up reader to a host of other newsletters and I enjoy spending a few minutes chomping these down when I’m waiting for the kettle to boil, standing on the bus or even sitting on the bog.

This is why the chapters of my soon-to-be-published book Don’t Quit Your Job are teeny-tiny too. It’s wisdom without the waffle and writing the same way I read.

So there you have it.

My routine-less writing routine and my hit & miss reading routine. Basically, all the messy bits the best-selling time-management systems conveniently forget.

Anyway, now I’ve laid my books on the table, it’s your turn.

I’m curious what YOUR reading routine is. Especially when it comes to this newsletter.

In particular:

What are you up to right now, as you read this email?

Are you lying in bed? Are you standing in line at Starbucks? Are you in a meeting at work and pretending to pay attention?

If you like, hit reply and let me know. I’m really curious!

To fulfilment,

Tom

There’s a couple of lines in particular which get right to the nub of why creative pursuits can sometimes feel like wading through treacle.

From the book:

“At a big New York ad agency, our boss used to tell us: Invent a disease. Come up with the disease, he said, and we can sell the cure.

Attention Deficit Disorder, Seasonal Affective Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder.

These aren't diseases, they're marketing ploys.

Doctors didn't discover them, copywriters did. Marketing departments did. Drug companies did”

When I joined Tony Robbins’s personal development jamboree Unleash The Power Within, we spent A LOT of the 4 days “getting in state”. This meant jumping up & down, posing like Superman, fist-pumping the air and dancing to various chart toppers.

The problem, according to Big Tony, was that most people lack the right “Emotional State” to achieve their goals. And the cure, also according to Big Tony, were these state-building exercises (at events like his – fancy that).

But I daresay Big Tony’s “Emotional State” is no different to ADD or the double dose of SAD which the ad agency marketers cooked up in their New York Office.

In fact, I’m going to go one step further.

The way it looks to me is that ALL so-called “problems” with fancy names are just everyday human feelings repackaged as something that needs to be fixed.

I’m not talking about physical ailments like Carpal Tunnel, Runner’s Knee or Daily Email Elbow.

I’m talking about psychological ailments.

Take FOMO.

FOMO’s just a bundle of envy, anxiety and regret. All normal emotions.

Take Imposter Syndrome. That used to be called on-the-job-learning. But now it’s snugly nestled into the global mental health market as its own standalone niche, complete with workshops and five-step programs to help you conquer it once and for all.

Take the Sunday Scaries and that icky feeling when your mind wanders into the office (something I knew all too well). Nothing wrong with a weekend wobble of course. But nowadays the Sunday Scaries has become an unmistakeable sign that you’ve wasted your potential, lost your purpose and that you need to quit your job, move to Bali and re-train as a yoga teacher.

I could go on.

Analysis Paralysis, Decision Fatigue, Post-Holiday Blues, Toxic Positivity, Toxic Productivity…

They’re all the same. They’re all normal human feelings marketed as problems that need fixing.

But there is an alternative:

Stop trying to fix your feelings. Stop looking for a cure.

You're not broken. You're human.

And being human sometimes means feeling anxious, envious, restless, bored, uncertain, lonely, overwhelmed….and 101 other feelings too.

But none of these are signs that something’s gone wrong. They're actually signs that your system is working perfectly.

This is obvious in other parts of life.

Take hunger. Isn’t it handy that my body can tell me when it’s time to grab a prawn mayo sandwich?

Well, what if it works the same way for emotions like stress, anxiety, anger – or even bundles of these emotions like imposter syndrome and FOMO? If physical feelings give us signals about the state of our bodies, what if psychological feelings are giving us signals about the state of our minds?

Social Anxiety was always a big one for me (or "Social Anxiety Disorder" as the ad agency marketers would call it).

I thought it meant there was something wrong with me.

But Social Anxiety is really no different to Imposter Syndrome, FOMO, ADD, Toxic Positivity and all the rest of them.

That’s not me saying Social Anxiety doesn’t exist.

It does exist. They all exist.

But when you pin a label on Social Anxiety then set out on a self-improvement quest to try to fix it, it’s like diagnosing humanity itself as the problem.

Truth be told, there were times in the office or at a party when I found it difficult to even look someone in the eye. My lips would tremble and my cheeks would flush red.

So I avoided social situations or chatting to people wherever I could.

But all that changed after a coaching session where I came away with the remarkable insight that even when I’m feeling socially anxious, my body and mind are looking out for me. They’re sending me a signal that my state of mind is low, that I’ve jumped on some unhelpful thoughts and that, if I want to, it might be time to let those thoughts go.

What a helpful, kind and caring signal to receive!

As it happens, once I realised that Social Anxiety was a sign my body was working perfectly, it started to fade away all by itself.

Some people might roll their eyes at this and say I‘m downplaying real problems.

That’s fair enough. You’ve got to make your own mind up about this.

What I do know is that there are a steady stream of marketers and coaches making a good living by turning normal feelings into beasts and monsters that need taming.

I have no interest in that.

I’m kind of lucky in the sense that I have my banking job. So I have no reason to turn your weather into a storm just to sell you an umbrella. I don’t need to drum up business by spinning you a yarn.

I coach and write because I've been so impacted by the understanding I now teach that sharing it feels like the most natural thing in the world.

But I only promote what I truly, deeply believe in, based on my own experience and the experience of my clients.

When it came to my Social Anxiety, the calming teas, reed diffusers and CBD oils did nothing for me. Nor did journaling, breathwork exercises or trying to heal my “inner child”.

All because there was never anything wrong with me and thus there was nothing to fix.

The same goes for you too.

Whatever feelings you’re wrestling with right now are signs that your system is working perfectly, just as intended.

If you’d like to explore what this means for you, I’d love to jump on a free Zoom call with you.

If that sounds like something you might be interested in, hit reply. And we’ll take it from there.

To fulfilment,

Tom

Maybe you’ve heard of The Salem Witch Trials.

We’re going back a few years now to the 1690s and a place called Salem Village in Danvers, Massachusetts.

One day, two girls called Abigail and Betty started behaving oddly and having spooky fits. The local doctors gave them the once over and decided that witchcraft was at play.

Suspicion quickly spread.

The girls pinned the blame on a lady called Tituba. Then two more ladies were accused, then a couple more. Soon all the villagers were accusing each other of being witches.

Then panic and hysteria swept through Salem.

After all, it was very difficult for anyone to figure out who was a witch and who wasn’t. Any villager accused of being a witch would deny it. Then the accuser would wag their finger and triumphantly claim “Aha! That’s just what a witch would say!”

It was basically one big horror show and very similar to watching BBC’s The Celebrity Traitors (there’s no spectacle more haunting than Celia Imrie unleashing a ghostly gust in a creaky cabin…)

Anyway, the Salem fiasco is just like some weekday evenings when I return to Fort Grundy after a horrifying day at work.

Not because Lozzadog Lauren is menacingly pointing her broom at me for leaving muddy footprints in Fort Grundy’s Great Hall.

But because sometimes I fall into a similar trap to the Salem villagers. It’s a trap where I start grumbling to Lauren about how I was volunteered for another frightful “stretch opportunity” or how someone booked a “quick catch-up” with me that lasted a gruesome 55 minutes. And I’ve noticed the more I grumble, the more I get into a grouchy headspace. Then the more I get reminded about the other ghastly parts of my job, and the nightmare feeds on itself from there.

It’s the same self-validating spiral as Salem.

But I also know when I decide to drop this doom & gloom attitude and tell Lauren about the fun parts of my day or what went right instead of wrong, work looks better. It’s more nourishing to do this too. So I feel better. And that same light-hearted energy snowballs between me and Lauren so we BOTH end up feeling cheerier and chattier.

And that’s a nice place to be.

Of course, there’s always some grisly stuff that needs to be talked about.

But when I stop hunting for witches, it’s easier to break that wicked spell.

Happy Halloween!

To fulfilment,

Tom

p.s. there’s 4 hours until I close the cart on the “I’ll help you de-stress now or I’ll buy you a pizza” offer I made yesterday:

Calm On Demand

The cauldron lid slams shut at 2pm UK time / 10am EDT / 7am PDT.

If that sounds like your kind of thing, all the details are in yesterday’s email.

Not my usual fodder.

But while the movie is fresh in my mind:

(viewer discretion is advised)

At one point, Dr Victor Frankenstein visits a battlefield to collect some dead bodies to chop up back in his lab. Then he stitches together various body parts to create his monster.

So the monster has an elbow from one body, the eyes from another, the left buttock of another, and so on.

And through the power of a convenient thunderstorm (I didn’t quite follow the science), Frankenstein brings these body parts back to life.

Long story short, all the monster wants is Frankenstein’s love.

Instead, Frankenstein runs for the hills.

Well, guess what?

I’d wager most of us have a bit of the monster in us. We’re stitched together like a patchwork from parts we didn’t choose (our parent’s expectations, our teacher’s criticism, the encouragement of a friend, and so on).

Then, just like the monster, we start looking for a bit of approval.

So we start to dismember ourselves. We hide some parts of us, learn to fit in and call this disguise our personality.

Maybe we tuck away our spark under layers of “shoulds”. Perhaps we stop laughing too loudly or dreaming too openly. Maybe we smooth over our rough edges and hold back on what we really think.

And it works.

“Isn’t Bob a lovely guy” they’ll say. “Isn’t Sandra so easy to work with!”

But for Bob and Sandra, there’s a nagging unease. Something feels off. Bob’s trying to look okay instead of be okay. Sandra has a vague sense she’s acting a part. And every decision feels like a test because they’re both trying to figure out the “right” thing to do.

Sooner or later, faking it just gets exhausting.

This is the moment Bob and Sandra might start to remember (re-member) who they are.

Thing is, Frankenstein’s monster wasn’t a monster because he was made of mismatched parts. Instead, the damage was done when Frankenstein ran away screaming.

But we don’t have to run away screaming from who we are.

So here’s my suggestion if you’ve got a mild case of the “Bob and Sandra’s”:

Gather up all the quirks, contradictions and rough edges you’ve been hiding.

Not to parade them around necessarily, but just to stop all the editing.

Be a bit louder, speak more freely and dream a little bigger.

Frankenstein abandoned his creation. What would happen if you embraced yours?

To fulfilment,

Tom

Barely old enough to see the film herself, but hats off to Mary for writing such a monster of a novel at such a young age.

Thing is though, she didn’t “write” Frankenstein the way you’d expect. In fact, the whole idea for the story came to Mary in a dream. She wasn’t trying to pen the next gothic smash-hit bestseller. If anything, the book wrote itself.

Turns out Mary Shelley is in good company.

Paul McCartney woke up one morning with the "Yesterday" tune in his head (so complete that he thought he must've heard the tune somewhere else). The Theory of Relativity came to the frizzy-haired brainbox Albert Einstein while he was daydreaming. Isaac Newton discovered gravity while sipping cider under an apple tree. And Archimedes had his famous "Eureka!" moment in the tub while playing with his rubber duck.

Which prompts the question…

Why do great ideas arrive when we're not looking for them?

Actually, I think I might know why.

Most of us approach problems like we're trying to crack a safe. We press our ears against the metal, listen for clicks, try different combos and work methodically (then more frantically) until we eventually hear a satisfying CLUNK.

But what if we're trying to solve problems all wrong?

What if our minds aren't like safes at all, but more like gardens?

You can't force a flower to grow by yanking its stem. But you can create the conditions for growth (good soil, lots of water, plenty of sunlight), then let nature do its thing.

Well, maybe our best thinking works the same way.

Instead of trying to crack our problems open, maybe we just need to create the conditions for solutions to emerge naturally.

That might sound like airy-fairy twaddle about positive thinking or manifesting success.

But it’s really about seeing we have two different kinds of intelligence up our sleeve.

There's the usual kind. The scrunchy-face, analytical thinking that we've all been taught to rely on.

But there's something else too. A deeper intelligence that does its best work when we stop trying to force it. It shows up with brilliant ideas while we're walking the dog, soaking in the tub or sipping Magners under an apple tree.

It’s like having a wise old sage living in your head, ready to offer you perfect advice. So long as you stop actively pursuing your thoughts and let them come to you instead.

Best of all?

This isn't some special gift that only a lucky few are born with.

Everyone has access to this wisdom. It's built into us and part of the way we're all wired.

The only difference between those who use it and those who don't is knowing it's there and trusting it enough to listen.

Have you ever had a similar Eureka moment?

Hit reply and let me know if so. I’d love to hear.

To fulfilment,

Tom

The film was nowhere near as exciting as the trailer.

But what was much more exciting was a podcast I fired up on the way to the cinema. Steven Bartlett was chatting with Liverpool FC’s iconic ex-manager, Jürgen Klopp, in a video which has already racked up over 1.5 million views on YouTube.

One question from Steven perked my ears up in particular.

Despite all his success, Klopp’s also known for having more near misses than I’ve had hot dinners. He’s lost the Champions League final three times and finished Premier League runner-up twice.

Hence Steven’s question:

“How do you deal with the disappointment of near misses? They can turn into a downward spiral. It can crush someone’s confidence, like a plant getting stood on. But it appears near misses ended up being a positive force for you?”

I thought Jürgen’s answer was illuminating:

“I always knew I’m not here to get everything. I’m here to GIVE everything.

That doesn’t help in the moment when you fail. But the general understanding helps. So I’m not surprised that I fail. I don’t see myself as a constant winner in my mind. I see myself as a constant trier. Nobody wins all the time. Nobody”

Lots of wisdom right here.

Especially the difference between the moment of failure and what Klopp calls the “general understanding”.

That's another way of saying the sting of losing vs a wider, truer perspective:

That it’s all a game anyway.

I don’t just mean football by the way. I mean it’s ALL a game.

I remember reading a passage in Michael Neill’s The Inside-Out Revolution that had me so excited I text my sister to say “you have to read this!”

Michael was writing about a gambling-based thought experiment (my kind of thought experiment) where you’re given a job in a casino. To drum up action at the blackjack tables, you’re paid $500 each night to gamble with the house’s money. At the end of the night, whether you’ve won or lost, you leave the casino with your $500.

What would that be like?

In Michael’s words:

If you quadrupled your money you’d be excited, but at the end of the night you’d forget about it. Similarly, if you lost it all, you’d be disappointed – until you remembered it was just a game. You’d play full out and fearless, because there’s nothing at stake and because, as with most things in life, it isn’t actually up to you how things turn out. The fact is, some stuff just isn’t in the cards – for now. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. That’s what makes it a game.

Michael goes on to say:

Except on those extremely rare occasions when our life (as opposed to our livelihood) might actually be on the line, we’re playing with the house’s money. Contrary to the way it appears from time to time in the illusion of our thinking, there’s nothing real at stake. The only thing we have to lose is the illusion that something outside us can make us happy, safe, and secure.

This is the bit which got me excited when I read it.

I realised that WHATEVER I get up to in my life, my happiness is not at stake. It won’t come from my achievements, nor can it be taken away from me by my failures.

My happiness is baked into me already, like cinnamon baked into an apple strudel.

So I can do whatever I want to do in my life. There’s no pressure. There’s just the fun of playing the games I choose to play.

And we all have games we love to play.

We can play the “get a promotion at work” game, the “find new subscribers for my email list” game, the “start my business” game, the “take a sabbatical” game, the “write my book” game, the “move to the countryside” game, the “go part-time” game, the “ask what I really want for” game or even the “win the Champions League” game…

And whether or not we win those games, our happiness is still ours.

I don’t know if Klopp would put it quite like this, but I think he’s saying the same thing.

I think this is what he's getting at when he says “I’m not here to get everything. I’m here to GIVE everything”

Klopp knows it’s not outcomes which matter. What matters is engaging with the game instead.

And when you start playing games and giving your all, no doubt you’ll lose more often…

But crucially, you’ll win more often too.

After all, you can’t win a game you’re not playing.

If you’d like to check out the interview:

To fulfilment,

Tom

If I had to pick my four biggest inspirations, they'd be like the suits in a deck of cards. Each one unique, yet together they make the perfect hand.

Perhaps that sounds cheesy.

But life has certainly dealt me some winning teachers.

So without further ado, here are the suits in my deck of cards.

Leading with:

Hearts (Michael Neill)

Michael’s program Creating the Impossible was when the penny dropped for me.

It was when I saw that my experience of life is up to me.

I used to think my job was stressful, my workload was overwhelming and the corporate system itself was a big, fat, hairy con. But two-thirds of the way through Michael's program, it dawned on me that no circumstance is inherently anything until I think it is.

With this penny dropping came so much freedom, choice and peace that I knew I had to go deeper into Michael’s world.

A couple of years ago I ponied up $5k for Michael’s Genius Catalyst Certification.

This was my entry point into transformative coaching and a bloody good investment to boot. For instance, the program was the spark for the 40+ Mindset & Clarity workshops I’ve run for my esteemed banking colleagues over the last 12 months.

And I’m only just getting started with these...

Next up, a diamond geezer:

Diamonds (Paul Millerd)

Paul opened my eyes to the fact that quitting my job didn’t need to be a terrible mistake. He also put words to feelings I’d had about my job for years and helped me see that I wasn't the only person questioning what Paul calls “the default path”.

If I hadn’t quit my job, I wouldn't have started writing and coaching. And it was Paul’s book, The Pathless Path, that lit a small fire under me and showed me that yes, there are absolutely other ways to approach working life (even if you’re working a 9 to 5!)

If you’re interested in the world of work or you’re questioning the role of work in your life, The Pathless Path is essential reading.

Next, my wild card:

Clubs (Rupert “The Spiralizer” Spira)

I had no idea what The Spiralizer was banging on about when I started listening to his podcasts and watching his YouTube videos.

Even so, something made me keep going back. Maybe it was his posh, silky smooth voice and his knack for making gobbledegook sound profound.

But over time, things started to click. Some of what Rupert was pointing to started to make sense. Sure, I’m just starting out on my non-dual journey and I’m not pretending otherwise. But through The Spiralizer I’ve been introduced to a new world where sages, gurus and mystics explore the mysteries of the universe. It’s a world which fascinates me and feels very alive for me right now.

A few months ago, I jetted off to my first Rupert Spira retreat in a small town near Oslo.

I came away from the retreat seeing the difference between knowing about myself and simply knowing myself.

I loved it and I’m sure it was my first Spiralizer retreat of many.

Finally, the ace up my sleeve:

Spades (Wayne Dyer)

I’ve been banging the drum for “The Father of Motivation” since I started this newsletter over three years ago.

Wayne is one of the OGs of the personal development world. His first book (Your Erroneous Zones) is still one of the best-selling books of all time and his speaking tours were selling out Wembley decades before Coldplay and Taylor Swift.

To put it in perspective, I have more Wayne Dyer books lining my dusty bookshelves than any other author (and that’s really saying something!).

But it was his book 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace which really hit me between the eyes.

In fact, it was one specific passage in the book which helped me see that I was waiting to live my life instead of actually LIVING my life, even as the weeks, months and years were flying by.

This is the same short passage which has inspired my new coaching program, The Music Inside You.

This program is a journey back to the bubbling source of joy, energy and aliveness that makes life sing. It's a way to stop waiting for permission and start dancing with life right now, in this very moment.

I’ve been dropping hints about the program for the last couple of weeks.

But the hints are over.

Tomorrow, we go live. And I can't wait to share all the details with you.

If The Music Inside You has got you curious, keep your eyes peeled on your inbox.

Until then, if you’d like to listen to Wayne himself musing about The Music Inside You, you'll enjoy this:

Just flip to the 8 minute mark and press play.

To fulfilment,

Tom

A few days ago, I read a remarkably insightful essay by startup guru and modern-day philosopher Paul Graham.

The gist of the essay was Paul’s puzzlement at startup founders overcomplicating the most basic parts of business.

Paul gives the example of founders finding new users for their product.

Says Paul:

“They had all kinds of ideas about that. They needed to do a big launch that would get “exposure”. They needed influential people to talk about them. They even knew they needed to launch on a Tuesday, because that’s when one gets the most attention”.

Paul then tells these founders that the best way to get lots of users is to make a great product.

Back to Paul:

“Their reaction would be something like the reaction many physicists must have had when they first heard about the theory of relativity: a mixture of astonishment at its apparent genius, combined with a suspicion that anything so weird couldn't possibly be right”

Which begs the question - why do so many founders (clearly smart people) tie themselves in knots doing all the wrong things when the answers are right in front of them?

Paul’s conclusion?

Because we’ve been trained this way at school. We’ve all had an education which teaches us that the way to win whatever game we’re playing is to hack the test.

Paul gives an example of a student taking medieval history.

Any student who’s been around the school block for a couple of years will know that the best way to ace a medieval history test is NOT to read a book on medieval history or to dive deep into an interesting rabbit hole about the crusades or tapestry-weaving.

Instead, it’s to read the lecture notes.

In particular, to read the lecture notes for exam-ready soundbites that are likely to turn up as questions.

So students get really good at appearing to know their stuff instead of actually knowing their stuff. They get skilled at looking like the real deal instead of actually BEING the real deal.

Now, you might argue these shortcuts don’t matter.

After all, no-one is checking if you understood your medieval history ten years later.

But taking shortcuts is far more consequential when it comes to living a fulfilling life.

And here’s the thing:

Most people approach happiness the same way they approach a test at school.

They try to hack the test of life and go hunting for life’s exam-ready soundbites. I mean things like a big house, impressive-sounding job titles, friends in the right circles and hobbies & holidays that photograph well. Or even the productivity hacks and meditation rituals which self-aware, high-performing people are “supposed” to have.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with having a big house if that’s what matters to you.

But asking “how do I make people believe I’m doing well?” or even “how do I make myself believe I’m doing well?” will never lead to fulfilment.

If you want fulfilment, the right question to ask is “what matters to ME?”.

Cue my new program, The Music Inside You.

The program is the un-hack to this trap, if you will.

The Music Inside You is a reset for anyone who feels oddly flat when ticking off an impressive achievement. It’s for anyone who always scans the room for signs of approval. And it’s for anyone who’s always busy but never fulfilled.

These are the signs that you’re trying to hack your way to a happy life.

And if you’ve come to the conclusion that you’d rather build a life that feels good from the inside instead of looking good from the outside, my program The Music Inside You will show you how.

Launch day is hurtling down the track as I write these very words (I feel like I’ve been saying that for a while now, but we’re finally, FINALLY, almost there).

In the meantime, if you’d like to read the original essay:

https://www.paulgraham.com/lesson.html

To fulfilment,

Tom

A formula which society would have you believe is as time-honoured as it gets but which anyone who’s paused to reflect for five minutes might realise is actually a load of old cobblers.

That formula?

Struggle + Stress + Strain = Success = Happiness

Michael then picks up his imaginary stick of chalk, dons his mortarboard and simplifies the equation as follows:

Unhappiness = Success = Happiness

Then with a final flourish, Michael simplifies the maths one last time to land at this doozy of what he calls an “oxymoronic formula”:

Unhappiness = Happiness

Good luck solving that.

This section of the book got me thinking about other parts of life where the maths just doesn't add up.

Take overthinking. This is a topic close to my analytical heart and, up until very recently, my default option to find more clarity whenever I faced a big decision or had a tricky problem to solve.

The overthinking formula goes something like:

Analysis + Anxiety = Clarity = Peace of Mind

i.e. Overthinking = Peace of Mind

Then there’s the old comparison trap formula:

Jealousy + Jockeying for Position = Status = Security

i.e. Insecurity = Security

And how can we forget one of my all-time favourites:

Overwork + Exhaustion = Achievement = Fulfilment

i.e. Burnout = Fulfilment

I don’t know about you, but when it comes to life’s equations, I’m giving them a big, fat C minus.

So what should we take away from today’s maths lesson?

Well, it seems to me that when we start down the path of trying to solve our way to happiness, peace of mind, security or fulfilment, we’ve already taken a wrong turn.

We’re already barking up the wrong tree.

It’s when we stop scribbling equations, wipe the chalkboard clean and let our minds settle that what we're searching for starts to appear.

Not because we’ve solved the equation or figured out the formula.

But because what we were searching for was here all along, ready and waiting for us to stop searching.

This idea is something else Michael explores in his book The Inside-Out Revolution.

If you haven't read it, Amazon is your friend. I highly recommend it.

To fulfilment,

Tom

We met on Sunday for a traditional roast.

Over lamb shoulder and more gravy than you can shake a stick at, our convo turned to psychology and all things related to mindset, corporate culture & Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking Fast and Slow.

My kind of chat.

At one point, after I’d taken a refreshing sip of Neck Oil, I turned to Simon and said:

“You know Simon, I think our minds work more like projectors than cameras.

That’s why a company can introduce a bunch of flexible working options, invest in staff training and even increase staff pay. But cynically minded employees will still view these actions cynically whereas an employee who’s more open will see these actions more openly.

So if you want to change company culture, you need to start with what’s going on between people’s ears. You need to start with the lens, not the landscape”

Part of why this looks so true to me is that I was this cynical colleague. In The Dark Ages of my career (i.e. for my first thirteen years in banking), the 9 to 5 was something I endured rather than something I bought into.

But that’s changed.

As we talked more, Simon asked if I had any books which unpacked this idea.

As it so happened, I did.

Yesterday evening, as I left Fort Grundy to meet Simon for a second time, I grabbed my copy of Michael Neill’s Inside-Out Revolution. Michael was the first person I heard say that our minds work like projectors, not cameras.

It’s been a while since I’ve dipped into his book.

So as the tube trundled its way from Kings Cross to Victoria and on to Stockwell, I took the chance to have another peek inside.

I flipped the book open at a Zen story.

I’m paraphrasing now, but the gist of the story is that a Zen student visits a Zen master to learn how to be more Zen. As they’re chatting away, the Zen Master picks up a tea pot and starts to pour tea into the student’s cup. As the cup fills to the brim, the master keeps pouring. A few moments later the student looks up at the Zen Master and exclaims “the cup is full!”. The master replies “Like this cup, your mind is also full of your own ideas. If you want to learn something new, first you must empty your cup”

One of the reasons I stayed so cynical for so long was that my cup was so full.

Tom the Workplace Cynic had a cup packed with past disappointments, protective beliefs and well-worn stories about how things at work REALLY are.

So there was very little room for other perspectives.

But in a tiny sliver of space, I started to see that I was projecting my inner world onto work. As I noticed this, more small slivers started to open up. And the more I saw how my mind doesn’t work like a camera, the bigger those spaces grew and the shakier my cynical views became.

This is why, if you want happier, more productive and more fulfilled staff, it’s not tweaking company perks and policies that shifts the needle.

It’s starting with clarity of mind.

Over the last 12 months, I’ve run over 40 Mindset & Clarity workshops to help teams find this space.

If you and your team would like more space in your cup and more clarity in the office, hit reply. And we can chat about a workshop or three for your team.

To fulfilment,

Tom

But even though I’ve hung up my networking boots, I’ll sometimes grab a cup of tea with a team-mate or an ex-team-mate who’s moved onto pastures new.

The reason I do this?

Because I genuinely want to have a cup of tea with that person.

There’s no ulterior motive, no sneaky schmoozing, no trying to pick and choose the right people to impress over a chocolate muffin in the hopes that when it comes to the next pay round or job opportunity, I might be at the top of the list.

I simply meet up with a colleague if I want to meet up with that colleague.

This is in stark contrast to v1 of my banking career where I played the corporate game and did all the networking I thought I was supposed to do to get ahead.

But ten years of playing this game and doing the “done thing” left me yearning for a life where the scales were tipped away from what I “should” do and towards what I wanted to do instead.

Hence, no more networking.

Another similar example:

Google is famous for its “20% time”.

This is where Google employees take a day each week to work on whatever they want, separate to their day job.

A great idea in theory.

In fact, I do something similar when I squeeze time out of my 9 to 5 to run my Mindset & Clarity workshops side of desk.

But I do wonder if the Googlerati who take their 20% are REALLY following their interests? Or if they’re ticking the boxes they think they should be ticking and choosing their projects based on what looks impressive, what their colleagues can understand or what their boss will approve of.

You see the difference right?

One last example for the road:

You might’ve heard of “radical candour”. It’s a way to describe how to give punchy feedback to a colleague and one of these corporate buzzwords that seems to have exploded in popularity in the last few years.

But it’s almost become its own cottage industry.

It’s so baked into corporate culture that if you’re NOT giving “radical” feedback to a colleague, it might raise an eyebrow or two. And when you tell your boss that you’ve dished out some radical candour to Daisy from Accounts, you get a gold star and a pat on the back.

Truth be told, the moment someone tells me I should be giving someone else feedback or I must give feedback in a certain way is the moment I zone out.

What happened to a simple, honest conversation without an agenda because you actually CARE about your colleague’s work and their personal growth?

Somewhere along the way, the genuine spirit behind networking, 20% time and giving feedback turned into just more boxes to tick.

This is a real shame.

Ticking boxes might keep the machine running, but it sucks the aliveness out of work. When you're always performing, it’s also easy to forget what it feels like to just be yourself. At work, and everywhere else.

This drift is the spark behind my new program, The Music Inside You.

For over a decade, I put work at the centre of my life and drifted further & further away from what mattered to me.

I know how draining and disconnecting this can feel.

But I also know the way home.

The Music Inside You is all about tuning back into yourself and that bubbling source of joy, energy and aliveness that makes life sing.

I’ll be writing more about these topics when I start the promo next week for The Music Inside You. I’m busy putting the final touches on the program as we speak.

In the meantime, I’ll leave you with a question:

What’s one thing you do at work because you genuinely want to, not because you think you should?

Something to mull over with your next cuppa.

To fulfilment,

Tom

We were grabbing a bowl of pasta before shimmying over to St James’s Church in Piccadilly to catch a talk from the American “supercoach” Michael Neill.

The theme of the talk was:

Is there a right way to live our lives?

Not long into the talk, Michael shared an example from when he was growing up.

He said that, as a boy, he was told to eat every last crumb of food on his plate as a sign of respect for all the people around the world who didn’t have food on their plate.

Then Michael went on to say how his wife had been brought up to always LEAVE some food on her plate. She’d been taught that this was the polite, proper thing to do and a sign of good manners.

Needless to say, this culinary culture clash led to some lively conversations between Michael and his wife.

Lauren and I have our own examples of this.

Take flatpack furniture.

The “right way” to assemble Ikea flatpack, according to Lauren?

To do it ourselves.

The “right way” to assemble Ikea flatpack, according to Yours Truly?

To find someone else to do it!

So Lozzadog Lauren ends up with functioning furniture and I end up with a bill from a guy called Steve on Taskrabbit which I’m more than happy to pay.

Point being, there’s more than one way to build a Bönglesnärf bookcase.

And as Michael established after 10 mins or so, the answer to the question “is there a right way to live your life?” is a big, fat “NO!”.

This notion really speaks to me.

Yes, it feels unsettling.

But I also love the freedom that comes from the idea that the shoulds, the musts, the need-tos and the have-tos are a bunch of troublemakers which I can unashamedly tell to sod off. And instead of doing the done thing or following the bleating herd, I can take a look at my life FOR MYSELF and ask myself the questions:

What do YOU want to do Tom? What do YOU know to do Tom?

Perhaps this is why, 2 years after completing my 7 month coaching certification with Michael, I recently joined another of Michael’s programs called “Your Life, Your Way”.

Perhaps it’s also why I’ve been inspired to create my OWN brand new program which explores lots of similar themes.

I’ve been dropping a few hints about this program over the last couple of weeks.

Tomorrow, I’m lifting the lid on what inspired the whole program and finally revealing the program’s name.

So stay tuned.

If you dig the idea of living your script instead of someone else’s, I think you’re going to love what I have in store.

To fulfilment,

Tom

The letter was a sort of goodbye gift and a way to remind her students that they weren’t their past or their mistakes.

The letter was so impactful that the inmates used it to create posters for their cells. It then went on to be shared across the entire American prison system.

If you haven’t seen the letter, it’s well worth a Google.

But the TL;DR version goes as follows:

*** You are not incomplete, flawed, broken, imperfect, unfinished or damaged goods

*** Right here, right now you have access to wisdom, creativity, common sense and humour (just like everyone else)

*** The only thing that gets in the way of that wisdom, creativity, common sense and humour is your thinking

*** Feelings are the feedback mechanism which let you know the quality of your thinking in real-time

That last point is worth sitting with.

Sure, it’s not what the self-help aisle at Waterstones will tell you (probably why Mavis called her letter “The Secret”).

But what if our worry, doubt and anxiety really aren’t a reflection of whatever is going on in our lives, but simply reflect the fact we’re buying into our own unhelpful thoughts?

And what if rather than being something we need to fix or suppress, our feelings are a sign that our psychological system is working 100% perfectly, just as intended?

This way our feelings wouldn’t be something to fear.

They’d be something to welcome.

It would also mean no-one needs to sally forth into the world to try to change their circumstances in order to feel better about things. So there’d be no need to quit your job just because it’s stressful or move to Bali just to find relief. And equally there’d be no need to journal, practise endless breathing exercises or reframe your thoughts just to manage how you’re feeling.

Our thoughts can change in an instant if we let them.

Well, what if our feelings can change in an instant too?

This is a radically different way of seeing thoughts and feelings.

As Mavis says at the end of her letter:

“This is the best, most liberating secret I ever learned, and I want you to know it too”.

I can’t think of a better way to round things off than that.

To fulfilment,

Tom

How 9to5ers can use the Tetris Effect to find more fun, freedom and success at work

In the email, I floated the idea that seeing our jobs like a game of Tetris could be the key to thriving at work.

But forget Tetris for a mo.

The real idea was that work is just a game.

This is why people approach work in all sorts of weird and wacky ways.

For instance, a lot of corporate folk play the “climb the ladder” game.

These ladder climbers knuckle down, put the hours in and prioritise their work first & foremost. They know they’re winning their game when they snag a pay rise or a promotion.

Another popular game is the “means to an end” game.

This is where you work to live rather than live to work. The work-to-live crew know they’re winning their game when they shut their laptop at 5pm and don’t think about work til the next morning.

Then there’s the “good work” game.

This is something Pathless Pather and subscriber to this very newsletter Paul Millerd writes about. It’s the game of finding meaningful work you connect deeply with. You know you’re winning this game when the work itself becomes its own reward.

So yes, there are lots of ways to play the game of work.

In fact, there’s an infinite pick ‘n’ mix available. You can choose whatever work game YOU want to choose and at any time you can go back to the pick ‘n’ mix store, drop some aspects of the game you’re playing and pick up some new ones.

For example, it’s common to see a “climb the ladder” gamer flip to a “means to an end” gamer, maybe with elements of the “good work” game lightly sprinkled in too.

No game is right or wrong though. No game is better or worse than any other game.

There’s only the game that’s right for you right now.

And whatever that game is, it pays to know. Otherwise don’t be surprised if you keep losing without knowing why (like someone playing chequers when they think they’re playing chess).

It’s also helpful for other people to know your work game.

People can’t help you win a game they don’t know you’re playing. You can find your fellow players this way too.

This is one of the reasons my boss knows exactly what game I’m playing at work. It’s also why I’m writing this email.

My game?

You could call it the “do more coaching game”.

This game involves getting my day job done (and doing it well, lest anyone think I’m half arsing it) while also hunting side-of-desk opportunities to do more workshops, coaching and talks about Mindset & Clarity.

I’ll know I’m winning this game when the side-of-desk part starts taking over my day job.

It’s a bit like the “side hustle game”, albeit my coaching blends with my day job.

It’s another example of how the game of work really is a pick ‘n’ mix limited only by your imagination.

All of which brings me to you.

What game are YOU playing at work? And how do you know when you’re winning that game?

If you like, hit reply and let me know.

I’m genuinely curious to hear what work games you’re playing.

And if I know your game, maybe I can help you win it. Or at the very least cheer you on from the sidelines.

That’s it for today.

To fulfilment,

Tom

When I run a Mindset & Clarity session for a new team at work, I always start the session the same way.

Namely, I introduce myself to the room as Tom from the Real Estate team. Then I go on to explain that, while I might be Tom from Real Estate for 95% of the time I clock in at the mothership, for the other 5% I wear a very different hat.

And when I wear that hat, I share what I’ve seen about topics like burnout, stress, resilience and work/life balance and lead groups on these topics too.

Kicking off a session this way sets the scene nicely.

After all, I might be a bit surprised if a banker from our Oil & Gas team led a one hour session on advanced Excel wizardry. It would seem like a mismatch until he explained he had some serious Excel credentials up his sleeve.

So it’s helpful for my colleagues to know what hat I’m wearing.

It’s helpful for me to know what hat I’m wearing too.

In fact, given how many hats we wear each day, it’s ALWAYS helpful to know what hat we’re wearing.

I'm sure it would raise an eyebrow if I sent my boss an email with my “Newsletter Hat” on. Equally, I doubt Lozzadog Lauren would thank me if I donned my “Banker Hat” over our scrambled eggs, adopted my professional, analytical, A-type voice and started strategising how we could optimise the family Gantt chart.

I don’t always get the hat right of course. I’m human like everyone else.

But these hats are something I’m becoming more and more aware of.

Especially given my newest, shiniest hat:

My Parent Hat.

Wearing a brand spanking new hat like this means I'm still trying the hat at different angles, noticing when it falls over my eyes, getting a feel for how it fits and, wherever I can, actively avoiding my Banker, Newsletter, Coach, Friend or Partner Hats, even though these hats are comfy and familiar.

Yes, hats can be dropped in the same way they can be donned.

A good example of this is another type of hat which is more subtle and might not even look like a hat in the first place.

That hat?

You could call it our identity.

It’s all the stories we tell ourselves about what we're not made for or will never be good at.

And there’s no difference between wearing a Banker Hat, Parent Hat or Coach Hat and wearing an Identity Hat.

I’m sure people will disagree with this and that’s fine.

But the more I see my identity as a hat I can take on or off rather than something which is fixed, the more life seems to open up.

It’s not that I was anxious and stressed in v1 of my banking career, for instance. I’d just got really used to wearing those hats.

Same thing with public speaking. This was always a “I’m not that kind of person” thing, but once I dropped that hat and put on my public speaking hat, I found my rhythm there too.

This isn't me saying there’s not a learning curve.

There often is.

I’m just saying that if there’s something in your life you'd like to approach differently, it’s your hat that needs changing, not you.

One more thing before I go:

Last week I wrote about how I’m gearing up to launch a new coaching program.

I’m not ready to share the program’s name, format or cost just yet.

But this email about hats (of all things!) made me realise something.

You could think of this new program as a way to find a hat that feels deeply you. A hat which is so authentic, so fulfilling and so unmistakably joyfully yours that your least favourite hats will start slipping off all by themselves and in their place you’ll be wearing the comfiest, loveliest hat you’ve ever worn.

I know that might sound cryptic.

But if you feel this program might be a good fit, keep an eye on these emails.

More info on the way soon.

To fulfilment,

Tom

In the parable, a man from the countryside tries to enter “The Law” but is stopped by a doorkeeper who tells him he can’t enter now, but he might be able to enter later.

Even though the door to “The Law” is wide open, this bloke listens to the doorkeeper and decides to wait for permission to enter.

Years go by.

Then a few more years go by.

Eventually the man from the countryside is on his deathbed and still hasn’t walked through the door which is right in front of him, wide open, ready & waiting for him to enter.

Just as the man is about to pop his clogs, he learns that the door was his and his alone.

It was his path, his gateway and his opportunity. No-one else could walk through that door.

But now his chance had gone.

Truth be told, I don’t know what was on the other side of the door. Perhaps it was paradise, perhaps it was hell or maybe it was a waiting room full of old copies of Cosmopolitan. But it doesn't really matter. The parable is basically a warning about the cost of hesitation, the habit of waiting for permission and the loss of meaning & fulfilment that can come from that.

Those are the cliff-notes anyway.

And it strikes me that this is a good moment to point out what doors are already open and where you already have permission each and every day in your own life:

*** You have permission to put your feet up, even when the world around you slurps Red Bull and gets itchy about having free time

*** You have permission to say no, even if people start to guilt trip you about "letting everyone down"

*** You have permission to pursue what makes you feel most alive, even when your family ask you "but how will you make money from that?"

*** You have permission to change your mind about what you want from life, even if you’ve just told all your friends about your grand five year plans

*** You have permission to be proud of yourself, even if you don't own a house, haven't run a marathon, can't parallel park or don't know how to bake banana bread

*** You have permission to trust your gut, even when Dave from Accounts asks you where your spreadsheet is

*** You have permission to create a life that looks nothing like anyone else's life, even if it feels like you’re the odd one out

*** You have permission to mosey along at your own pace, even when everyone else is clucking around like a headless chicken

*** You have permission to put yourself first, even if the voice in your head tells you you're being selfish

*** You have permission to actually love your life (no ifs, no buts, no maybes)

The irony of all this?

Permission isn’t something anyone else can give you.

No-one has the authority to grant or deny you access to your life.

Only you can do that.

What I can do, though, is show you that your doors are already unlocked, ready and waiting for you to step through.

As it happens, this is also the case for the new coaching program I’m launching next month.

I’m genuinely stoked for this program.

I’ll be sharing more info about the program over the next couple of weeks. But the “sneak peek” version is that if you want to let go of asking other people for permission, build an unshakeable trust in yourself and live a life that feels like it’s yours and not someone else’s, this is 100% the program for you.

I must warn you though:

The program will be expensive. And that’s deliberate. I only want to work with you if you value your personal growth and are serious about doing the kind of inner work that most people avoid.

Anyway, that's enough for now.

More details on the way so keep your eyes peeled.

That’s all for today.

To fulfilment,

Tom

An insight that's definitely led to a calmer time at work.

It clicked after reading a short chapter in Richard Carlson’s book Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff With Your Family.

I don’t know if that sounds like a juicy book title to you or not.

But the real meat and potatoes is more in line with the book’s subtitle Simple Ways to Keep Daily Responsibilities and Household Chaos from Taking Over Your Life.

Ooooh baby. That’s a subtitle I can get behind!

In Chapter 9, Carlson writes about “taking care of your home like painting the bridge”.

To chop to the chase, this is the idea that just like the Golden Gate Bridge is painted every day of the year (the bridge is so big that by the time it’s painted, it’s time to start painting again), taking care of your home works in a very similar way.

In Carlson’s own words:

Looking back, it seems I was frustrated most of the time, because it seemed like something was always wrong with our home – a sink needed repair, a room needed paint, the attic needed cleaning, the dishes needed to be washed, a closet was a mess, weeds needed to be pulled, and so forth.

It was as if I felt like there would come a time when it would somehow all be done. And I fantasised that when it was finally finished, I’d be able to feel relaxed and satisfied.

Carlson goes on to say that the day he understood that housework mirrored the Golden Gate Bridge (and accepted it) was the day he found relief, despite the same messy attic, weeds to pull and so on.

Well, guess what?

It looks exactly the same to me at work.

There’s one particular project I have in mind from February. It took a couple of weeks of hard graft, financial modelling, heaps of Teams calls, DMs, mini deadlines and a few hundred emails, but three or so weeks later, it was done.

But when April came round, the project revved back up.

Another “layer” of work was needed and the modelling, calls, DMs, deadlines and emails kicked back into gear.

This time it took five weeks to get everything done and dusted, kippers and custard.

But sure enough, when July rolled around, the project peered its unruly head back over the parapet and off we went again on another magical mystery ride.

Such is the life of a corporate 9-to-5er.

Whenever something similar happened in v1 of my banking career (we’re talking back in the 2010s before I stumbled on the Subtraction Method), I remember it being an almighty source of frustration. The never-ending merry-go-round seemed ridiculous and I had a TONNE of resistance to the fact that there was often no finishing line to these projects.

I really thought work shouldn’t be like this.

Fast forward to v2 of my banking career and my new “Buddha of Banking” ways and honestly, the absurdity and predictability of projects like these just make me laugh.

So does how wound up I used to get.

I’ve been scratching my head trying to figure out what changed and while I’m not sure I’ve got exactly the right words, what I do know is that my resistance has gone.

And that’s because it really doesn’t look like a good idea to get myself all worked up about something which is such a baked-in part of working life.

It’s part of the job description, after all.

So I can gnash my teeth and shake my fists at the sky if I want to. Or I can choose to have a more pleasant experience of life.

I’ve chosen the latter.

If you like, you can too.

Here’s your next step if so:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

The “banking” part is self-explanatory. I work for a bank after all.

The “Buddha” part might need some explaining though. And it speaks directly to the methods I’ve used to go from exhausted, burnt out and tearing my hair out at my desk to finding a way to actually quite enjoy my job.

I’m talking of methods rooted in age-old wisdom embodied by the great traditions like Buddhism, Zen, Sufism, Stoicism, Taoism, Nondual Teachings and The Inside-Out Understanding.

For instance:

*** Curiosity > certainty. Instead of pretending I have all the answers at work, I know I don’t. So I ask lots of questions and when I don’t know the answer, I say I don’t know

*** Being guided from within. Instead of letting my boss, peers or job title steer my career, I let my inner compass lead the way

*** The power of perspective. Instead of getting tangled up in meetings and email chains, I take a step back and see them for what they are

*** Non-judgement. e.g. instead of judging my stress or my workload, I see if I can notice them without labelling them

*** Wisdom > reactivity. Instead of letting the pings and alerts call the shots, I try to choose when and whether to respond

*** Seeing through my thoughts. Instead of swallowing and believing every “urgent” thought, I check to see if it’s a thought I want to jump on or not

*** Subtraction > addition. Instead of doing more, I cut what doesn’t matter

*** Detachment. Instead of clinging to my job, my job title and my performance, I hold it all lightly wherever I can

*** Imagination vs reality. I notice meetings doesn’t usually match up with the disaster reel I imagine them to be. So I stop imagining them in the first place

*** Staying present. Instead of fretting over performance reviews or quarterly numbers, I try to stay in the here and now

*** It’s all a game. So instead of playing to win, I play to have fun

These are just a few that came to mind.

It’s important to note too:

The HR workshops, corporate yoga sessions and free fruit are all well-intentioned and I’m not knocking anyone who organises this stuff or who gets something out of them.

If a lunchtime mindfulness session helps you find a bit more calm then more power to you.

But the wisdom of the ages isn’t something which can be reduced to a motivational slogan on a coffee mug or a stress ball branded with your company’s logo.

It’s something which needs to be internalised and understood in your bones, so to speak.

It’s the difference between trotting out a useful line like “I know this flurry of emails isn’t worth getting het up about” (i.e. trying to convince yourself that you don’t need to be stressed) vs not trotting out that line because you ALREADY see those emails as a non-threat (just like a firework looks loud, bright and impossible to ignore, but you know it’s smoke and mirrors).

So the deadline looks different.

Work looks different.

Life itself looks different.

And I daresay as more and more of the wisdom of the ages is internalised, life doesn’t just look kinder and less scary but also truer and more realistic.

I'm pretty sure the Buddha never reached enlightenment by colour-coding his inbox or downloading the latest productivity app. And this is exactly why my coaching isn’t weighed down by coping strategies, productivity hacks, motivational quotes or step-by-step frameworks, methods, toolkits and strategies.

If you’d like to explore how the wisdom of the ages could transform your experience at work:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

The Stoics certainly seem to be flavour of the month right now and Epictetus embodies the Stoic swagger in spades. Dare I say he puts the “epic” in “Epictetus”.

But this story takes places before Epictetus became the Stoic poster boy he is today.

The story is all about Epictetus’s master. This was a chap called Epaphroditus who was known for his cruel ways.

So cruel, in fact, that one day Epaphroditus grabbed hold of Epictetus’s leg and, in a fit of rage, started to twist it.

He kept twisting so viciously that Epictetus was forced to warn his master ”if you keep that up, old chap, you’re going to break my leg”.

But Epaphroditus didn’t stop.

Lo and behold, a few minutes later, Epaphroditus DID break Epictetus’s leg.

Did Epictetus respond with a scream of agony, a wail of despair or a growl of anger?

Not quite.

Epictetus stayed calm and simply said “there, did I not tell you it would break?”.

Hold whatever thoughts you have for a moment while I tell a second short story on a similar theme.

During my two year sabbatical in 2022/23, I read a book called “The Ultimate Coach”. It’s a biography about a man widely regarded as one of the planet’s top coaches, Steve Hardison.

The coaching industry talks about Steve in almost mystical terms.

To give you some idea, a 2 hour session with Steve costs $10k, a 10 hour “chocolate chip cookie agreement” with Steve is $45k and a 50 hour coaching agreement costs $200k.

As Steve puts it on his website, his coaching is not for the faint of heart.

One part of the book which left its mark on me came from earlier in Steve’s life when he went door knocking in his neighbourhood.

Let’s just say that Steve had a rather enthusiastic manner about him.

In fact, Steve was so enthusiastic that when he refused to leave one particular doorstep, the chap he was speaking to got so riled up that he landed a right hook directly on poor old Steve’s schnoz.

As blood started to pour from his nose, Steve looked up and without missing a beat, he asked the man:

“Could you grab me a towel please to stop the bleeding?”

This short story made a big impression on me when I read it.

It’s a true, real-life example of something I’ve written about before and will no doubt write about again:

Separating the raisins from the rice pudding.

Even in hostile situations (like getting punched or having a leg twisted to breaking point), it’s possible to choose how we react. It’s possible to separate the action from the reaction.

But what takes this Ultimate Coach story to the next level is how Steve separated another set of raisins from the rice pudding.

Did you clock it?

It was simply this:

Steve didn’t assume that getting punched in the face meant the punch-thrower was incapable of basic human kindness.

That’s not to say Steve excused the man, justified the punch or let the man off the hook (so to speak).

But Steve still saw the best in the man. He assumed the guy would get him a towel.

I daresay we could do with some more of this willingness to see the good in others.

It certainly seems like we live in a world where pain, suffering and conflict are inevitable.

But one thing is not inevitable:

How we choose to respond to these.

And that’s the key point.

We can always choose how we respond.

I don’t think I have much more to say about this.

Except, perhaps, that the more kindness, courage and love we can bring into our responses, the more that will ripple outwards.

And the more it ripples outwards, the stronger that tide will grow.

I’ll leave it there for today.

To fulfilment,

Tom

There are moments in my day job when I’m so thoroughly baffled by the phrases being bandied around by my esteemed banking colleagues that I sometimes think I’ve slipped into a parallel universe where normal, understandable conversation no longer exists and gibberish, gobbledegook and mumbo-jumbo has taken its place.

I talk, of course, of office slang…

Of acronyms…

And of the grand-daddy of the acronym world, the three letter acronym.

Three letter acronyms are so overused in financial services that three letter acronyms THEMSELVES have got their very own acronym.

That’s right.

The three letter acronym is the infamous “TLA”.

These TLAs have gone so overboard that it’s not unusual for me to get a DM at work littered with TLAs. Inevitably, I have no idea what the DM actually means. And so I have to hop over to an acronym dictionary to cross-reference the TLAs in order to crack the unintentional secret code.

Which IMO completely defeats the point of acronyms in the first place.

i.e. instead of speeding things up (which I guess is what the acronyms are meant for), they actually slow things down.

Life is full of own goals like this.

Another approach which has the opposite outcome to the intended outcome?

I’d suggest worry falls slap bang in the middle of that description.

Conventional wisdom will tell you that a sprinkling of worry will help you find the solution to whatever you’re worrying about.

But the conventional wisdom is wrong.

All worry does is block the clear-mindedness, perspective and clarity which lead to reliable ideas, solutions and actions.

Take the Subtraction Method presentation I gave a couple of weeks ago to Anne-Laure Le Cunff’s Ness Labs community.

In the past, an hour long presentation with all eyes on me would’ve been a huge source of worry. It would’ve kept me awake for a few nights before.

But instead of a knot in my stomach and the usual pre-presentation jitters, I was actually looking forward to the presentation. And when the Zoom call kicked off, I could relax into it and enjoy the ride.

This isn’t me saying “you shouldn’t worry about things”. I’m not trying to turn this into a royal decree.

All I’m saying is this:

If you want a calmer, freer experience of life where solutions to problems arise effortlessly and where old problems don’t even look like problems any more, subtracting your worries can be a really helpful way to do that.

All it takes is peering under the hood of what worry is all about and seeing that, just like the infamous TLAs, worry leads to the opposite of what we're really after.

Simple in theory but harder in practice.

But that’s where my coaching comes in.

If you’d like to subtract the mental clutter that keeps you worried, stressed and second-guessing yourself so you can find more clarity, calm and peace of mind, RSVP ASAP:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

Do you put off starting projects until you’ve found the perfect starting point?

Are you a dedicated perfectionist looking for even more perfect ways of achieving success?

If so, look no further.

I hereby present The Perfectionist’s Ultimate, Foolproof Guide to Success:

*** Spend three months planning when to start planning your project. Then take the next seven months to create that plan

*** Only work on projects when you feel 100% inspired, motivated and caffeinated

*** If you do feel 100% inspired, motivated and caffeinated, make sure the bills are paid, the cat’s fed, your desk is spotless, your inbox is cleared, your carpet’s crumb-free and last week’s notes have been re-read three times before you even think about getting started

*** Don’t try anything until you’ve mastered it in your head first. Once you’ve mastered it in your head, try it in real life. When it doesn’t go perfectly, assume you're not cut out for it. Move on to mastering something else in your head and repeat the same cycle ad infinitum

*** Once you feel like you’ve completed what you’re working on, keep going. At the very least, make sure you’ve run every aspect of your finished project through ChatGPT so you can fix a bunch of problems that didn’t exist until a soulless robot kindly invented them

*** Never publish, send, post, tweet, record, pitch, design, build or share anything until 17 other people have confirmed that it’s perfect. If they do confirm it’s perfect, assume they’re just being polite and keep looking for the imperfections

*** Only compare your finished work to geniuses, prodigies and Nobel Prize Winners

Follow these steps and success is BOUND to show up.

Of course, if you’re feeling worn out with all the perfectionism and you’re wondering if success could come a little easier, there is another way.

The Imperfectionist’s Way.

This is where you try stuff, get your hands dirty, experiment, muck around, create before you’re ready and potentially even commit the ultimate heresy of doing something simply because you enjoy doing that thing.

If you’d like some help making the shift from endless polishing to actually creating and sharing, you might like this:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom

A couple of nights ago, I met up with a buddy for some beers and Thai food.

As it often does, conversation turned to our jobs and the world of work.

I can’t remember exactly how we got onto the topic, but at one point my buddy chipped in with this:

“If my boss gives me an urgent piece of work to do, I know they’ll be more comfortable if I act like I’m flustered. It’s like my stress re-assures them I’m taking the work seriously, even though I do a much better job when I’m not stressed.”

I knew what he meant.

Funnily enough, I was chatting to my own boss recently when she commented how level-headed I am, even when shit is hitting the proverbial fan.

I think she’s right.

This is a massive flip-reversal from v1 of my banking career where I spent most of my 13 years in the office flapping around like a headless chicken.

Sure, I might put on a serious face and look a bit stressed nowadays if I think it will help grease the wheels of whatever conversation I’m having.

But either way, I know deep down that the best way to do the best job is to stay calm and clear-headed.

Lucky for me, I’ve built up enough trust with my boss that she knows my lack of worry doesn’t mean I’m not taking my work seriously.

But as my buddy pointed out, this is the exception rather than the rule.

By that I mean:

There’s a belief which seems to have set up camp in corporate life which says stress equals commitment and being calm means being unproductive.

But actually, the opposite is true.

You can approach your work with a lightness, ease & flow and still knock it out the park.

In fact, I’d argue the calmer you are, the more you’ll get done.

Not just because being calm creates space for focus and action.

Not just because stressing yourself out uses a huge amount of energy.

But also because a calm mind leads to the sorts of breakthroughs, creative ideas and out-of-the-box solutions which never come from an overcluttered mind.

Point being, if you think you have too much on your plate to be calm, I’d argue the opposite:

You have too much on your plate NOT to be calm.

A calm mind isn’t a weakness. It’s a huge advantage. Especially in corporate where 99% of the office gets swept up in the chaos and noise.

If you’re looking for an “edge” at work, this is it.

It also happens to be a much more pleasant way to live life.

If you’d like to let your calm do the heavy lifting:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

Yesterday evening, I ran a Subtraction Method training for neuroscientist Anne-Laure Le Cunff’s Ness Labs community.

Towards the end of the training, I was asked this question:

(paraphrased)

“Does the Subtraction Method apply to learning something practical, like public speaking?”

It’s a great question.

Mostly, I talk about how the Subtraction Method helps our inner worlds. So for public speaking, that means calmness, confidence and flow.

But it can absolutely help you learn skills and get good at stuff in the outside world too.

My answer yesterday used the skill of public speaking as an example.

But here are two other short stories which contrast nicely with each other yet which get right to the nub of why the Subtraction Method is so effective when it comes to getting good at stuff too.

Short story #1 goes like this:

In 2018, I emailed an underground legend in the London card magic scene to ask If I could start taking lessons.

And start taking lessons I did.

We’d meet in a Starbucks near my office every week. For a couple of years, this cardsharp would bend my ear with tales from when he studied under Ed Marlo (one of the most brilliant magicians who ever picked up a deck of cards) while teaching me all manner of shuffles, cuts, sleights, tricks and routines.

I had a blast.

We’d drill moves over and over again, me fumbling with my finger placements, dropping cards, revealing angles which should be kept secret, everything very clunky and unnatural. Until maybe a move clicked once, then a couple of weeks later it clicked again, and then slowly it started to feel more natural as my muscle and finger memories took over, until a move or sleight got “baked” into my subconscious.

That’s how it worked for most of the lessons anyway.

But there was one move called the Bottom Deal where try as I might, I could never get it to work.

As it turned out, I’d had a go learning this move a couple of years prior from one of my many magic books.

And when I started taking lessons and showed my teacher my pitiful attempt at a Bottom Deal, he looked at me like I’d just pulled a rabbit out of a blender.

Turns out I’d learnt the move all wrong.

In fact, not only had I learnt the Bottom Deal the wrong way, but my muscle and finger memory had learnt it the wrong way too. And the move had been so locked into my nervous system that every time my teacher would talk me through how to do it differently, I had to fight against my own hardwiring.

It literally took months to undo all this hardwiring and re-learn the move right way.

Keep that in mind as I tell you short story #2:

The first leg of my 7 month coaching certification training with American “supercoach” Michael Neill took place just down the road from my old Casa Grundy pad in a quiet street near Chancery Lane.

I remember walking into the conference room on Day 1, keeping my head down and slipping into a seat on the back row, one chair from the left.

Just as the training started, a lady sat down next to me.

45 minutes later, Michael announced our first exercise and asked everyone to find a partner.

I turned to the lady next to me and smiled.

“Hi, I’m Tom” I said.

“I’m Claire” she said.

During the exercise we got chatting about our lives, our coaching experience and why we were at the training.

That’s when I found out that Claire had previously been Michael’s Apprentice. She’d spent months being taken under his wing and training with Michael one on one.

Being an Apprentice of Michael Neill's is as “inner circle” as you can go. On his website he makes the point that, family aside, there’s no-one he spends more time with than his apprentices.

So Claire certainly knew her coaching onions.

I, on the hand, was a coaching novice. That training was the starting point for me. I was the newbie in the room and part of me was even wondering if I’d made the right decision to take the training at all.

Maybe Claire sensed that.

Because as we finished the exercise, she said this:

“Tom, count your lucky stars you’ve found this form of coaching now, at the start of your coaching career. I know so many coaches who train in some other form of coaching then come to this five or ten years later. But by this point, they’ve learnt so much and got so many unhelpful ideas that it’s like trying to remove sugar from a cup of coffee”.

I wasn’t really sure what Claire meant.

But as I chatted with other participants over the next couple of days, I started to get it.

Lots of my fellow course attendees knew NLP coaching inside-out or values-based coaching back to front, yet they all told me the same thing:

They felt like something was missing from their coaching.

That's why they were on the training.

Ironically enough, Michael's coaching training itself was rooted in the same principles that underpin the Subtraction Method.

But I don’t want to get too “meta” here.

Let’s just say that today I absolutely count my lucky stars that I found the Subtraction Method at the spritely age of 37 and spared myself the coaching equivalent of my Bottom Deal fiasco.

Two takeaways from these stories as I see it.

First:

It pays to get super clear on what you choose to learn.

The learning cycle of unconscious incompetence → conscious incompetence → conscious competence → unconscious competence is nothing new.

But what no-one tells you is that by the time a skill has made it into your unconscious competence, you damn well better have learnt the right skill.

Otherwise you’ll be spending months or even years trying to unlearn something which is now so well embedded into your body’s circuitry that you might not even realise you’ve mastered a mistake in the first place.

Second:

If you do happen to find yourself needing to subtract something you’ve learnt, it can be helpful to have a guide. A guide who can hold up a mirror, point things out, cajole you and notice the patterns you’re too close to see for yourself.

That’s not just the case for learning new skills by the way.

I’d argue this is even more relevant for the unhelpful beliefs, ideas, stories and thoughts that get so baked into our subconscious that they simply look like the way life is and always will be.

If life isn’t flowing quite the way you wish it would, this is where I’d look.

If you’d like a guide in your corner as you subtract the noise that keeps you stuck, I can help.

More info here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

I’ve just downed my third wheatgrass smoothie and according to my Pomodoro timer, my ice bath will be ready in 9 minutes, 13 seconds.

So there’s just enough time to dash out this blockbuster email packed with awesome hacks, tactics and advice.

Today I’m lasering in on productivity.

The truth is, I always get edgy when I come across a Dimstagram dimfluencer parroting their spiel about “10’xing your life” and the glory of the hustle & grind.

I was actually talking about this recently with my sleep consultant while we were slogging our way through a synchronised breathwork session.

He was basically saying that, more than ever, life seems to be a non-stop sprint of efficiency, optimisation and output. And in the midst of this we seem to have forgotten that rest is just as important as action and the journey is more important than the destination.

I actually thought this was an interesting point of view.

It reminded me of something I scribbled in my reflection journal after speed-reading Meditations by the Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius:

If you seek tranquillity, do less

As I left the breathwork studio, donned my blue light blocking sunglasses and grabbed an Uber to visit my habit formation specialist (she’s helping me optimise my chill factor), it dawned on me:

We need to be talking about this MORE!

So today, as I dictate this email into my noise-cancelling voice-memo app while I pound out a morning jogging meditation, I’m making a very special announcement.

From tomorrow, my daily email newsletter will no longer be a daily newsletter.

Instead, I’ll be sending out FIVE emails a day.

There’s so much to say about all this, so many performance boosters, wellness hacks, optimisation techniques and energy maximisation blueprints to share that I can’t possibly cram them all into just one email a day.

I’m not even sure if five emails a day will be enough.

But we’ll see.

Anyway, I’m curious…

What more can we be doing?

Hit reply, fire over your ideas and we’ll 10x this convo!

That’s it for today. I'm all out of time.

To the ice bath!

On Wednesday morning, I took Baby Grundy for an early morning stroll round the local park while Lauren got some well-earnt shut eye.

As I dodged the joggers and dog walkers, I popped my headphones in and fired up an episode of one of my favourite podcasts:

Conversations with Tyler.

Tyler was interviewing author Annie Jacobsen on a bunch of wacky topics like nuclear armageddon, conspiracy theories and ESP.

At one point, Annie turned the tables and asked Tyler the following:

“You know the Red Rambler Theory? Just watch. Now that I’ve said Red Rambler Theory, you’ll end up seeing a Red Rambler, one of those cars from the 70s or 80s, drive by.

This is the idea that once something is in your consciousness, the chances of you seeing it are much greater”

I’ve got my own version of this.

It’s amazing how many more prams and buggies I see on the mean streets of East London now the stork has delivered Baby Grundy into the world.

But there are applications to this idea that go way beyond vehicles on wheels.

One of my favourites?

Spotting opportunities.

Take my “Back to Work” guest post for author and work/life freedom pioneer Paul Millerd. A guest post which still, to this day, has been my number one source of new subscribers for this newsletter.

Well, that all came about because I spotted a line at the bottom of one of Paul’s newsletters which said “I accept submissions for guest posts” and I took Paul up on that.

My Mindset & Clarity workshops are another good example.

My very first Mindset & Clarity workshop didn’t happen because I twisted the arm of HR or smooth-talked the corporate powers-that-be. It happened because I knew I wanted to run the workshops, I was on the lookout for an “in” and when the opportunity came up, I took it.

In this case, that opportunity was an email which mistakenly got sent to a few hundred colleagues instead of a small group of senior leaders.

Not so good for the MD who sent the email, but very good for me as I was one of those few hundred colleagues and I used that email as my cue to suggest a workshop or two.

i.e. pure Red Rambler Theory.

Interestingly, now we’re 12 months down the line, these workshops have a life of their own. I'm fielding messages from colleagues in teams across the bank asking if I’ll run a session at an offsite or team meeting and I’ve got four workshops lined up in the next two months alone.

All from grabbing one small opportunity when it came along.

One last example which takes this idea in a different and deeper direction was interviewing Anne-Laure Le Cunff for this very newsletter.

In this case, there wasn’t a literal cue.

There was no neat little line at the bottom of Anne-Laure’s newsletter saying “want to interview me?”

But there was me reading her book Tiny Experiments, wondering if she’d be up for a chat and “seeing” an opportunity that really just existed in my mind but which I undoubtedly had eyes for after bagging my previous interviews with authors Paul Millerd, Rob Wringham and Jenny Wood.

Again, 100% Red Rambler Theory.

Only this time it wasn’t visual.

As it happens, this interview led Anne-Laure's team to invite me to run a Subtraction Method training for Anne-Laure’s Ness Labs community. The training is tomorrow evening and I hope it won’t just lead to attendees taking away some new ideas on how to unstick whatever parts of life they’re stuck on, but also land me some new readers and coaching clients.

So everyone’s a winner because I “spotted” an opportunity here too.

And that's just for starters.

I'm buzzing about this idea because I know there are unlimited opportunities to create the sort of life and business I want.

What’s more, I know the opportunities are already there, just like the prams on the streets of East London were already there too, even before I started noticing them.

So I must be missing shedloads of opportunities every day.

That’s an opportunity in and of itself.

For instance:

What opportunities am I missing to grow this newsletter, to make my new coaching program a success and to promote my soon-to-be published book Don’t Quit Your Job?

And what opportunities am I missing to find the time to do all this stuff?

The good news is I don't need to slog, grind and wring myself dry to do all this. I just need to spot the opportunities which are waiting to be seen.

The key, if there is one, is noticing them.

Which prompts the question:

How do you notice opportunities hiding in plain sight?

As it happens, the concept of noticing is getting a lot of airtime in American “supercoach” Michael Neill’s latest six month mastermind, of which I’m a fully paid-up member.

I’ve got lots to share about this too but I think this email’s gone long enough.

One for another day.

In the meantime, here’s a question you might like to consider:

Where are you turning a blind eye to great opportunities that are ALREADY right in front of you?

I’ll leave that one with you.

To fulfilment,

Tom

p.s. I’m flirting with the idea of writing a few more daily emails like this one.

By that, I mean emails which go behind the scenes of my newsletter/coaching biz.

I try to stay away from “teachy” stuff in this newsletter. The last thing I want is for my emails to turn into a series of stuffy how-to lectures. But I figured you might be interested not just in the principles I coach from (which I do write about) but also how I actually APPLY these principles to my day job, my newsletter, my coaching, my writing and my life more generally.

So perhaps there’s an opportunity here too.

With that in mind, my question for you is this:

Would that interest you?

If you have any thoughts, please hit reply. I’d love to hear from you.

A few months ago, I ran a Mindset & Clarity workshop on Performance for a team in my wider department.

About halfway through the session, I jumped up from my seat, grabbed a sharpie and drew a diagram on a flipchart.

I'm certainly not Picasso.

But I was only drawing a stickman and it’s impossible to misdraw a stickman.

Or so I thought.

As I finished drawing, I took a step back and glanced proudly at my masterpiece.

Something seemed off but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

Then, to my horror, it hit me.

I hadn’t just drawn a stickman. I’d drawn a stickman plus. And not the kind of “plus” you want to be drawing while 19 of your esteemed banking colleagues are watching, listening and scribbling down notes.

See, the two legs I’d drawn didn’t start at the bottom of the stickman's torso.

Instead, they started a couple of centimetres above the bottom of the torso. Which meant I’d accidentally gifted my poor stickman an anatomical upgrade.

Let’s just say he’d ended up with three “legs” rather than the usual two.

As it happened, there was another diagram I could sketch to illustrate the same point. So I casually flipped the chart over and on we went with the workshop.

Nothing to see here folks!

Anyway, lesson learnt and something I keep in mind when I run my workshops nowadays.

In fact, I took the minimalist route for a workshop I ran yesterday on Resilience.

There were no slides, no flip charts and certainly no three legged stickmen. Instead, there was just an open conversation that got straight to the heart of the matter.

Here's what one colleague posted on LinkedIn after the session:

*

Massive shoutout to Tom Grundy for today's powerhouse session on resilience aka bounce-back brilliance).

His thought leadership and raw personal storytelling hit home in the best way-authentic, uplifting, and packed with practical wisdom. I left feeling not just inspired, but equipped. So many reflections I can actually action starting now.

Thank you, Tom - your impact landed loud and clear 🙌

*

Over the last 12 months, I've run multiple Mindset & Clarity sessions on topics like State of Mind, Flow, Listening, Overthinking, Mental Bandwidth, Getting a Good Night's Sleep, Stress, Burnout, The Nature of Thought, The Nature of Feelings, Wondering, Work/Life Balance, Worry, Performance and Resilience.

Quite the menu.

If your team at work would like to work more productively with less stress and have more fun along the way, I'd love to come and run a workshop or two for you too.

If this tickles your fancy, hit reply and lets chat.

To fulfilment,

Tom

Over the weekend, Lauren and I took a trip with Baby Grundy to the market town of Ross on Wye.

We had three days of ice cream, cider, boat trips, penny slots and fish & chips.

But the real action happened on the way there.

I was driving along the motorway, minding my own business and gazing idly at the road, when all of a sudden, a big yellow exclamation mark started flashing on the car’s dashboard.

Then a warning message popped up:

TYRE PRESSURE LOW!

A pressure reading flashed up for the back right tyre. As I kept watching, the reading began to go down.

I started to get nervous.

I glanced at the road, then back to the dashboard. The pressure reading was still going down.

“I think we’ve got a puncture” I said to Lauren, scanning the hard shoulder for somewhere to pull over.

But then, all of a sudden, the tyre pressure started to go back up!

I thought this was bizarre. How can a tyre’s pressure GO UP while I’m driving on the motorway?

That’s when another message flashed up on the dashboard:

SERVICE TYRE MONITOR SYSTEM!

As soon as that message came up, I clocked it. The problem wasn’t the tyre. It was the system that monitors the tyres that was on the blink!

As I chuckled away, I turned back to Lauren.

“This will make for an awesome daily email!” I said, as Lauren rolled her eyes.

But I couldn’t not write this email. And that’s because there’s a great metaphor here.

See, most of us treat our anxious, stressful or worrying thoughts like a puncture. We pull over, slam on the brakes and start scrambling for a fix.

But we’re looking in the wrong place.

It’s not what we think that matters. It’s how we think that matters instead.

Until you understand the source of your tyre alerts, you can’t trust what the alerts are saying.

In exactly the same way, unless you get clear on where your thoughts are coming from, you can’t trust any of your thoughts.

And if you can’t trust them, they’re meaningless.

This really is the whole shebang right here.

If you want to spend less time in your head, this is the answer (because you’ll spend less time thinking about your thinking).

If you want to feel less stressed and more at ease, this is also the answer (because when your mind settles, you settle).

Even if you’re a go-getter “A-type” who wants to climb the greasy corporate ladder, leapfrog all your team-mates and get ahead at work, this is the answer too. While 99% of your colleagues are busy paying attention to all their thoughts, you’re acting from clarity and cracking on with the job at hand.

This is what Seneca was getting at all those years ago when he said “we suffer more often in imagination than in reality”.

i.e. it’s rarely a puncture and usually a dodgy warning light.

Honestly, this is is a huge part of the reason I was so stressed at work for so long. I thought I needed to find “real life” solutions to my stress.

But it’s impossible to find a "real life" solution to a puncture that isn't real.

Great thing too.

Trying to control the outside world is nigh on impossible (have you ever tried controlling your boss or your workload? Good luck with that!)

But we can all understand how our minds work.

In fact, it’s one of the very few things we have a real say in.

Understanding the source of thought is also the bedrock of my coaching.

More info here if you’re ready to stop spinning your wheels:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

*** The Good Enough Job (Simone Stolzoff). Each chapter takes a common myth about work (e.g. our work equals our worth, we are what we do, status equals success) then dissects that myth using a combination of interviews, real-life stories and historical context. Basically everything I’ve been banging on about for three years in these daily emails, but with actual in-depth research behind it

*** Parenting From The Heart (Jack Pransky). Parenting is a topic I’ve unsurprisingly been thinking about more & more in the last few months. The book uses the same “technology” that I coach from and it’s written by one of my favourite authors in this technology. So it was almost inevitable that I’d love this book

*** Stop Fixing Yourself (Anthony De Mello). One of those books that you can dip into again and again. Each chapter is only a couple of pages and they're stuffed with some of the sharpest takes I’ve found about how to recognise (and then subtract) the illusions we carry about who we are and what we need to be happy

*** The 10 Commandments of Con Men, Pickup Artists, Magicians, Door-to-Door Salesmen, Hypnotists, Copywriters, Negotiators, Political Propagandists, Stand Up Comedians and Oscar-Winning Screenwriters (John Bejakovic). Daily email maestro John has been one of my favourite follows since I started writing this newsletter. His new book is packed with obscure but tried-and-tested persuasion techniques. I found it fascinating (and so did you, judging by the responses I got when I promoted the book a few weeks ago)

*** I Can See Clearly Now (Wayne Dyer). I’ve been banging the drum for “The Father of Motivation” for years. In this book (his autobiography), Wayne spills the beans on leaving academia, his writing process, how he blended the practical with the mystical, his battles with his own personal demons and loads more. A great read if you’ve ever felt the tug between a steady path and a more soulful one

*** How to Fail At Almost Everything And Still Win Big (Scott Adams). I’ve read this book four times now. Not because I’m slow, but because it’s that good. The book’s title is worth the price of admission alone. The practical lessons are bang on. But what struck me most is how Scott related to his old job. He didn’t see his job as a burden. He didn’t throw his hands in the air and moan “how on earth will I get my business going if I’m working a 9 to 5!”. Instead, he USED his job to fuel his dream of cartooning. Not just by mining his job for Dilbert, but in lots of other sneaky and creative ways. An inspiring read

That’s six of the seven books.

The seventh?

I’ll be writing more about that tomorrow.

Unlike the six books above, this seventh book is a fiction book.

(oooooh!)

It’s also a model example of using your 9-to-5 as a springboard for something bigger and the perfect read for anyone who’s ever questioned working life and the 9-to-5 grind.

If you like the sound of that, all will be revealed tomorrow.

The magazine asked its readers to write a couple of paragraphs parodying the style of any novelist with the name Green or Greene.

The English writer and journalist Graham Greene spotted this challenge and decided to have some fun.

He wrote a few sentences and submitted a parody of himself under a pseudonym.

The result?

When New Statesman announced the prizes, Graham Greene had come in second!

You’ve probably heard the old line about others knowing us better than we know ourselves. But try telling that to poor old Graham.

If his escapade is anything to go by, the opposite is true:

No-one knows us better than we do.

Sure, others might know our habits, behaviours and personalities pretty well. They might have a sense of what motivates us or be able to predict what we’re going to do before we do it.

But our habits, behaviours and personality have nothing to do with who we are.

Who we are comes before these.

It comes before our name, our jobs and any other labels we've grabbed hold of.

It comes before our behaviours, actions & habits.

It even comes before our thoughts and feelings.

And when you strip away all the variables and see what remains, you get down to the constants. The real us. The part of us that no-one else knows better than we do.

One of the joys of the last 3 years or so has been getting more and more familiar with this part of me.

Why?

Because the more familiar I am with who I am, the more often I can be myself.

So when my to-do list is overflowing …when I’ve only had 4 hours sleep…when I need to have a difficult conversation…when I’ve got a banging headache…when I’m standing up to speak in front of a room full of people…or when I say the wrong thing...

I know, more than ever, that I can still be myself.

If you like the idea of being yourself more often too:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

Whenever I do, there’s always some chat about how the phrase “work/life balance” isn’t all that useful.

I wholeheartedly agree with this.

It’s probably why “work/life balance” has undergone more rebrands than Snoop Dogg.

Terms like "life/work balance", “work/life blend”, “work/life integration” and “work/life harmony” seem to be bandied about like confetti nowadays.

I guess each has its selling point.

But recently I came across another rebrand which I actually quite like.

That rebrand?

“Work/life sway”

In my oh so biased opinion, “sway” captures something that “balance” completely misses.

Perhaps you've noticed this too.

When have you ever had a perfectly balanced day? One where work took exactly 8 hours, the kids got their fair share, you hit the gym, cooked a curry, read a book, watched Love Island and still had time for a decent night's sleep?

If you're anything like me, this mythical, perfect balance never happens.

But swaying is what we do every single day without even thinking about it.

You sway when you work late on Tuesday because your intern accidentally deleted the shared drive and you sway again when you leave early on Friday for a pal’s birthday. You sway when you miss your evening run to fix the wifi at home, then you sway some more with a cheeky walk the next morning.

The magic of "sway" is that it takes the pressure off.

There's no perfect state to achieve, no ideal ratio to hit, no gold star waiting for you when you finally "crack" work/life balance.

Instead, there's just this gentle back-and-forth dance where you respond to what life throws at you while swaying away and back to your centre.

So it's less about getting everything right and more about getting comfortable with the movement.

Incidentally, I came across the term “work/life sway” in Rashi Kakkar’s newsletter Decks and Diapers.

Rashi was interviewing founder, author and mum of three Jossy Lee about motherhood, her writing and how Jossy has combined the two in her book “Mommy Goes to Work”.

A very interesting read it was too.

It’s not the only interview in Decks and Diapers I’ve enjoyed over the last few weeks.

In fact, for the last couple of years, Rashi’s served up 89 interviews with professionals, founders, CEOs, start-up execs, authors and podcasters to dive into how these folk balance their work with being a parent.

As it happens, Rashi is publishing interview #90 with Yours Truly in her newsletter tomorrow.

In the interview, we covered topics like stress at work, my writing process, the "someday" fallacy, my take on success, how I turn the dial down on overwhelm and what it's like to be a new dad.

I had blast chatting with Rashi and no doubt the interview will be a small treat for the die-hard fans who miss my daily blather when I put my feet up on Saturdays and Sundays.

If you’d like to find out how ambitious parents are swaying their way through life, here’s the sign up link for Rashi’s newsletter:

https://decksanddiapers.substack.com

17 life lessons for Lauren’s bun in the oven

Now that bun in the oven is fully baked and is blossoming into a cheeky little crumpet, I took another peek at the advice I’d written 6 months ago.

Life lesson number 9 caught my eye:

Listen less to other people and more to yourself

My feelings about this crumb of wisdom have only grown stronger.

In fact, I’d go so far to say that listening to yourself is essential when it comes to finding your path through life.

But I’ve only started doing it recently myself.

At school and uni, I hung on the words of my friends and teachers. In my 20’s, I’d blindly listen to my colleagues and the drip-feed of corporate thinking on how life should be lived and how work should be worked. Then in my 30’s, it was podcasts, self-help books and so-called “experts” on topics like health, business, relationships and careers.

So I was listening to everyone but myself.

At the end of part 1 of my banking career, I stuck two fingers up to the corporate world and deliberately zigged wherever it zagged.

I thought this was me finally listening to myself and taking back control.

What I’d missed is that doing the opposite of what the suits were telling me to do isn’t listening to myself at all. It’s still letting an external voice call the shots.

It’s a whole other game to drop all outside voices and let yourself be guided by yourself.

But to my mind, this is the game you want to be playing.

Life opens up when you’re not trying to win a game you never wanted to play in the first place. Things start to click into place with a lightness, joy and ease. And best of all, you’re living life as yourself and not someone else’s idea of you.

Of course, none of this precludes listening to a podcast, reading a book or taking onboard your friends’ words of wisdom. It’s just that your inner guide is the filter.

That’s why, more than ever, I want Baby Grundy to live her life.

And I want her to know that following her inner guide (which we all have – this isn’t unique to Baby Grundy) is the way to do this.

Yes, I see the irony in telling her to listen more to herself.

But that’s an irony I can live with.

In fact, no less than “The Father of Motivation” Wayne Dyer pulled the same move when he wrote:

***

There is a fundamental axiom that both my wife and I practiced in the raising of our children and it is this:

Parents are not for leaning upon, but rather exist to make leaning unnecessary

***

So that’s that.

One newsletter I’ve been guided towards recently in my new-ish role as Daddy Crumpet is Rashi Kakkar’s Decks and Diapers.

In Rashi’s own words:

I am an ambitious professional who also happens to be a parent. Join me as I decode and navigate the world of careers and caregiving, simultaneously. We will talk about work, life and the intersection of the two!

If you’re juggling parenthood with a professional career and something in you lights up at the sound of Decks and Diapers, I can’t recommend this newsletter enough.

Here’s the link if you’d like to sign up:

https://decksanddiapers.substack.com

Maybe it’s because I’m half a year away from the big “4 – 0” and my salt & pepper beard is looking a lot more salt than pepper these days.

It might be because the stork made a special delivery six months ago to the drawbridge outside Fort Grundy.

Maybe I’ve simply got more perspective.

But whatever the reason, I’ve found myself spending much less time looking into the future focussing on the next big goal, the next thing that needs fixing or the next part of my life that could be improved.

This is something Dan Sullivan and Dr Benjamin Hardy talk about in their book The Gap and The Gain.

The basic idea is that rather than measure success by how far you are from your ideal (i.e. The Gap), you measure it by how far you’ve come (The Gain).

I like this idea.

I think it’s worth taking a few moments every now and then to look back over your shoulder, take stock and give yourself a pat on the back.

For instance, this newsletter has been ticking along now for over three years. And while I could easily get tunnel vision for snagging new readers, launching my new coaching program and releasing my new product on overthinking (i.e. how to do it less), I don’t want to lose sight of the fact that three years ago I didn’t even have a newsletter. Nor did I have any idea about how to write a chirpy daily email that subscribers actually look forward to reading.

So there’s that.

But in fact, even though Sullivan and Hardy share my soft spot for gently steering attention away from the next big goal, that’s NOT the shift I’m talking about.

The shift I’m talking about is something else entirely.

Forget The Gap and forget The Gain.

My suggestion is to look towards The Given instead.

That might sound cryptic, but it’s really not. It’s simply an invitation to sit up and smell the posies right now, in this very moment.

Case in point:

Lauren and I have a dream of living in a big house, somewhere leafy and green, with a stream trickling past in the back garden. I’d have my office-cum-library-cum-daily email laboratory, Lauren would have her arts, crafts & music room, Baby Grundy would have her nursery and there’d be lots of space for friends, family and maybe even a pooch or two.

The idea brings a big smile to my face.

But truth be told, Fort Grundy really is just the ticket. The walls are holding strong and the moat is holding steady.

And I wouldn’t want the honking great dream of upgrading Fort Grundy to drown out the magic right under my nose. That would be a real shame.

This pattern rears its ugly head at work as well.

The way I see it, corporate life is chock-full of employees treating their jobs as a waiting room for what’s just around the corner (another promotion, another job title, another pay rise or even wishing away the work week which makes up 5/7’s of their actual life).

Some people might read this email and think I’m pedalling a passive, unmotivated, airy-fairy sort of attitude.

But nothing could be further from the truth.

Being present doesn’t mean standing still. And there’s no better fuel for living the sort of life you want to live than basking and frolicking in The Given.

The Given is the place where your real dreams come from, as opposed to always striving for the next shiny object or straining to catch up with your colleagues.

When you stop chasing from a place of “what’s missing?” and start creating from a place of “I’ve got enough already”, life will start to take you in wonderful and unexpected directions.

If this shift resonates, you can read more about my coaching here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

If you're intrigued or curious, hit reply, drop me a line and we can have a chat to see if my coaching is a fit for you.

My 39.5th birthday!

What better moment to share 39.5 reflections, thoughts, quotes and confessions to celebrate 39.5 spins around the Sun?

So here we go:

1. Whenever I get an email or DM at work that starts with “quick question”, I know that question will still be rumbling on a month later
2. When I try to please everyone, I please no-one (including me)
3. “There is no perfect time for anything. There is only now” – Jack Canfield
4. The more I’m in my head, the harder life becomes
5. Celeriac is underrated
6. The best way to solve a problem is to change my perspective on that problem
7. Despite working for a bank, I still don’t really understand how mortgages work
8. Everyone (yes, everyone) is creative. If you think you’re not creative, you’ve just proved my point
9. "We are always paid for our suspicion by finding what we expect" – Henry David Thoreau
10. What’s familiar is not the same as what’s true
11. Life is always nudging us in a certain direction. It keeps nudging until we listen
12. Success is about alignment, not achievement
13. I’ve got four new books arriving today from Amazon (don’t tell Lauren!)
14. We can only be afraid of our thoughts
15. “The quieter you become, the more you can hear” – Ram Dass
16. Happiness can’t be achieved. It’s already your natural state
17. Writing my next book has somehow become a really good way to avoid publishing my (almost ready) current book

18, The only person who knows what’s best for you is you

1. The most important relationship you can have is your relationship with your own thoughts

20 . “Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray” – Rumi

1. Life isn’t a game you play to win. It’s a game you play to play
2. I’m about to open the doors to a new coaching offer. I’m curious (and excited!) to see who jumps in and what unfolds for them
3. A good night’s sleep makes a lot of problems disappear
4. Personal growth is about subtraction, not addition
5. “The only limits you have are the limits you believe” – Wayne Dyer
6. You already know the answer to your big decision
7. Peace comes from understanding, not from fixing
8. My top 3 bucket list destinations: China, The Philippines and The Rocky Mountains
9. You can't be yourself if you’re trying to be yourself
10. I wish my office had napping booths. The toilets just aren’t the same
11. I used to see my anxiety as a problem. Now I see it as my best friend (I'll write more about this in a future email)
12. “If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong” – Groucho Marx
13. The biggest barrier to clarity is overthinking
14. It seems bananas that I’ve run 32 Mindset workshops in one year for my colleagues at work and even more bananas that I’m now being invited to run sessions at team meetings and offsites. I can't wait to see what the next 12 months will bring for these workshops
15. My workload, deadlines, colleagues, boss, targets, feedback and job aren’t the cause of my stress
16. “We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are” – Anais Nin
17. External changes won't fix internal struggles
18. The best productivity hack is presence
19. I managed 12 back to back games of blitz chess yesterday as Baby Grundy snoozed on my lap
20. The meaning of life is…

So there we have it.

39.5 thoughts as I turn 39.5.

If you’d like to put forward a suggestion for the missing 0.5, I’m all ears.

Just hit reply and let me know.

I’ve found myself singing a bunch of nursery rhymes I knew when I was a young whippersnapper but which I thought I’d forgotten a long time ago.

Turns out I know a lot more nursery rhymes than I realised.

I don’t get the words perfect every time. There’s a fair smattering of “hum-de-hum-de-hum” when I’m warbling Old MacDonald or Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

But one song I do remember word for word is the golden oldie Row, Row, Row Your Boat. Lucky for me as it brings a huge, heart-melting smile to Baby Grundy’s face every time I sing it.

I’m sure you know the lyrics:

Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is butter dream

Something like that anyway.

As it happens, Baby Grundy shares a love of Row Your Boat with no less than the Father of Motivation and author of one of my all-time favourite books, Wayne Dyer.

The other day I came across a YouTube video where Wayne was waxing lyrical about the wisdom packed into this very song and how the words contain the keys to a happy life.

So what’s the song telling us?

Let’s start with the first three words:

Row, Row, Row

As in, live your life. Embrace each day. Take the initiative. Don’t wait for permission. Be an active participant rather than a passive observer.

And, above all, follow your heart. Find the thing that you’re on this planet to do and, when you do it, bring your whole self to bear.

Wayne would sometimes put it as “don’t die with your music still in you”.

That line has always stuck with me.

Which takes us to…

Your Boat

Not your best friend’s boat, your colleague’s boat or your therapist’s boat.

Not the boat your parents told you to row or the boat your culture, your education or your religion have mapped out on your behalf.

It’s YOUR boat. It’s your life.

Next is gently

i.e. with an ease, a lightness and a playfulness.

Life really doesn’t need to be a struggle.

Especially if you row down the stream

You’ll know you’re rowing against the current when every instinct, every decision and every thought feels like a wrestling match with yourself. A bit like huffing and puffing the wrong way up an escalator and pushing really hard just to stand still.

But there is another option.

The current of life is carrying every one of us.

And when we stop fighting it, we’ll find that current is already carrying us in the most energising, authentic, peaceful and perfect direction we could hope for.

If you’d like to listen to Wayne Dyer’s four minutes of nursery rhyme inspired wisdom before you head into your weekend, here’s the link to the video:

Have a good weekend.

Jake’s a professional procrastinator. He spends his evenings and weekends sitting on the sofa, scratching his tushie and eating Coco Pops straight from the box.

Jake wants to be a bit more switched on and he’s made a few half-hearted attempts to get his act together.

He hired a personal trainer, but he skips every session.

He bought an online course called "Productivity Mastery", but he's never finished it.

He wants a promotion at work, but he’s been fired twice from different jobs for poor performance.

Jake basically lives in an endless cycle of telling himself that next Monday is the perfect day to reset and start over. Then Monday rolls around and Jake decides he’ll wait until Tuesday. And on we go.

Things aren’t looking great for Jake.

Until one day, Jake discovers the magic of reframing. That changes everything for old Jakey boy.

Suddenly, Jake isn’t a procrastinator anymore. Oh no. He’s now a "thoughtful prioritisation expert who strategically delays projects to allow ideas to marinate".

Jake isn’t someone who starts courses but never finishes them. Instead, he’s "immersing himself in lifelong learning while refining his lifestyle model".

Jake isn’t skipping gym sessions any more either. Don’t be silly! That’s really Jake "honouring his body's natural recovery instincts”.

And Jake hasn’t been fired twice. He’s actually made "two bold career pivots driven by his unconventional approach to workplace expectations".

Now, you might think I'm being a tad facetious with these reframes.

And you’d be bang on the money.

But here's the thing:

How different are these examples from telling yourself that your terrifying presentation tomorrow is "actually an opportunity for growth"?

Or that your overwhelming workload is "a chance to practice resilience"?

Or that your difficult colleague is "teaching you patience"?

I get that reframes can be helpful sometimes.

But only as a sticking plaster.

It doesn’t matter if you’re using a reframe to calm yourself down or to gee yourself up. You’re still engaging in a bunch of reactive, mental gymnastics which burns through time and energy and crucially don’t even solve what’s really going on.

You can put as many motivational stickers as you want on a flat tyre, but when all’s said and done, you’ve still got a flat tyre.

Here's what's really interesting though:

What if you didn't need to tell yourself that your terrifying presentation was "an opportunity for growth" because you simply didn't see that presentation as scary in the first place?

This is what I call a preframe.

If a reframe is like adding a funky filter to a photo you’ve already taken, a preframe is choosing a different angle before you take the shot.

No wrestling with your thoughts, no tricking yourself into feeling better and no wasted mental energy trying to find the right mindset hack.

Just a shift to a clearer, calmer and more grounded way of seeing what’s really going on. And a way which drops the need to force and grind through life’s tougher moments.

As the Father of Motivation himself Wayne Dyer once wrote:

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change

Turns out the flat tyre was never flat to begin with.

If you’d like to get started:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

The thought of an old English teacher of mine stumbling on an email and looking aghast at how many classroom writing rules I’m breaking.

Do I trot out a bunch of fancy vocab in these emails?

Nope.

Do I use punctuation the right way?

Do I heck.

Do I structure my emails with well thought-out paragraphs?

Clearly not. Some of my paragraphs are one word long!

Which prompts the question:

Why am I not writing the way I was taught to write?

The answer is simple.

I want to write emails I enjoy writing.

Using proper syntax & grammar is nice and all.

But if I wrote these emails like sixth formers write English essays or like Emily Bronte wrote Wuthering Heights, I wouldn't have nearly as much fun.

So I need to ignore and even set light to most of what my earnest English teachers taught me.

Of course, this idea of shaking off what we're taught at school goes way beyond writing.

For instance:

*** Schools reward students who do exactly what they’re told to do (arrive on time, stand quietly in line, do their homework etc).

My suggestion is not to get too used to this. The more you do what you’re told to do, the harder it will become to tap into the right options & decisions for you

*** If you weren't good at painting or drama (like me), you might've left school thinking you're not creative.

But every single one of us is creative. No exceptions.

Creativity shows up in how you solve problems, how you interact with people, how you imagine your future and how you manage your energy and time.

Unless, of course, you've decided to believe that you're not creative.

*** School treats play as a break from work and learning. But in real life, learning can be play. Work can be play too.

If you always put work first and never work in a way that's light, fun and playful, perhaps you've got too used to the idea that play can only be a reward for hard work

*** You could leave school thinking that progress is linear, just like Year 9 leads to Year 10 leads to GCSEs and so on.

But real life is all about loops, zigzags, treading water and suddenly...BOOM...you make a huge jump forward. If you think you're behind the curve, it might be because you're expecting your progress to move in a straight line. But that's not how progress works

*** Evaluation is everywhere at school. You get a mark on your recorder exam, you have trials for the netball team or you’re told your French accent needs improving. But don’t get sucked into this culture of you being evaluated. It might start to lead to your own self-evaluation and the idea there’s something to fix, improve or change about you.

Spoiler alert: there's not

*** School might have you believe that it’s important to have all the answers. But try to resist this belief (and the belief that most questions have “right” answers at all)

To my mind, being comfortable with the unknown is a much more useful asset vs having all the answers up your sleeve, ready & waiting to be unveiled

*** Don’t overvalue your IQ. You might get a gold star from teacher, land a plush spot at a top uni or even end up working in a sexy investment bank earning enough money to hire Rylan to compère your 40th birthday bash.

But if you want a rich life in every sense of the word (not just one where you’re patting yourself on the back for your smarts and your ever-increasing bank balance), the key is getting out of your head, not into it

So there we have it.

And that's just school. Don't get me started on our jobs!

This is why we can add unlearning to the ever-growing list of important skills that school never taught us.

Hence my Subtraction Method.

The last thing we need is MORE advice, MORE rules, MORE ideas, MORE strategies, MORE thoughts and MORE beliefs in order to keep juggling plates we'd be happier without.

Truth is, we've got all we need already. And the key to seeing that is dropping all the mental scripts that are getting in the way.

If you're done adding more and you're curious what your life would be like without all the rules, shoulds and noise in your head, come and see what falls away over here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

A few days before the session, the colleague who invited me dropped me a DM:

“Will you send over some slides?”

Anyone who’s dipped their toe into the corporate pond knows that meetings and slide decks go together like Gordon's Gin goes with Fevertree Tonic.

But not for my mindset sessions.

Not on my watch!

What I’m finding is that the less I pre-load these sessions and the more space there is to explore, the better the sessions go.

Wednesday was a great example of this. We took all sorts of twists and turns.

At one point, someone talked about how frustrated he gets with his colleagues. So we chatted about that for a few minutes.

That led to another colleague talking about how she wished she could be more present with her kids when she gets home from work. She said when she’s with her kids in person, she’s still at work in her head and she feels torn between staying on top of things at work and trying to be a good mum. So we talked about that for a few minutes too.

Then another colleague asked me how my approach to work had changed after spending two years out of corporate and seven months studying with American “supercoach” Michael Neill.

This is a question I’m getting asked more and more.

But instead of giving a rehearsed reply, I let the moment guide my answer.

Judging by the head nods, that answer seemed to land.

Thing is, I doubt any of these mini explorations would’ve taken place if I was still rattling through a bunch of Powerpoint slides. Yet these explorations are what brought the session alive.

As if to prove the point, the next day a Managing Director slid into my DMs (an MD DM!) to say this:

***

Hi Tom

Word spreading fast about your words of wisdom on mental health

I heard brilliant things about the session you did yesterday

Wondering if you could come and chat to my senior leadership team?

***

The takeaway from all this should be clear:

There is one hell of a huge, almighty, unspoken rule in corporate which says you always need to have all the answers ready. And woe betide anyone who doesn’t.

But when it comes to connecting with people, having all the answers ready is literally the worst thing you can do.

Presence, curiosity and a bit of breathing room is what really counts.

I’m not just talking about mindset sessions now. I’m talking about every single aspect of work and life.

Think about your last client meeting where you prepped every possible objection. Were you actually listening to what your client was worried about?

Think about the time you got frustrated with a colleague. Were you trying to prove your ready-made point and make your colleague see your point of view?

Think about your kids. Do they need a polished, pre-planned parent? Or do they just need you?

I’m not saying any of this is easy. There’s serious pressure to prove we have all the answers and I feel it myself too.

But I also know you can't prep for the things that matter most. And more often than not, that helps me drop my need to plan and find my natural response instead.

If you’d like to ditch your script and listen to yourself more, you might like this:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

Baby Grundy stirs from her slumbers at 7am. That’s when we totter down Fort Grundy's winding stone staircase and head to the kitchen for eggs, porridge and coffee.

Once I’ve satisfied my rumbling tummy, the next stop is the lounging chamber where I dish out a bottle of milk to Baby Grundy while I fire up the TV and press play on Couples Therapy.

I love this show.

If you haven’t seen it, it's basically a fly-on-the-wall documentary following real couples in therapy.

What Baby Grundy makes of the domestic ding-dongs I have no idea.

But I find the detective work fascinating.

(and yes, part of me also enjoys being nosy and peeking into other people's relationships)

Anyway, I’ve noticed something odd since I started this morning routine:

I’ve been flatter and grumpier than usual.

Nothing wrong with this of course. Life’s like that sometimes.

But a couple of days ago I realised that this flat, grumpy feeling started at EXACTLY the same time I started watching Couples Therapy.

And I think I know why.

I'm noticing things I’ve never thought about before.

Watching Couples Therapy is like being given a masterclass in "here are all the ways a relationship can go wrong” and "here are all the deep-seated personal issues you might be lugging round without even realising it".

I don't know if that sounds strange or not.

But I'll never forget one sentence which Big Tony Robbins hammered home when I took part in his four day personal development extravaganza Unleash the Power Within:

"Where focus goes, energy flows"

I think there’s a lot of truth in that.

If I'm spending 20 mins every morning soaking up relationship problems and other people's personal baggage, it's no surprise that I might start “finding” similar issues in my own life.

Stare at the cracks long enough and you start seeing them everywhere.

Even in things that are perfectly solid!

This is why my coaching has nothing to do with digging up your past and poking at psychological scabs to see what oozes out. Nor am I interested in picking away at tiny cracks in the plaster until the whole wall comes tumbling down.

I'd rather help you sketch out what kind of castle you want to build, then help you build it.

What would feel thrilling? What have you quietly wanted for years but never dared to say out loud? What would make you bounce out of bed in the morning?

(I don’t recommend Couples Therapy for the last one)

If you have dreams you'd love to go after or you’d like to feel more alive, aligned and lit up by your day, you can read more about my coaching here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

Turned out that Donald Trump had photobombed the Chelsea football team’s medal ceremony at the Club World Cup Final in New Jersey, U.S. of A.

If you somehow missed the press coverage, Trump managed to insert himself right slap bang in the middle of the team photo while grinning away like a Cheshire Cat.

Cue photoshops of Trump celebrating the Chicago Bulls’ 1990 Championship victory, Michael Phelps’ Olympic gold medals and even England's 1966 World Cup win,

Personally, I thought the whole episode was hilarious.

I’d also like to thank Trump for giving me an excuse to write an email about unwelcome guests sticking their nose in where they don’t belong.

The unwelcome guests I’m referring to?

Our unwelcome thoughts. They’re no different to Trump hogging the spotlight when he wasn’t wanted.

In fact, the Chelsea players’ reaction to this unwelcome guest was PERFECT.

There were a few baffled looks…

A few head-tilts…

There was Chelsea captain Cole Palmer wondering “What’s he doing?”...

And then the players ignored Trump and got on with celebrating.

So what if we treated scary or anxious thoughts the same way?

i.e. with a sense of suspicion, bemusement and maybe even a disbelieving shake of the head? Then paid that thought no more attention?

When we stop trying to change our thoughts, analyse them, play them on repeat, fight against them, follow them down rabbit holes, control them or think more positively about them, they lose their grip.

There’s nothing for those thoughts to latch onto.

And just like Trump sloped off to find another photo opp, those thoughts will slope off too.

Of course, this is easier said than done.

Most of us have been taught to take our thoughts seriously our whole lives. We've been conditioned to believe that if we're thinking something, it must be important.

But what if there was a completely different way to relate to your thinking?

A way that “trumps” all those mental gymnastics?

(yes, I went there)

This is the exact understanding that freed me from trying to solve my overthinking with more thinking for at least a couple of decades.

Nowadays there’s just peace of mind as I watch my mental chatter come and go.

Not all the time mind you.

But it's like chalk and cheese vs the bad old days.

If you’d like to get more in touch with your own mental freedom, I currently have ONE 1:1 coaching spot available.

More info here on what my coaching is all about:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

If you’re interested, no need to join the wait list.

Hit reply and we’ll take it from there.

Since the proverbial stork delivered Baby Grundy just over five months ago, I’ve slept in various beds, on a sofa, in a rocking chair, on a futon, on a rug and even the cold, hard, mosaiced floor of the bathroom here at Fort Grundy.

I’ve gone to bed at 7pm, 2am, 6am and just about every hour in between.

I’ve spent nights watching back-to-back-to-back episodes of True Detective with Baby Grundy snoozing on my lap as the sun creeps in through the curtains. I've spent other nights going for midnight drives with Baby Grundy conked out in the backseat.

I’ve also had days where I’ve trotted into the office on two hours sleep and snuck a ten minute power nap on the John just to keep the wheels turning.

So my sleep schedule has well and truly gone rogue.

What, you might ask, is ironic about that?

What’s ironic is that a couple of weeks ago I was asked by a colleague at work to come to her team meeting to run a session on…

(you guessed it)

…how to get a good night’s sleep!

This is a colleague who took part in some of the Mindset & Clarity workshops I've run over the last twelve months and was looking to share the mindset magic with her team.

Perhaps you’re wondering what sleep has to do with mindset and clarity.

Truth is, they go together like three peas in a pod.

The reason so many people struggle with sleep is the exact same reason so many people struggle to make a decision, manage their time, prioritise tasks, not overthink it or simply stay calm, relaxed and at ease.

That reason?

They turn everything into a project.

When it comes to nodding off, the project they set themselves is “how can I fall asleep?”

But this isn’t a helpful question. By the time you’ve asked it, you’ve already veered off course.

See, sleep isn’t something we do. It’s something we allow.

It’s a bit like breaking your leg, then “doing” fixing your leg. I doubt it would occur to anyone to try knitting those broken bone cells back together. I doubt even Dr Google would recommend it.

That’s why we let the body take care of it for us.

It works the same way with sleep.

When you're lying in your four poster bed actively working at sleeping (monitoring how sleepy you are, running through various sleep techniques, getting frustrated you’re not falling asleep fast enough etc), all you’re doing is stopping yourself falling asleep.

It's when you let go of that and trust your body has got your back that you sink softly to sleep like a stone sinks in water.

That’s not to say we can’t create the conditions for a good night’s sleep.

Of course we can.

But those conditions are just setting the stage. The real performance happens when we stop directing the show.

If you’re part of a team or community that would like more calm, clarity or just a better night’s sleep, hit reply, let me know and we’ll explore how I can help.

That mistake?

Muddling up the score with the music.

That might sound rather cryptic. So let me explain with a couple of examples.

I always placed a lot of importance on my salary. And whenever my salary went up, I saw it as a sign that I was heading in the right direction, that my career was on track and that I was making progress.

So I started measuring how my life was going by how my salary was going.

Another example?

The hours I worked.

No-one could beat me at this. Whether it was working in the office until 1am and switching off the lights as I left, leaving a team dinner to go back to my desk or “working” over the weekend by ruminating about my to-do list, I was top of the class when it came to clocking in the hours.

After a while, the long hours became a badge of honour and proof (to me, at least) I was doing something worthwhile.

One more example:

The feedback I got at work.

This actually WAS a score. Every 6 months, I’d sit down with my boss and we’d chat about the last 6 months, how things had gone, what I’d done well and what I’d done less well. Then my boss would give me a score which got recorded in an HR system.

I used to think this score was really important. That it meant something about me and my own worth.

What I see now is that I’d well and truly muddled up the scores with the music.

But the scores are absolutely not the music.

Yes, metrics like salary or feedback can reflect progress. But they only reflect progress in the areas they measure.

That’s the key point.

You can hit all the top scores for a whole bunch of metrics yet still find yourself feeling off-track or out of sync.

That’s not a sign that things are heading in the right direction. Not when it comes to your life.

Life isn’t lived through numbers on a page.

It’s lived through the music instead.

That music is how we feel when we wake up on a Monday morning. It’s leaning into curiosity rather than pressure. It’s how we approach a challenging conversation. It’s trusting we know when we’re done for the day. It’s how connected we are with our kids after we’ve clocked off from work. And it’s knowing deep down you’re being true to yourself, even if other people don’t get what you’re up to.

It’s certainly not a bunch of numbers on a screen which tell you nothing about how fulfilled you feel, how meaningful your work is or how happy, healthy or energised you are.

That’s how it looks to me anyway.

I wish someone had shown me how to listen for the music sooner.

It took me years to untangle myself from my metrics obsession.

That’s why I’m putting together a new small group to help people tune back into what matters most and stop chasing the stuff that comes at the cost of their family, interests or peace of mind.

I wrote more about this yesterday.

The group is made for you if you'd like to keep your bearings at work, enjoy your job without that job taking over and create space for the kind of life that actually feels like yours.

If you’re interested, please hit reply and let me know.

I’m going to keep this group small. So while raising your hand doesn’t commit you to anything, it does mean I can keep you in the loop. It also means you can help shape the content so the group is as tailored to you as possible.

If this sounds like music to your ears, I look forward to hearing from you.

(great name!)

***

In your view; would it be possible to stay below the radar (but still find something meaningful to do) for a lifetime within such a system, and just consider work as a paycheck allowing you to support a family, enjoy Nature, a spiritual journey and having a nice hobby?

***

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about the corporate system and the well-worn chase for job titles, promotions and corner offices.

This is the “system” Thomas is referring to.

And it’s an interesting question.

Can someone hold down a corporate job without getting sucked into the status game?

My take on things is that you absolutely can. But it does mean removing your default corporate goggles.

Case in point:

During my first two years in the merry world of banking, I’d spend many evenings with my colleagues sampling the pubs and ales of Edinburgh.

One topic of conversation which often wormed its way in was about the bigwigs in the office (team heads, senior exec, managing directors and the like…)

When the convo did turn this way, these honchos were spoken about with such worship and awe that it was like listening to a football nut losing their marbles over a Lionel Messi backheel.

Honestly, if you were eavesdropping one of these chats, you’d be forgiven for thinking that the bank’s senior execs were all the second re-incarnation of Jesus Christ and worthy of their own stained-glass windows in the company’s boardroom.

That was the majesty and prestige their status seemed to carry.

Funnily enough, I soon found myself talking about the senior bods in much the same way, even though I’d never met most of them and had no idea what they did.

i.e. this corporate status swooning quickly “infiltrated” my mind.

Thing is, as soon as you jump into the merry world of corporate, ten-a-penny ideas like this start to reel you in. The office narratives take over and before you clock what’s going on, you might start thinking like everyone else and start chasing things you don’t even want.

It could sound like I’m pooh-poohing anyone who’s hungry to climb the corporate ladder or who’s already made it to the top rung.

But I’m not.

What I’m pooh-poohing is the idea that one version of success is the only version of success.

This is something author and work/life freedom pioneer Paul Millerd got into when I interviewed him for this newsletter a few months ago.

When I asked Paul what success and ambition look like to him, he said this:

***

Success is whether my family and I are able to live the life we want to be living.

In my twenties, I was obsessed with the next achievement but I genuinely don’t have that pull anymore. It’s just not interesting to me at all.

I’m only ambitious to live our version of ambition as a family. It’s very personal and not aligned with what others see as ambitious.

***

Sure, Paul has left corporate and taken a different path with his life and work.

That was the right step for him.

But as Paul says, living a fulfilling life isn’t about copying someone else. It’s about following what’s right for you.

Which takes us back to Thomas’s question:

If you want to work a 9 to 5 job without that job becoming your life, it’s entirely possible. And you can absolutely opt out of the rat race without quitting the race altogether.

Best of all, it doesn’t require re-training, hunting for a new job or betting it all on your own business.

All it requires is a fresh perspective.

With that in mind, I’m putting together a small group for anyone who’d like to put this into practice.

The purpose of the group is to help you get clear on what you do and don’t want from your job so that you stop chasing the things you don’t want and make space for the stuff that actually matters to you – in the office, and outside the office too.

If you’re interested, please hit reply and let me know.

I’m going to keep this group small. So while replying doesn’t commit you to anything, it does mean I can keep you in the loop. It also means you can help shape the content so the group is as tailored to you as possible.

If you're curious, I look forward to hearing from you.

That's all for today.

To fulfilment,

Tom

You might know Scott Adams as the creator of the comic strip Dilbert.

The book has a fair smattering of Dilbert cartoons, but it’s mostly an autobiographical/personal development mash up.

And it’s brilliant.

It’s refreshing to read about someone who started in a bog standard 9 to 5 job, followed his nose, got good at his craft and took baby steps while shuffling through office life to carve out a niche in something very niche indeed (corporate comics!).

Scott doesn’t hold back on how he balanced being an up-and-coming cartoonist with his day job.

In the book, he writes about how he’d wake up to draw at 4am each morning, then head into his office cubicle (what he called his “cubicle prison”) and then later tootle back home to draw all night.

But the real gold is how he USED his job to support his cartoonish ambitions.

Not just for creative fodder (although he did – clearly there’s no end of Dilbert ideas if you’re in the thick of corporate clownery).

But in other weird and wacky ways too.

Take the time Scott got diagnosed with focal dystonia (basically muscle cramps in his hand). Not what you want when you rely on your hands for your craft.

When he saw a doctor and asked about the cure, the answer was blunt:

There’s no known treatment.

In Scott’s words:

“My dream of being a cartoonist for the rest of my life was over unless I found a way to be the first person in the world to beat focal dystonia”

So what did he do?

Back to Scott:

“At my day job, as I sat through endless boring meetings, I started practicing my drawing motion by touching my pen to paper for a full second before feeling the onset of a pinkie spasm. Eventually it was two seconds, then five.

One day, after I trained myself to hold pen to paper for several seconds without a spasm, my brain suddenly and unexpectedly rewired itself and removed the dystonia altogether.

My hand doctor said I’m part of the literature on this topic now”

I found this story reassuring.

Not because I’m suffering from Coaching Carpal Tunnel or Daily Email Elbow.

But because I like the idea of my day job being a quiet enabler.

Right now, I’m holding down my 9 to 5 banking job while trying to be a good dad, partner, brother, son and friend. And I’m doing all this while writing daily emails and growing my coaching business.

Part of me wishes I didn’t have a 9 to 5 job at all. That way, I could put more time and attention into everything else.

But there’s another part of me that knows it’s a huge advantage working a 9 to 5 while growing a biz like this too.

So the question I’m asking is:

How can I leverage my job for my business?

The 34 Mindset Workshops I’ve run over the last 12 months are clearly one way. In fact, they’re almost a perfect way. I can genuinely help my banking colleagues find less stress and more clarity while building my coaching chops and snagging a few testimonials in the process.

So everyone’s a winner.

But what I’m wondering is:

What else?

Could I start a newsletter at work?

Could I find a way to get my new book into the hands of all my colleagues? (won’t be long until it’s published now, although I’ve been saying that for a while…)

Could I even start adhoc watercooler coaching sessions?

I don’t have the answers to these questions, but it is something I’m thinking about.

One thing's for sure though:

Whatever I come up with, you can bet your bottom dollar I'll be writing about it in these daily emails.

***

I found yesterday’s session especially helpful.

Not exaggerating when I say it’s somewhat revolutionary to experience mindful listening without also feeling the background mental anxiety of having to figure out a response

***

Reading that, I thought:

Me too!

The workshops themselves are a good example of this.

The workshops are virtual. A couple of years ago, the idea of hosting weekly Zoom calls would’ve scared me shitless. Even just the thought of all eyes being on me would’ve kept me awake the night before (probably a few nights before if I’m being honest…).

But something has shifted in the last couple of years and it all goes back to the DM above:

I don’t feel the need to have it all figured out beforehand.

That’s not me saying I don’t prep the workshops.

But there are always parts of the workshops where I have no idea what comment a colleague will make, what insight a colleague will share or what question a colleague will ask.

Then it’s over to me to respond with something vaguely coherent.

Try figuring that out beforehand!

But luckily enough, I don’t need to. I don’t need to “figure out” what I’m going to say because I know I’ll know what to say when I need to know it.

i.e. what I say comes from the moment.

So there’s no “background anxiety”, as my colleague put it above. I’m just as surprised by what I say as anyone else is. Which means I can take a chill pill, put my feet up and ease into whatever shows up, safe in the knowledge that it’s not ME presenting on the Zoom calls.

Sure, it’s my face on the screen.

But the words aren’t coming from me. They’re coming through me. And for all intents & purposes, I’ve become more a participant in the workshops than their presenter.

This is one of the reasons I love running the workshops.

It’s a bit like watching a TV show and chomping at the bit to find out what will happen next.

It’s also why I want to keep going with these workshops. I want to take them far and wide to other colleagues, companies and communities.

All of which is to say:

If your company or community would like a dose of calm, clarity and connection, just hit reply and we’ll take it from there.

That’s the question a colleague asked me during the Mindset & Clarity workshop I ran last week at work.

It’s a great question.

Not least because how I approach work/life balance has changed in the last couple of years.

My focus used to be on finding “outer balance”. So for 13 years (i.e. v1 of my banking career), I did all I could to strike the perfect sweet spot between work, the gym, getting 8 hours sleep, finding time for hobbies, friends, family, the pub and so on.

All with the aim of having as much calendar balance as humanly possible so if someone took a snapshot of my diary they’d say “ooooh, what great balance you have Tom!”.

But what I didn’t realise was that my craving for outer balance was really just a means to an end.

That end?

To feel balanced. To feel like my life was grounded, centred, calm and fulfilling.

I thought outer balance was the way to find this inner balance.

But that’s not the way it works.

See, there were absolutely times when I had a balanced diary and still felt hollow. There were also times when work was pure pandemonium and I felt pretty good about life.

That’s not to say we should throw outer balance out the window.

It’s just saying that if you want to feel balanced, creating a neat & tidy calendar might not be the best strategy.

So back to the question “What does a good work/life balance look like for you personally Tom?”

My answer is this:

I want outer balance in my life. I don’t want to spend 12 hours a day in the office. I do want to spend time with my daughter, with Lozzadog Lauren, with my family and my friends. I also want to run, to go to the gym, to write, to finish my new book, to create my new product on overthinking, to coach, to read, to watch TV and have space in my life to follow my nose to see where that takes me.

But that’s not all.

I also want to feel balanced. More and more, I want to tap into that place of calm which I know exists within me, even when I’m pulling a late night in the office or when Baby Grundy wants to play peek-a-boo at 3am in the morning.

So yes. I want to have my cake and eat it.

And there’s nothing wrong with that!

But the key, to my mind, is separating the raisins from the rice pudding. It’s seeing that outer balance doesn’t lead to inner balance and that inner balance doesn’t lead to outer balance.

Ultimately one’s about managing your calendar and the other is about understanding your mind.

If you’d like more balance in your life, here’s a potential next step:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

The corporate workplace is a ruthless battlefield where status determines who wins and who loses.

Some workers chase fancy job titles, promotions, pay-rises and bonuses. Others hanker for corner offices, high profile projects, international travel and speaking slots at conferences.

My personal view?

Corporate life can’t go on like this.

I think we’ve reached a crunch point where all these markers are meaningless unless you’ve stopped caring about looking important first.

And, more to the point, you’ve stopped caring FASTER than any of your colleagues.

Presence is the new pay-rise, calm is the new corner office, Stoicism is the new status symbol...

And I intend to get there first!

Just last week, I realised I was still slightly attached to being seen as unattached in the office. So I instantly let that attachment go and the dopamine hit was awesome.

(which I immediately forgave myself for enjoying)

Then I logged this episode in my Stoic Stillness Spreadsheet™

This is the spreadsheet I use to track how often I judge my colleagues’ egos, plot graphs showing who's the most Stoically detached on the office floor and keep a leaderboard for who can go longest without needing to be right in a meeting.

It’s a crucial spreadsheet in lots of ways.

It lets me analyse the detachment data using pivot tables.

It gives me a host KPIs about IPKs (i.e. Inner Peace Karma-Points).

And while I really, REALLY hate comparing myself to my colleagues (I’ve totally mastered the temptation not to), it does keep me one breath ahead of the competition. On Friday, I out-meditated Carla in Legal by three whole minutes (what an amateur) and you bet your bottom downdog I’ve logged that in my Stoic Stillness Spreadsheet™ too.

As it happens, I’m launching a new pilot program next week.

It’s called Corporate Detachment Done Right

The program includes:

*** A 12-step method for mastering corporate detachment (I’m currently perfecting step 9.2e)

*** Performance based practices for releasing your grip on non-grasping

*** A WhatsApp channel for silently sharing your Stoic corporate breakthroughs

*** A bonus module on how to control your need to surrender control

If you’d like to join the pilot, just hit reply and I’ll fast-track your application.

After all, nothing says "letting go" like jumping the queue.

To a still mind and a killer instinct,

Tom

So said a colleague as we strolled the merry corridors at work last week.

She’s not wrong.

My workshops are brimming with metaphors, just like these daily emails.

Here's why:

Explaining an idea without using a metaphor is like trying to cook a dish using unknown ingredients. There's no textures you recognise, no smells you can place and no inkling whether the dish will take 5 minutes or 5 hours in the oven.

So sure - there's a chance you might cobble some sort of dish together.

But there’s a greater chance you’ll create something you won’t be able to digest.

Whereas if it’s your first time cooking quinoa, it helps if you’ve cooked couscous before. You can use the couscous as your jumping off point.

Another way of thinking about it?

Grasping a new idea can sometimes feel like trying to hang a coat in mid-air. It’s not until you have a hook to latch onto that a new idea can settle in.

Hence metaphor.

Of course, the metaphor itself isn’t the idea.

It’s more a pointer that lights the path and guides you in a certain direction, just like a lighthouse which helps clear away some of the fog.

I know I may be at risk of boiling the ocean here.

Using metaphors to explain the power of metaphor feels like cracking open a Russian doll.

But then again, I dig a good metaphor.

This is why I loved the book “It’s All In The Mind, You Know!” by Phil Hughes.

The book contains some of the most delightful, thought-provoking and original metaphors I’ve found as I journey through the highways and byways of self-discovery.

If you enjoy a good metaphor and also enjoy reading about topics like thoughts, mindset, wisdom, state of mind and our experience of life, you might like it too.

Here’s where you can grab a copy

Other Amazons are also available.

In 55 minutes I’ll be boarding a flight to a place called Torp in Norway for a three day Rupert “The Spiralizer” Spira retreat.

If there’s a better way to prepare for three days of peace, happiness, truth, love and freedom than with a pint of Timothy Taylor’s sweetest nectar at an airport Wetherspoons then I’ll eat my boarding pass.

My plan is to write about the event over the next few days. Stay tuned to these emails if that tickles your fancy.

But writing this email next to a family of six munching four pepperoni pizzas has got me thinking about something else:

Routine.

I’m normally holed up in Fort Grundy’s battlements when I write these daily emails.

In fact, I’m so used to writing at my desk, surrounded by my knick-knacks, sipping a Nespresso with my laptop plugged into my monitor that this routine has almost become part of my writing process.

To the point where it would be tempting to think “I need to keep doing it this way!”

But just because something worked yesterday doesn’t mean it’s the way to do it today.

In fact, it might be the very thing that holds me back today.

When the time comes to take Baby Grundy for her first bike ride in the park, I’ve no doubt she’ll be wobbling along valiantly with a trusty set of stabilisers to keep her in check.

But at some point those stabilisers will have served their purpose. They’ll be blocking an older & bolder Baby Grundy from blazing her own trail.

I think it works the same way for jobs that once felt like a perfect fit, beliefs that no longer serve us, personal identities we’ve outgrown, friendships that have had their moment in the sun and oodles of other examples.

I know it can feel risky to let go of things that once worked well.

But actually, I don’t think the real risk is letting go.

I think the real risk is not letting go, staying exactly where we are and never discovering what we’re truly capable of. And never living the life we really want to live.

As I write, I realise it sounds like I’m trying to justify more daily email drafting sessions in Wetherspoons.

Maybe I am!

Anyway, time to do a shifty to my gate.

If you have a stabiliser of your own you’re still riding, I’d love to hear about it.

If you feel like sharing, just hit reply.

Some context first:

A couple of weeks ago, during one of the Mindset & Clarity workshops I’m running for my esteemed banking colleagues, I posed the question “is stress useful?”.

The participants jumped in with answers like “stress motivates me”, “stress helps me focus” and “stress shows me what matters”.

But one colleague popped up with an answer I hadn’t heard before.

That answer?

“Stress is useful because it allows me to enjoy the feeling of not being stressed”

This took me back.

It sounded a bit like saying it’s helpful to sit on a hedgehog to appreciate the comfort of a normal chair.

But a few days ago I realised…

I used to do this all the time!

(with stress, not with the hedgehog)

Case in point:

Lozzadog, Baby Grundy and I are back in London Town after a week in Crete.

A merry time was had scoffing lots of Greek Yoghurt, quaffing too much Assyrtiko and mooching by the pool.

Before we went away, I noticed something curious.

For 10+ years, work was so full on that when a holiday was on the horizon I'd wake up doing calendar maths to reassure myself that there’s “just 19 days to go”.

Those 19 days were like a tiny light at the end of a very long, dark, over-caffeinated tunnel.

Then the next day it would be “just 18 days to go” and the light would shine a tad brighter, and so on.

And when I finally set my out of office, an enormous sense of relief would wash over me. It felt like finding the emergency exit from a burning building.

But this time round, before our trip to Greece, I didn’t feel any relief to be going on holiday.

I guess I shouldn’t be all that surprised.

Now I’m back at work with the benefit of the Subtraction Method, I’ve found a way to release a lot of the stress, worry and anxiety that my banking job used to stir up in me.

Even when I do feel stressed, worried or anxious, I feel much more relaxed about feeling this way.

As a result, the desperate need to escape the office has fizzled away.

I don't need to spend three weeks crawling towards the promised land of a circled date in the diary. I don’t need to invest in a bunch of stress tokens to buy myself a few days of holiday calm.

I can just relax.

This runs counter to the usual motivational twaddle which says “no pain, no gain” or “you’ve got to experience the lows to appreciate the highs”.

But more and more I’m seeing we don’t need a reason to enjoy life.

We can enjoy it right here, right now, no questions asked.

If you'd like to stop earning your peace the hard way, hop on over here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

This is one of the life scripts I heard neuroscientist and author Anne-Laure Le Cunff wax lyrical about on a podcast recently.

The whole idea that invisible scripts run our lives and nudge us towards safe not satisfying choices is something I came across in Paul Millerd’s cult classic book The Pathless Path.

In that book, Paul explores the classic life script which goes something like:

Get good grades → Get a good job → Climb the ladder → Retire at 65 → Live happily ever after

On the podcast, Anne-Laure spoke about two other life scripts. She called one the Epic Script (the idea that whatever we do needs to be big, impressive and change the world) and the other the Crowd-Pleaser Script (living your life based on what you think will make other people happy).

While we’re speaking about life scripts like these, I thought I'd add one of my own into the mix.

I’m calling this script the Thinking Script.

The Thinking Script says your brain is the best tool for the job. It says if you’re not sure, keep thinking. It says you can think your way to clarity, confidence and a meaningful life. It also says the solution to overthinking is more thinking.

To make things worse, the Thinking Script often comes dressed up as wisdom.

It feels smart.

After all, what can be smarter than thinking?

But I’d go so far to say that defaulting to thinking is one of the daftest ways to live a happy, joyful and sparkly life.

A bold statement perhaps.

But let your thoughts go for a moment, take a breath and consider the evidence.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that the daftest way to relax, be yourself, to listen, to enjoy yourself, to be creative, to dance, to be confident, to discern, to be present, to be natural, to be spontaneous or simply just to be happy is to THINK about relaxing, dancing, being creative, being confident and so on.

You see that right?

Trying to be yourself by thinking about being yourself is like trying to ace an improv comedy class by learning your lines before the class.

Simply put:

Life doesn’t flow when you start thinking about it. Life flows when you let go of all that thinking.

It seems so obvious that I wonder why I lived so much of my life using my thoughts as a compass.

At least I know now why I always found it so tough to make decisions.

Anyway, that was then and this is now.

I’d go so far to say that overthinking is THE modern-day addiction.

It’s taken root without anyone even noticing, but now it’s time to redress the balance.

My draft book is finally with my copyeditor (thank you to all my beta-readers – I’ll be in touch about your copies soon). And while the book is out of my fidgety hands for the time being, it’s time to start thinking (I know, I know…) about my next project.

That project?

A new course on how to dial down your overthinking.

I’m looking forward to this one. Watch this space for more…

As part of my prep for my recent interview with newsletter subscriber Khe Hy, I checked out a podcast featuring a thoughtful back & forth between Khe and author, neuroscientist & entrepreneur Anne-Laure Le Cunff.

During the podcast, Anne-Laure mused about three cognitive scripts that can sneak into people’s lives.

One of these is the so-called SQL Script.

In Anne-Laure’s words:

***

That’s the script that says that whatever decision you make today, whatever career choice you’re making, it needs to make sense based on what you were doing before. And so, for example, that’s why some people might only consider jobs that make sense based on what they studied at university.

***

The ultimate effect of the SQL Script?

According to Anne-Laure, it nudges us towards safe choices rather than satisfying ones.

I quite agree.

That's not to say that everyone is following this script all the time, in every aspect of life. But I do think the more we feel we're drifting, the more likely the script is running the show.

Work is a good example. Even when I had the soul-stirring idea to take some time away from my career to travel, read and dive into my chess, poker, magic & bridge, I buried that idea. And when it popped back up, I buried it again.

Then I doubled down on my career and snagged a promotion.

The end result was a working life that felt narrower, more constrained and much less fun.

So what can be done about this?

Well, if you want to debug your SQL Script, there’s two ways to go about it.

The first?

Burn yourself out.

That’s the method I used without even realising.

And while I wouldn’t recommend the crankiness, brain fog, cynicism, exhaustion, loss of motivation and self-neglect which comes with burn-out (have I sold it to you yet?), there’s no doubt that burning out forced me to re-evaluate a lot of my choices and acted as one almighty CTRL+ALT+DEL on my career and my life more generally.

When I burnt out, I was working as a securitisation banker.

3 years later, I’m back in the holy world of banking while I juggle the 9 to 5 with my writing, my coaching and running Mindset & Clarity workshops for my colleagues.

i.e. what I call “work” has certainly gone off script.

Anyway, if you have no desire to burn yourself out, there’s always debugging option 2.

That option?

Subtract the SQL Script from your mental software instead.

To do this, you first need to be aware of the script.

Once you are, you’ll start to glimpse where your life choices are being copy-and-pasted rather than freely chosen.

Then you can take a step back with your newly armed perspective and ask yourself the question “what do I really want?”.

As it happens, my Subtraction Method is made for this kind of debugging.

The Subtraction Method has zip all to do with giving you more stuff to practice, learn, achieve and worry about. Instead, it has everything to do with subtracting, unlearning and removing all the shoulds, stories and scripts which block your intuition, box in your creativity and mute your goals & dreams.

When you’re ready for a mental reboot, you can power up over here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

It’s Monday morning and instead of pounding the mean City of London streets on my way into the office, I’m happily sat in Fort Grundy, coffee in hand and eggs on the stove.

All because today is May Day Bank Holiday here in the UK.

My extensive research (i.e. 5 minutes on Google) tells me that May Day Bank Holiday is closely related to May Day itself, the 1st May.

It also tells me that traditionally on the 1st May, people all across the country used to dress up in breezy costumes, place a garland of flowers on their head, grab hold of a ribbon attached to a maypole and dance around the maypole to jaunty music.

And as they did, the ribbons made colourful patterns as they weaved in and out of each other.

So why am I telling you this?

As it happens, it’s not just dancing round the maypole where we go round & round in circles and end up in an almighty tangle.

Take procrastination for instance.

Ever feel like you delay doing what you'd love to do? And that this delay leads to pressure & anxiety so you watch a cute puppy video on YouTube or grab a kit kat to relieve that pressure & anxiety? But that leads to more procrastination, leading to more pressure & anxiety, and round & round you go getting more & more tangled?

Then you end up back where you started having made no progress - or you’ve even gone backwards because you’re in such a mental tangle?

This can happen to anyone.

I’m certainly not immune to procrastination.

But I do it a lot less than I used to.

Cooking up an email most weekdays for almost three years is a good example. I don’t hum & haw about sending the next email.

I just get on with it, one email after another.

Thing is, I never set out to scale back my procrastination. That was always on the pad for another day.

Nor was it my aim to scale back my procrastination when I signed up for Michael Neill's 7 month certification training in 2023.

But that's exactly what's happened and it's been a nice surprise.

Anyway, I’ve learnt a few ideas that have helped me get off my backside and I suspect they might help any procrastinators out there too.

So if procrastination is something you’d like a hand with, just hit reply.

In your reply say “Mayday! Mayday!”.

And we’ll take it from there.

No, I’m not talking about Lauren.

I talk instead of Baby Grundy.

At this stage in the game (almost 3 months in), Baby Grundy is learning to hold up her head. But she’s still so floppy that she’s the human equivalent of a teddy-bear sized marshmallow and her only real move if she gets too hot, too cold, too gassy, too hungry or too anything is to start bellowing at the top of her lungs.

So for all intents and burposes, self-sufficient she ain’t.

And yet…

Over the weekend, Lauren and I paid an Easter visit to Lauren’s old stomping ground:

The City of Steel, Sheffield.

We had a schedule packed with pies, chocolate, beer and Sunday roasts catching up with family and friends.

And the funny thing was, wherever we went and whoever we saw, Baby Grundy attracted so much love, care and attention that the mere whiff of the idea of bambino being a helpless, defenceless baby was sent packing with its tail between its legs.

If anything, Baby Grundy’s vulnerability itself was the source of that love, care and attention.

i.e. was a strength, not a weakness.

Perhaps you can see where I’m going with the subject line.

In case it's not clear:

It's easy to think of weaknesses as something which need fixing.

But if the Baby Grundy example is anything to go by, our weaknesses are where our strengths hang out.

Perhaps that sounds too Zen for your liking. A bit like the daily email equivalent of the sound of one hand clapping.

But there’s nothing Zen or mystical about this idea.

There's no light without the dark.

There's no noise without the quiet.

There's no end without a beginning.

And there are no weaknesses without strengths.

In fact, the bigger the weakness, the greater the strength.

Case in point:

A piece of feedback I used to get once a quarter from bosses past was “Tom, you should speak up in meetings”.

If there’s a more clichéd comment to give an introvert like me, I’m still waiting to hear it.

And what this feedback misses is that only speaking when you have something to say means you’re actually listening to your colleagues, absorbing what’s going on, catching what other people miss and connecting the dots in your head until you DO speak with a weight & perspective that slices through the waffle like a hot knife through butter.

So that “weakness” is one hell of a strength.

And that’s the message I want to leave you with.

What if “working on your weak spots” blunts the very thing that gives you your edge?

And more to the point, what if your weakness WAS your strength?

If you like, have a think about your own examples.

And once you have, feel free to hit reply and let me know how the weak spot you’ve been trying to fix might be the very thing that makes you awesome.

About a year ago I had a huge “a ha” moment.

It happened during a couple of coaching sessions of my own.

i.e. I was the client instead of the coach.

One of the topics which came up on the calls was social anxiety.

There’ve been times in the past where I’ve been sitting in a meeting with colleagues, standing in a networking room with new faces or even down the pub with some pals and I’ve felt intensely self-conscious. And, as result, I’ve noticed myself avoid eye contact with people, avoid speaking, or even avoid going to the meeting, networking event or pub in the first place.

A year with a therapist didn’t do much to change this.

If anything, raking over a bunch of anxiety-inducing examples from my past made me feel more anxious, not less.

But I always suspected there would be a way to ease some of this anxiety and I thought these coaching sessions were worth a shot.

Turns out I was right.

Halfway through the second session, my coach made a comment which stopped me in my tracks.

It got right to the nub of the anxiety I felt and I knew what the coach was saying was true, even though it had never occurred to me before.

So what was the sentence?

Actually, it's not important.

I know that might sound like the mother of all cop outs.

But relaying the sentence would strip away all the magic and make that sentence sound like something it wasn't.

See, the impact wasn’t just the words in the sentence.

Instead, it was the words in that moment. It was having a coach sitting opposite me, 100% present and connected to me, guiding, pointing and exploring with me and suggesting a new way of looking at anxiety which had simply never crossed my mind before.

A way rooted in The Subtraction Method which I coach from too.

And a sentence which was part of a wider conversation which followed the previous session - a session where I wasn’t just open to hearing something new, but ready & willing to take a look at the truth of what I was hearing.

So the words in the sentence were one tiny part of what made that sentence so impactful.

And you know what?

Over the last few months, I’ve genuinely noticed a real, tangible change.

That one sentence means I can look someone in the eye now and most of the time not feel self-conscious or anxious.

For instance:

A while back I went to an evening meet-up for an online community I’m a member of

(geek alert!)

In the past, I would’ve played that meet-up over & over in my head for days before. I would’ve kept a low profile when I arrived, sat on the edge of the group, had a beer before I arrived, another beer in the first ten minutes, then a third beer, and then I would've left.

Depending on how my day had gone I might’ve even skipped the meet-up altogether.

But during the evening in question I was out of my head, totally not self-conscious and I actually enjoyed being at the meet-up.

Sure – I wasn’t the life and soul of the party. That’s not my style.

But I was chatting to people, getting to know my fellow geeks and sharing stuff about my life. I even swapped details with another London-based coach and ended up running an ad in her newsletter. An ad which snagged me a few new subscribers and left her happy too.

So why am I telling you all this?

Because I’m trying to impart the power of coaching and how effective the Subtraction Method is.

I’m certainly not saying every coaching session is littered with life-changing sentences.

But I am saying that the right approach and a fresh & impactful perspective can be remarkably powerful.

If you’d like to read more about my coaching, here’s the link:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

My training for the Hackney Half Marathon has finally picked up steam.

A few days ago, as I pounded the pavements of East London and got my sweat on, I fired up an episode of David Perell’s podcast How I Write called “Morgan Housel: How He Sold 4 Million Books”.

Perfect fodder, I thought, as I dot the I’s and cross the T’s on my new book.

If you don’t know Morgan, he's the guy who spent nine years writing articles for the Motley Fool, then jumped ship and a few years later put arse to chair to hammer out his bestseller The Psychology of Money.

As David and Morgan nattered away, I heard this gem from Morgan’s lips:

***

Thinking is horizontal and writing is vertical.

Like, if you’re out on a walk, what are you doing? You’re making connections between different things. You’re going from topic to topic to topic.

But what writing does is, in almost this tortuous way, it anchors me to an idea.

And in that pain, in that frustration, I’ve done this giant deep dive and then I just come up for air and I’ve had a real shift without even realising it

***

That’s the life of a daily email newsletter writer right there.

Fort Grundy is a 10 minute walk to the train station. And each morning I set off on my dandy way knowing that within a moment or two, ideas will start to bubble up and dots will start to be joined.

Those ideas go straight into my iPhone.

Then the next day or week (or even longer – some of my ideas have been marinating for months like the pickles in grandma’s pantry), I’ll knuckle down and turn one of those seeds into a fully-flowered daily email.

And as the email grows limbs & leaves, my take on the topic grows too.

Granted, it might not work this way if I’m writing an email about baby poop (and there have been a few of those recently – but then again there’s been a lot of baby poop recently too).

But if I’m writing about the link between thoughts and feelings or I’m trying to nail a fun & funky metaphor then I find it’s almost impossible for my sense of what I’m really saying NOT to click, clarify and crystallise from the vertical writing process.

It’s like I’m writing, writing & writing some more and then BOOM! – the pieces suddenly fall into place.

Very handy.

And one of a bucketload of reasons why I keep writing.

The deeper I see about myself, my work and my life through my writing, the better things tend to go.

Not surprising really when I stop chasing what doesn't matter and stop trying to fix what isn’t broken.

Coaching works in much the same way too.

In fact, my coaching is designed to do just that. It's designed to nudge the pieces into place and turn what was foggy into something which finally makes sense.

You can read more about my coaching here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

I've noticed a troubling trend recently.

People seem to be making decisions without spending weeks agonising over every possible outcome. They're trusting their gut without using a spreadsheet. And they're living their lives without constantly comparing themselves to their favourite Dimstagram dimfluencer.

And I have to say:

This cavalier approach to life must stop!

If you're not using a SWOT analysis to manage every aspect of your life, I do wonder…

Are you ignoring all your thoughts and blindly trusting things will work out?

Here’s how to know if your overthinking isn’t up to scratch:

*** You still have mental bandwidth available. Can you remember what you had for breakfast? Concerning. That memory space should really be occupied by worrying about how your presentation next week might trigger World War 3 and cause the collapse of Western civilisation

*** You’re still make decisions without consulting Reddit. Doesn’t matter if it’s a decision about your holiday destination or what pair of socks to buy. You MUST dive into every possible Reddit thread first, read every contradictory opinion and emerge less sure than when you began. That’s just how the decision-making process works

*** You sleep more than four hours a night. Sleep is the enemy of proper overthinking. Those precious night time hours are the perfect moment to replay every social interaction you've had since kindergarten

*** You're getting things done. A true overthinker has 37 half-started projects, each abandoned just when action would’ve started a snowball effect. If you've completed any task in the past month without drafting 14 contingency plans first, this is far too impulsive for my liking

*** You stop overthinking when you’re three levels deep. Worried about how your email might be read? That's cute. But have you considered how the recipient's reaction could change if they read the email at 4pm instead of 3pm? If you sign off with "regards" vs "kind regards"? If Mercury is in retrograde? These factors matter!

So there you have it. Your complete guide to overthinking excellence.

Or perhaps - just perhaps? - there's another way.

Because here's the thing:

I'm not just poking fun at overthinking. I've lived it too.

For most of my 20s, I tried everything above and more. I chased perfect outcomes, dwelled on worst case scenarios and never made a decision unless I had to. And try as I might, no amount of meditation, journaling, exercising or positive thinking did anything to ease my overactive monkey mind.

If I hadn’t come across the Subtraction Method a couple of years ago, I think my brain would still be doing somersaults and I’d still be living most of my life in my head.

But with the Subtraction Method, I can look forward to the next few decades (touch wood) knowing that whatever is going on in the world, there’s a quiet and peaceful place I can always come back to in myself.

Good timing too now Baby Grundy is on the scene. It’s a relief to know I'm not passing on my old Olympic-level overthinking to my own flesh and blood.

But enough about that for now.

Back to business...

If you’d like to turn down the noise in your head, here’s where to go next:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

The other day I stumbled on a Forbes article about slash careers.

If you’re not in the know, a slash career is where you make multiple income streams from different careers all at the same time.

So basically a side hustle on steroids.

The article made the case that slash careers are becoming more and more mainstream, especially with millennials.

That lines up with what I’ve seen too.

There was a bloke who worked a few desks over from me who built a vintage watch company while holding down his banking job, then quit his job (clocked off?) and he’s now running his watch biz full time with much success (if the GQ articles are to be believed).

That’s not the only example though.

Another colleague in my team quit the bank a few years back and in her goodbye email she plopped a cheeky link for her carpet website! Turned out she’d been running a rugtastic business alongside her 9 to 5 (although “slash career” probably isn’t what you want to hear when you buy a carpet…)

But having a slash career doesn’t mean you need to quit your day job.

To my mind, it’s more about giving yourself options.

A current colleague runs her own book club on Instagram.

A friend of mine who works in Real Estate started her own podcast interviewing high profile women in the Real Estate Industry and built a bunch of useful new connections by doing so.

I’m also still in touch with some of my cohort from Michael Neil’s 7-month Genius Catalyst Certification and a merry mix of my classmates are coaching outside their day jobs (and inside their day jobs too actually) while still clocking in as a doctor, IT professional, barber, web designer, chiropractor and so on.

And, of course, Yours Truly is flying the flag for the humble banker and rocking a 9 to 5 banking job while coaching clients, writing this newsletter, publishing a new book and running Mindset & Clarity workshops for the third time now.

Interestingly enough, more and more of my coachees are trying to nail the balance between their day job and extracurricular money-makers too.

And what this tells me is that we’re not in the 1980s any more.

The halcyon days of being a company man or company woman have been consigned to history.

That’s not to say a company man or woman won’t raise a suspicious eyebrow at the idea of a slash career.

But soon enough, those stuck-in-the-muds will be clunking along like a stubborn fax machine in a wifi world as the dam bursts open and millennials, GenZs, Gen Alphas & Gen Betas gleefully slash away at their day jobs and whatever passion projects light them up.

And honestly I think that’s the key point.

Slash careers aren’t just a way to potentially top up your coffers.

They’re not just a way to increase your network, round out your skill set and protect yourself from the looming AI-pocalyspe.

They’re also a way to indulge in your interests, follow your passions and bring more joy & fun into your life.

In fact, it’s getting to the point where if you’re NOT juggling your day job with writing a book, bagging your yoga qualifications, running weekend photography workshops, opening a store on Etsy, starting a podcast, finding freelance clients, taking on coaching clients or even building the next big thing, you’re leaving a source of fun, energy and opportunity on the table.

The lines between work & play, job & side hustle and career & slash career are blurring into one big freestyle career fiesta.

The options really are endless and nowadays it's a case of choose your own adventure.

This is why I believe that if you’re a gainful employee, there’s never been a more important time than now, in 2025, to learn how to find clarity.

I mean the clarity to spot your next best move, to pick your adventure with confidence and to know what success looks like to you.

Or to put it simply:

The clarity to live a life you love.

As it so happens, I’m putting together a small group coaching program all about finding clarity.

During the program we’ll explore ways to cut through the noise in your head, make decision-making lighter & faster and tap into your own sense of direction, all while releasing more fun, energy and opportunity in the process.

I’ve been writing about this program for the last couple of days.

Today’s the last day I’m writing about it.

If this sounds like your kind of thing, please hit reply and I’ll tell you more.

Thank you

It’s a funny old phenomenon which only afflicts the most dedicated Tetris players.

Basically, these Tetris fanatics play so obsessively that they start to see life like a game of Tetris. So they can’t walk down an Tesco aisle without mentally stacking boxes of Coco Pops with boxes of PG Tips. Or they look up at the horizon and imagine a building dropping into a gap In the skyline.

It sounds wacky but I haven’t made this up. The Tetris Effect is 100% real.

Not only is it real, but I daresay it has it’s uses.

For instance, what if the key to thriving at work was seeing work just like a colourfully captivating game of Tetris?

Here’s what I mean:

1. The more you play Tetris, try things out, get your hands messy, see what fits and get familiar with the game, the more you’ll enjoy it, get better at it and make progress. Same too with work (if progress is something you want – otherwise you can simply play for the fun of playing)
2. It’s always your turn. There’s always another move you can make
3. Skills, experience and know-how all count. But luck counts too. Sometimes the perfect piece will fall out of the sky at just the right time. Other times you’ll get handed a wonky, Z-shaped headache. The trick is realising there’ll always be things outside your control and staying calm enough to rotate these into place
4. The best way to build momentum is to play the piece in front of you now, then see what piece comes next. Hitting the pause button to figure it all out first will grind you to a halt before you even get started
5. If you lose, you can play again. I don’t think there’s a better example of this than me quitting my job four years ago, mouthing off about the “rat race” on LinkedIn, then going back to the same job I’d quit. Sure, there was luck involved – but see number 3
6. You can choose when to play, how to play and even if you play at all. No-one is forcing you to play
7. It’s all made up. Tetris has its levels, scores, pieces and leaderboards. Work has its job titles, ratings, hierarchies and KPIs. Inside these artificial worlds, actions have meanings. Outside these artificial worlds, they don’t

This last one might be the most freeing of all.

For the first 13 years of my banking career, I really thought my performance at work said something about who I was as a person.

i.e. how my work was going became a measure of how my life was going.

But nothing could be further from the truth.

Clearly being an awesome Tetris player has no bearing on having an awesome life.

Similarly, being a great team leader doesn't mean you're leading a life you enjoy, hitting all your deadlines doesn't mean you're making time for what matters and being a reliable colleague doesn’t make you a reliable parent, partner or friend.

When I finally saw this, all my meetings, projects & performance ratings stopped feeling like life-or-death judgments and work became a lot more FUN.

I honestly don't think I'd be running my Mindset Workshops (30 and counting now…) without this shift. I would've had too much thinking about what they meant.

But they just look like a game to me now, and so does work.

And if you don’t enjoy the game, what’s the point in playing?

If you'd like to find your own way to more fun, freedom and success at work, you might like to check out my coaching:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

I’ve always enjoyed an hour or two in front of the box.

But seven weeks in and my retinas are begging for mercy.

One show I’ve been tuning into while Baby Grundy snoozes on my tummy and Lauren gets some well earnt rest is the HBO smash hit Industry.

If you haven’t seen the show, it’s about a group of young bankers tootling around London while gorging on high stakes deals, unholy volumes of drugs and ungodly amounts of sex.

The show is hopelessly absurd and grittily realistic.

And no, it’s not autobiographical.

(although I did once wear a mint green shirt to the office – rock and roll stuff)

Still, it’s a good watch.

A couple of episodes into Season 3, there’s a fiery and revealing powwow between a hotshot banker called Rob and his client Henry.

Henry’s about to take his company public:

Rob: You forget. I’ve sat through all your evangelism. Your fucking soapboxing. I’ve heard you parrot all the literature. It opens people’s wallets.

Henry: That’s called selling the vision you moron. It’s called bringing people with you.

Rob: It’s built on nothing!

Henry: Everything’s built on nothing. That’s how you build something! You talk it into becoming.

Rob: It’s messianic. It’s fake it until you make it. Let me ask you – if you believe in this so much, why is the lock-up period in your shares so short? Is it so you can start selling your shares asap, after the listing?

Henry: So I’m not allowed to be motivated by personal remuneration and reforming an industry for the better? Two things can be true at once!

There are some nuggets of gold tucked away in those lines.

That last line in particular is worthy of any fridge magnet or coffee mug.

Easily overlooked too.

For instance:

*** I can feel uncertain and still take action

*** I can love my job and know it's not where I want to stay

*** I can choose something new and still feel sad about what I leave behind

*** I can make mistakes and still be a thoughtful, reliable person

*** I can be committed and still have doubts

*** I can feel behind and still be right on time for my own personal journey

*** I can think of ten more examples like these and still leave it here

I don’t know about you, but there’s something quietly calming about putting words to these “inner contradictions” which we usually try to fight.

A couple of other things which can also be true at once?

We can appreciate what we have and still want more. We can tick all the right boxes and still feel like something’s missing.

If you feel this way and you’d like to find that something together, look no further than here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

I had plenty of these “should’ve seen it coming” moments when it came to burning out at work.

I’m talking about signs and clues like:

*** There was a clear point in my working life (April 2018) when my morning espresso pick-me-up morphed into slurping THREE double espressos a day (one in the morning, one after lunch, one at about 4pm) so I had enough energy to power through all the emails, financial models and conference calls without falling asleep at my desk

*** Every time I took a holiday I’d get struck down by some sort of bug or cold or flu. It felt like the germ gremlins were deliberately waiting until the exact moment I set my Out of Office to launch their next attack

*** I’d clock off from work having played whack-a-mole with 27 competing deadlines and having expertly steered various meetings, projects and people to where they needed to go with a ruthless and decisive efficiency. Then I’d get to Tesco to buy dinner and I’d walk around in a daze for 10 minutes, staring at all the food options and struggling to make ANY decision about what I wanted for tea

*** My hobbies (magic, chess, bridge, poker etc) stopped feeling like a source of fun and started to lose their sparkle. All the books I had on these hobbies got covered in dust, which was rare – I’d usually be fishing out at least a book or two each week to flick through and re-read a favourite section

*** I started compulsively daydreaming about (or longing for?) checking into a 14 day break at a wellness spa in Germany. I even went so far as to have the booking in my checkout basket, only to reverse course and book a three night stay at a golf resort near Faro in Portugal instead (not quite the same thing – I don’t even play golf)

Any of these by themselves should’ve been enough to tip me the wink that not all was hunky-dory in my working life.

But when I think of all these smoke signals together, it must’ve taken me a Herculean amount of willpower and determination to stick my head in the sand and plough on regardless like a hamster in its proverbial wheel.

Perhaps some of this stuff just felt normal. Like it’s meant to come with the territory in a banking job.

Maybe the fact I was still operating at a high level at work masked how much I was running on fumes too.

Or maybe I simply didn’t spot these signs, strange as that might sound.

Whatever the case, I certainly have eyes for this stuff a lot more now. If and when I notice any of this creeping in, I pay attention and do what I need to do to correct course.

That’s not to say I don’t still indulge in a couple of coffees some days or that I’m religious about studying my Queens Gambit Declined.

But I do have clearer sense of what’s going on underneath all that and this is a much nicer place to be.

If any of this feels a little too familiar and you’re thinking about course correcting before the smoke signals become a full blown fire, I can help.

I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt and made it out the other side.

Here’s where to go next if so:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

A farmer hears his donkey wailing and finds the donkey has tumbled into an unused well.

After a lot of struggle and strain, the farmer decides there's no way to save his donkey. So he begins to shovel dirt, sand & soil into the well to put the donkey out of his misery.

Realising that he's about to join the great pasture in the sky, the donkey starts to thrash around and bray louder & louder. But a few minutes later, all goes quiet.

The farmer looks down into the well. He can see the donkey shaking off the dirt as it lands on its back and stepping onto the growing pile of dirt beneath him.

Eventually the pile increases high enough for the donkey to jump over the edge of the well and wander free.

The moral of the story?

Something about dusting yourself off and rising above the grime that life can throw at you?

I mean, sure. That works.

But there’s a more powerful message at the heart of this parable.

And it’s this:

Problems lose their grip when you let go of the fight.

Said another way - it’s the struggle itself which gives energy to our problems and makes them bigger or harder to solve.

This is an idea which shows up in many mysterious and unexpected ways.

Let’s rewind the clock 100 years and take Prohibition as an example.

In the 1920s, the killjoy American authorities tried to clamp down on alcohol.

Local police raided underground bars. Surveillance was stepped up at ports to stop bootleggers smuggling in alcohol from Canada and Mexico. Public campaigns were launched to vilify alcohol and discourage people quaffing a cheeky tipple or two.

I’m sure you know what happened next.

Prohibition created a lucrative black market. Criminal syndicates like Al Capone’s Chicago outfit stepped in and the competition led to violent turf wars, including events like the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre.

But that’s not all.

An estimated 10,000 people died during Prohibition from drinking dodgy moonshine. And by the mid-1920s the Yanks were drinking the same as they were before Prohibition started.

Goes to show:

What we push back against pushes back harder.

Now, shall we bring this closer to home with a more relevant example?

In 2021, my boss took me out to a working lunch. She asked if I’d be up for taking on some extra responsibilities and before I knew it, my job doubled in size.

It got to the point where I was staying late, showing up early and still falling behind. Work had taken over and something had to give.

I’d read somewhere that boundaries could help protect my time & energy, so I gave it a shot. Politely and professionally, I started saying no to things and pushing back on work.

But I didn’t find setting boundaries to be the magic bullet I’d expected.

For one, the moments I needed to set boundaries were typically the moments I found it hardest to set them.

I also found that setting a boundary made me feel more uncomfortable, not less uncomfortable.

But perhaps most important of all, I realised that setting a boundary didn’t mean that someone else would follow that boundary.

As it turns out, most of the time they didn’t! My colleagues walked right over my boundaries like a puppy prances over freshly laid concrete.

Work got so overwhelming that a few months later I ended up setting the boundary of all boundaries.

A boundary that no-one could ignore.

I quit my job!

I’d love to say I walked away with a calm and measured clarity.

But I didn’t.

I quit in a blur of burn out, resentment and made the kind of dramatic exit that's usually saved for reality TV contestants who've been voted off a tropical island.

Looking back, I can see quitting wasn’t the solution.

It was a symptom. A symptom of the story I’d created about being overwhelmed, taken advantage of and stuck in a fight I couldn’t win.

Nowadays, I see why my boundaries made me feel more & more fed up.

Taking a stand and trying to hold my own ground was basically the same as the donkey in a well. Only I was suffocating under the weight of a slow-motion avalanche of workplace compost instead of real life dirt and grime.

But it’s not setting boundaries which helps us move forward with less friction and more ease.

It’s letting go of those boundaries instead.

But Tom! I hear you cry. What about all those times when someone disrespects me, takes advantage of me or gets me to do something I don’t want to do?

Well, if drawing a line in the sand is what creates your struggle (as I’m suggesting it is – the more you resist, the more resistance you create), then my sneaky suspicion is that when you stop taking a stand and start to channel your inner donkey, you’ll find people disrespect or take advantage of you less.

So you’re not setting a boundary out of resistance. Instead, you’re making a choice about where your energy goes.

You’re not “holding the line” out of guilt, fear, or defensiveness. You’re just stating facts and trusting that’s enough.

And you’re not creating stories about “being taken advantage of”. Instead, you’re focusing on what you can control.

That’s not to say that there won’t be moments when a sly and corrupting character genuinely tries to manipulate or undermine you.

But letting go doesn’t mean ignoring a problem, doing nothing or giving up.

It means releasing our emotional grip, approaching problems with a calmer mind and using common sense moment to moment.

If boundaries don't work for you and you'd like to try something different, here's an option to consider:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

It’s Friday, 10.14pm.

This is the first time I’ve written a daily email with a snoozing baby strapped to my chest and my laptop perched on top of a wicker laundry basket.

But desperate times call for desperate measures.

Lauren’s asleep, bambino’s asleep and I have a crumb of an opportunity to bosh out another daily email.

The clock is well and truly ticking though.

At any moment, Baby Grundy could spring into life with a wiggle or a gurgle and cheerily demand a bottle of the white stuff.

I could have 5 minutes or I could have 5 hours.

So I’m typing furiously and it feels like I’m building a bridge as I walk across it.

This was never how I wrote my emails before Baby Grundy burst onto the scene.

Before the bibs and bottles took over, each email had its own neatly planned writing slot, booked at least a day in advance (in my mind and with Lauren).

Writing these emails now is all about finding 5 mins here or 10 mins there and just going with the flow.

You can’t plan diddly squat with a seven week old baby.

Actually, correction:

You can plan.

But as an old-school general once quipped - no plan survives first contact with the enemy.

And as the infamous boxing philosopher Mike Tyson more eloquently put it – everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.

Of course, Baby Grundy isn’t the enemy. And the only thing likely to punch me in the face is an aromatic uppercut from her backdoor danger zone.

But the point around planning holds true.

And if it wasn’t for Baby Grundy, I’m sure I’d still be spending a bunch of email time planning the emails rather than just writing them.

Turns out having no time to plan has been the best planning system I’ve ever had.

By the way (and since I mentioned my planning predicaments):

If you’re signed up for coaching with me, I’ve just sent you a link to my calendar so you can book your next slot.

But Baby Grundy’s in charge of the rest of the calendar right now.

If you’d like to be notified when I take on more coaching clients, join my waitlist and you’ll be one of the first to know.

Here’s where to read all about my coaching and hop on the list:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

p.s. it’s still all quiet on the western front.

Time to lock & load this bad boy for Monday morning, before that changes…

This was one of the bonuses I offered for anyone who bought Michael Neill’s program Creating the Impossible via me in January.

On the call I shared four unorthodox ideas (“cheat codes”) for getting the most out of CTI (or really any program like CTI - or even 1 on 1 coaching).

Once that was done, I opened things up.

That’s when I got this question:

“I’m curious how it is for you in your own development conversations with the people managing you. You must have such a different mindset to them. How do you manage that? How honest are you with them?”

What a great question.

And I get it. I really do.

It’s probably not the best idea for me to talk about detaching from outcomes when a teammate is trying to come up with an all-singing, all-dancing project plan.

It wouldn’t be clever for me to preach how time is a mental construct when we’re forecasting income numbers for Q2.

And it might be a bit much to say I’m surrendering to the wisdom of the universe when my manager’s asking what role I’m aiming for next.

So I don’t.

I’ve got my daily emails, my coaching and my Mindset & Clarity workshops for the more woo-woo stuff.

Instead, I use the right phrases, nod in the right places and generally play the part.

So when it comes to honesty?

I think I am being honest with my colleagues, but it’s a contextual honesty. I know what the moment calls for and I choose to show up in a way that works for me and for them.

Actually, I’ve done this pretty much my whole banking career.

Perhaps the only difference now is I know I’m just playing a part and I’m still in touch with who I am when I do play that part.

And this is a lot of fun. It genuinely feels like I’m an undercover agent disguised as a normal employee!

(normalish, anyway)

Perhaps you have your own version of this going on.

But perhaps you feel less like a secret agent and more like a corporate chameleon, always playing different parts with different people at different times and exhausting yourself as you do.

Perhaps playing all these parts even means you’ve drifted away from the real you and you've forgotten what it's like just to be yourself.

If so, you might like to check this out:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

As this email pings into inboxes across the globe, I’ll be in the midst of session 1 of another 10 week run of my Mindset & Clarity workshops at work.

97 of my banking colleagues have signed up for these bad boys and I’m stoked to get going.

Thing is, even though I ran 27 of these workshops last year, I have no idea what will come up today.

I mean – there’s always a theme to each session.

But by the time the participants have finished a cheeky exercise and I’ve opened it up to the floor, the workshop really could go in any direction.

And this is what I’ve come to love.

There’s something about the energy created in and of that moment which gets me buzzing. It feels like I’m tapped into a hum which only shows up when I show up as well.

So I’m excited for the next 10 weeks.

And I’m particularly excited to see what insights pop up.

If I’ve done my job correctly, one idea which a few of the eager participants might come away with is how mindset and clarity wipes the floor with hard work.

This probably isn’t a mantra I want to be singing from the corporate rooftops when the banking powers-that-be are cracking the workplace whip.

(although a few of these powers-that-be will be in the workshops, so we’ll see how that goes)

But when anyone gets clear on what really matters and approaches work from a place of ease instead of stress and strain, they can’t help but tap into a natural productivity which no amount of grinding and forcing will EVER replicate.

There’s something magical about watching a colleague’s face light up when they realise they’ve been making work harder than they need to be. It happened a few times in the workshops last year and it never gets old.

It's like the difference between swimming against the current vs letting the river carry you.

The more I look in this direction, the more I've come to see how we’re all being carried all the time.

So it's not just applicable for bankers. It's applicable for everyone.

Speaking of which:

If you'd like to bring these sorts of lightbulb moments into your workplace or community via one or more of my workshops, hit reply and let’s start a conversation.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Last month, I published a three part interview with creator, author and podcaster Paul Millerd.

I was delighted that Paul said yes to the interview and even more delighted with the interview itself.

Judging by the feedback, it seems a lot of you were also left thinking “I need more Paul in my life”.

Anyway, I’m not about to reprint the interview.

But one small section is worth a second look:

***

Tom: Could you share one or two interesting real-life Pathless Path stories?

Paul: Oh man - there are so many. I think yours is a great one because it involves going back into a job and being happy about it. And that’s the coolest thing to see, people improving their relationship to work. But more generally, my podcast and newsletter both have tons of stories.

***

One phrase in Paul's answer really stood out.

Paul didn’t say “the coolest thing to see is people improving their work”.

Instead, Paul said “the coolest thing to see is people improving their relationship to work”.

This is a subtle but important difference.

It’s also not something I’d ever thought much about until a couple of years ago.

It never dawned on me I could improve my relationship with my job rather than improving my job.

It didn’t even dawn on me that I DID have a relationship with my job!

I always thought relationships were something that happened between two people. Like the relationship I have with my 6 week old daughter or with Lozzadog Lauren.

But a relationship with work?

That’s never how it looked to me.

As I've come to see though, we’re in relationship with every single part of our lives, whether we realise it or not.

Each and every day I’m in a relationship with my thoughts, my emotions, my expectations, my desires, the past, the future, time, achievement, failure, feedback, success, routine, rest, discomfort, silence, uncertainty, money, my body, my phone and social media.

I've picked a few examples which are barely scratching the surface.

But it’s a surface that’s well worth scratching.

We can’t always control or change the object when we’re in a subject/object relationship. But we do have some say over our relationship with that object.

i.e. how we see it, feel about it, respond to it and interact with it.

And when we start to shift our relationship to something, that something starts to shift too.

So before I wrap this email up, back to work and a short thought experiment which might be helpful if you'd like a more fun, fulfilling and even flirty relationship with your job:

Imagine for a moment that your job is a person.

What kind of relationship do you have?

Is it like an over-clingy friend who messages you day & night and the only reason you haven’t blocked them is because you’ve known them for 20 years?

Is it like an uncle your hardly see? You’re not quite sure who he is and what he does?

Or is it like a long-distance relationship? Emotionally you checked out months ago but physically you’re still on all the Zoom calls?

Whatever it is, here’s the second, more important question:

What sort of relationship would you love to have with that person?

a.k.a. with your job?

I’m not going to give you the answers to this one. It’s a question for you to figure out for yourself.

But it’s the question you want to be asking. Sometimes getting clear on what you want is all that’s really needed.

Talking of which:

If you’re curious about what a fun, fulfilling and flirty relationship with work might look like for you, I can help with that.

Here’s where to go next:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

I live a 10 minute walk from one of my best buddies.

Very handy if we want to meet up for an adhoc beer or cup of coffee.

But it’s also great because when Lauren and I moved to the area a few months ago, my buddy was standing by to give us a bunch of recommendations.

He told us about the best pizza place (Sodo – the nduja and honey pizza is meant to be delicious), the best bar (Clapton Craft – get the loyalty card) and his favourite gym (the not-so-subtly named Muscleworks).

All top tips and gratefully received.

But there was one other tip about the daily commute which trumped all these.

See, we both take the same train to work.

Hence this zinger:

“When you get to the platform Tom, walk just over halfway. That will take you to carriage 5. When you get on the train, that carriage will be bursting at the seams. But one stop later, most people in the carriage will get off to change line. And you’ll be able to get a seat”

This tip has been worth its weight in gold over and over again.

In fact, I'm using this tip right now. As I type this email, I’ve just nabbed a seat on the train into work. My laptop is balancing on my lap and I’ve got 16 minutes to finish writing before we arrive into Liverpool Street Station.

Of course, you’ll never find this sort of tip in a guidebook. But my buddy knew just how spot-on this tip would be for me.

I actually think it works the same way with life.

We get handed a guidebook packed with tips like "make a five year plan", “think positive thoughts” and “work hard and you’ll succeed”, just like a city guidebook packed with tips like “go for a walk in the park” or “visit the local museum”.

And because this is what’s in the guidebook, this is what most people do.

That might be okay when it comes to exploring a new city, but when it comes to life, it’s not the one-size-fits-all advice that helps us thrive.

Instead, it’s the personal, hidden-in-plain-sight, counterintuitive moves that are never in the guidebook that really make the difference.

Just like the carriage 5 tip.

As it happens, moves likes these are also at the heart of my coaching.

They’re the small, precise shifts, tailored to you and you alone, that quietly start to change everything.

If you’re ready to drop the guidebook and start making the moves that are right for you, this is your next stop:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

This could be just the ticket for anyone who feels stuck, who worries about making the wrong move or who’s always chewing the grey matter but rarely gets anything done.

Here are 21 reasons NOT to overthink it:

1. Overthinking is exhausting
2. It's addictive. The more you do it, the more necessary it feels to do more of it
3. Life is meant to be lived in the real world, not in your head
4. It blocks your intuition
5. Simple decisions become life-or-death dilemmas
6. The best solutions appear when you stop trying to force them
7. Overthinking makes it trickier to fall asleep (and to stay asleep)
8. It turns your dreams into could’ve-beens
9. Overthinking is the thief of creativity, spontaneity and joy
10. It makes life feel harder than it actually is
11. It traps you in the past or future and keeps you out of the present
12. The same old mental loops rarely produce fresh insights
13. It stops you from taking action on what you already know you want to do
14. It makes mountains out of molehills
15. Once you’ve made a decision, you’re still deciding if you made the right decision
16. It steals time from stuff that matters
17. It kills momentum
18. Ideas come from a clear mind, not an overactive one
19. It opens the door for other people to make your important decisions for you
20. It consumes mental energy you could use elsewhere
21. It creates imaginary problems that weren’t there before you thought them

Okay, that was a lot.

But there’s good news coming over the loop-the-loop:

There are ways to stop overthinking, get unstuck and move forward.

I have one of them for you today.

It’s called Captain Clarity.

Captain Clarity is a 1-on-1, 60-minute coaching session with me for the ridiculously cheap price of $100.

This session is perfect for anyone who’s got a specific dream, goal or decision and is overthinking it to death instead of doing something about it.

In one hour, we’ll explore whatever dream, goal or decision that’s currently stuck in limbo and you’ll walk away from the session with clarity, momentum & relief from your internal merry-go-round.

The reason Captain Clarity is so cheap?

I want to make it easy for you not to overthink this.

This offer is only available for 21 hours and this is the only email I'm going to send about it. That's because Captain Clarity is for creative minds and stuck-but-determined souls who are ready to get going NOW, not in a few weeks when the spiral has spun a few more loops.

If you’d like to report for duty, here’s where to go next:

Captain Clarity

p.s. once you’ve purchased your Captain Clarity session, I’ll be in touch to arrange a date and time

On Sunday morning I carted myself off to the local gym.

I’ve decided it’s about time to start ramping up my training for the Hackney Half Marathon in May.

As I cranked up the treadmill speed to a ferocious walking pace, I flicked to the podcast app on my phone and scrolled through my recent downloads.

My eye landed on a podcast interview with British advertising guru Rory Sutherland. The podcast blurb promised a fascinating discussion about human psychology and creativity with a sprinkling of insight and wit.

Perfect!

I fired up the podcast and broke into a gentle jog.

The podcast didn’t disappoint.

As I huffed & puffed through kilometer 2, Rory shared this zinger all about the psychology of technology:

***

The thing is, technology arrives as an option.

Think of parking apps when they first arrived. Parking apps mean I don't have to find 7 pound coins to park at the station. I also don't have to walk 300 yards to that stupid ticket machine and then walk all the way back to my car.

The only problem is, what starts as an option ends up as an obligation because someone spots that it's cheaper to make people pay on the app than it is to maintain pay and display machines.

The next thing you know, they've imposed parking apps in basement car parks where you can't get a mobile signal to save your life and the whole thing then becomes an absurd imposition when it started off as a really welcome alternative.

It basically ends up as a trap. It’s a cage.

***

This really hit home.

There are countless times in my life when I turned options into obligations.

A couple of years ago, I went through a phase of tracking my daily step count. But what started as “I can track my steps if I want to” became “shit, I haven’t hit my 10k steps today”. And on New Year’s Eve 2023 I spent a couple of hours walking up & down the sea-front in a small coastal town in Devon just to get my average step count for December above 10k.

It’s not just tech where this idea shows up.

The workplace is another example.

I use to take the attitude that if I could work late, I would work late. If I could check my work emails before I went to bed, I would check them. And so on.

Same thing with overthinking.

If a stressful, scary or urgent thought bubbled up, I didn’t treat that thought as optional. Instead I gave it a front-row seat in my mind and let it shout instructions at me all day.

Anyway, I’m sure you get the idea.

Perhaps it's an idea which resonates with you too.

If so, I have a small experiment you might like to try.

It’s totally optional of course.

But if you’d like to find more freedom and less friction in your day-to-day life, spotting where you’re turning options into obligations is a good place to start.

The experiment?

Keep an eye on how often you tell yourself you “must” do something or you “should” do something in the next 24 hours.

“Musts” and “shoulds” are code for options which have quietly become obligations.

Or, as Rory puts it – traps and cages.

So worth keeping an eye on.

Especially if your life is starting to feel like a treadmill set slightly too fast.

If you'd like to explore how to create a bit more breathing room — at work or outside — that’s exactly what I help people with.

Here’s your next step if so:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

Regular readers might’ve noticed I didn’t send my usual weekdaily email yesterday.

Will I trot out every schoolkid's favourite excuse and blame Porkchops the dog for gobbling up my draft before I could hit send?

Well, I don’t have a dog.

So I need to come clean:

Life got in the way.

My daily routine has gone out the window since Baby Grundy burst onto the scene. In fact, there is no routine. And after three weeks of paternity leave, I’m now back in the office and juggling my 9 to 5 banking job with looking after the baby and various other domestic adventures at Fort Grundy.

But that’s not all.

I’m also trying to sneak in the occasional run (I’ve got the Hackney half marathon in May) while polishing up the draft of my new book, working with my coaching clients, replying to curious emails from newsletter readers and prepping a new 10 week stint of my Mindset & Clarity workshops at work.

So something had to give.

Turns out that something was yesterday’s email.

Once upon a time, missing an email would’ve rattled me. It would’ve been one more slip-up to give myself shit about.

But I have more perspective now. One missed email doesn’t erase the hundreds I’ve already sent or the hundreds more I’ll write.

So when the thoughts “you’re slipping Tom” and “why didn’t you prioritise better Tom?” bubble up (as they inevitably have done – I can’t choose my thoughts after all), it’s a bit like a visitor knocking at the door of Fort Grundy.

I can say hi to the visitor and maybe invite them in for a cup of Earl Grey and a jammie dodger. But I don’t need to let the visitor move in and start redecorating the place.

Thing is, I still want to send an email every weekday. I love sending an email every weekday!

So that hasn’t changed.

But what has changed is that I’m not wasting energy punishing myself when I do miss an email.

And here’s the funny thing:

If I’d frittered away my energy this morning by beating myself up for missing yesterday, today’s email might not exist. That’s how these things snowball. One missed day leads to humming & hawing, which leads to doubt, which leads to another missed day and before I know it, I’ve missed a week of emails or even longer.

Anyway, I’m not sure where else I’m going with this. I’m writing today’s email fresh, as it pops into my head.

Except to say that the catalyst for this shift has been getting coached myself.

It’s why I coach too.

I know first hand how coaching can help you relax, reset and regroup whenever there’s a bump in the road.

If you’d like to stop getting in your own way and get into action mode instead, here’s where to go:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

Since then, Lauren and I have discovered that Baby Grundy is a bit of a practical joker.

Take nappy changing for instance.

There’s been umpteen times in the last few weeks where I’ve carefully and diligently removed Baby Grundy’s nappy, grabbed the baby wipes, conducted a military-grade posterior polish, then suited the baby up in a new nappy, vest and baby grow.

Then 30 seconds later, when all the hard work has been done, I’ll hear a SPLURRRCCH coming from down below which echoes off the walls of Fort Grundy with such vigour that the neighbours are probably wondering if we’ve adopted a small elephant.

At that point, I have to ask myself:

Has Baby Grundy let off a thunder biscuit?

Or has Baby Grundy….how shall we say this?…unleashed something a little more substantial from the depths of the fudge factory? And is it time to change Baby Grundy’s nappy all over again?

Either way, our bambino has no concept of appropriate timing.

When she needs to release, she does.

No hesitation, no embarrassment, no second-guessing.

Just pure, uninhibited authenticity in its rawest form.

Meanwhile, I've spent almost three decades adopting an intricate framework of filters, unspoken rules and overthinking about "what will people think if I do this?" or "is this the right moment to bring that up?" or "should I hold this in until a more appropriate time?"

There’s even some of this going on with these daily emails.

Truth be told, I would’ve NEVER written an email about poop a couple of years ago. I would’ve had thoughts like “what will my readers think?" or "is this too unprofessional?" and I would’ve stuck to a more squeaky clean topic.

But something’s changed over the last couple of years.

I've gradually learned to write with less filtering, less second-guessing and less concern about pleasing everyone.

I’ve always liked the line from the English writer Cyril Connolly which goes:

“Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self”

I think there’s freedom in this approach to life as well.

The less we filter what we want and who we are, the more we create a life that actually feels like ours.

As it happens, I'm a launching a new group coaching program built around this very idea.

The aim of this program is to help you find a clear sense of who you are, what you want, and the confidence to live life on your terms without seeking permission or second-guessing yourself.

I’m keeping this program nice & snug.

I’m only offering it to a small number of readers, based on who I think will get the most out of it.

If you think this could be you, please hit reply and tell me what you like about the sound of this program.

Hitting reply doesn’t commit you to anything.

But it does let me know you might be interested.

Here goes:

1. Finland is crushing the happiness game. The country has been crowned the happiest in the world for the last SEVEN years. Must be all the saunas and vodka...
2. According to a jovial 2023 study, we get happier as we get older
3. You can hack your happiness. Even if you’re faking a smile, your brain releases endorphins (the same chemical it produces when you’re genuinely happy)
4. Laughing burns around 40 calories in 10 minutes (lol!)
5. A happy heart is a healthy heart. According to Columbia University, cheerful souls are 22% less likely to develop heart disease
6. The word “happiness” originates from the Old Norse word “hap”, meaning luck or chance
7. Eating dark chocolate releases serotonin in your brain, boosting your mood and lowering stress levels i.e. chocolate makes us happy (cue guilt-free chocolate guzzling…)
8. Happiness has a smell. Researchers from Utrecht University discovered that “chemosignals” released by happy humans have their own scent
9. You can catch happiness. A 2008 Harvard study found that happiness spreads through groups of friends like a ripple. So if your pal’s pal is happy, your chances of being happier go up – even if you’ve never met your pal’s pal

Speaking of happiness ripples:

I’ve noticed something interesting when I write these emails.

On the days I’m feeling chipper and full of beans, I get more enthusiastic responses. It’s like the energy transfers via the screen into your eager eyes, then ripples through your body, into your fingers, onto an email and back to my hungry inbox.

A virtuous ripple of happiness if ever there was one.

(just another reason why I love writing daily emails)

With that said, now it’s over to you.

Would you like to rank the happy facts? Have you got some happy news to share with me? Or would you be happy to simply say hello?

Whatever the case, now’s your chance to keep the ripple rippling.

So hit reply. I’d be happy to hear from you.

To the limoncello & spaghetti-lined streets of Milan and the home of Maria Agnesi, a mathematician with various unrivalled claims to fame.

Agnesi was the first woman to ever write a maths handbook…

The first woman to be appointed as a university maths professor…

And the first woman to get a mention for her contribution to maths in the Encyclopaedia Britannica.

She even has her own mathematical curve named after her (the so-called “Witch of Agnesi” curve).

Put this all together and it’s clear that Agnesi was a bona fide arithmetic O.G.

But Agnesi has a more curious claim to fame all to do with how she solved her maths problems.

See, Maria was in the habit of scribbling her equations on her blackboard.

She’d leave these equations unsolved when she went to bed and weirdly wake up the next morning to find someone had written the solutions on the same blackboard.

Not only that but the solutions had been written in Agnesi’s own handwriting.

Intriguing.

So what was the cause of these curious incidents?

Well, turns out Agnesi was a sleep-walker. Some nights, she’d walk straight to her chalkboard, light a candle, grab some chalk, solve the equation on the blackboard and return to bed.

All while she was asleep!

So Agnesi solved her problems when she wasn’t trying to solve them. Not when she was.

I don’t know about you, but when it comes to low-maintenance problem solving, this method well and truly takes the biscuit.

And it points to a very useful idea:

What if the way to solve our problems wasn’t by thinking & analysing, then thinking & analysing harder when the initial brain-racking hasn’t worked?

What if, instead, the way to solve a problem was to think about that problem less and to turn the problem over to another part of us which has nothing to do with our brains?

Sure, the Agnesi story is an unusual example.

But it demonstrates a fundamental truth.

Often the way to solve a problem is by allowing the answer come through us, rather than trying to force the answer to come from us.

This is why “I’ll sleep on it” is one of my go-to problem-solving methods nowadays. I’m switching off my brain whether I like it or not.

And sure – I’m not literally taking Agnesi’s approach. I’m not stumbling round in my sleep, chalk in hand, scribbling drafts of daily emails on Fort Grundy's rocky ramparts.

But it’s remarkable how often I’ll wake up after a good night’s sleep and a problem doesn’t look like a problem any more, or the solution to that problem has presented itself from nowhere.

It’s a low stress way to solve problems.

And it works.

It also happens to be a method we can hone and refine.

If you'd like tailored 1 on 1 support with low-stress problem solving, you might like to check this out:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

Even though you might’ve flown on similar airlines before, please pay attention to this in-flight announcement. There may be some aspects which are new or unfamiliar.

Before take-off, please store all unnecessary concerns, worries, thoughts and emotional baggage in the overhead locker.

Take a minute to familiarise yourself with the present moment. It’s the only place life ever happens.

In the event of overthinking, oxygen masks filled with silence and stillness will deploy automatically. For the people pleasers onboard, make sure you attach your mask before helping others attach theirs.

Smoking is prohibited on this flight, but igniting your inner fire is encouraged.

Please turn off all electronic devices and tune into your own frequency. You'll find the signals are clearest here.

If you're seated in the procrastination section, please note we won’t be waiting for perfect conditions to take off. The flight might get bumpy, there could be some turbulence and we might not take the pre-planned route, but this is normal.

The nearest exit may be behind you, but your old stories and past versions of yourself don’t have to define your journey. You’re free to chart a new course at any time.

For your comfort and safety, please release the need to control every aspect of the flight.

Simply sit back, relax and enjoy the flight, knowing that you’re being guided and taken care of every step of the way.

If you’d like to join our frequent flyer club, all the details are here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

How many pieces of fruit do I have if all of them are apples except two, all are bananas except two, and all are pears except two?

Well…

Have you got it? Have you figured it out?

Good going if so.

But let me come clean.

Turns out this tropical brainteaser has two answers. And even though both answers are different, both answers are right.

It all comes down to how you read the question.

Here’s why I bring this up:

When it comes to the rich, nuanced and complex mosaic we call life, this idea is even more relevant.

It’s often easy to believe that our view is right and someone else’s view is wrong. Particularly when a lot of the time it really, deeply, truly feels like we’re right.

But life isn’t clear-cut, black-and-white, right or wrong.

Life is like a riddle with infinite interpretations, where no single interpretation is any more right or wrong than the other.

And I think it’s good to keep this in mind. Especially if we want to understand more about where other people are coming from.

It doesn't mean we need to start agreeing with other people or even follow their perspective or line of reasoning.

But it's helpful to know any situation in life can be viewed in various ways and there’s no reason anyone will or should see life the same way that we see it.

This is why the world looks so different to you, me and everyone else.

And it's ultimately what makes the world go round.

That’s my two pennies’ worth for today.

p.s. If you haven’t figured out the ripe and juicy riddle at the top of the email, I have an offer for you.

See, the fact that life can be viewed in various ways from different angles and vantage points is also what leads to new perspectives. It’s why people change their mind on things.

So if you’d like the answers to the riddle, hit reply.

In your reply, let me know one thing you've changed your mind about recently.

It doesn’t need to be a big thing. A small thing is fine. Just as long as it’s something you used to see one way which you now see a different way.

In return, I’ll email you back with both solutions to the riddle.

A few days ago, Lauren and I arrived back from hospital, lowered the drawbridge, carried our precious cargo over the shark-filled moat and started adjusting to our roles as milk sommeliers, nappy changers and sleep-deprived sentries.

That’s right.

Baby Grundy has finally arrived at Fort Grundy!

The last few days have been a whirlwind.

Night-times in particular.

Baby Grundy has zero respect for the Fort Grundy guard schedule and she has the uncanny ability to launch a surprise attack with zero notice.

(good thing I have an archive of 500+ daily emails to use as bedtime stories to broker a peaceful truce)

These night-time ambushes haven’t been the only surprise though.

One of the most surprising moments from the last few days was when Lauren turned to me and said:

“Tom, I can feel the baby kicking”

I glanced up and saw Baby Grundy asleep in Lauren’s arms.

“But she’s asleep?” I replied.

“No. I mean I can feel Baby Grundy kicking inside me. Just like she used to kick when she WAS inside me”.

Lauren has felt this a few times now. It reminds me of a very similar phenomenon called Phantom Limb Pain.

Depending on which study you read, 75% to 95% of amputees still feel pain or discomfort in an amputated limb as if the feeling is coming from the actual body part which is missing.

Which is impossible. Just like giving birth then feeling a baby kicking inside you is impossible too.

Clearly there’s something strange going on here.

And it prompts the question:

If a new mum can feel a baby kicking when there’s no baby to kick, what does this mean for other feelings and sensations?

And, more to the point, how do we know when our perceptions are real and when they’re imaginary?

I’m not saying I have the answers. But I am saying these are interesting questions to ponder.

Answers by carrier pigeon to Fort Grundy please.

That’s a wrap for today. I can sense another ambush coming…

But how things looked and how they felt were very different.

Despite good exam results, decent university, solid job, nice holidays and fancy meals around London & the rest of the world, I never felt like I could relax and breathe out.

i.e. I never felt content or fulfilled.

And I always wondered:

Why not? Why did my life look good on paper but feel so different in reality?

After studying with the American supercoach Michael Neill in 2023 and going deep into the world of psychology and transformation over the last 24 months, I think I’ve figured out the answer.

Here’s my theory in one line:

The most fulfilled people don’t follow the rules of living. They follow the rules of life.

The difference?

The rules of living are the guidelines we live our lives by.

Whereas the rules of life are simply how life works.

And if I had to summarise why some people tick all the tried & tested boxes yet still feel like something is missing in their lives and why others live lives of abundance, peace, fulfilment & joy regardless of how few or how many boxes they’ve ticked, this distinction between the rules of living and rules of life would be at the heart of it.

You could say fulfilled people know that life is a game of chess and play the game this way. They’re using the rules of life to play the game of life.

Compare this to people who sit at the chessboard of life and use the rules of chequers instead. No wonder this leads to making the wrong moves, getting stuck in the mud and a bunch of stress & frustration.

Thing is, it’s not like anyone uses the wrong rules on purpose.

In fact, when parents, friends, teachers, colleagues, the media and society at large tell us that the rules of living are the “right” rules to follow or the rules we “should” be following, using the wrong rules is almost inevitable.

So we start to follow the micro rules of living (like social norms)…

And the macro rules of living (like finding a good job, working hard and settling down)…

And the meta rules of living (“why aren’t you doing what everyone else is doing?” or “make sure you follow the rules!”)

These rules will work for some, but not for everyone.

The rules of life, on the other hand, are universal. They’re rules which were true in the past, are true today, and will be just as true in the future.

They’re a lot harder to find, mind you. And they’re buried beneath the overbearing squawking of those who tell you to follow the rules of living instead.

But it pays to have a look.

It pays to get clear on the micro rules of life (like what’s really in your control and what’s not)…

The macro rules of life (like who you are and where your experience of life comes from)…

And the meta rules of life (like realising that the rules of life exist and they can be trusted).

This way, you’re not unknowingly going along with what everyone else is doing, what’s expected of you or simply doing the done thing.

Instead, if you decide to take a job offer, work hard, settle down or make any other decision, you’re doing it because it’s the right thing for you.

The Father of Motivation Wayne Dyer once said "peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be"

I agree. This is the shift that changes everything.

If you want to start playing by your own rules:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

Something playful today:

A ground-breaking new office-based personality test has been released by that bastion of balanced and non-sensationalised news...

The Daily Mail Online.

The personality test?

It’s all based on how you butter your toast.

According to the test, the way you apply this creamy dairy product to a slice of golden brown bread reveals how you go about your business in the office.

Not convinced?

Well, I thought I'd spread the fun. So let's see.

Which these 9 office worker types are you?

*** The Glider spreads their toast smoothly and evenly without a care in the world. At work, Gliders are calm, reliable, and unfazed by chaos. Deadlines don’t ruffle them. They’re the team member who coolly says “we’ve got this” when everyone else is spiralling out of control

*** The Double-Sider goes all-in, spreading BOTH sides of the toast. At work, they’re the mavericks who suggest using TikTok or Dimstagram to market the quarterly report — and it works

*** The Total Coverage Specialist ("TCS") is meticulous with their toast, ensuring every millimetre (even every crumb!) is covered with a dairy delight. In the office, they’re the planners who never miss a meeting or forget to cc the boss. Need a perfectly formatted PowerPoint? Look no further than the TCS

*** The Curler uses a special gadget to shape their spread into perfect swirls. At work, they’re the ones with the most creative solutions. They’re the office’s “how did they even think of that?” person

*** The Clumper slaps on the spread without a second thought, leaving lumps and bumps all over their toast. At work, Clumpers are the big-idea people, charging into projects with enthusiasm but also skipping a few steps. But clumpers' charm and creativity makes up for their messy ways

*** The Do-You-Want-Toast-With-Your-Spread loads their toast with so much butter it’s practically dessert. These are the generous office optimists, bringing in unprompted donuts, over-ordering on team lunches and boosting team morale (and sugar levels)

*** The Crust-Avoider carefully avoids the edges of the toast, keeping things neat and tidy. In the office, they’re the perfectionists who triple-check their work and thrive on structure. They’re great at admin but they might lose their cool if someone disrupts their bespoke filing system

*** The Tear-and-Spreader haphazardly rips the toast into pieces, spreading each chunk individually. These are the methodical problem-solvers in the office, known for breaking complex projects into bite-sized tasks. They’re outgoing, collaborative, and great at building agreement

*** The Barely-There Minimalist spreads just a whisper of butter for a light touch. In the office, the Barely There Minimalists are the efficient colleagues who finish tasks in record time and always seem to have nothing to do

Shall I tell you who else is Barely There?

The person who put all this nonsense together.

Whatever next? A test which tells you your dream job by examining how you boil your eggs?

(Cracking Your Career Code?)

On a more serious note:

I can’t help think that any personality test has a fundamental flaw (and not just personality tests about toast).

See, personalities are like shields we wear without realising.

And while I love finding out more about my shield as much as the next man or woman, any personality test which re-enforces the idea that the shield is actually who I am isn't all that helpful.

Because I'm not my shield. I'm not my quirks, my labels, my tendencies and my traits.

I'm the Tom that lies underneath all that.

As I drop my shield and get to know that Tom, the need to prove, defend or perform starts to fall away.

Instead, I can just be me. And life becomes lighter and freer as a result.

So I say:

Ignore your toasty type!

If and when you're ready to get know the REAL you, here's where to go:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

An eye-opening habit which keeps me sharp at work?

Casting a beady eye over my esteemed banking colleagues.

Some people might call this casual stalking. But I like to think of it as research.

Like any good researcher, I set my question up front, try to stay objective & unbiased, collect all the relevant data and then share my findings.

The question I’ve chosen for this particular stalking research project?

Why are some of my colleagues so stressed, frazzled and caught up in their head while other colleagues have such a lightness and flow about them - even though these colleagues are all sitting at the same desks, tapping the same keyboards, going to the same meetings and doing the same work?

Clearly it’s not the desks, the keyboards, the meetings or the work which holds the answer to this particular puzzle.

If it was, all my colleagues would react the same way when a big project lands on their plate or when the shit hits the fan.

But they don’t. Their reactions vary.

It’s not down to how senior my colleagues are too. My most chilled out colleagues are a mix of newbies and veterans, juniors and seniors.

And I can’t pin it on how much my colleagues love their jobs. Some of my colleagues get a kick out of their work and are always chilled out. Other colleagues love their work too, but stay stressed out instead.

From what I can see, it’s also got nothing to do with how often colleagues set boundaries, meditate, take breaks, leave work on time, drinks gallons of coffee, plan their day to the minute, listen to music, use productivity tools, practice gratitude, vent their frustrations or gossip with their work wives & husbands.

So is there even an answer to this question? Is there a thread which determines how and why we experience work the way we do?

Actually, I think there is.

And the only reason my research project hasn’t thrown it up is because this thread is invisible. I’ll never be able to see it.

That thread?

Thought.

The Scottish mystic Syd Banks wrote about thought as “the missing link” between the world we can see and the world we can’t see.

You could say that thought is like a paintbrush we all use to colour our experience of life.

My take on my research project is that my easy breezy, chilled out colleagues are those who paint their own canvas moment to moment whereas my frazzled, stressed out colleagues are those whose canvas paint dried up a long time ago.

Said another way:

The more real, solid and fixed our thoughts look to us, the more trapped we are by the pictures they paint.

That was certainly the case for me.

All my thoughts about work had hardened into a rigid, unchanging picture of stress, overwhelm and frustration. And there was no room for fresh perspectives or possibilities.

But what I see now is that our thoughts are only as true as we think they are.

Which means we can always repaint our canvas. We can always wipe the slate clean and create something fresh.

But before I wring this metaphor dry, let me bring things to a close.

If every day at work feels tiring, tiresome and totally relentless, the paint might’ve dried on your canvas too.

If you’d like to stop feeling stuck in the same old picture, I can help.

All the info is here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

Particularly when it comes to working life.

The first?

Wayne Dyer’s 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace. I wrote about this book a couple of weeks ago so I won’t harp on about it today.

The second?

Tim Ferriss’s 4 Hour Work Week.

The fuddy-duddies who take everything literally will never get close to this book. They’re put off by the provocative, sensationalised title.

(the very definition of judging a book by its cover)

What a shame.

In every other way, 4HWW is a paradigm shifter.

I found the book as I doubted if 10 hour days in banking for 40+ years was really the horse I wanted to keep backing.

But it was a fascinating, very NON work-related story on page 28 which gave me an inkling of what the book had in store and what might be possible for my working life.

Tim was talking about his experience winning a gold medal at the Chinese National Kickboxing Championships, even though he couldn’t kick or punch to save his life.

(two skills you’d think are kind of important when taking part in a kickboxing competition)

In his own words, Tim also had a “watermelon head – it’s a big target”.

So how did Tim win gold?

Well, he found a couple of loopholes in the rules.

Before his weigh-in the day before the competition. Tim used dehydration techniques to lose 28 pounds in 18 hours. Then he “hyperhydrated” this weight back on.

As a result, Tim was paired with fighters three weight classes below him.

Tim also spotted some small print in the rules:

If a competitor fell out of the elevated ring three times, they lost.

Tim decided to use this as his main weapon. When the fights began, Tim would literally push his opponents out of the ring.

He ended up winning all his matches by Technical Knock-Out.

Now, you might question the ethics of all this.

(interestingly Tim goes on to say that dehydration and push-outs are now standard kickboxing strategies – make of that what you will)

But what I heard was this:

There are other ways to play the game of work. There are other ways to play the game of life too.

In the rest of the book, Tim gives lots of examples, strategies and ideas for anyone who wants to play a freer, more fulfilling work game vs the game they’re currently playing.

All good ideas and food for the noggin.

But when I got to the end of the book, it wasn’t Tim’s strategies which had left a mark.

It was simply the idea that there might be a way out of the maze I was stuck in. It felt like the universe had handed me a permission slip to dream bolder and live bigger.

This is the same feeling I’ve had time & time again when taking part in one of Michael Neill’s programs.

It’s also the same feeling I’ve had while being coached 1 on 1.

That feeling? That jolt of electricity?

It’s the feeling of insight.

If you’d like to see work and life from a whole new angle, start playing by your own rules and feel that same jot of insight for yourself, here’s where it begins:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

p.s. at the top of the email I said there were three lightbulb moment books for me.

I’ll be writing about the third book tomorrow.

You’re at the racetrack one afternoon enjoying a flutter with some friends.

You place a small wager on each race but lady luck isn’t on your side. As the racing finishes up, you’ve lost a wad of cash.

You glance over at the bar. There’s a guy surrounded by a big group of people, huge smile on his face, bottle of champagne in hand, pouring everyone a glass.

This chap has obviously had a good day.

You listen to his conversation. Turns out he picked the winner on every single race.

You’re so impressed that you hurry over and ask him how he did it.

And he tells you!

He rattles off exactly what numbers he bet on.

Now let me ask you this:

Will you go back to the racecourse next week and bet these same numbers? After all, this guy has just handed you his winning formula on a silver platter.

Or has he?

Clearly betting these numbers next week would be a goofy thing to do.

Yet when it comes to living life, people follow advice like this like a sheep follows a shepherd. They look at their neighbour with a big house and a Jeep, or their old boss who snuck on some random "40 to watch under 40" list, or their mate who got rich in crypto. And then they try to carve out a career in the same way, or manage their finances the same way, or even try to find happiness in the same way as whoever has blazed their own trail before them.

It’s an approach to life which is no different to copying the winners from last week’s race.

You might say this analogy falls short.

But I say this analogy doesn’t go far enough.

Betting on horses is one thing. You put your money down, stand back and see what happens.

Sure, you can do some research on the horses. But ultimately you're a spectator, not a participant.

The game of life is different.

Life is a contact sport.

In life, you can influence & experiment. You can make decisions. You can bring your unique talents, skills, preferences and desires to the table. And you can forge a path that's as original as you are.

So why would blindly heeding the advice of someone who is not you, is not in your situation, made their moves back then (not now) and has a completely different set of talents, skills, preferences and desires ever get you where you want to go?

I can’t see how it would.

Life isn’t like building a bed from Ikea or baking chocolate brownies. There’s certainly no instruction manual or recipe to follow.

Nor is there a “right way” to live your life, even if other people say there is.

The way I see it, using other people as a recipe book for your life will inevitably lead to a life where it feels like something’s missing.

Hence the quote from the British author and psychologist Robert Holden:

If you think something is missing in your life, its probably you

I know some might find this jarring.

But I’m trying to point out what I’ve learnt (the hard way, taking grenades in the trenches, blindly doing the done thing and wondering why life felt so unfulfilling) so others don’t make the same mistakes.

It’s 100% possible to live a life true to yourself, not scripted by someone else.

This is where life gets exciting, this is where fulfilment can be found and this is how we thrive.

If you’d like to get started:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

Michelangelo frowns. He's just finished sculpting his four-metre-tall masterpiece, the Statue of David.

And now the Italian statesman Soderini is having his say.

Soderini goes on:

“A small adjustment to the nose could bring the proportions into perfect harmony”

Soderini has just questioned one of the greatest works of art ever made by one of the most gifted artists who ever lived.

But Michelangelo isn’t phased.

“I agree. Let me alter the nose”

As it happens, Michelangelo has a crafty plan.

He sneaks a handful of marble dust and fragments into his hand. Then he grabs his hammer & chisel, climbs the ladder and pretends to start sculpting. As he does, Michelangelo slowly releases the debris from his grip, giving the illusion of fine-tuning David’s nose.

As Michelangelo climbs back down the ladder, Soderini looks up at the statue with awe.

“Mamma mia Michelangelo! Magnifico!”

Michelangelo’s ruse has sealed the deal.

This story from the history books is a prime example of how we don't always see things as they are, but as we expect to see them.

I’m not just talking about marble statues now.

This is an idea that leaps out of the galleries of Florence and spreads into all corners of life.

When I think back to some of my toughest, most stressful days in v1 of my banking career, there’s a thread that holds those days together:

I’d already made up my mind that it would be a tough day in the office.

The endless hours of spinning plates, dodging fires and waiting for the next email to explode into my inbox weren’t a surprise. The daily cocktail of boredom, overwhelm and running 100mph just to stand still wasn’t a shock.

It was all a foregone conclusion.

Now I’m in v2 of my banking career and back in the exact same job as v1, I see clearer than ever how it’s not the job which matters.

It’s really not.

What matters is the perspective I bring with me.

I know some people will assume I’m praising the power of positive thinking or flying the flag for the fashionable reframe. But those couldn’t be further from what I'm getting at.

My new relaxed & balanced time at work isn’t because I think positively about my job. Nor have I found the holy grail of reframes to put a glossy spin on a tortuous, soul-sucking few years.

i.e. I haven’t added any trendy self-help style tactics into the mix.

Instead, I’ve subtracted my pre-scripted stories about my job and allowed it to be what it is, rather than what I expect it to be.

The American essayist Henry David Thoreau once said:

It’s not what you look at that matters. It’s what you see.

This is it in a nutshell.

While I'm on the subject:

If you’d like to find more fun, flow and freedom at work and the strategies you’re using today aren’t hitting the mark, I can help.

You can sniff out all the info here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

Did you know some body parts are redundant?

Take wisdom teeth. My extensive research (i.e. Googling) tells me that back in the days of cave dwellers and mammoth chasers, wisdom teeth were useful for grinding tough plants and chewing raw meat.

Nowadays, not so much. Especially as our jaws get smaller.

The tailbone is another example. Tailbones are long lost remnants from when our ancestors had tails.

Another redundant body part?

The male nipple. As far as science can tell, nipples serve no purpose for men.

So far, so good.

But get this:

I’d posit that worry is exactly the same.

Your worry, my worry and everyone else’s worry is redundant. It serves no purpose.

This might seem like an off-the-wall statement, but let’s consider the evidence:

1. Does worrying help us prepare for when disaster strikes?

Well, I don’t think it does. I’m not saying we don’t need to prepare sometimes. But preparation doesn’t require worry, nor is it aided by worry.

1. Does worrying stop disaster from striking in the first place? Is it preventative in some way?

Well, how would that work? Worrying is just repetitive thinking. As far as I can see, there’s no mechanism linking what happens in my head with what happens in the world. Worrying about whether I’ll miss my flight has no bearing on whether I will.

1. Does worrying show we’re a responsible, selfless, loving, caring human?

I don’t see the link here either.

In fact, when I cast my mind back to some of my biggest worries, I can see how my worry was really all about me (i.e. my own fears or my own need to be in control), even if I told myself I was worrying about someone else.

1. Does worrying motivate us to take action?

Sure, it can do. I’ll give you this one.

But what if it didn’t need to? What if we could live our lives from a place of inspired, aligned and authentic action, rather than using worry as our compass? Wouldn’t that be a more peaceful way to go through life? Wouldn’t that make worry redundant too?

(by the way – if I’ve missed a reason why worry isn’t redundant, hit reply and let me know. I’d love to hear your thoughts and explore this more)

If someone had told me three or four years ago that my constant fretting was redundant, self-defeating or just my ego talking, I would’ve felt misunderstood. Tough love like that might’ve even come across as dismissive or out of touch.

Yet here I am, three or four years later, with my worry levels at an all-time low.

Not at zero, mind you.

But night and day vs how they used to be.

And I can honestly say the biggest thing that’s allowed me to turn down the dial on my own catastrophising, self-doubt and worry is realising my worry is surplus to requirements.

It was quite the bombshell when I saw this too.

Something else:

There’s one way that worry DOES differ from my left nipple.

I was born with my left nipple. But I wasn’t born with my worry.

No-one is born with worry.

Worry is a behaviour we learn when we start to create stories and attach meaning to random events.

Scroll up and you’ll see four of these stories in action.

The good news?

What’s learnt can be unlearnt. What’s added can be subtracted.

If you’d like to get started:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

I had a summer at uni with diddly squat to do apart from write my dissertation for my Mechanical Engineering Masters.

I got into a bit of a wacky routine.

(Mum and Dad, look away now)

I’d sleep in each morning. And when I say sleep in, I meant I REALLY slept in.

I’d wake up about 2pm, stroll through to the kitchen halls to make some breakfast and spend the next couple of hours playing poker.

Around 5pm I’d start to think about work.

So I'd pack my bag, trot along to the engineering lab and do a few half-hearted experiments. Then around midnight I’d wander back to my room, have some dinner, watch a movie and play some more poker.

My cue for going to bed was when the sun came up.

Now, fast forward to today.

This morning I woke up at 5.10am.

I’ve spent the last couple of hours making coffee, boiling two eggs, checking last night’s football scores, poking around on a couple of forums and replying to some emails from new subscribers.

I’ve also spent a few minutes editing my new book and now I'm writing this email.

When I look through Fort Grundy’s turrets and battlements (aka my office window), the sun is just about peeking out from above the horizon.

I feel content. I’m enjoying my oasis of calm and creativity before I fire up laptop number 2 and see what my banking job has in store today.

Quite the turnaround from my uni days.

So was I an evening person who’s morphed into a morning person?

Actually, I don’t think so.

I’m not a morning person OR an evening person.

None of us are.

Sure, you might say you’re a morning person. You might also say you’re a dog person, a chocolate person, a book person, not a book person, an optimistic person, an empathetic person, a realistic person, a spiritual person and so on…

But attaching a name tag to pure potential doesn’t change the fact you’re pure potential.

All it does is take a wide open road and fill it with traffic cones.

Going for an early morning run is tricky when you’re not a morning person. Going to a party could be hard when you’re an introverted person. And asking for a pay rise can be tough when you’re not a confident person.

All these are examples from my own life.

Examples of when the tags I gave myself stopped me doing the stuff I really wanted to do.

But the truth is, none of us are our tags. There’s nothing fixed or locked-in about us.

We’re all wide open roads, clear of roadblocks and ready for exploration.

And you get to decide where you go next.

Speaking of which:

When Lauren’s bun in the oven arrives in the next few days, I doubt I’ll be a morning person or an evening person but more of a whenever-the-baby-says-so person.

This is why I’m pausing my 1 on 1 coaching for at least a couple of weeks.

If you’re currently taking a package of sessions with me, I’ve emailed you separately.

Otherwise if you’d like to be first in line for when my coaching kicks back up, here’s the link:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

I know Mother Nature might have other plans.

But Lauren is ready to pop. Her bun in the oven is almost fully baked.

And as a soon-to-be Dad, I’ve been thinking:

If I could share a few words of wisdom with my as-yet unborn daughter to give her the best possible chance of living a happy and fulfilling life, what would I say?

Here’s what I came up with:

1. Don't mistake what's familiar for what's true
2. If you want to find the answers, stop looking for them
3. Surround yourself with people who will cheer you on, light your flame and celebrate the “you-ness” of you
4. No situation or circumstance can make you feel anything
5. You already know the answer to your big decision, even if you don’t know you do
6. Less is more
7. You’re not here to please everyone, but you are here to honour yourself
8. Your thoughts are one tool in your toolkit. Like all tools, there are times to use them and times not to
9. Listen less to other people and more to yourself
10. Pain happens, but suffering is what happens when you argue with it
11. There's nothing you need to do, own, buy, become, achieve, learn or earn in order to be happy
12. Remember who you are and who you are not
13. Follow your feelings. Forget the idea you must “suffer to succeed” or there’s “no pain, no gain”. If it feels good, keep going. If it doesn’t, stop
14. Whenever you feel stuck, you’ve forgotten your thoughts are made to flow
15. Don’t forget how it feels to be 4 years old
16. Life isn’t a game you play to win. It’s a game you play to play
17. You are perfect, whole and complete. Always have been, always will be. Nothing that happens in your life will ever change that

I know these words of wisdom aren't exactly bedtime story material. Even as I write, this email is starting to sound a bit like a TED talk for toddlers.

But I'm certainly not planning to sit my daughter on my knee to preach from the Gospel of Dad.

I doubt she’d listen anyway (and quite right too - lesson number 9).

So perhaps these are more reminders to myself than anything else. Reminders that life flows best when I live in the moment, stay true to myself, let go and enjoy the ride.

That’s how I see it.

But I’m curious:

How do you see it?

Do any of these life lessons strike a chord?

Or do you have your own life lesson to throw into the mix? A bite-sized piece of wisdom which has helped you find more happiness and fulfilment in your own life?

Hit reply and let me know if so. I’d genuinely love to hear.

***

Hey Tom,

The way you felt about your banking career is similar to how I felt about my teaching career.

It's fantastically tempting to blame "working conditions" or "bad parents" or whatever else for this, but as you say: it all comes back to me in the end.

Trouble is, when you realise it's all within my power there's a responsibility to moan less and change more! lol

And who needs that cross to bear, right? ;)

***

My take on this:

It was a total “holy shit” moment when I saw how I’d been creating my experience of my working life.

It really looked like my work, my workload, my hours, my boss, my colleagues, my inbox, my meetings, the tech, the bureaucracy and the deadlines were all to blame for how stressed, fed up and exhausted I’d become.

I could go on with that list by the way.

For instance:

There was one particularly hot summer where the office felt like a furnace and, right on cue, the air conditioning broke down.

I think it was 2018.

Each afternoon, I'd sit at my desk as the sweat marks left my armpits and spread across my shirt. It was like I’d taken part in the world’s least glamorous wet T-shirt competition.

The daily Magnum ice-cream deliveries weren’t doing much to help matters either.

For those few days I was cursing, swearing and sweating as the tropical temperatures in the office slow-cooked me at my desk.

But I look back now and wonder how I didn’t spot it.

How could I really blame the air conditioning system for my own irritation?

At the time it seemed like a few blocks of metal and a bunch of fans, filters & motors were the cause of my meltdown.

But blaming an air con unit for my stress is like blaming a sofa for my laziness, blaming a dumbbell for why I hate working out or blaming a mirror for how I feel about myself.

Easy targets?

Yes

Ultimately to blame?

No.

Of course, the air con will impact my temperature. I’m not saying it won’t.

But my experience of my temperature is up to me.

That’s the key point.

And my experience of every aspect of my working life is up to me too.

When I finally saw that my stress, pressure and worry were in my hands, a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. I had options, choices and freedom where I didn’t have them before.

The best part of all?

Understanding the truth of this was all it took. There were no goals to set, routines to follow, habits to form or re-frames to master.

Instead, the understanding itself was the turning point.

Which brings me to this:

Tomorrow, at 7pm UK Time, I’m hosting a workshop called How to Change Your Career without Changing Your Career

The workshop will explore the question “how can we reignite our motivation and find fulfilment at work without changing our careers?”

During the workshop, we’ll look at the idea that our experience of our jobs has very little to do with the jobs themselves and everything to do with how we see, approach and think about our jobs.

If you’re ready to enjoy your job more than you are today, you can grab your free spot using this Google Form

I'm looking forward to this one. See you on the inside.

p.s. I’ve been invited to run this workshop by the Career Pivot arm of London’s Social Wellness Club.

The SWC is a merry band of men & women who come together to support and inspire each other to be their best selves.

I’m opening up the workshop to readers of this newsletter too (the bigger the crowd, the better the chat).

But don’t be surprised if you see some SWC branding when you click the link…

The reason is simple:

I had a handful of good ideas for this newsletter. But only a handful.

I thought if I used up all my good ideas, I’d struggle to find new ones. And I’d be scraping the bottom of the idea barrel just as the newsletter picked up steam.

Of course, this is a typical scarcity mindset.

A mindset which says that good ideas are finite, that they must be rationed and that sharing these ideas will leave me with less rather than opening the door to more.

Now I’ve written this daily missive for over two and a half year, I’ve seen this isn’t how it works.

Instead, ideas are like pears on a pear tree where every time you pick a pear, two pears grow back.

And every pear which grows back is plumper, juicier and riper than the pear you’ve just picked.

(hence Charles Dickens' famous Fagin line “you’ve got to pick a pear tree or two”).

I know the bean counters and bureaucrats will shake their head at the thought of this magical, mystical, metaphorical pear tree.

But this isn’t woo-woo, fairy land nonsense.

This is actually how it works.

The Lightbulb King and idea junkie Thomas Edison once wrote this:

Ideas come from space. This may seem astonishing and impossible to believe, but it is true. Ideas come from out of space.

That hits the nail on the head.

If you hoard your ideas for a rainy day, no wonder your ideas won’t flow.

You need to USE those ideas to create the space for bigger, better & bolder ideas.

Anyway, it took me a while to see this.

But the more ideas I use when I write about personal development and how our minds work, the more cool ideas I have, the more ideas pop up in unexpected places, the more connections I make between seemingly random & unconnected concepts, the more I find myself drawn in and the more opportunities which open up.

This is why I could write daily emails for the rest of my life.

Not saying I’ll do that.

But it won’t be a lack of ideas which stops me.

In case you’re wondering, this idea doesn’t just apply to writing.

It’s relevant for ALL parts of life.

Take your career as an example.

Are you delaying hitting send on an important email until the time is right?

Are you waiting to pitch your proposal, thinking you’ll only get one chance?

Are you holding off making a big, bold move until the perfect moment (going for a promotion, asking for a pay rise)?

My assertion?

Opportunities multiply when you TAKE them. Not when you wait to take them.

Just like ideas.

i.e. I don’t want to hold onto my good ideas. I want to use them as quickly as possible!

Bottom line:

You don’t need to hold back, play it safe or wait for permission.

Instead, there are infinite ideas, opportunities and possibilities waiting for you to grab hold of right now!

You can check out some examples from my previous 1 on 1 clients here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com